BIG thinking today, although all over the place

I thought a LOT about

ANGER

BUT 

I have not got it figured out yet 

I did think about the whole

I'm MAD too, Eddie

& how there is

in a LOT of 

the anger

TRIGGERS

I'm speaking generally 

this is also not the

ONLY cause

JUST common

& I think 

not just me

there is a SENSE of 

things being 

DONE to

there's a LACK of FEELING personal AGENCY

& I THINK 

the DESIRE to COUNTER that

with 
what I think of as 
CARNEY JUSTICE 

taking things out on something that we DO have AGENCY over

SO

stereotypically 

your boss yells at you

& MAYBE you kick your dog

if you're MORE enlightened 

maybe you transmute it into physical activity 

SPORT 

of some kind

BUT 

if you've got 

YEARS

of backed up

unprocessed anger

it's ACTUALLY 

a GIANT reservoir of 

RAGE

I have a GIANT reservoir of RAGE 

that I could really use 

RELEASING

BUT 

I don't know 

HOW to DO that 

I used to imagine 

beating the person's head into a rock or something 

& I had forgotten that

it's been so long 

I guess I just didn't feel comfortable with that 

I just locked it all the WAY down 

I definitely think

I would benefit from being able to 

PROCESS that

BUT 

I don't know 

HOW 

I MEAN 

I THINK some kind of intense

PHYSICAL activity is 

WARRANTED

BUT 

I don't think that is the answer

in the MOMENT of 

ANGER

MAYBE 

if I could DRAIN the TANK then there would be

MORE ROOM 

to buffer the ANGER

until I got to the

PHYSICAL 

activity 

BUT ALSO 

I NEED to get the mindset 

that I CONTROL ME

& my OWN AGENCY, although I don't think 

THAT is EXACTLY what I mean 

it's something like that 

& THAT is the THING 

I keep trying to get 

BACK to

there are parts of this I can't fully articulate 

& from the standpoint of 

the "empathy box" religious paradigm

I think you CAN 

USE 

ANGER

to GATHER 

BUT 

THEN you have to 

TRANSMUTE it into something

ELSE

rather that

POINTING it AT another group