I had thanksgiving day parade
playing in my HEAD
off & on
ALL DAY
I am experiencing this
REBUILDING of myself in a VERY disjointed way
it's LIKE a healing wound, KINDA
a little bit
FILLS in over HERE
things seem vaguely smoother over there
OH
there's some puss
OH
there's a SCAB
WOW
I'm tired
AND
since it's my MIND
& I have the
GYROscopicTIMEperspectiveTHINGY
& the CONSORTIUM
NOTHING feels LINEAR
nothing FEELS like
ANY
of the metrics
OR
criteria
remain CONSISTENT at ALL
THIS
I experience as somewhere on the spectrum of
DEMORALIZING ----- DESTABILIZING
in varrying degrees of strength
AND
the thing that comes & BITES me in the ASS is
the IDEA that I am just
SCAMMING
SOMEHOW
I'm not doing anything the WAY I'm 'SPOSED to
I HAVE NO PROOF
that I KNOW what I'm doing
SO
STOP IT
JUST DO the THING
where you WHIP yourself into a FRENZY
GET er DONE
AND
I have to SAY
NO
I'm SURE
THAT doesn't WORK
LET ME COOK
