I came in
from buying groceries
& my mom was all LIKE
BEFORE you do ANYTHING
cut me the drumstick and thigh off that chicken
AND BRING it to me
NOW
MAKE me
some TEA
& I'm like this is pretty bad
I MEAN you MIGHT
make the excuse that she's hungry
BUT she just ate some yogurt
LIKE an hour ago
HOW hungry can she be
AND I thought about my trip to the grocery
I went to whole foods
because they have the stuff I wanted
& she had a list
that I helped her with
BUT
I also got a couple extra things just for special
I ENJOY doing things
to make people happy and even though
I mentioned smothering
in therapy
AND
I don't like her, I don't want her to be my mother*
*I didn't actually say that in therapy, I'm telling you
BUT
I'm picking up little treats for her
TRYING to make her life better
BECAUSE
I'm just wired that way
& I know she's f*CKed up which isn't her fault
but she hasn't tried to fix herself
and she's made
remarkable
small changes
SO
I think I have some small HOPE
of SOMETHING*
*I'm not sure what and I'm not sure how strongly I believe; I want to walk away but I know I'm not done yet, and I don't know what I think is the right thing or if I will ultimately do the right thing
SO I SAY
WHEN you talk to me LIKE THAT
you make me FEEL
like you don't THINK
I'm
HUMAN
LIKE you think I'm
your SLAVE
which is maybe an exaggeration
because I don't feel
EXACTLY that way
WHAT I ACTUALLY FEEL
is that I just spent TIME trying to make you HAPPY
& I NOW understand that
there is NO in there there
you say what you feel like is the thing that will get you what you WANT
& THAT is really the only truth you have
SO, LET'S be CLEAR
REMEMBER how I wasn't gonna be your SLAVE
THIS sh*t HERE is an EXAMPLE
OF WHAT we will NOT
be doing
AND
MAYBE
that was the right edit
because she said
was it the TONE
OR
the WORDS
to which I answered
BOTH
