to me
I guess
&
I really wish
he didn't remind me of my mother so much
I wish
when I indicate
that I'm working through something
I got some sense
that she
CARED
that it's not just about
her wanting to be
entertained
which
I don't really understand either
because she ISN'T entertained by me
I am not SURE
what I feel exactly
BUT
I WANT to FEEL
like somebody wants me to feel better
& probably you do
I feel ALIEN
BUT
ALSO a bunch of other stuff
the bit about how exhausting it is to
NOT feel emotions
the whole BRICK thing
I THINK I maybe
have f*CKed up pretty bad
& the idea that
I gotta fix it all NOW
SEEMS
overwhelming
I THINK I just
did some kind of work around
LIKE
I just decided I was gonna
live my life
WITH YOU
by whatever means necessary
BUT
I ALWAYS thought
it was GONNA be REAL
& NOW
I find myself wanting to know
WHAT YOU thought we were doing
BUT
I am not really ready to hear it
EVEN if you
are ready to tell me
