early morning chat: 6:9

i love you very much indeed
i think
i've decided
the format should be more like stories
less like novel
because
why not lean into my strength
and
i think my short stories
often seem to others unfinished
so
maybe the way to do that right
is to write some of them
and have them tie together
maybe
the album analogy is useful here
maybe that's the way to go
besides
i keep making these lists
that seems to be the way i organize
my very non-linear mind
which seems counter intuitive
except
they aren't linear lists
they're more like
somewhat related thoughts
but
everyone should be used to that
because of searches on the internet

i'm not entirely certain

anyway
i'm writing it that way for now
because then i don't have to worry about
a novel structure
since that seems to be the thing that's hanging me up

i feel better about it
also
i think i'm gonna call it a project
instead of a book
idk why that makes a difference
but it feels right

maybe i'll color code them in my mind
i'm kinda surprised i don't already do that

from umber to ember

that ink
the sheen-y one
it's really pretty
but
it might clog up a pen
i think it would be great for painting

i didn't say anything about it
but
christo died
not to be all downer
he was 84
and
natural causes
so

but
i remember when i first saw
the pink wrapped island on tv
i was a kid
my gran-gran was still alive
so
less than fifteen
but i kinda think it was younger
nope
i must be wrong about it
it was 1983
she was dead by then
i must have seen something saying it was going to happen
because i remember watching it
on tv with gran-gran
and she died in 1982
but i must have seen it in 1981
but it was 1980-1983
idk
whatever

what i was going to say
was that
i thought it was stupid
i was not a fan
maybe because
they were pink!
maybe because they made something natural
not look natural
idk

but
i don't think i gave christo
much of another thought
until one day in katz
i saw a set of photos
of the gates
in nyc
because they have photos of nyc stuff
for like flair
to make it all new york-y since it's in houston
and
when i saw it
which was after it had already happened

i fell in love with it
i wish i had seen it
but it never crossed my radar

so i came to christo later in life
and
really
i had to grow into conceptual art
i liked it some when i was in high school
but
i would say that the older i get
the more i love conceptual art
and
i guess
i'm just grateful
that i re-found christo
and jean-claude [i should add]

because i feel like

the gates

somehow
became a part of my soul