nite chat: 6:2

i kinda lost myself again
it is apparently never safe to sleep
so
i watched a bunch of news
and
it just gets worse and worse

that phone call he made to the governors
what i heard of it
was pretty bad

and rachel maddow put her finger on
just the thing that had been running around my head
how do you deal with having to bounce back and forth
between
does he even know what he just said or is this all bluster
and
we live in a different kind of nation now

unleash the military
on america


and
the things he said
in that very short statement
i listened to it
a word salad of things he had to say
and
coded phrases for his base
and
puffed up small dog syndrome
and
then when it was over
i said
really--  that's what the president says to the nation
at this point of crisis upon crisis upon crisis
that that is all there is

and
i couldn't quite believe it
and then he did the thing with the bible
and the church

and he didn't even say a prayer
it didn't even cross his mind

and
don lemon said the same thing later
he's like--  i'll give you one
god save the united states of america

it was a bad day
and
did he even grow up in this country at all
i know he doesn't seem to understand the job he's got
but surely he has to know
that's a thing
when the whole country is in crisis
and people are afraid
on so many different levels
and basically
just go fuck yourselves
see i'm not in a bunker

that thing
is not a president
it doesn't know what a president is
it's not just bad at it
it's not just corrupt
and narcissistic
and devoid of human compassion
it is only interested in personally profiting
from a position which has always been
even by the worst of it's holders
seen as a valuable position
they all wanted to be president
they thought it was an honor to be
even if they lied and cheated to get or stay there
they thought the position was itself an end
but
not this one
it doesn't see any difference
between this and his ordinary pillaging
it's ordinary "celebrity"
it never wanted to be president
it was running for an alt-right media empire
and all of this has just been a big inconvenience

and
my brain shut down
i've been looking at ink colors for hours
and i haven't even had coffee today