6:4

i had dreams
about having multiple cars
but when they break down
i just move on to the next car
and
then eventually
i can't find any car but the one i'm currently driving

also
something about being on a bus
and social distancing
i'm really worried
about what's going to happen
with the zombie flu
now that thousands of people are congregating

also
i've been listening to that quaker podcast
which is not interesting, really
he's a little too christian
and she's a little bit
well, i like her
so this sounds a little mean
she's smart clearly
but she doesn't sound like she knows what she's talking about
plus she's pretty nerdy
and
i think this is mostly to do with him
she doesn't seem to want to contradict him
and he seems like a guy
and they going over a manual, really
i keep hoping it gets better
but
it is putting me right to sleep
which is not without value

what i'd like to see
is her
without him
having discussions with a variety of quakers
talking about an array of subjects
but that would be a whole lot more work
and she's just doing this
i'm not really sure why she's doing this

whatever
i am sleeping for hours listening to this
and it's getting into my subconscious
and
i'm rethinking jesus
as a person
he doesn't seem so bad
and
if what christian really meant
was trying to love everybody and take care of
the people who were down trodden
or cast off
or in need
well that sounds like a worthwhile thing
it's just
that's not my experience with christians

anyway
i just thought it was funny
reconsidering jesus

also
when i woke up
i tried that happy thing
except not for 17 seconds
i thought about myself writing
and being grateful for my life
and having it all
not like under control exactly
but
standing inmy life
and i did not grab my phone and start filling my head
with trauma and news
i just kept thinking i was in the life i want already
until i fell asleep again
and then
i woke up and did it all again
and
idk that my circumstances are any different
but
i've been pretty happy today

i love you sweetheart
very much indeed

*virtual snogs*