more nite chat: 6:28

ok
i need to talk about something

i've been doing this law of attraction thing
you know about that
ok
so
it's been really helping my mood
which is great mostly
and
things have been happening
i was looking at the christo prints again
and i have a bunch of them "watching" on ebay
and one of them sent me an offer
but the one i really want
is the one that hangs over our bed
i've been watching it for years
since i posted that on pinterest
it's never been on sale
and they've never made me an offer
the one that did was a newer one i just started watching
and i was like yeah
i wish they'd put the one i want on sale

so like two days later they made me an offer
30% off
which is a pretty big discount
but it was still pretty extensive
but, ya know, no so expensive that i couldn't have bought it
so i really thought about it
and
i don't really have the ability to frame it right now
so it would just sit in a tube
and
i thought
no that will make me sad to have it sitting in a tube
and i do not need to have the print
for it to be our bed
is that too abstract

print in tube sad + spending limited resources
i felt like something else was coming up
that i'd want to spend money on
and i didn't want to focus on the limited-ness
because it wasn't really that
it was something that i want
i'm just not ready for it yet, see

i said thank you to the universe
no offense, i'm just not ready, not looking a gift horse in the mouth

and i had decided a while back
last year, maybe
that all the skin care things i had been wanting to try
like for years
i was gonna find a way to try
and i started that, but did not finish
obviously it's on hold now

but
i bought years ago that hannes dottir serum/moisturizer
and so now they somehow have me listed as a
i can't remember what they call it
like OG member of the club, somehow
and they have this mask
which is supposed to be
the best revitalizing and blackhead removing mask ever
beauty editors wax poetic about it
in a way that they only do about eve lom cleansing balm
which is one of the things i tried
and it is amazing

so
this seamasque is on the short list, right
well
they sent me an email
so, since i'm this fancy thing
i can buy a double sized refill
for the same price as the regular
which is a great deal, but still too expensive
but
also here is a 40% off coupon
well sweet

so
this morning
i was saying i'm looking forward to getting a sign
about what i should do to make money
by which i meant, ya know, some direction
ideas about career direction
but thinking $$$$$$$$
and then, further
i did a tarot card reading
and it was
ten of coins
two of coins
ace of coins
two of wands
it was all like yeah we got ya $$$$$$$
so i'm like great

and i had a really good day
no negative emotions
not even when i'm looking at twitter
and then
just a few hours ago
aldi emails me

wtf

it's a do not respond email
inviting me to come to an open house hiring
with a one hour window on tuesday

and i went into a tail-spin

no no no no no no

that job was like a variable number of hours
entry level like twelve dollar an hour job

which would have been a good foot in the door
when i was desperate for something fast

i'm not willing to work as a front line worker during the pandemic
at all, really
no just no

this cannot be what the universe is sending me
this cannot be what i'm supposed to do

and then i thought about the print
and i thought
well this is the job you asked for
so it's giving itto you
and
i was really surprised that in this whole pandemic thing
they didn't contact me
because when i put that kind of energy into something
i mean,i usually get it
and
front line and all,ya know
i figured
it was probably all that
i'm not looking for a temporary situation stuff
but they've probably gotten desperate
so they're sending me the most impersonal thing
like just send this to anyone who has applied and let's see who shows up
because that's when you do this kind of thing
if you need a couple of people
you set up interviews on one or two days with the candidates you are interested in
when you do this kind of thing
you are looking for bodies

so i thought about it
and i decided that my sign is
i can't wait for the universe to tell me what i want
i have to ask for it
put the concentrated energy in
make the request
and then it will deliver

but
i still don't know what i want
so it's a problem

but that's the right answer though, right
that's the right interpretation of the sign, right