I keep asking the tarot
how you're feeling today
LIKE
did I freak you out
CONFUSE you
make everything
SUPER WEIRD
& I keep getting
TEMPERANCE
SO
I guess I'm gonna take that as
NOT TOO freaked out
BUT
I'm not sure what TEMPERANCE really means
in this CONTEXT
MAYBE
WHOAH, that chick is on about something
maybe I should back away to a
SAFE distance
I have this pattern
I'm working on my STUFF
by which, in this case, I mean the extra crap
that multiplies so there is
NEVER an end to it
I work on it
I "get close" to finishing
SO THEN
I just want to push through, get finished with it
& THEN
I end up
all effed up
non-functional
BUT
STILL
SOMEHOW -- NOT finished
THEN I have to
RECUPERATE
& I don't WANT to do it anymore
I'm LIKE
NO
the urge to go go go
FINISH
is some kind of
TRAP
I'm not sure WHY
or HOW
BUT
I need the TEMPERANCE
SOME kind of
SLOW & steady wins the race is probably what I
NEED, but I won't let myself do it
SO
I NEED to acknowledge that
it CAN'T be an all in
PROJECT
IDK WHY
& the same way I wasn't MAD at the poor horse
I shouldn't be MAD at myself
if I can't
STEER my inner horse
I shouldn't be surprised when it runs away
with my SPOONS
if I can't steer my horse
I need to plan for
NOT putting myself in the position of
inappropriate prep
I NEED to EXPECT
WIND & SPEED
to take a physical toll
& if I don't
I should EXPECT CHAOS because
the horse will work for ten hours trying to do
WHATEVER
the horse
WILL
NOT consider my SPOONS at ALL
it's nothing to do with
SEX or TRAUMA
I don't HOLD
ANY
HORSE trauma
because the HORSE
was just being a
HORSE
it wasn't trying to hurt me
or USE me
it just was EXCITED to be getting back to
NOT having to have a person on it's back
my mom
COULD have planned it BETTER
BUT
she did make up for it
by getting me
ANOTHER
experience with a horse
she paid for a few
LESSONS
one on one
& I wasn't that scared at all
I don't think I ever was
that much of a fearful person
I have issues
BUT
I THINK
my NATURAL state
is pretty
BRAVE, really
