I shouldn't write
in the DAYLIGHT
I SEEM to be
SMARTER
at NIGHT
PLUS
especially since I have been
dealing with my mom
on the regular
I SEEM to
DEFAULT to
EVERYTHING is probably
MEANT as a CRITICISM
it is AMAZING
WHAT
I can make into an ATTACK
THAT
is ANOTHER thing
I've REALLY
GOT
to get
UNDER CONTROL
the SALIENT point
about the HORSE as it relates to
TRAUMA is
my understanding of the motivations and needs
of the HORSE
there's a WAY
in which I need to
REVERSE
anthropomorphize
PEOPLE are just ANIMALS
without as much agency as I ascribe MAYBE
BUT
LIKE when sister cathy accused me of
not caring about anyone else
& my analysis of it
it didn't make SENSE to me but I could ascribe the
DESIRE to HURT ME
SO
I was HURT
THAT she was trying to HURT me
I THINK this is
CRITICAL to my
PROCESS
AND
I think I am NOT LIKE completely
THERE
BUT
there's a
LEVEL of SOMETHING
that I feel like I understand about myself
& my relation to other people
I keep approaching people
with this SETTING
that isn't
GROUNDED
in MY STRENGTH
somehow
I can't explain it
it's LIKE
I'm TOO
PERMEABLE
THAT is GREAT
for some cosmic something
BUT
LESS good
if you're dealing with
ANIMALS
& AGAIN
I'm NEEDING to SEE people as
MUCH LESS able to
SEE INTO
ME
than I think is
NORMAL
BECAUSE I have
SOME WEIRD
ABILITIES
that I want the other people to be able to match
& PROBABLY
they just CAN'T
& NOW
I've made myself
SAD
PROBABLY
I should ONLY write
AFTER
I've spent a whole day thinking about it
