a little overwhelmed
by this whole
revisiting
charlotte
BUT
there is stuff with family
&
I don't know how to talk about that
& jason keeps posting stuff
& I'm starting to feel
LIKE
I'm not handling myself
LIKE
I don't know if it is
I'm a little down
I guess
it seems to me
LIKE
MAYBE
I don't have MUCH
CAPACITY
I'm NEGATIVELY judging myself
I do not feel like
I OWE jason
I find him
disturbing and triggering
I don't want to go see him
I don't feel like
I've recovered from
our previous encounters
BUT
I feel like
THAT SOUNDS CRAZY
& I have had this
NEW
idea of myself
I was ALWAYS AFRAID that
I would end up in an
ASYLUM or SOMETHING
BUT
now I'm LIKE
there's an option I didn't
CONSIDER
NO, just neurodivergent
BUT
then I felt LIKE
I LOST something
LIKE
MADNESS is artistic
that whole creative literary tradition
AND
what about PSYCHIC spiritual
ON A MISSION
all of that FEELS disrupted
LIKE
I need to be repacked
ALSO
the art supply situation
was more complicated than I made it sound
I've talked about it before
I felt like maybe I misrepresented, earlier
BECAUSE
I was just talking about one aspect
THEN
I read a sub stack by the boston college mainer
& I'm on the VERGE
of freaking out
AGAIN
about the state of the country
SO
THIS is not going well
THIS think-y thing
DOWNward
SPIRAL
& then I don't want to write all that to you
BECAUSE
AaaaAaaaAaaakkkkkkkkkkkk
isn't SEXY or FUN
BUT
for better or not
I made myself
WRITE it
whether
it makes sense or not
