LAST FRIDAY 

when we were almost at the whole foods 

I saw a restaurant 

I hadn't seen before 

while I was in the store

my mom looked it up

they have steaks

& gumbo

AND

just ANYTHING you could want

oh, yeah

do they have a good selection of 

VEGETARIAN options 

I don't know 

SO

is it like

AMERICAN BISTRO 

YES 

I think that's what you would call it

BUT 

ANYTHING 

I might want, other than steaks and gumbo

do you remember anything else 

OR

ANYTHING as long as what I want is steak or gumbo 

I don't remember, we could go there though 

SOMETIME

by this point we are near 

PICO'S

we could go to PICO'S sometime too

it's like yucatan mexican food

fish steamed in banana leaves

it's been there 

FOREVER 

I went there a few times with charlotte 

that long, huh

HEY

whatever happened to charlotte 

I quit her

we had had problems 

BUT 

I mean we had both been going to college 

FOREVER 

& she ALWAYS wanted us to take a class

TOGETHER 

& it was her 

LAST 

semester 

& for whatever reason the class we were taking 

was oceanography 

or maybe it was ONLY the LAB

I don't remember 

the LAB was what caused the problem 

it was at NIGHT 

& I didn't take classes at night on campus

because it wasn't 

SAFE

BUT 

she CONVINCED me 

AND

then she DROPPED after the 

FIRST class

& I'm LIKE 

NOW 

I'm ALONE on campus at

NIGHT 

and she was not even SORRY 

just a BUNCH of 

you're just a scared little white girl

there is

NO DANGER 

blah blah blah

& I'm LIKE 

BUT 

there IS DANGER 

& even if there isn't 

I TOLD you I was AFRAID 

& you told me to take the class with you

NOW 

I am stuck*

*because I needed the class and couldn't change to another time at that point because there was no room or something, I don't remember 

she SAID 

I'll be on campus 

I'll come walk with you 

BUT 

she didn't 

AND

I'm LIKE 

I don't want to do this anymore 

NOW 

I'm not trying to DEMONIZE her

I said to my mom

I LEARNED a LOT 

THEN

some number of years later

she showed up 

at videocentral 

& wanted to

go out 

for a drink

& I was LIKE 

okay I guess 

AND

I thought 

MAYBE if she just

acts like we are just picking back up

MAYBE 

I can do THAT 

BUT 

if she COMES AT me

this isn't happening 

& right out of the GATE 

she's LIKE 

WHY

did you

ABANDON me 

at the LOWEST POINT in my LIFE*

*apparently, after she graduated from university she got a divorce from her husband-- I didn't know about that, but after the never once showing up to walk with me I just told everybody to tell her I wasn't home if she called, and I think she did call, but I never called back

AND

I never called her back 

after that get together 

or called her

just no

THEN

MANY years later 

I was in Seattle

in the science complex near the space needle

I called to check in about the cat

or something 

& they had

gotten an email from some person named 

CHARLOTTE 

who they didn't KNOW 

was trying to get in touch with me 

CAN I JUST READ it to you 

I honestly don't remember 

SOMETHING about 

SOUL MATES*

*not in a love way but in the kind of 

DEPTH friendship way 

AND

I started making

a KEENING NOISE 

HEY

if I DELETE this

RIGHT NOW 

will you STOP making that noise?

YES

I had been learning and understanding 

what she FELT 

HOW she thought

BUT 

she never wanted to learn

HOW 

MY MIND

WORKED

she just told me WHY 

I was WRONG 

ya KNOW 

I never felt like she

UNDERSTOOD me

or wanted to

the racial component 

I felt LIKE 

she had reasons to distrust

she had, ya know

BAGGAGE 

&

I could HANDLE it 

BUT 

it had seemed like 

she didn't ACTUALLY CARE 

& maybe 

I was unfair 

LIKE 

she liked me

BUT 

she also, kinda, hated me

BUT 

now I understand that the WAY that

I know people 

isn't 

the way everyone 

does things

AND

MAYBE 

I shouldn't have expected it 

AND

if it wasn't possible 

if I KNEW it wasn't 

POSSIBLE 

HOW 

does that

CHANGE the STORY 

I haven't been able to 

TALK about it 

I'm still not

SURE 

what I think