I don't have any
REAL way
to verify
whether I understand people or not
AND
I think the answer is
if I am in
regular contact
& interacting
with the person
then I have a lot of information to
CORRELATE
& AGGREGATE
AND
I have their
REACTION to my inputs which are BASED in
my understanding
THOSE interactions
have SEEMED to indicate
that I understand
people well
BUT
if I have a less COMPLETE model
& ESPECIALLY
if I have
some personal stuff
that I'm viewing
or interpreting
THROUGH
THEN
things might go completely AWRY
& I think the
TRIGGER for the I just don't want to do
whatever it is anymore
is
I do not believe
whoever it is I'm using all my energy for
CARES about me
it's not that I demand all this
ATTENTION
or special whatever
BUT
if it just FEELS like
I'm wasting my energy
I don't want to
that doesn't seem unreasonable to me
BUT
since no one ever SEEMS to
understand me
I think it comes as a shock
& I KNOW
OTHER people
MAKE a BIG deal about stuff
& give all kind of demands
before they leave
in a big
CLOUD of BAD FEELINGS
I have witnessed
the confusion
& I STILL
FEEL BAD about the art supply situation
for example
because they feel like
SOMETHING HAPPENED
that they don't understand
I can tell
BUT
I guess
I'd have to learn to be "normal"
to avoid THAT
& I don't WANT to be normal
I don't know if there's any point
in trying to get
DIAGNOSED
I am CERTAIN I am
SOME kind of neurospicy
BUT
I SEEM to identify
MOST
with
AUDHD-- autistic & adhd
which is the weirdest
because they
KINDA
CLASH
I NEED systems
BUT I am
RESISTENT
I don't get off-track with things
as much
&
I am NEVER BORED
BUT
SOMETIMES I
HYPER FOCUS
& sometimes I CAN'T FOCUS
