maybe this isn't obvious
I asked myself
what would you like to say that you were
& I said comedian
I don't think I ever
SERIOUSLY considered
in FACT I'm pretty sure
it just NEVER got
CONSIDERED
NOW
I haven't done it yet
BUT why would I not TRY
MAYBE
it will work out
maybe it will be obviously WRONG
BUT knowing what I know about me
it's gonna go BETTER
if I follow my
INTUITION
I FEEL the money concern
I REALLY feel the money concern
in FACT
right this moment
I'm FEELING the money thing
PRETTY hard
&
I'm wondering if the comedy thing
is some kind of psychological
TACTIC I'm using on myself
I guess
I WORRY that
OH CRAP sh*t is lining up
I'm trying to get my sh*t together
AND
I have this FEELING
that trust the process
BUT
MAYBE it's something
RANDOM unexpected that happens
I was suspicious
of the manic
red flag
& the fact
that I didn't even think about the bar & night
& crowds of people
I'm LIKE is that
a sign
that
I don't I don't remember what I said*
*and this is clearer anyway
I'm CLEARLY bypassing
WHOLE PARTS
of my mental processing
is THAT a GOOD thing
because I'm not letting anything
BECOME an obstacle
OR is it just
manic daydream
I DO WANT to see you
this is not some weird brush off
I just don't think
that tutoring thing
I'm NOT SURE what I THINK
I'm still trying to figure out
HOW I could make that WALKING thing WORK
LAST WEEK
I was tired and wanted to go home
I got roped in to a little group thing at the studio
THEY ASKED me
if I was WORKING on
SOMETHING else
I said yes
a book
FICTION or NON FICTION
fictionalized
a modified EPISTOLARY form
I'm DEVELOPING
I just said THAT in the MOMENT
I MEAN I KNEW that's what I was doing
BUT I'd never said it ALOUD
I'm not sure about my therapist
he's definitely doing something
&
I'm trying to remind myself
that he isn't
free from human stuff
just because he's
a professional
BUT
I FEEL like TODAY
was WEIRD
& LIKE
I'm making progress
BUT I might
just be
MAD
