But I'm hoping not to work on Tuesday or Wednesday I'm anticipating staying up really late Tuesday and I'm worried about there being civil unrest on Wednesday and Tuesday I may need to take my mom to cast a provisional ballot I just don't know yetI don't think she can just vote again although she should be able to I think she can only cast a provisional ballot but I can't get an answer on that so I'm not sure
And she may not want to go but you know I could stand in line for her I guess and then she could just come when I got to the head of the line maybe I don't know what she wants to do I'll have to talk to her
I'm really hoping that what will happen is that that judge will be a legitimate judge and say this is the state's rights issue and they sent it back to the Texas supreme Court and they wouldn't hear it they were like ask an answered so I really hopebut that's what happens there it really isn't any excuse for anything else to happen
And I really hope I really hope that Texas flips back blue
I really hope that in a couple years Lina Hidalgo will become governor or maybe Beto
I really hope that MJ Hagar beats Cornyn although I kind of don't think she's going toand although I would dearly love to get rid of zodiac I think it's good that Beto didn't win because I don't believe that he would have been doing this work that he's doing now that's really important
An election day I'm going to have margaritas I need to stock up on supplies probably tomorrow on the way home
Also having pizza I don't know that pizza and margaritas are such a great combination probably pizza and beer is a better combination but I don't want beer
I mean I can drink a beer or two if it's really good beer and impressed maybe I could drink a third beer but since I have no strong emotional tie to beer anymore I've kind of gone back to not being all that enthusiastic about it I guess I have quite a bit of beer in the house and haven't really drunk any of it in fact I don't think I have drunk one beer during this whole pandemic and I have some pickle beer and oh I have some really old bourbon barrel aged pumpkin beer might have to bust that out at some point if it's still good which it may not still be good I have a lot of wine too well I mean I don't know a lot but I have some and I haven't drunk that either which since it's not an exactly climate-controlled storage it may not be good anymore I don't know The only thing I have wanted to drink is margaritas I guess margaritas are really my drink
I need to go to bed pretty soon I really don't feel sleepy and I did that thing again where I stayed up late and then didn't get up early
But whatever
Got to get stuff physically moved around in the studio I'm really hoping that by the time I leave tomorrow it's going to look like an attractive space
I have a rug
It's a pretty good size rug I think it's like 9x12 it might only be 8x10 but I think it's 9x12 I got it at the bluebird circle years and years ago I mean like no not the bluebird circle The guild shop I got it I mean when I was still working it the Starbucks I think I don't remember how much it was
I thought at the time it was a pretty good deal for a rug that size
And I suspect I may have paid like I don't know $250 for it or something but then subsequently I don't think I've ever had it on the floor anywhere because it's kind of a strange color it's kind of a corally red it's fairly bright and it just doesn't go with any of my stuff I think it may also have some green in it but like darker green and what I'd really like to do is take it to one of those people who like barrel dye things what I'd really like is for it to be like maybe bleached or something so that it was lighter but I don't know if they can do that
And it may be that it's an odd color in a clash with everything or that she doesn't want to rug in there I was just thinking that floor is really hard and it would be nice to have something softer to stand on and I'm not using it currently so it's available
I don't know I don't think she's going to want to do that but I will offer
I had chicken soup tonight cooked in the crock pot it was really good and all comfort foodie and whatnot but I was wearing my light gray heathered modal oversized t-shirt which I've been wearing for a long time but now I take it off and put on clothes and go out and then come home and take off the clothes and put that back on and I don't know how long I've been wearing that particular shirt and in fact I wore it for a while and then took it off and wore something else and then put it back into rotation without washing it and it I mean quite frankly stinks but I didn't have anything spilled on it and it looks still really good and you probably don't know this about me or maybe you do maybe I've told you I don't know but when I was a kid I was really bad well maybe not when I was a kid but maybe when I was in that kind of 10/11/12/13 area I was really bad about spilling things so you know I would get a pretty white shirt and we would go to like the Houston international festival and we would get a gyro and I would take a bite of it and I would spill grease all down the front of my shirt and it would be ruined and you know we would go out to a restaurant and if it was a nice restaurant and I was wearing nice clothes I was for sure going to ruin them now if I was wearing crappy clothes that I didn't care about and/or we were going to some not nice restaurant you know if we went to like a burger place or something then maybe I wouldn't spill anything on myself but I was extremely irritated and I guess I got a little better at knowing when I was going to go places that I would spill things on myself and I would immediately get up and go to the bathroom and wash them out in the sink you know not take them off but just you know put paper towels underneath and rub soap and whatever and so then I would look like s*** still but my clothes were getting destroyed less frequently and I didn't have a lot of clothes I mean I think the whole time I was in high school I probably had two or three pairs of jeans in rotation You know like if one got messed up then I got another one but I had you know two or three pair of jeans and maybe a skirt and that was and then some shirts obviously
And when I started working I was still living at home and I had some expenses but like I was spending all of my free money on books and clothes and I had these dresses that I got at Lane Bryant that were awesome I mean I had one that was like a khaki colored shirt dress I think is what you call it and I had these kind of fancy exotic fake leather shoes and the whole outfit just looked like you know out of Africa I looked like Meryl Streep and out of Africa and that was when I discovered that if I used kind of a bronzer and went over the center of my nose I could kind of de-emphasize the kind of pointiness or bridginess or whatever and make it look a little more I really wanted to look turned up I just wanted to look a little more wide but no I think I was going for more of a oh what is her name not Cameron Diaz Ellen Barkin
Maybe it was somebody else but sort of that type with the wider kind of liontine nose
whatever that's not that important but I had also these like full circle neon had one that was like a neon green with black graffiti on it and one that was white with multicolor graffiti on it it was you know '80s '85 '86
it's a very brief phase because I had not enjoyed to wear dresses except for costumes and then very shortly after that I decided I didn't like to wear dresses anymore but that was a period of time when I had a bunch of dresses and I was trying to look nice I think
Why am I telling you this
What was the significance of this story
In my mind you know as soon as I started buying my own clothes I started buying black clothes but you know I'm realizing now that that wasn't actually true I mean there were some black clothes mixed in with that
Oh yes okay anyway so I had started wearing black clothes but I wasn't wearing completely black and then when I applied when I applied for Starbucks was when I just went full on all black all the time Black had been my favorite color and I had been wearing mostly black but that was when I went completely black
So that was 95 94
And the thing about black you can spill things on it and it's really not a problem but I think I had stillsome ability to not spill things on myself I had kind of trained myself up but then when I started working at Starbucks and I was wearing black all the time and I was spilling coffee on myself and I was having the bad periods where I was bleeding all over myself and you know what not I just stopped making any effort to keep stuff off my clothes I mean I would literally wipe my hands off on my clothes on a regular basis
And then when I started wearing non-black clothes I had a really hard time readjusting
But now my favorite clothes are these pale like taupes and khakis and you know fairly light colors
and I would have clothes when I was wearing the black clothes I would have clothes that I would wear around the house and they were not necessarily black I mean they were mostly
but then when I started buying the non-black clothes I bought non-black clothes to wear around the house too and I would spill stuff on them and they looked terrible they would just get to where they looked terrible
And so when the quarantine started I started wearing these light colored clothes that had been things I was wearing out in the house
Because even though those modal shirts were oversized and didn't look that good I was still wearing them to work or whatever but I started wearing them in the house and I thought well you know they're going to get f***** up but I'm like you know I'm not going anywhere and I'm in the house all the time and I want to wear stuff that makes me feel good
So this shirt I've been wearing a long time
I have two or maybe three I can't remember of the style that I bought on clearance of these modal t-shirts and then I have the ones with the ruffles on the bottom and I kind of went through everything and then I kind of was like well I want to keep wearing this shirt but I don't want to do laundry so I just kept wearing it and so I mean I have really no idea how long I wore the shirt but it was like wear it for weeks and then air it out and then wear it for probably months I mean really I would not wipe my face with it I would not you know like I sometimes would clean out the corners of my eyes if I was having allergy stuff with kind of the inside collar of my shirt I wouldn't do that I wouldn't clean my glasses with it because it was filthy it's stunk but it didn't have anything spilled on it not anything I had been eating you know soup and whatever else I was eating for months and nothing was spilled on it and I was like you know that's pretty impressive I guess you've learned
And I shouldn't have thought that I thought that like you know yesterday or possibly the day before and then today I'm having soup
And I'm having it in my attack bowl which has the chopstick rests and the little holes right so I eat the soup there's some broth in the bottom and I pick the bowl up to drink the broth in the bottom and I do not remember about the little holes if you're going to drink out of the bowl you have to turn it so that the little holes are not facing you when you're drinking the broth but I did not remember to do that and so I lifted it up to drink the broth and I poured soup broth all down the front of my shirt
And I don't skim the broth cuz I like the fat
So I've got broth with some amount of chicken fat in it poured all down the front of my shirt and that happened actually right when I realized there was a show so I went into the kitchen and I rubbed a lot of dish soap into the grease stains on the shirt and then I took a big bowl and I put some soapy water in it and I put the shirt in there to let it soak and after the show I went back and oh my God that water was filthy it was filthy
and I rinsed it again and again and again and again and I run it out and I ran water through it and I mean it was really really dirty I don't think in my life have ever worn anything as dirty as that shirt I mean maybe if I wore jeans outside and was you know in the mud or something then maybe technically but I mean filthy
so I mean I guess we're going to find out if I got the stain out I used to be pretty good at that
Ideally when I've got something that's got grease on it I would put flour or cornstarch or something on it to absorb the oil but I did not do that I just used soap and it's not dawn it would probably have been better if it was dawn but I don't buy Dawn so we'll see I don't think it's dry enough to tell yet
Smells good though
I got this dish soap they had rosemary again and I was going to get rosemary because I love the way that smells and they didn't have the autumn leaves but they had they had dia de los muertos and I was like so what is that smell like that bodies I'm not almost didn't get it but I couldn't I couldn't not so it smells like those little chrysanthemum flowers or marigolds I'm not really sure which it smells like they both smell kind of the same to me I think or rather if I was smelling them side by side I would probably be able to tell a difference but I don't have it coded differently in my head
So we'll see if the shirt makes it through I mean if it doesn't because I can still wear it with stains because I'm not wearing it out it's not like anybody seeing it but I really hope that it comes clean
So that was a very long story that included a lot of information that doesn't seem like it was really pertinent to what I was trying to say
I feel like that's kind of a hallmark of my writing in a way
Although I wasn't trying purposely to make it be long and circuitous I was just telling a story and I think that's just how I do it mostly
I think my propensity to tell stories in that way is part of the reason why so much of the conscious writing that I try to do has stuff cut out of it that it's sort of attempting to be poetic and sparse or something I don't know and I realize that this dictating thing is in some ways very undesirable because I don't really enunciate clearly enough for this machine to get it all right and I try to catch it but I don't catch it all and then I go back and read it and I go oh well does that even make any sense
But it's more like if you were talking to me and I think if I were to sit down to write write it I wouldn't
So this is my compromise and I hope it's okay
When I've gone back to reread them I felt like they were okay with the exception of things that really don't make sense and need editing and I can usually tell what I was trying to say and then I figure well you know he probably knows what I'm trying to say too but there was something in that last one that was kind of bad and I should have edited it when I was reading it because now I don't remember what it was
I love you sweetheart
goodnight💋
