rolling around in my
HEAD
I wanna try to
TELL you
ABOUT
it
I take a jar of PICKLES out of the REFRIGERATOR
I find myself
STANDING in the kitchen
refrigerator door
OPEN
I WANT ---SOMETHING
THIS ---is a place I am broken
that sounds really dramatic --is it really that dramatic
THIS ---connects me to my father
it's late night binge eating
I'm NOT
BINGE eating
OK let's be
CLEAR
you ONLY have healthy food in the house
& you are limiting quantities
you're calling it a meal
you still fit in your clothes
I'm talking about what you are enacting
I ALMOST DIED ---last night ---he said to me
and then he would tell me a story
being up
LATE
eating in the night
I FEEL like I should ADD something
BRIGHT LIGHT in the KITCHEN
he had eaten
CHEESE
& PEANUT BUTTER
& he almost hadn't lived
to TELL
AND
REMEMBER when
he tried to teach you about
bulimia
BUT
you were too THICK to pick up on it
I take a jar of pickles out of the refrigerator
I take the lid off
I DRINK
PICKLE JUICE ---oh good the pickles are basically STILL covered with pickle juice*
*there is a somewhat joyful acknowledgement of this fact since it came late in the process and couldn't be assured
is THAT what you WANTED
WELL
I MEAN I think the point is that you are trying to USE FOOD to FILL
a METAPHORICAL
HUNGER
BUT
if you're asking
it KINDA
HIT the
SPOT
