So maybe you understand the way the pandemic has been for me a little better. It's a category of sickness that never passes me by. Sometimes when cold and flu season sweeps through my work group I catch it right away, then by the time it has worked it's way through everyone else, it has mutated enough for me to catch it again. Just months of sickness. Not bad enough for me not to work. Still, months of dragging myself around. What all those seasons didn't have, that this one did was an actual fear of death. I did have a flu once that made me understand how people died from flu, but I was never afraid that I would actually die. Also, now the doctors, who normally pretended that they knew what they were doing, really didn't know what to do. So I just knew that if I got this stuff I would absolutely die.
I'm not claiming, at this point, to be completely sane.
So when I say I came downstairs into another world. I don't know exactly what I mean. I just know that that was my sense of things. The scent of tomato plant was less like a symptom and more like a sign.
I'm a little uncomfortable talking about signs. Even when I'm in a state which I feel pretty securely looks sane from the outside. When you start talking about signs. People think you're crazy.
