I suppose the gold standard would be to start at the beginning. The problem is I'm not really sure when the beginning was. I mean there was a point at which things seemed to make more sense, not like in an absolute sense, you could always go back a little further and have things seem to make more sense. However I've just about decided that all of that is an illusion anyway. The sense that things seem to make it's only within some limited framework that someone can convince you is true. Like the belief that your parents know everything and you can trust what they tell you to be true. That's more or less true. Most of what they tell you they at least believe to be true. There are all those exceptions though like they didn't know the answer and they didn't want to look it up so they just kind of guessed but you thought it was true until the point at which you realized oh crap I believe things that are wrong. Also there's a whole category of things they tell you that they know we're not true but they're maintaining the fantasy for your sake. An example of this might be Santa Claus but if you think about it I think you'll realize it goes much much further than that.
Anyway I'm not going to go back to the beginning whenever the beginning was. I'm not even going to go back very far. I'm going to go back as usually it's the case with me to the thing I become obsessed about. I don't mean obsessed like truly truly obsessed, instead I mean the thing that seems somehow symbolic that I become fixated on. In this case a little sculpture called America.
