so, what we've learned this week

when i'm sick
i don't so much with the self edit
but apparently, usually
a lot of self edit going on

i'm starting not to be as afraid
which i guess i was before
that if i get to be a drag
maybe you'll lose interest in me
i didn't think
i was super worried about that
but
it looks like i spent more time
on it than i had previously thought

i need to get more sleep, generally

i think
i am starting to
get to some issues
bring the sub conscious to the surface
like the thing with debbie heather
what the hell is that
i don't believe for one minute
she's in the corner burning sage and trying to enter my dreams
that's gotta be my insecurity, or whatever


i want you to be happy
i want to make you happy
i don't want to be freaking you out
making you feel old and tired and like goddam you wish you didn't have somebody else giving you something to have to worry about

i still am not well
i got a killer headache
and i'm going to bed now
i have to go to work tomorrow
but i'm pretty sure i'm not going to enjoy it

i am very glad i met you
and i am very glad you are a good person
and however you need to conduct your life is your business
and i'm not trying to give you any grief

i am feeling pretty secure with you
i still don't really understand you
but
i guess
i think that some day
maybe you'll feel secure enough with me
to show me
and
in the mean time
i guess
i'll just trust you

how's that