alright, i said i'd try to describe the dream, but i think the tricky bit was the part about the game

i was living somewhere different
away from anyone i knew
i was kind of excited about this change
but a little scared

it was small
and i think i walked everywhere
but it was a city, not a town
maybe somewhere like berkeley
i think i was in school
and i had some job, although i'm uncertain what it was
maybe not, maybe i was writing something

i hung out in local spots
there seemed to be hangouts
that didn't cost anything where you could just sit at tables and work uninterrupted for hours
and
i also frequented the hipster coffee shops
well, i couldn't really afford them
but i went sometimes
they didn't believe in friendliness or customer service
not at all
and i had mixed feelings about that

there was a girl who looked a lot like shosh
and i'd go there sometimes because i miss her
but she never smiled
and that was too bad

anyway
so i'm hanging in the culture of young people
and i was bound to pick up something

there was this game
it came from somewhere
maybe a reality show
i don't know

it was most famously in example with this brother and sister
who had there minds expanded and relationship deepened
by playing this game

and
i don't think anybody really knew the rules
i think there was a difference of opinion
about the whole philosophy
governing the interactions

but
even though i've been trying to think, hard
i just can't remember clearly anything meaningful to say about it

i think the trick was
you had to play the game
to find out how you play the game

so
i go to this group
where everyone is going to try to play the game
i know a few people, but not well
it's just the kind of thing i never do
go to a group of people who are all going to engage in some activity, together
i don't ever do that, really, in real life
but
in theory it has it's appeal

whatever

i got in there
and debbie heather was there
and, i mean, i don't know why i didn't just turn around and leave
but
i thought:
i came here to do this
she's just another person
if i can do this with strangers then i can do it with her

but she somehow got herself in the group of people who were organizing teams
and when the teams had been drawn up
i was very clearly not on any of them
so i ask her:
what's up
i'm not playing

and she said: no

so i kind of stormed out:
if i can't play
i'm sure as hell not gonna sit here and watch you play


i don't know
i guess, from a certain perspective
i should have stayed to watch her play
if i considered her to be someone i was competing against, for example
but i don't
i don't want anything to do with her
i'm not trying to do anything to her
i dislike her
but that's completely on her own merits
and i call her debbie heather because that accurately represents
who she is in my world and baggage

i feel like it's wrong for this kind of dream to happen
she should not invade my psyche
maybe it's because i'm sick

i'm not happy about that