as
there is a level of me-ness
I'm looking for in myself
& I'm not seeing it
YET
& I'm not freaking out or anything
I'm trusting the process
BUT
I had to start taking allergy pills
& it gives me a different
HEADSPACE
there's a WAY
in which I'm always
MORE FOCUSED
on "other factors"
I think this is part of WHY I am so fascinated with JAPAN
this sort of ritualisation of what is expected of you not to inflict yourself
not to have to have THAT active
to RELAX that
PART of the
BRAIN
now, is it really like that
IDK
& it's a LOT of people
I'm often not good in crowds
SO
perhaps it would be
OVERWHELMING
BUT
I think that's the opposite of what I'm
LOOKING for
I THINK
I'm looking for
SOMETHING
ME ---but MORE
SOMETHING
& then even that doesn't seem to be saying
anything terribly coherent
SO
I'll give an example
