Okay

So I'm going to go to sleep now

And I'm going to try not to sleep I usually long time

Last night I went to bed early and I thought I would get up early and I didn't

I slept 16 hours last night

And I had my leg all bandaged up with a ace bandage around it to try to make it tight so that it wouldn't start bleeding again

When I took the bandage off it really hadn't bled at all onto the pad that I had on it

Cuz I guess the pressure I had put on it before I bandaged it up was enough

I really don't understand why I mean it was a little cut it's not like he did a big slash it was like a little cut he must have just hit a vein or something I don't know but I mean there was a lot of blood

And if I was taking you know nattokinase or serrapeptase or anything that was specifically blood thinning I haven't even taken the horse chestnut

The only thing I've been doing is taking ibuprofen or acetaminophen

Because I've had headaches and whatnot but I'm not taking that more than once a day maybe a couple of days I took it twice but I mean I'm taking less than the amount you're supposed to be able to safely take and I mean it did stop

But it just freaked me out because there was a lot of blood

Anyway the day before I had only slept like two or three hours so I guess the 16 hours isn't completely out of line but still it just seemed like an awful lot

And he knew he did wrong because I walked and keened quite a bit partially because I was freaked out partially because it hurt my feelings you know I mean I thought we had to work through all this and we weren't cutting me anymore you know and he just casually you know caused so much damage but

But it really wasn't that big of a cut it must have just been somehow it hit a vein or something I don't know but at one point today I've I felt like a sharp pain in my leg and I like reached down to see if there was you know I don't know I I always have this feeling like something's biting me or something I don't know it's I guess my immediate assumption if there's a pain is that something is biting me I don't know why I have that but I reached down to like brush my leg and the cat was the cat was there and he was just kind of staring at my leg and it just seemed like he was trying really hard to figure out what he did that caused so much damage because he just barely I mean it was like you know the cut I don't know how deep it was but it was you know not more than a half an inch long it was really a small cut and he was just looking at me like he was trying to figure out what he did and how you know how I was injured and what was wrong with me

And like the force of his mind caused my leg to hurt

But he slept on me all night and then when I woke up and fed him and got back into bed and I told him it was okay he could get back on me he was he wasn't afraid exactly but he just he knows he knows that I'm mad and he just didn't want to you know he didn't feel comfortable doing it

So I got the water gun back out and anytime that I'm concerned that he might be like he stuck his claws up and he was clawing the chair right next to my leg right and I'm like oh yeah that's right You're just calling the chair I'm not supposed to think you're going to claw me or anything huh and I shot him with a water gun because you know no more miss nice guy

I don't want to have to you know drive myself to the emergency because I'm you know bleeding out from the cat cutting me and that little medical clinic that was close to me is a banfield animal hospital now so I mean the nearest emergency like those little neighborhood medical clinic kind of emergency places there's one down by chimney Rock on San Felipe I think which isn't too far but you know if you're bleeding out it's pretty far

And I don't have anybody that can drive me

I mean I guess maybe under the right circumstances the neighbor would be available to take me but you know I don't know how comfortable I would feel with that Hi can I bleed all over your BMW

I mean I'm pretty sure that there's a BMW in the same way that mine is a Lexus

Although maybe not quite cuz I don't think there's just that old but I'm pretty sure it's a used car that they bought but maybe not

I just don't think you live here if you can afford to buy a BMW that's a new BMW

Anyway whatever

I just don't want to do it

I mean I guess I'm going to have to low-key figure out what I would do if I had an emergency situation where I had to get medical help

Cuz that isn't really something I had spent any time thinking about and I'm probably kidding myself that I shouldn't have to have some sort of plan for that because it could happen

But I had a little talk with the cat and I told him you know look we're going to get through this and we're going to be okay again but I'm not going to lie when I was thinking I needed to go have stitches because you had cut me because you wanted food I was thinking thoughts along the line of maybe I don't need a cat

And you're my child and I don't really mean that but that's how seriously I'm meaning this don't do that s*** just do not be an a****** like that there are plenty of other ways you can be an a****** without cutting me

And that was probably bad that was probably not the kind of behavior that a mother should do because he has trauma issues around abandonment who what not but I was really mad I was really mad and just needed him to understand the frame of mind I was in and I think that's part of the reason that after I was like awake and conscious that he wasn't too sure if he wanted to climb on me

And I slept through my alarms well some of them I just snoozed and some of them I turned off or reset rather but then I just smooth slept through whatever the last one that was going

And I had this dream

I was in a school but I don't but I wasn't a student at the school I don't know why I was there but I was at the school really was a teacher or a nurse or an administrator or somebody at the school who was giving a press conference in the bathroom you know multi-stall public bathroom I don't know why sound quality or something

And I really had to s***

But obviously I didn't want to be doing that while they were having a press conference

So it turned out there were three bathrooms right next to each other not like three individual stalls next to each other but three like big women's bathrooms and so they were doing the press conference in the far right-hand side one so I went to the one furthest to the left so there was a whole bathroom between us and I figured that would be fine there wouldn't be anybody you know I mean there might be somebody in there using the bathroom but there wouldn't be anybody in there for any other reason

And so I went in and all the stalls were dirty not like overflowing and in horrible disrepair exactly but or no wait maybe I went into the second one and all the stalls were dirty there was like either the lid was down or there was visible s*** in the toilet or there was just like some toilet paper and you weren't really sure what all might be going on in there but they weren't like all overflowed and gross it was you know reasonably well contained and so I was like I'm just going to that other one so I went to the one on the far left

And it was in reasonably better shape as far as cleanliness but the one I ended up going into the door was kind of off You know there was something that was kind of partially blocking but it didn't really have a door and so I went in there and then my phone started to go off with my alarm chime but in the dream it wasn't apparent to me so much that it was an alarm chime it's just the phone was making noise and I could not get it to stop and I tried turning the alarm off and that didn't work and I tried turning the phone off like powering it down and that didn't work and then this girl who was like maybe in her early twenties and you know just kind of like generically attractive girl kind of maybe a little bit tanned really thick kind of honey brown hair I don't remember just kind of generically attractive she was trying to help me and it was somehow a version of the car jumping thing like you know there's a red wire and a black wire only with this one it was a red wire and a yellow wire but it wasn't really a wire because it was a picture on the phone but it was some program and she's like okay so you do this with the red wire and you do this with yellow wire and it didn't make any sense at all and I just was thinking you know I really need to take a s*** and I cannot sit here and talk to someone I really just need to be alone

But the phone was making so much noise I tried to turn the sound down and that didn't work and I was thinking another having a press conference and you know these bathrooms they echo really bad and I don't want to be causing there to be you know like music playing during the press conference

And then somebody I knew came up and was like oh I can totally fix that for you I can like reboot the computer system but I need to know what's the first thing you put in there was it lavender

I'm like what the f*** does that mean what's the first thing I put in there I don't know lavender what does that mean I don't know and so you know she's doing something to the phone and she gives it back to me and it's all these like you know this weird animated crap on the screen and I'm like oh my god what the f*** is that s*** but it just was still making that noise

I probably should change my alarm tone

Anyway it's been a very long time since I had a dream where I incorporated an alarm into the dream because the alarm wasn't waking me up and I would have not expect that to be the case after 16 hours of sleep

I'm going to do the egg diet when I get up later today and then on Monday for 2 days only not 3 days 2 days and if I lose another like 7 lb or more then I may incorporate the egg diet into what I do but I am not going to do this keto thing

Limiting carbs might be the right thing to do

But it's going to have to be done differently than this even though I'm eating vegetables I ain't not when I was doing the egg thing but well even then I was eating a little bit of vegetables but I don't I don't I don't like this it's too dense and there's too much fat

If I'm going to watch carbs

It has to be done in some sort of tandem with watching calories and fat

And perhaps grains are bad I mean I have I think noticeably less joint pain

Which considering that I'm eating more cheese is surprising because she is generally causes me to have joint pain

But I'm depressed I think

And it could be completely unrelated

I could be having some sort of hormones

And I'm willing

To try alternate pseudo grains

Quinoa and amaranth I don't like those as much as brown rice and wheat

But I am willing to give em a try

But I just feel like you know if this was effective if this was the thing that was going to be the answer for me

Then you know it's been like 2 weeks

And I lost the 7 lb in the first 3 days and then I proceeded eating this diet to put some of those pounds back on and then take them off again so that you know this morning I was _16.8

And I haven't been eating you know tons of butter and tons of you know whatever I've been eating just like you know not that much

But you know

Haven't had any sugar

I've only used salt a couple of times like maybe three times in two weeks

Okay maybe that's not right I don't remember exactly when I stopped with the salt

So it might not be three times in the last two weeks it might be three times in the last week and a half or it might be like four or five times in the last two weeks I'm not really sure

But I feel like if this was going to be the thing

It would be working better than this

Because the chlorella works better than this

And I might be depressed and feel s***** because I'm addicted to grain or addicted to carbs or I don't know what but I don't like this diet

I don't feel like the foods it focuses on You're eating are healthy particularly

I don't want to eat eggs for breakfast

I mean once a week okay

Maybe I could even get down with twice a week but what I want to eat for breakfast is toast

I would also accept donut or cinnamon roll except that actually those things are sweeter than what I really want anymore

What I want is toast

Breakfast is toast

So I could maybe make some bread that's low carb

And I can maybe eat it with

Some walnut butter or some hemp butter or some jungle peanut butter that doesn't have any sugar added

But I've got to decide whether the bread then I'm going to make for that is vital wheat gluten bread which is high in gluten like high in gluten

Or some other kind of bread that's like a gluten-free bread

And I'm going to have to make it

And I have never ever successfully managed to make bread I thought was acceptable

It's never been you know nice puffy bread with the right texture it's always been two dense

Now granted I haven't done it a lot of times

But I've never gotten it to come out right

I'm pretty sure whole foods has a gluten-free bread you can buy I think it's udi's brand

I haven't had it I don't know anything about it I would really rather start with making my own bread to be honest with you then start with buying some weird expensive bread that I got to keep in the freezer My freezer is not very big and it's already full

And I don't want to stop eating potatoes

Baked potato has been a meal that I have enjoyed my entire life I really don't want to start with saying that I can't have baked potato with peas

or brown rice with broccoli

So I don't know

We'll see but I suspect I'm going to be mixing it up

Goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much 💋