Well it's possible that I might be going to have a period soon I don't know for sure but I had to go to the post office today to mail some stuff back because I ordered it and didn't work out for me no that's cryptic okay I ordered some clothes and you could argue that perhaps I shouldn't have ordered them in the first place but when they came they weren't amazing

So I had to go to the post office to mail them back and I had to wait in line because I need to get a receipt for having mailed them because if I just drop them in the mailbox and they don't get there then I won't get credit for them and I've never had a problem with that before but the mail has been a lot screwier this last year than it's been before not even the whole year just since they threw away all the mailboxes and got rid of all the equipment it's been pretty unreliable since then so while I was there waiting in line I was like man my back hurts

I've been kind of in a funk like emotionally but I don't necessarily assume that that means anything related to periods

But then my back hurts

And Mike guts were very unhappy and I've had brown rice which usually makes them very happy so I'm like that doesn't make sense either and then I went oh

Also I have like three cystic acne on my chin that could have their own zip code plus I have this thing coming up under my eye which I've been picking at and I shouldn't in my whole the whole area is swollen I'm just a mess

So I don't know

I'm not really sure if we're going to the studio tomorrow but haven't gone to sleep yet and I'm a wreck so at this point I'm leaning for a no vote

I guess I told you I ordered the bras I just didn't tell you I ordered the other stuff

So that all went back except for the mesh shirt and I'm in love with that that is so comfortable it's been very hot in the studio during the time when it wasn't actually hot and so I've been kind of dreading how hot it might be when it's actually hot cuz there's a lot of sun that comes in there but this mesh is really cool

It's a little bit see-through but not too bad it's got a pattern on it so

It's a snake pattern and I had been wanting a snake pattern something but never seems to work out but this is it's red snake so it's got red but it's kind of a neutral red and kind of a golden rod shade and then it's also got kind of a blue green tone I think it looks pretty good on me I mean to be honest with you it might not do that much for me it might not be like oh my god she looks amazing in it but I really like the pattern I really like the colors it really makes me happy

My face hurts

I've been thinking about this thing back when I was I guess I was probably 18 I was working at the book stop maybe I was 19 I'm uncertain I won't say I was in love with because I really don't think I was in love with him but I had a crush on this guy who worked there or maybe I was obsessed with him I don't know

When I look back on it I really don't understand why and anyway it isn't about him

There was this restaurant that was across the street and I can't now remember the name of it but I used to go there pretty regularly

And one day this waitress she came up to me and she's like basically some kid who worked in the kitchen had a crush on me or something and I was like you know I'm not available I'm I have a crush on somebody else cuz I mean I think I thought she was trying to set me up with the kid and so I was telling her no no and she's like come on come on and then she thought I was being a real b**** and she was making it clear that she thought I was being a real b**** and I couldn't understand why

But now I think that probably she just wanted him to come out and say hi to me be introduced to me you know and so how could I not do that and yeah how could I not do that I would have been perfectly willing to meet him and say hi to him but that wasn't what I thought she was asking

And I never went back to the restaurant it's freaked me out so bad so I've been thinking about I probably traumatized the poor kid or made him think that I thought he was hideous or cuz I could kind of see him through the doorway and he didn't seem hideous or anything I just was all obsessed with somebody else I'm sure that kid would have been a lot nicer

But I feel bad and I don't understand why she couldn't have made it clearer what she was asking me

I really hope I didn't traumatize the kid

I've had Kurt Cobain running through my head all day the song

For some reason I'm trying to decide what is the very smallest number of paints I could have on a pallet that I could actually use because I tend to be increasing the palettes I tend to say oh if I only had this color then I could do so much more

But for some reason today I'm missing da Vinci paints I've been painting with the qor and I really like them but I don't like them as well on that 300 lb paper because you don't really get the flow that paper is very thirsty and it just sucks everything in and some of the paints have been painting with are the shminka paints and some of them are DaVinci and some of them are the qor

But I've been kind of missing some of the DaVinci colors actually I've been using some of the DaVinci colors but I've been missing some of the other ones

And I was just trying to come up with if I had an all DaVinci palette which I haven't had I just have a lot of DaVinci colors on my pallet at home

And if I was going to have a pallet then only had one blue on it I would use the Daniel Smith sodalite which most people don't seem to think is blue they seem to think it's gray and when I told my mom if I was going to have one blue on a palette it would be the Daniel Smith so the light she said it's not blue it's gray and I'm like okay so I painted it out

I painted a swatch of the sodalite

I painted a swatch of the shminka tundra blue which is an ultramarine blue with a raw umber

And I painted a swatch of the qor indigo

And I mean they're not identical colors by any means but they are all quite similar

I had initially thought the qor indigo was a very warm blue but it's actually the coolest of those three for sure The shminka is basically ultramarine blue but the raw umber just takes it down a notch to where I like it regular ultramarine blue it's too bright or something I just I don't like it I don't like blues in that range I don't like cobalt blue I don't like ultramarine blue I don't like cerulean blue I don't like really any of those blues I like manganese blue because it's got more green in it or something I don't know but the DaVinci Cobalt blue is appealing to me for some reason

But the sodalite it's a very deep blue but it's very warm it's got it's got like kind of a slightly purple note to it almost although I had never really noticed that before but it's it's it's really pretty but it's not as intense it's not as deep of a color somehow or it's it is as deep of a color but it's it doesn't have the color intensity that the qor indigo has

And I was thinking you know I would just use the sodalite

But I was thinking you know if you were going to use an old DaVinci palette and you were going to have the fewest number of colors what would you have

And I would definitely have

Raw sienna deep

Golden ocher

Alizarin gold

Rose matter quinacridone

Those are all on my regular palette and I really really love them

And I was thinking I'd have the green gold and the pearlene green but then I thought well you know how much do you really need green if you were trying to come out with the easiest least number of colors you know you can mix greens

But there's this color that they have that I watched some videos they've got a pallet that you can buy it's an artist collaboration thing and she uses this particular kind of green that she had them mix up for her it's called mother Green and it's not exactly a sap green it's green and brown and something I don't know but it's a really pretty good green and what she does is she does washes of the green and then lays other colors into it wet on wet and I was like you know if you're doing any kind of foliage that would totally work

So maybe I would get that green

Maybe

And then I looked at all their blues and they're indigo it's not dark enough so I would have to go with 

Payne's Grey as my blue

But then I was like well will that work for mixing everything you need to mix do you need another blue and I'm uncertain maybe I don't need another blue I mean the cobalt blue looks a really pretty it looks really pretty and I think the pains gray is maybe a little greener the Cobalt is a much warmer blue

So I'm torn I mean the Cobalt is toxic and I would just assume not have any toxic colors but it is appealing and the fact that I've never wanted a cobalt blue before makes me wonder what's so special about this one maybe it was just watching that woman laying washes into the green and the blue that cobalt blue just was so luminous in that green it was just beautiful just beautiful

And I've been leaning pretty heavily on the mixture of indigo and raw umber and I really really like the raw umber that's in the qor set it's like my favorite romper I think I like it even better than the holbein one

But the DaVinci just seems really weak but I do quite like there violet iron oxide and I don't know if it would function in a similar way I mean it's not the same color it's not at all the same color and it won't mix the same and it won't do the same thing but I do use it quite a bit in mixtures The only problem is it is kind of opaque and it has a lot of granulation in it I'm looking at that mix of colors especially if it doesn't have the cobalt blue well then you're not looking at a very luminous group of colors

The raw sienna isn't luminous it's a great color and I love it and you can use it to mix a lot of things with and it would make a really great green with the paints gray I'm confident but it wouldn't be a very transparent green

The golden ocher is semi-transparent and it looks pretty luminous I like it pretty well as a yellow it's my favorite yellow

Alizarin gold and rose madder quinacridone are both very luminous and transparent but the pain is gray wouldn't be so it just seems like you know your balance is getting towards the more opaque colors if you throw in the violet or an oxide

There's an ultramarine violet that's pretty that might work as well away into a mix but I'm not one for a lot of purple and although that will probably neutralize the yellow is just fine it's too delicate to do much with the paint's gray and it just doesn't seem like it would really have much mixing capacity in general

So then I was thinking about periling maroon which is a really pretty and very transparent color but it's kind of low chroma so you know you probably get some interesting mixes and you probably do some interesting washes in the same way you get with that green and it might even neutralize with that green so you'd get a black or a dark gray or something

So I'm just going round and round thinking about it and there isn't really any reason for me to be going around around thinking about it because I'm not needing to set up another palette you know

But that was five colors I had before

Well six if you count the green

So if you add

Cobalt blue

Perylene maroon

Violet iron oxide 

and like I said before

Mother Green

That's nine colors

That's not the world's most limited palette

I mean a split primary palette is only six

But the idea of painting with those colors seems like it be kind of challenging so I'm thinking about that I don't really know why I spend so much time thinking about color I guess color is what I really like about painting color and texture and brushstroke and everything it's not so much having things look like something I mean that is sometimes a thing but that's not really what I enjoy about it it's all got to do with the color

I've really got to sleep

I love you very much sweetheart 💋