Okay

So the thing about the pandemic being in quarantine and lockdown is that I haven't been doing things the way I would normally do things and that includes things like getting dressed and brushing my hair

No I think I mentioned before that I was only washing my hair like I don't know once every couple months or something

And the way I was dealing with all that is I was keeping it braided and then every once in awhile I would take it out of the braid and get all the knots out of it and braid it again

See my hair it isn't straight it's got like kind of a wave or kink pattern to it and when it gets to be a certain degree of long it starts turning into like a dreadlock

Not just automatically not just you know left to its own devices but like when you wash it and the hair gets all you know scrunched up together then it turns into one or two big matted sections that have to be unmatted

So you know I try to cut it once a year or so so that it doesn't get to be that long but the last time I cut it I cut it short

And that is an unusual I often do that because I go I don't want this long hair I want some hair I can run my fingers through so I cut it short and then in a year or so it's long again and I cut a short again now it doesn't happen every year sometimes I just get it trimmed and I cut it short the next year or the next year but I guarantee you that at least once every 3 years I've got it reasonably short

At least the last 10 years or so

So pandemic locked in no haircut so it's been two years and a bit since I've had a haircut and the braid situation has kind of degraded

A few months ago when I tried to take it down to braid it the center section that was in the middle had a big knot tangled knot mass that I couldn't really undo now I didn't try as hard as I might have tried because it was just in an awkward position and untangling it you know when it's this long it's really it's tiring on your arms so I got the first two sections untangled and I said I'll just do the next one next time so then when I wanted to do them again I couldn't get it I couldn't untangle it not for the life of me and I said well you know as long as I'm keeping it braided it's not really that big of a deal in for a penny in for a pound you know

but then recently I mean I don't know I guess maybe I've been tossing and turning when I'm sleeping more or maybe I'm sleeping more or I don't know but the whole back of my head just got kind of knotted and tangled and I couldn't untangle any of it it was just a mass I could still braid it but the top part of the braid was just a big mass if not that was essentially dreadlock it was woven together now the top part of my head and you know what not is all still straight and you know pulled back into the braid and then it started to kind of grow so then it wasn't quite right you know it was looser

So I'm like well you know I always wanted to have a dreadlock well I wanted dreadlocks when I got old I didn't want one big dreadlock mask down the back of my head but again in for a penny for a pound

And then when I leave the house and go out I take the whole mass and I kind of wrap it around artfully and put my hair band things around it and it you know it looks the same ish

I mean at first I thought it looked maybe a little bit better but then I was like it's starting to look kind of rough and it just seemed to be working its way up the back of my head and so for the last few days I've been thinking you know I've either got a commit to this one giant dreadlock thing and just ride it out and if it doesn't work I'm going to have to shave my head or at least the back of my head or I'm going to have to cut it

And the idea of trying to cut through this big massive tangle to try to get my hair free was a little bit intimidating so I kept going back and forth and back and forth and I had a haircut back when I was in my mid-20s that was like shaved on the back of my head and hanging down in the front and I really loved that haircut not so much because I thought I looked amazingly beautiful in it or anything but because I really loved being able to feel the shaved back of my head I really loved that and so I thought well you know worst case scenario I can do that it'll be fine but then it just seemed to be working it's way up and working its way up and I'm like it's it's too tall it's getting too tall now You need to decide what you're doing this is a time for action so I cut it off and I can't really see the back of it I washed my hair because it was I mean it actually the kind of cool it was like almost standing straight out frizzy because even though I had washed it not that long ago the parts were the the knot is you know either the soap doesn't penetrate it properly or there's too much oil or maybe it's a combination of oil and soap I don't know but you know only the external hair really got washed and so all of the hair by the time I was done untangling it all of the hair was coated in this really kind of sticky oily stuff that thickened it all up and made it all stand out and I'm like well that's interesting looking

So I washed it three times and you know it's not like I have a stripping shampoo I've got my yucca shampoo bar but I think it's pretty rough

And it's funny because you know most people cut their own hair at some point you know they went through an emo phase or something or they cut their own bangs or they did something but I have always had such you know love for my hair that I wouldn't do that because I didn't want to mess it up so I mean now it's it's scary looking and I'm sure it can be fixed and cut into something it's not going to be a long something but I'm still kind of basking in the glory of not having a big heavy rock hanging off the back of my head

I do seem to have a little more hair

And I have generally pretty well behaved hair that's got enough wave in it that you know it's not real obvious exactly how it was cut

But this was n't cut you know it was butchered so I'm really kind of afraid to get a better look

I've been avoiding it

But I mean it had to be done

And I have a wig that I could wear

Didn't seem to really work with the long hair all up under it but you know now there is n't that much hair to put up under it so I don't know if it looks good on me or not I couldn't get used to it but I didn't try for a long time

But I don't know maybe I have enough hair that I could get that shaved back of the head thing again it seems to be kind of in a yeah it might have to be something like that feeling it it kind of seems like I've got

Well less hair in the back let's just say and it may be obviously cut out hacked because when I was untangling it I got several big chunks

I'm sorry

I didn't purposely ruin my hair for you

But I'm strangely not that upset about it