It doesn't seem to matter what time I go to sleep or how many hours I've slept before that I seem to need extremely large amounts of sleep right now
So like yesterday I really wasn't awake that long and then I got up at like I don't know 3:00 or something or 2:00 I don't remember what time I got up yesterday not yesterday but Saturday anyway I wasn't awake that long and I went to sleep Sunday morning about 5:00 and I figured I would get up about noon that would be 7 hours that would be plenty of sleep but I I didn't wake up at noon I got up at like I don't know 4:00 or something
So now I was like okay well I probably need to sleep 9 hours so I need to go to sleep at 11:00 but then I could not make myself go to sleep at 11:00 and I'm truthfully not even vaguely tired but I have to get up at 8:00 so now it's after 2:00 and I have to go to sleep
I don't seem to be able to get myself back on to any sort of
It's like my internal clock is just free floating there is a condition like that but it's usually usually blind people get it because they or they theorize the reason why is that they don't see the sun so it's always dark I don't think that's actually necessarily true about blind people though I think a lot of the people that are listed as blind technically are able to see some light maybe even some shapes they just can't see you know well enough to see
So I don't know whatever problems there might be with that theory it shouldn't apply to me anyway because I can see and although this place is kind of like a cave it even if I'm going out to the studio which is very sunny doesn't seem to help so I don't know
And I had that really long. And then I clearly still have some hormonal something going on and I wrote you a big long thing about this other thing but then I deleted but I didn't delete it I made it a draft so you couldn't see it because it was just gross
Typically when I'm having PMS and periods and whatnot sometimes even when I'm having these things that I get now that don't actually involve bleeding but do involve hormones I get these cystic pimples on my chin or sometimes on the side of my face but mostly on my chin and that's not something that I used to get that's a menopause thing well with my new skin care regime I didn't get any of those and so I was super happy but then I got a equivalent but much worse thing on my breast
and I wrote you this big long very graphic description but then I decided it was gross and not very sexy so I took it away but I think the level of infection was higher than you would get in a typical cystic acne because it was more like a cyst so trying to heal myself from that might be another reason why I need an extra sleep but that's pretty much on the mend
But the hormone thing is still going on it's still going on and I'm not really looking forward to seeing my mom tomorrow
I've managed not to see her all this week or while I did kind of miss the sun I did not miss seeing her
And I'm doing a pretty good job of keeping myself in a positive mindset but it's a little harder to do that with her because she kind of irritates me and have to be in really a good mood to redirect that and while I'm in a good mood I don't know I just I'm having a hard time working myself up for that I guess
I hope you're doing well
I still feel stressed
I'm talking myself up a good game
But I still have a lot of stress
If you're in the mood to watch a movie
The dig on Netflix is really good
Well it's pretty good
it's not necessarily like the best thing I've ever seen but it was enjoyable and it was cool
Anyway if you could send healing vibrations to my left breast I would appreciate it
Can I ask you a question
My brother keeps posting these anagrams I think is the correct terminology for them
It's where you take a phrase and you mix the letters up and you make another phrase
I don't really know how to respond to that
I've never really liked them
because it seems to me like usually people start off with a phrase and maybe the phrase they're starting off with is worth playing with or maybe it's not
But then they take it and they mix it around and okay I can see how if the phrase if the first phrase and the second phrase were connected in meaning or complimentary or contrasting or in some way related to each other in an interesting way I could see how it would be cool or maybe even funny
But generally it's a phrase that you're like why are you even using this phrase at all why do I care about this phrase to start with
And then the second phrase that they turn it around into is often not really a phrase it's often just like one step up from word salad like okay it may be mean something and maybe everything is a word but it's it's not to me generally
Truly interesting or funny
Generally I just find them kind of irritating like okay so what am I supposed to get out of that
So what am I missing
I mean
He clearly really loves them
But I just look at them and go I don't know how to respond to that
But he keeps doing that and I mean maybe it's some you know cry for help or some sort of way that he's reaching out or maybe he just does that periodically in the hopes that someone will respond to it but generally I don't think anyone does so maybe nobody else finds them interesting or cool either
And maybe it's not important
And maybe it's not my responsibility
But it just feels like a missed opportunity
So if there's something I'm missing
Did you get
Feel free to fill me in
Anyway goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋
