the Joshua tree trip
which makes sense
for a variety of sensible reasons
BUT
the one I want you to understand
I acknowledge that
the decision to do it
although it does make sense
from a variety of my developmental goals
it is also motivated
at least in part
from a place of running away
or at least
like fortifying myself
in a protective way
neither of which prioritizes
you or us
and
I WANT to prioritize
us
I THINK I had this idea
that I didn't have a say in it
or wasn't somehow
I'm having a hard time articulating
BUT
YOU matter to me
& I want you to KNOW that
I am willing to do the stuff
I don't yet know how to do
