Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

Okay

I'm going to go to sleep now

I just listened to a whole string of trouble theme songs I don't know if I heard all of the songs that were in the string it started with lightnin Hopkins

I'd say I'm pretty much back to normal now I'm still kind of stiff my head still kind of hurts

I don't feel like I've quite got ballet arms back yet

Do you even know what that means does that make any sense at all

If you were in a swimming pool and you were moving your arm out in a sort of a clockwise motion no that doesn't make sense not clockwise like as though you were on the face of a clock and you were moving your arms up only you wouldn't be moving them exactly up necessarily you'd probably be moving them at a slight angle but if you were moving through the water you couldn't move quickly you'd have the force of the water against you and it would do this kind of rippling thing that you would be able to feel but if you were moving your arm as though you were moving it quickly through the water and you had the pressure of the water against you then you would be moving it smoothly it's hard to describe but that's that gives you enough of a picture right That's what I'm talking about ballet arms I'm talking about being able to do that without having the water against you where you get this totally smooth movement that's very controlled but doesn't look in any way stiff or jerky it's just smooth and I can't quite do that so I don't quite have my normal level of fine motor skill and I'm still a little bit brain foggy but I don't feel well I never really felt sick I just felt bad but I don't feel bad now I just feel kind of stupid

And that isn't even right I don't feel stupid I just feel I don't know like I've got some kind of a access glitch

But whatever not important not complaining

So I'm still trying to eat low-carb

I had some chicken that was cooked in the crock pot with lemon and garlic

And broccoli

No brown rice

:-(

I've got some salad in the refrigerator

I got some bars that look really good I mean they taste pretty good actually but what I mean by they look pretty good is the the macros on them look pretty good they've got no added sugar seven grams of fiber 10 g of protein and they've got like 10 g of carbs I think so the net carbs is three that's not bad it's got collagen it's flavored with monk fruit it doesn't have any weird stuff like the quest bars had all this weird fiber and they stop making that flavor I liked these are also like 180 calories and no 190 calories a bar so that's not even too too bad I got a lot of fat 14 g of fat but supposedly that's good for you now so whatever

When I was in college at one point I was on a low-fat diet I mean like really really low and my hair got all like straw and my skin was super dry and it was really weird because you know like if those things happen to you when you're older well maybe you just old but you know when you're in your early twenties if your hair starts being like straw well that's you know something you're not getting

So I don't think much of low-fat we should not extremely low fat but I don't know that there's any need to get like excessive quantities of fat I mean like a lot of the stuff that I like is like non-fat cottage cheese like I don't like full fat cottage cheese I don't like the the way it is the way it tastes the texture I only like the nonfat and yogurt I mean I guess I like full fat yogurt just fine but I don't prefer it to non-fat yogurt you know what I mean and plain yogurt you know I mean like I might get vanilla every once in awhile but generally I would get plain and for the last I don't know five years at least I've been mostly eating the Greek yogurt the non-fat Greek yogurt although I did really like the skyr

And that buffalo water buffalo milk yogurt from I think it was from Brazil or someplace I mean it wasn't local but it was tasty and had weird that one had weird flavors and I don't normally get flavored yogurt but that one had like passion fruit and it was like water buffalo milk yogurt with passion fruit I mean come on

Come on

How was I walking away from that

I kept having all these stories come into my head today that I was going to tell you about they were not good stories you know by which I don't mean that they weren't good stories I mean they were sad or depressing or unpleasant in some way and now I can't remember what any of them were so I guess you're not going to get them He's not right now I'm sure they'll come back up

Anyway I hope you had a good day

It's Passover

I just kind of flaked on Passover this year

Sorry about that

Good night sweetheart

I love you very much 💋

Okay

So I wouldn't say I'm 100% back to normal

Because I'm still a little stiff

I have a little bit of a headache

And I have a lot of brain fog

Like focusing is difficult

But other than that I feel pretty good

And since I had that whole thing I now completely believe that my immune system was engaged and making antibodies and I'm not going to worry about did I get a dose that was you know left out for too long and not valid or whatever

So that's good

I was going to take some Tylenol because my head hurts

And I think I already took it

But I'm not sure

So I'm not going to take anymore

But if I already took it it didn't work

I don't like brain fog

I hope you're doing okay

I love you very much

Okay

I'm not quite back to ballet arms level of muscle control but getting pretty close

The injection site only really hurts if I press on it you know like if I'm just moving it around doesn't hurt now it did take some ibuprofen but that was hours ago now and in fact I took it I don't know around 7:00 I guess and around 9:30 I was like how long has it been since I took it can I take it again because my head was hurting and everything was hurting and I'm like no you need to wait until 11:00 before you can take it again and so it's probably worn off by now cuz I didn't take it again at 11:00

So I still have a headache and that headache kind of goes down my spine to the middle of my back but my arms don't hurt my lower back isn't noticeably worse than it ever is

My thigh is still ache a little bit but they were pretty bad and they're not now

I feel like when I go to climb the stairs again it's not going to be a problem

I don't feel dizzy I do feel that slightly tweaked equilibrium thing like I did to start with but it's back to that level

I expect it by tomorrow I'll be pretty much maybe not completely back to normal but pretty much back to normal back to normal enough that I could do anything I needed to do

oh and I think I forgot to tell you earlier when I woke up at like I think it was around 6:45 when I woke up and I checked my phone and there was a text from my mother saying did you get your covid shot

And I'm like m*********** she doesn't remember that we are in trouble

So I called her to check in on her Make sure she wasn't seen all of a sudden

and she's like yeah that text was meant for somebody else and then I saw that I texted it to you accidentally and I thought oh and she sees that she'll call me right away

But I'm like yeah that's kind of a dick move

And she's like no it's not

So whatever

And she asked me how I was and I told her and she's like okay so then we're not going to work tomorrow

and I'm like well you know I might be fine tomorrow I don't think these symptoms are supposed to last very long

And she's like well I've got somebody that I've hired to do some work in my garden so we're working in the garden and it's supposed to be a pretty day tomorrow

And I'm like well okay if you don't want to work in the studio because you got something else you're doing then that's fine I just meant we didn't need to cancel it on my account and she's like yeah I'm going to work in the garden so we're not going to do it

and I'm like okay well I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how I'm doing

So I'm a lot better

I mean that was less than 8 hours ago that I was telling you how terrible I felt and now I feel substantially better

I hope you're doing well sweetheart

I love you very much

Okay

I woke up at like 8:30 and had to pee and that was too early to get up anyway but I didn't feel great

Then I woke up at 12:30 and I was going to get up but when I stood up I was like well I'm not too sure about that so I went to the bathroom and I was standing up for maybe 10 minutes and I was like man I don't have the energy to stand up so I went back to bed

now in bed I didn't feel bad at all My muscles were very relaxed and I felt very languid

I just figured that wasn't really any need to be awake so actually I wasn't even planning to go back to sleep I was just going to lay in the bed and play on my phone or whatever but I did fall back to sleep

So I just got up a few minutes ago I don't know 30 maybe not quite 30 and here's the situation now

I came downstairs to get food and as I'm coming down the stairs I'm like man I'm not certain I'm going to make it back up the stairs

I have a headache but that's hardly surprising

I do have I wouldn't go so far as to say pain but an ache that's noticeable at the injection site and whereas yesterday I felt like my muscle movement was stiffened in my left arm like I couldn't do flowing ballet moves with it now all of my muscles are impaired I can't really do flowing ballet moves with my right arm either and the muscles across my back ache and my hip joints hurt and you know all my muscle groups my large muscle groups are achy

So the symptoms are you know reminiscent of flu but not you know at that level I would say that they could be roughly categorized under pain in the injection site and extreme fatigue I wouldn't that's not how I would describe it but it could be roughly characterized under those terms

And I thought it was more likely that I would have these symptoms after the second injection I don't know whether to think that the fact that I had them after the first injection means that if I had been exposed to covid that I would have had a really really bad case or what

But you know nothing is happening that I can't deal with I don't want to be in bed all day because that tends to make me have a really bad pain in my back so I'm going to be up for a while and eat and stretch and whatever but I don't know if I'm going to stay up late I think I might go back to bed after I feel like I've been up long enough to count you know

When my immune system is trying to do something it tends to prefer to sleep

I guess although I wouldn't characterize most of my muscle groups as pain I would characterize them as ache I think my thighs probably reach the level of mild pain or extreme ache somewhere in there I'm able to fine tune that any further but that doesn't surprise me because the first muscle that I had the cramping in was my right thigh so for whatever reason they are affected more

And low-level dizziness

Like not so bad that I feel like I'm going to fall over but not just a slight tweak in my equilibrium

And with all that said I don't feel sick exactly

which seems kind of incredible because that all sounds like sickness symptoms but I don't feel exactly sick

I have slight allergy drainage but it's obvious as slight allergy drainage so I don't know it's very interesting

Again this is the moderna vaccine

and I don't know if you got it if you would have these symptoms probably not probably you would be absolutely fine and not notice anything

But you know just for information on purposes

And although it's completely possible for me to make myself sick with my mind I didn't really expect to have any reaction so I don't think I did this psychosomatically

I'm pretty sure this is all just my body's reaction

So originally I had to ask my mother if she would take me out to the place to get vaccinated because you know her car is newer and reliable and also I just haven't driven much for a long time and I was nervous about it

And I had asked her before I scheduled the appointment so that I would be sure that if she was going to do it that it was on a day that would be convenient for her and she said yeah no problem I'll be happy to

Then she scheduled her appointment for Thursday and I was like oh okay well if she has a problem then I don't have a ride

And to be honest with you I was a little bit upset because it just felt like the continuation of a pattern you know so then I was like okay well I have to drive myself so that's why I took the car to get it checked over and whatever I also looked into renting a car even though I really did not want to do that but I just examined it to see if it was a possibility cuz you know I was thinking well maybe you know she'll probably be fine and maybe I could just reserve a car and then if she turns out not to be okay I have a car and if she turns out to be okay maybe I can cancel it or whatever but there were no cars available so I was thinking I was going to be driving myself

But she turned out to be okay and so she drove me out there

And I don't know if you've already been vaccinated or if you have yet to be vaccinated so I don't know how much of this story will be interesting or new information

But here they're doing it drive-thru at stadiums and things mostly I think they have some places where you go in but they're largely doing them and I guess they were doing testing this way too

so I had a QR code I had to bring for them to scan to check me in and so you go up and they scan your QR code and they ask you questions and then they say okay follow the you know they have it like combed off or roped off or a combination of the two and you drive around and then somebody else gets your information and gives you a card and tells you you know bring the card with you when you come for your second shot and they're going to contact you closer to time about scheduling it and I got Moderna so it's going to be 28 days before I can get my second shot

So then you drive around and get into another line and they're really weren't that many people there and I went early because word on the street was that if you go early it's not a problem and I just wanted to kind of get it over with but also my mother is like okay well it's you know 30 miles away so it'll take us 30 minutes to get there and I'm like no no no this is right out by where I used to work when I worked at the Baybrook store and the only time it ever took 35 minutes to drive out there was if I went at like 5:30 in the morning when there was no traffic otherwise God knows how long it's going to take you to get out there

So when we were going down San Felipe and we were going to turn to get on to 6:10 on the feeder there was like a parking lot and on the freeway you could see was also a parking lot so we ended up getting stuck in the parking lot on the feeder and I'm like I don't think we should get on the freeway there so we detoured and we went on surface streets down to another point of entry that was passed several exchanges and so by the time we got onto the freeway it was 40 minutes after we left my house so her 30-minute thing just would not have worked

And initially my appointment was at 2:00 and so she's like okay I'll pick you up at noon and I'm like no I'm not agreeing to noon because noon might mean one because she's really bad about being on time and I'm like you know please pick me up at 11:00 and you know if we get there early then it's not a problem I can go ahead and get my shot early and then we can be done but if we're you know running with just enough time and then I am stressed out about it that's going to be really really unpleasant for me and I imagine if I got there late it wouldn't have been a problem either but you know who could say right so she's like okay and I thought you know that if she said she was going to be there at 11:00 she'd probably get there at 11:45 cuz she's sort of like clockwork she leaves her house 15 minutes after she's supposed to be wherever she is but you know in what I took to be a sign that she really loves me she got there at 11:10 which is remarkable absolutely remarkable

So then after we got on to the freeway there was you know some traffic but it wasn't terrible and so we got there about 12:30 I think maybe a little later than that and when I went when we went through the line we pulled up and everybody was so nice really really nice and the ladies like which arm do you want to get your shot in and I'm like my left arm and you know I had my I was wearing a tank top and I had my jacket pulled down so my arm was you know exposed and I'm like do you want me to open the door or you want me to get out or anything and she's like no I can get you right here and I really didn't think she was going to be able to because my mom has an SUV and it's kind of high up but she reached me just fine and she put the needle in

and it's been a while since I've had a shot to be honest with you but I seem to recall every shot I've ever had kind of hurting or at least you know pinching right but this was more like an acupuncture needle it was really small really well not small but really thin and she just you know I relaxed my arm and she just stuck it into my shoulder and well not my shoulder my what do you call that My deltoid it's my deltoid no I don't know The arm part below the shoulder where people traditionally get those you know tattoos

And then she scanned my QR code again and then I had to go wait in the waiting parking lot you know and they're like you know time yourself and wait 15 minutes and then you're good to go and there's like you know a person in the parking lot so if you have any kind of a problem I guess you'd have help but I don't know it's kind of iffy but I didn't have a problem and when I finished getting my shot and we got to the parking lot it was five minutes to one and so I had to wait until 10 after 1:00 and then we left and came back to my house and we didn't stop anywhere on the way and we got back to my house at 10 minutes after 2:00 so I really don't know what the hell she's talking about with her 30 minutes thing but she's she's really bad at gauging how long anything is going to take she basically uses some sort of magic time

So the whole thing from start to finish was 3 hours and I was actually home by 10 minutes after the time I was supposed to have my appointment and I got an email and a text some point on the way home saying you know you got a covered vaccine and will contact you closer to time to schedule your second dose appointment and if you have any problems or complications or anything call this number

And within a few hours well actually no I guess by the time I got home my arm didn't hurt injection site didn't hurt but I had this awareness of my arm you know that I don't normally have I mean normally when you're walking around or sitting down or doing whatever you're doing or I don't know about you but I normally don't have any particular awareness of any of my body parts they're just you know they're doing whatever they're doing if I'm walking I might have an awareness of a bunch of my body parts if I was exercising or dancing or you know whatever I might but if I'm just like hanging out I'm not normally noticing my arms specifically so it didn't hurt but it was noticeable

And then after a while you know when I went into the kitchen I was aware that the space felt different like you know there was a little just like a little sousciont of tunnel vision

And my general perceptions of the world were different like if you had taken ecstasy for example you might be focused in on some particular thing and it's color or texture or whatever or you might be focused kind of out like one with universe or something and colors tend to be brighter and things like that or at least that's been my experience although it's not recent experience so I don't remember every little bit of it but that was my immediate impression was it was kind of like the opposite of ecstasy so like rather than being focused in or out it was this kind of tonally linear focus and rather than things being extra bright or extra beautiful things were kind of just dulled down and you know didn't have an edge

And I was like not dizzy but my equilibrium was like just not quite aligned so that I was like maybe I just want to be a little more careful or whatever you know My head hurt and my muscles were not fatigued but just kind of maybe more relaxed a little heavy

And then I was sitting down and well no I guess when it started I wasn't sitting down I had this cramp in my thigh not like a full-on cramp not like a charley horse or something like that it was more like short muscle twitch cramping from when you work out really hard but like real localized and it was weird and not like the way I usually experience cramping if I get cramps of any kind and I thought well you know that's strange but maybe I was you know maybe I was pushing something against my leg or ran into something and just forgot or whatever you know so I didn't initially associate it although it was a sensation that I hadn't really ever had and quite that way before I was like well but then I got one in my bicep on the same arm as the shot and then I got one in my calf and then I got one in my I don't know what you call the muscle in the lower part of my arm and you know I just was like moving around this kind of weird localized short muscle twitching

And I just feel kind of weird weird is the best way to describe it I don't feel sick I don't feel bad I just feel weird and my arm was a little stiff I could raise it but it didn't feel good now my arm I wouldn't say the injection site hurts

But the muscle is kind of tight and the whole arm is kind of like it's like maybe stiff a little it's it's got a little bit of you know if you work out too hard and your muscle kind of hurts and it's kind of heavy it's kind of like that but there's like a little bit of you know if I move it around there's a little bit of pain at the injection site so it may hurt more tomorrow I don't know or it may just be like this

I took some ibuprofen though maybe as a little bit of prophylactic for the arm but mostly because I've got a headache but I mean a headache is like my body's fall back position

I feel like I must have told you this

but maybe I didn't or maybe you don't remember I don't know so I'll tell you again

But when I was a kid I had headaches all the time I mean I don't know exactly when they started for sure by the time I was in like say third grade I had headaches a lot and I was probably 14 before I realized that that was not a normal thing that like most people didn't have headaches all the time

Oh yeah and I forgot something I also had this weird like sensation on the back of my right leg like it really felt like you know those big I think they're called mayflies they're like they got long spindly legs and then they're kind of like a light bug like colored bug and it's got little wings maybe it's not called a mayfly maybe it's called a mosquito hawk I don't know do you know what I'm talking about

well it felt like I had one of those on the back of my leg and I went to brush it off and there was nothing there and it just kept coming back just on the back of my right calf and I'm itchy not all over just my legs from my knees to my ankles and then the area around my collarbone and my upper shoulders

and I might have dry skin I'm pretty sure I do have dry skin but you know it's not limited to those areas

But I was really shocked the shot I mean I could feel it it's not like oh I don't think they gave it to me I could feel or put it in my arm but it just didn't hurt it just didn't hurt at all it just like I said it felt like a acupuncture needle going in

Anyway I'm pretty tired now

I haven't gotten more than like four hours of sleep for several days in a row

I hope you're doing all right

Sleep well sweetheart

I love you very much 💋

First Dose Acquired!

Well I'm going to leave soon to drive out there it really shouldn't take me more than an hour but I have to allow extra time because I don't know what traffic might be like and I don't know if there's a possibility of me getting lost

I mean there's always a possibility of my getting lost

I didn't eat anything I'm nervous

I'm not exactly sure why I'm nervous

I have had coffee though

Gwyneth paltrow doesn't have anything to do with anything just thought that was a really funny video

So wish me luck

I feel pretty confident

It's all going to be okay

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

So my mom got her shot yesterday

Johnson & Johnson so that's just one shot so she's done

But she didn't get a lot of sleep the night before because she was very worried and stressed about it so she didn't want to go to the studio today and I am doing some other stuff as well so I won't be finishing that one today but I'm thinking about what I want to do to it I'm trying to decide if I want to have it hanging down like it is now and like I originally pictured it or if I want to put behind the whole thing kind of a watery colorful backdrop

And then of course I've got a glue it down because the only thing that's glued is that cardboard packing material piece on the back

But I am liking it and I have another backing for the next project which I think is going to be flowers or some sort of field but kind of abstracted

I took my car in yesterday to get an oil change and to have them check all the belts and hoses and all that kind of stuff and they did that and they said it all good but I needed a new air filter and they didn't have one so they had to order it and I'm going in today to have them replace that

When I weighed myself yesterday morning I had not lost any additional weight from that third day so if I do that egg diet thing again I'm probably not going to do 3 days I'm probably only going to do 2 days

And subsequently I think that probably the keto diet is not going to be the answer to all of my problems which is honestly kind of a relief

But what I'm going to do is continue to do low carbs for you know at least a week or two and see if that makes any substantial difference

However not quite as low as 20 g a day because The soy milk really does make a difference and the articles that I read said that they've done studies and the people in the studies could stay in ketosis with as high as 50 g of carbs but those were people who were normal not people who were insulin intolerant and blah blah

But I'm assuming that if my body was extremely sensitive to that keto and that was what it was wanting to do it would have continued to lose at least a little weight on the third day since my body and like said oh this is what we're doing now and like adjusted so that I wouldn't lose any more weight makes me think that that probably isn't the answer and therefore if I do low carbs but just maybe 25 or 30 instead of 20 probably it'll still have some impact because normally I'm way way higher than that I mean I haven't really counted my carbs so I can't tell you how many but I mean oatmeal is extremely high in carbs and so is Malta meal and so is toast and I mean all those things

So I think if I let myself have the soy milk and it goes up to you know 25 then I think I'm probably still fine

But I did pick up some edamame so I could make edamame hummus frozen frozen and a mommy

Edamame

See my problem with this voice thing is that I run my words together and I have attenuated vowels and so it just guesses so edamame becomes edamame oh now when I say and a mommy it says edamame

My phone is so cute

I'm going to bed now

I love you very much

Sleep well sweetheart 💋

_16

The yogurt and the cottage cheese are not going to be good choices The carbs are too high for the quantities you would want to have to be both filling and getting you enough protein and they're low enough in calories You can eat a bunch you know if you eat like half a container it's not a big deal You're still way under the calories you would be having for that meal but it's not the same thing for carbs it's about 6 carbs for half a cup which is a pretty small amount of either of those things Plus there's milk sugars

And granola oh my god granola is right out

Which isn't surprising but when I thought of yogurt then I thought of granola

We'll see

Anyway I really need to go to sleep and I just don't feel like going to sleep

I don't feel tired

Well maybe I feel a little bit tired but I don't feel sleepy

But now I'm at about 4 hours so I really need to go to sleep

Why am I so badly behaved

Well I'm going to bed

I had an omelette with really really nice cheddar cheese but just a little bit

For breakfast or really brunch lunch whatever the thing I eat when I got up

And then I had a mushroom and goat cheese omelette for dinner

I not believe that I have ever in my life had two omelettes in one day

to be honest with you I don't even think I've had two omelettes in one week maybe maybe

So I've been looking it up and all the things that from my perspective my body really likes and does really well on are things you can't eat on a ketogenic diet

Can't eat oatmeal

Can't eat brown rice

Can't eat peas

Can't eat wheat toast

Now in fairness you can eat tuna

You can eat all kinds of fish

It looks like you can eat cottage cheese although I'll have to check on whether non-fat cottage cheese is okay because that's the kind I like so probably it's not allowed for some reason

It looks like Greek yogurt might be allowed

And of course you know lettuce is fine

I think cruciferous vegetables are okay I think greens are okay no I don't know if they are okay in the quantities that I usually eat them

Because I'm seeing these numbers on charts but I'm not sure what quantities you know I mean a lot of times people will list vegetables in half cup serving sizes

And while I don't have a problem with your reducing my sizes on meat

I do have a problem with your reducing my serving sizes on vegetables

But it occurs to me that if this works and I go into ketosis which I sort of think I did cuz my stomach got really upset a couple hours after dinner

And the whole experience seemed very like my system had shifted somehow and was trying to adjust but it may not be all the way adjusted but it occurred to me that if I go through this 3 days of eggs and I've switched to ketosis I really ought to try to limit my carbs for some period of time afterwards so that I can maximize the effort and see if it works

I mean

I had this experience with the cat

When I first got him I was feeding him cat food and I was feeding him treats and he was getting fat he was not quite all the way to you know giant but he was you know overweight for sure

And then when I switched him to the limited ingredient food because we had to get him off that protein he very quickly like within a few days maybe even within a day I don't know cats have very fast metabolisms but there was like this shift in him that was like I can't remember exactly what the signs were but I had this very real sense that his body hadn't been able to process the food I had been giving him properly and somehow he was able to actually make energy out of this food and so all of a sudden there was like a change in him and his weight just started coming down

Now you know he's not eating a small amount of food he eats about four of those 3 oz cans a day

Which is maybe more food than technically he needs and sometimes he inches it up a little more than

But like if you're just going by the quantity of food that might be more than he needs but this fish and potato food is pretty low calorie so I don't think the four cans of food is out of line in any way but it's not like he's on super low calorie diet because even though the food is low calorie he's eating more of it to compensate and he's remained at his current weight for I don't know two or three years

When he had all his sickness he did lose some weight and so he had to gain that back so it probably hasn't been 3 years cuz I don't think it's been 3 years since he got sick I don't really remember yeah maybe it has but he's remained at his current weight for at least 2 years

So I mean it's possible

That I'm wrong about what I need to eat

And what my body likes to eat

But I don't know

Whenever people are talking about keto

They seem to make it seem like it's a very meat-centric diet and although I'm eating meat now I'm not really thinking of my diet as meat-centric

when I told my mother what I was doing she was like oh my God if you just eat eggs for 3 days your cholesterol will go through the roof and you'll have a heart attack

But you know I don't think that's right

I mean it seems to be very uncertain like experts completely disagree on eggs and cholesterol

And I don't think it's possible for you to build up cholesterol permanently in your system over such a short period as 3 days

But the thing I would want to do to counteract it is eat oatmeal

But I want to kind of do this for long enough to see if it actually works

And I think when I weighed myself last

well I know I wasn't wearing my glasses but I think I may have read the scale wrong based on not being able to see so I think the number was not 14 but 19

So that's kind of disappointing

I didn't weigh myself in the morning yesterday before I started so I weighed myself in the evening after I had eaten all the food for the day and it was like 23.8

So either I had gained back some weight which is totally possible

Or it's pretty common for me to be heavier at the end of the day than it is at the beginning of the day

but then when I got up today I did weigh myself and it was 19.4 and then after I consumed all the food I was going to eat for the day I weighed myself again and it was still 19.4 so I don't know we'll see what it is tomorrow

But we're not going to have a completely accurate accounting of how much weight I've lost

But we've got a whole another day

and the fact that some people lose 9 to 15 lb doesn't necessarily mean that everybody will lose 9 to 15 lb

But I will say that if on Thursday morning I'm 19.4 then I think it's unlikely that I'm we highly motivated to do more egg diet

But if I lose you know around 10 lb

Or something convincingly close to it then I'll explore the keto thing more

But the soy milk helps my hormones

So we're going to have to work the carbs around that and that's like nine carbs so that's going to leave me like 11 carbs for the rest of the day which is not going to be a lot so I might have to get creative

Today I didn't have black coffee today I had the pu ehr tea with shilajit

Which I really like and was very happy to drink

Maybe I could look into edamame

I'm sure they have carbs as well but their net carb level would be lower

I don't especially enjoy edamame

But I could make an edamame hummus

It's pretty tasty

And I guess I could eat it with celery or romaine lettuce maybe make it a salad dressing or maybe have it with cantina that might not be bad that would be a lot of protein then That's a possibility

Anyway

I love you very much

Sleep well sweetheart 💋

Well I got to say so far

I'm not a big fan of the egg diet

I missed my soy milk coffee

I missed having toast or oatmeal or banana walnut oatmeal bar

I know this diet is based on carbs in the carbs we're very low The cheese has a little bit of carbs and I put some mushrooms in the omelette at dinner because I just wanted something that was different

So I know this was very low in carbs but I feel like it was higher in calories

Although maybe not cuz eggs really aren't all that high in calories

I don't know it was fine

I just wanted all the carbs

and plus I feel like I've had a month supply of eggs already and I don't want eggs tomorrow

I'm just being really difficult

I like exit was not a hardship to eat eggs but it was just too many eggs

The cheese was really good though I hope I can find that cheese again a lot of times when you get Gouda in the US it's a processed cheese

And even if it smoked and fancy and whatever is just not that great

And to be honest with you I'm not really sure that it was a true gouda it had a lot more of a cheddary flavor to me but well not cheddary but sharp it was really good and I would love to have right now a coffee with soy milk in it and some of that nice cheese on some crackers but that's not going to be happening

Sometimes I wish I was not so difficult

Anyway

It's about that time I need to be going to bed

Good night sweetheart I love you very much sleep well 💋

Black coffee

Brewed in a drip coffee brewer

Is fine

It's not the best

It's not delicious

That's not what I would prefer to have

But it is completely drinkable

ceviche

Okay so I got to go to sleep

And I start my egg diet thing tomorrow

I'm all set up for it I've got all the eggs in the butter and the cheese and whatever

But I just had a realization

I'm not going to be able to have soy milk with my coffee which means I will either need to drink the coffee black which I do not typically do I mean no I I don't drink black coffee unless it's coffee I just made in a French press and then it's got all the oils and whatever and then I'm only probably having a small cup of it

If I'm drinking like a big cup of coffee and I've been lately taking the coffee with me to the studio just like I used to take coffee with me to work and then drinking it as it cools well I mean by the time I'm leaving it's already pretty cool usually and then I'm just drinking it cold well I'm not going to drink black coffee cold I have had coffee without cream in it before I occasionally go through a phase where that's what I want but I usually have to add a lot of sugar to it

and yeah yeah I know if you like coffee you shouldn't have to add anything to it but that's just not true I love coffee

But I only enjoy it black under certain circumstances

And yeah I could make French press coffee I have a French press have coffee have a grinder I could do that but I don't think I'm going to

And if I drink the coffee with soy milk in it that defeats the whole purpose and I may as well not do the egg diet

So I think what that probably means is then in addition to just eating eggs and butter and cheese for 3 days and also going to be drinking tea with probably some Shilajit in it to make it a little more bitter and to add extra minerals and stuff

If I make a pu ehr tea

Which I still have some of

and I put the Shilajit in it

Then what I come up with is very similar in flavor profile to coffee but I can drink it without any cream or anything in it but it has a lot less caffeine

And then I don't get the health benefits of the soy milk I'm very surprised that I didn't think about that before

Like not ever having planned through this is a major slipping

I'll check the carbs but the amount that I use I'm sure has more carbs and if I don't use the right amount then it's not going to be worth doing

Anyway whatever that's very weird

I hope it was clear from what I said before that the reason I was crying was from like a welling up of emotion from the idea that I wasn't going to die from covid maybe

and not that I was like scared or freaked out about getting the shot because I'm not

I'm like overwhelmed with a sense of relief

And I think that was clear but sometimes I'm not sure how much sense I make to other people and when it occurs to me that there's another way that what I said could be taken I tend to want to check in

actually I do spend a fair amount of time trying to think of all the different ways that things I say could be taken but I can't always think of all the different ways things could be taken by other people

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed enough with my own perspective that I don't see that there's another way I could go

And I do tend to look upon that as a failure on my part although I have come to realize that that isn't the way that most people seem to operate at all and I try not to hold other people accountable for that same level of whatever you call that freakiness

and I don't I don't hold other people to that same level of freakiness but I do occasionally have a hard time believing the degree to which other people do not seem to be able to see anything but their own perspective like at all

Like my mom

She trips me out

And I don't think I told you this

But she had apparently applied

See initially she was called to get vaccinated and I think that that was because she had been released from the hospital not that long before it was I guess a few months before but I think the reason she was contacted was because she had been released from the hospital and she had had you know heart condition and she was old but generally I don't think they just had a list of all the old people and they were calling them set up appointments so when she canceled that appointment she hasn't subsequently been contacted

and Vicki's been trying to explain to her that they aren't just going to get vaccines at her doctor but she's been very resistant to accepting that fact

And she hasn't wanted to get vaccinated

but for some reason that I haven't been able to figure out what it is maybe it's because she's seeing all these other people get vaccinated and not have a problem maybe because it's because it's been long enough I don't know

But apparently Thursday she went on the website and signed up to get on the waiting list and I'm not sure if it was the county or the city she tried to do both and she could only make one work or something and who even knows if she did it right I don't know

but apparently she had signed up on Thursday and I got my email and text on Friday saying to contact them or to go to follow the link whatever to to set my appointment which I did

but I didn't do it instantly while I was at the studio because I wanted to look up where the places were and it was just kind of hard to do that on my phone because you know switching back and forth between the email and the Google and whatever I mean I could have done it if it was like super critical but it would have been the pain in the ass to do on my phone so I just thought since you know I was pretty close to going home anyway I would just do it once I got home because I didn't want to just sign up saying oh yeah I'll go to XYZ place that I had no idea where it was you know and then be stuck going to some crazy place and they were only three options

One was out in Cypress which is about 25 mi away and is somewhere roughly over by where I used to drive for work for the Copperfield store

One was out in I can't remember now wimberly Waller some small town that's like 50 miles away so you know that's too too far

And then the third one was out like I said by NASA

And I would have gone for the one in Cypress just because it's a little bit closer maybe but by the time I did that they did not have any more openings

so then it became apparent that there was only really one option and they had multiple days that I could pick and I decided that Saturday would be a more convenient day to be driving

But my point of this was my mother signed up on Thursday and she was really miffed that they contacted me before her but I had signed up on like Sunday or Monday I think it was Monday pretty early in the day like you know 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning maybe it was as late as 9:30 or something but it wasn't you know like in the afternoon it was in the morning

and you know I didn't expect to be contacted for weeks and weeks or maybe months right I mean I didn't know but I figured you know if you don't sign up you're not going to get contacted and so I went ahead and signed up but I never expected that in less than a week I would have an appointment and that it would be for just like another week you know so like sign up and within 2 weeks you've got your first shot I mean I did not anticipate that

and I'm not saying although I set it up this way but I'm not saying that that's an example of how she can't see other people's perspective but

It just kind of illustrates something about her perspective and how she sees the world I mean it's like she didn't want one she had an appointment she canceled it she didn't sign up on the wait list but now when she signs up on the wait list she's supposed to get like a 24-hour turnaround just doesn't seem like a very realistic view of the world to me

and when she was going to cancel it I'm like are you sure you really want to do that because you know where they going to give you another option and she's like well of course they will and I'm like okay well but still

but if she doesn't get any kind of a response back soon I may need to go through it with her and just make sure she did it right because from her description I'm not 100% sure that she did she hadn't gotten any kind of a confirmation email that she had signed up which if she just signed up with the city she wouldn't get cuz they didn't send one

At least they didn't send me one

But the county

I got to say the county has seemed as though it's more on top of all this stuff than the city has been

I mean Lena Hidalgo has sent me emergency messages on my phone

which normally is just child abduction I mean I get child abduction warnings on my phone all the time you know child abduction white van child abduction blue pickup child abduction you know whatever and if a child was abducted in San Antonio or Dallas and all I know is that it's a white van or a blue truck I mean even if they drove through Houston what's the likelihood that I would know you know I mean I just don't understand why they send me those notifications

Do other states do that

Do you get child abduction notifications that set off loud alarms on your phone that wake you up in the middle of the night if you don't turn down the sound on your phone

I don't know but she sent out alerts on my phone saying you know covered is super high stay home whatever where I'm ask you know multiple times

And I didn't need those notifications but somehow made me feel better that I got them

and now I don't really want to drive out to Webster but especially since there's a city vaccination site that's at the NRG stadium which is apparently on the property of the Astrodome which isn't called the Astrodome anymore it's called like reliance stadium but that's not the same thing as NRG stadium because they built a new stadium for the football team and the reliance stadium is just for the rodeo or something I don't really understand so probably that isn't really that exciting but it's a lot closer to me and the city is doing drive-thru vaccinations there

And then supposedly HEB and CVS is going to start doing them imminently

All of that would be more convenient than driving to Webster

But at the same time it's like I feel as though I'm almost happier to be doing that because it's through the county and I have more faith in her than I have in anybody else in the state

I mean I still like the mayor I'm not trying to dis on the mayor but Lena Hidalgo is just more on top of things

And it's really funny because she was elected in the blue wave in 2018 that was partially because people were really unhappy about Trump but then it was also partially like that Beto got people all kind of riled up

And so a lot of people voted straight democratic ticket

which is not legal anymore did you know that in Texas they've made that illegal You can't vote straight ticket I couldn't vote straight ticket in the last election I had to go through and punch every single Democrat well okay you don't punch him anymore it's a dial and button but I still think of it as punching

but for that election a lot of people voted straight party ticket and that's I think largely how she got elected because whoever was in that position before was pretty popular and had been it for a really long time and I believe that that person and there was like one judge she was a kind of a liberal Republican judge or something that people were saying oh it was really a shame that all this straight party voting had ended there impressive careers I can't remember the name of the maybe it was just that one cuz that is a judge position so maybe it was just him

But whatever

I hope that you're doing well

and you haven't mentioned anything about being vaccinated so I assume you haven't been yet

But hopefully you will be soon

And I'm not sure that being vaccinated makes us you know 100% free and clear to do whatever we want I think we still have to wear masks and we still have to be careful

And there are variants and blah blah I know

But I think after I've gotten all my vaccinations and it's been long enough that everything has taken effect I think I might go to a restaurant

Not like oh I'm going to resume all of my regular behaviors and whatever but I think I might just go out to eat once

Maybe not

But I really really really

If it's safe

I really miss it

It's been a full year I mean the last time I went to a restaurant was the day before St Patrick's Day of 2020 I think they were going to shut everything down and I went to Beck's which is my little local neighborhood restaurant

and I mean previously I had had a Mexican restaurant that I went to pretty regularly as my little local restaurant but the it was a chain it wasn't like a little mom and pop thing it was a chain too The this area where I live it doesn't have a lot of little mom and pop places it's mostly chains unfortunately

But there was a Mexican restaurant that I would go to pretty frequently and they had I guess maybe their business had dropped off or something and in their restaurant group they had another Mexican restaurant that was supposed to be like a more seafood oriented restaurant which sounds like it would be more popular but I went there and their menu was just really strange

I mean there's a restaurant I used to go to years ago it's been closed for a while it was called I think it was called jalapeños and it was like coastal Mexican restaurant and it had I mean a lot of fish it was mostly fish and it wasn't I mean it wasn't Yucatan where everything's all cooked in leaves and whatever and I'm not even sure that it was like a specifically regional Mexican food exactly I mean I'm not certain that it was like oh this is Mexican food from you know it might have been kind of like we're just taking recipes that we like from various different coastal regions I don't know and it might not have even been all that authentic but it was really good and they had a brunch that they would do on Sundays and I used to love to go to brunch I haven't been to branch in I mean years I think

But I used to go to brunch at that place and they had they had really good seafood really fresh they would do a oh my god maybe I am getting senile I can't think of what it's called

It's a bunch of raw seafood in basically an acid you know like tomato and lime

That's really worrying me that I can't think what that's called

Any whatever anyway whatever it'll come to me and they would have these really good spinach enchiladas with the creamy sauce and other stuff which sadly I can't remember specifically That's just terrible but it did vary it wasn't the same thing all the time and it has been probably 15 years since I've been there maybe more

and then pappadeaux is used to do a nice brunch

Oh and there was this place called Los alamidos

That was in I mean since spring branch but by memorial not far into spring Branch it was very easy to get to so it was right on the feeder but it was actually a really old really beautiful building where the really high ceilings and I kind of looked out over this wooded area it was really really nice and they had this amazing cream of poblano soup and I don't remember what else they had but it was really good

And then for a while there wasn't any place I mean I'm sure there were places that had brunches and I tried a few of them but you know they weren't they were really that good or they would be places that would be just too far away or inconvenient or you know they had a brunch menu but it wasn't a brunch buffet and what I like about brunch is you go and you get like a little bit of this and a little bit of that and a little bit of this other thing and you try a bunch of things from that restaurant and then you learn things that you like from there but also you know you get to try a bunch of things and when you go to a place that has a brunch menu you don't get that

You can order stuff and it's probably good stuff but I mean it's essentially just you know fancy breakfast or something

And the last however long 10 years I guess I haven't gone to brunch a lot but there's that Texas place they are always very crowded and also I guess you know when I wasn't eating meat then that kind of limited the places that would make sense to go for brunch anyway because a place that's like going to be based off of meat well you know you're not really going to get enough menu items to make it really work the way I need brunch to work for me you know

so that place was brunch and it was good and it had you know really nice oatmeal and it had those really nice sticky buns and it had like an omelette bar and whatever so there was plenty of things to get but it's still just kind of like fancy breakfast so you know that's not something I was going to do a whole lot

I don't know

not saying I want everything to go back the way it was before the pandemic

And I really don't think that we're going to be in a situation where we can ever really go back

I suspect covid is going to become like the flu

Not because it will be no big deal but because in the same way that you can get the flu every year you can get covid every year

and they'll be new strains they need to vaccinate you for and blah blah blah but since it's so much more deadly than the flu I suspect that mask wearing and social distancing are going to become much more common traits

it was reported the other day that there was an active shooter at the galleria but it turned out that that wasn't exactly what happened there wasn't an active shooter there was some sort of a fight but I'm not certain that there was a gun involved but people thought there was a gun involved and they showed video and there were a f*** ton of people shopping in the mall like young people those people have an all been vaccinated none of those people have been vaccinated

And the store that was being videoed the girl who was working there she was like kicking everybody out I mean like she thought there was a dangerous situation so she was making everybody leave the store

which might even be their security policy I mean like if there's a problem making everybody leave certainly decreases the likelihood that you'll be robbed or that something bad will happen in the store but I mean if you're shopping in the store and all of a sudden they're kicking you out into the area where there's something going on that may be dangerous that seems kind of s***** but there were a bunch of people in this tiny little store and none of them were wearing masks none of them and now I saw some kind of thing that for spring break they've had to put in some kind of curfew in Florida and it's just like it's not over

That guy that I worked with that follows me on Instagram he's posted several things about going to comedy shows it's like well I doubt those are socially distanced maybe they're all wearing masks but I just don't know

I'm a little concerned

That people may be acting like it's all over when it is not all over

And they're talking about sending kids back to school which okay you know I get it

but I don't believe that they're doing any upgrading to the air filtration systems and now they're saying oh yeah they only need to be 3 ft apart if they're kids

And I mean I know that Biden wants all the teachers to be vaccinated and that's great and I know that we're assuming that all the grandmas and grandpas have been vaccinated now I don't know that that's accurate but we're assuming that

But it's like you know these are the same schools American schools that you know basically thought it was totally acceptable for there to be one or two school shootings a month in the country

like that's just not something that we should concern ourselves with it's too much trouble nothing we could do

Now I'm not specifically talking about Texas in that case I'm talking about the whole country

But you know if before the pandemic there wasn't really a whole lot of effort made to keep kids safe why should we now assume that they're going to be safe when we'll be back to the whole school shooting situation and also pandemic

So like if your kid makes it home from school you hope they don't give you the covid

Plus I know that they're saying oh well kids don't get it so bad and they're less likely to have serious case but I'm just not so sure about I mean I think that is probably true that they're less likely at least that seems to be true

But I know earlier on in the pandemic I heard a study or wasn't like a lab study double blind or whatever but it was a like a report that had been done about the medical condition of kids that had had covid

And a large percentage of them had ground glass scarification in their lungs or you know one of several other things that seem to me like they were likely to cause a long-term degradation in their health even though they hadn't had like a crisis they hadn't had to be intubated I didn't think that it seemed like it was a fair assessment of the situation to say that they were fine

Now not everything that I read during that period of time has seemed to continue to be true you know I mean there's been a lot of information and some of it's been of questionable truth

Or hasn't panned out necessarily

But I'm just very very dubious about the whole let's just send all the kids back to school before we've got this completely under control I mean I don't understand I mean okay I guess what they are thinking is that you have to have both parents working You can't have one person staying home with the kids and one person working that isn't enough to keep everybody going You've got to get everybody back in the workforce you've got to get the economy moving whatever

But that sounds an awful lot like what Trump was saying to me am I wrong about that

I mean maybe we're going to have everybody vaccinated before the fall maybe everything will be fine

and I'm sure that some states will do a better job than others but since I live in a state where they've said open it all the f*** back up and even though 75% of Texans say they want masks then you see somebody filmed in a mall that's you know maybe not full of people but you know Fuller than it's been the last few times I went to the mall before the pandemic I mean people are stir crazy they want to go out they want to do things so you go to the mall that's just like baked into your DNA right you go to the mall

but then they show you footage and those people aren't wearing masks well you know

I just feel like a lot of people have pandemic fatigue and since everything is open back up they're all like it's just over and so they're going back to business as usual but it's still I mean I haven't looked it up recently but the last figure I saw said you know 17%, and that's not a low figure that's not the amount that we had said it was safe to be open you know

So I don't know I've blathered on a lot

I have no particular reason to think that you think any of this is particularly interesting

But I felt bad that I hadn't said anything and so then I got started talking and I guess maybe I wanted to talk

Even if it wasn't all that interesting you know

Are you going to send her to school in the fall

Are you going to feel safe doing that

I mean maybe I'm just extremely paranoid

Maybe it's perfectly safe

But I just don't feel like it is

I mean I'm not saying it's not important for kids to be in school I'm just saying I think they should be vaccinated first so that they don't run the risk of that big hot bed of illness that school usually is

Anyway I'm going to go to sleep now I've been talking for I don't know like an hour again

I love you very much sweetheart

Sleep well 💋

I'm going to sleep

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

I didn't even take melatonin

And I had a very hard time waking up

And you think I wouldn't because I had not very good dreams

I dreamed about my father

And Deborah

And I was sort of grown

But then I sort of wasn't

I'm not sure how to explain that but

They were three cars

And I was re-parking some of them

Cuz there was some kind of rule about how they had to be parked

So I must have at least been old enough to park cars

And my father was listening to some new musician who in the dream I think I had heard of but now I can't remember who it was and I don't remember if it was a real singer-songwriter or if it was somebody who was just in the dream

And I was talking to him and I was saying I hate her I hate her so much

And we were going on some kind of drive or trip or something

and he put this giant teddy bear in the back seat with me

But then there was something about bullfighting too and I don't think it was that same dream

And there was this guy who parachuted into a campground it was like a remote campground but he didn't exactly parachute he had this little tiny balloon but it wasn't like a regular balloon it was some kind of special like still thing

And then they started walking around and showing him all the

like Gilligan's Island type stuff they had set up at the camp site Thai shops and stuff

All made out of bamboo

It was a weird night

So I'm going to go to bed

The cat's very angry at me

I decided to celebrate that I am scheduled to get my first shot

So I ordered Pollo campero

they have fried chicken but they also have grilled chicken and their grilled chicken is so so good

It's so good that I looked up to see if they have it in your state

Because I was going to recommend to you that you should definitely order it

but it does not look like they have any in your state so I'm very sad for you

It's been here in Houston for like I don't know 15 years maybe

And it's another states too so maybe you have had it because you have been in other states in the last 15 years

Anyway that was the fanciness that I did for my big celebratory dinner

I hope that you are having a good day

And I hope that you sleep well

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

And I'll talk to you in the morning

 i have an appointment for my first shot vaccine

i have to drive to webster (nasa basically)

but

i fucking love lina hidalgo

and

anything she ever runs for

she has my vote (again)

i find i can't stop myself from crying

Okay well my cat is staging an intervention

So I guess I'm going to go to bed

After I feed him of course

I love you very much sweetheart

You sleep well

I'll talk to you in the morning 💋

So that's what it looks like on my wrist

No I do like an oversized watch

But I just think that's really nicely proportioned

The time wasn't right though because I needed to wind it

And I guess I kind of like things that are fiddly like that where it's like well you know it could just be the right time all the time but

No I have to wind it

But I can't overwined it

I guess I kind of like that

In a weird sort of way

I did not drive around today

and I was falling asleep in the chair already by like 7:00 or so

It's cooler again which I figured from the rain and the headache is no surprise

I'm probably going to go to sleep early tonight

Now I say that we'll see

I dreamed they were me and a bunch of women who were people I had known in the dream some of them seem based on people I've known in real life but they weren't those people

And you came through and were like

Basketball drills

We had to throw the ball to each other

We didn't have to dribble or shoot hoops but we just had to throw the ball back and forth to each other

And you explained that it would not be tolerated to be doing all kind of wacky s*** like letting it bounce or catching it way off to the side or things like that that indicated you were afraid of getting hit in the face with it

Because getting hit in the face with a basketball was no big deal and it didn't hurt that much it wasn't going to kill you like getting it in the face of the baseball and therefore just you know deal

and I was like I've been hitting the face the basketball and it hurts I think it broke my nose

No in fairness this really did happen when I was in ninth grade in PE they made us do these basketball trails where we had to stand in a particular place and we had to get the basketball through the basket and it was kind of humiliating because it was two teams and I couldn't do it and rather than you know after some reasonable amount of tries let the rest of my team have a chance to win I just had to keep trying and trying and trying until the whole relay was over and I was trying but I do not believe she had given us any instruction in how to shoot basketballs and I had never had the occasion to do it again and unlike many things where the first time I tried I'm reasonably proficient at it shooting basketballs was not one of those things

And probably in retrospect I should have been shooting it lightly you know the way you would go up over a note but I wasn't I was throwing it pretty hard and it hit the I don't remember now if it was the rim or the back thing on that particular throw because it did both of those things plenty of times but it came back down and it hit me just square on in my face and of course I was wearing glasses and I don't believe it would have done any real damage to me if it had just hit my face but it knocked my glasses sideways into the side of my nose really hard and I think it did break my nose a little it hurt a whole lot for a long time but you know my eyes weren't blacked out or anything so maybe not

Anyway

What strategy on the basketball team was to find somebody who was really good at throwing and get closer than I was supposed to be to them and we ended up doing a whole round of throws where we both caught it with no problem

And then we suddenly changed angle and distance and I missed

And there had been somebody come through who had been a coach of one of the other women and she had talked to me about something I can't remember now but it made a big impression on me in the dream

And there was one of the women who had taught everybody something about social media and so both of these women were gone for some reason and we were having some kind of a talk about the influence they had in our lives and I don't think they were dead or anything I think just moved on to something else

I suspect this was all brought on by a clip I saw at least two guys like playing ping pong with a ball with their heads

I just woke up got a headache very congested My eyes are itchy I just could not wake up before when my alarm went off

And I mean I reset it I had I usually set an alarm for 30 minutes before I want to get up and then I set an alarm for when I want to get up and I slept through or changed both of those and I snoozed through the last one until the point at which it didn't give me a snooze option anymore and then I turned it off

I hope you're doing okay

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

I fell asleep in the chair again

I decided I wanted a watch

I know it's not a popular thing everybody uses their phone but my phone is usually either in my purse or it's sitting nearby when I'm painting or doing stuff in the studio I'm moving around and it just decided I would like to have a watch

And I have watches

But none of them have a working battery

And you can take a watch into a jeweler and they can replace the battery for you

You could probably even order a watch battery

But are there different watch batteries

I don't know

And I don't want to go to a jeweler I'm like not really leaving the house hardly

So I was like you know what I really want is just a wind-up watch

Like super old school

So I went on eBay and I found this old watch and there are lots of them okay but this the guy I got it from he buys old watches and I think he tinkers with them cleans them up and does stuff to him and I just really liked this one I thought it was really really pretty had a nice texture

It's a men's watch I'm certain but it's a small man's watch so it works well on my wrist it doesn't look oversize although I like oversized watches but it it just it's a good proportion

And I would have taken a picture to show you but arm hair

The band that's on it is not the band that was originally on it he only had one band apparently just laying around that fit it and so he cleaned that up real nice and I thought well I don't know if I like that band

But in fact I do I like it pretty well

However it had been like closed down to the smallest size you could possibly set it to and it was too tight for me and I was like what the f*** am I going to do

And I was looking at it and I was thinking you know I I can kind of see how either just but I was like missing a step somewhere I thought I needed to like compress the little pins on both sides somehow and I couldn't figure out how to do that

And I went on YouTube and you know looked up how do you adjust a stainless steel watch band

and it turns out they're a bunch of different kinds

So I just looked for something that had the little pins like this one has

and I didn't even have to watch the whole tutorial because as soon as they showed how to how to do it the start of it I was like okay that was the part I didn't get you don't have to do both sides just have to compress in one side and then it just slips right out so I adjusted it and it's you know I'm not going to lie I might like it to be a little bit looser because I kind of like my watches to slip around and this one doesn't slip around but it's not tight it fits just perfect

And it's kind of fiddly because it doesn't like to be overwound

but you know it's kind of hard to tell when you've overwound it so I think I did

so I was shaking and smacking it against my hand and I got it going again I really like it

I of course didn't go out and drink

I have beer I could have chilled assuming it's still even good

It might be skunky by now

I'm pretty sure I still have margarita mix I know I have tequila but I'm not sure about the status of mixer

I thought about doing that

But in the end I did not

It rained really hard earlier today

The last time I went out for St Patrick's Day was 10 years ago

This guy was working with his birthday was actually the day before St Patrick's Day but he was celebrating it on St Patrick's Day and it was at Rockefellers

And normally when people have birthdays or parties or get togethers or whatever I don't participate

But for some reason that time I did

but not very many of his friends showed up because I guess they had other stuff to do on St Patrick's Day

and I'm guessing maybe he thought well you know everybody's going to be out drinking on St Patrick's Day anyway if I have my birthday on Saint Patrick's Day well then you know they'll be wanting to go out and drink anyway and they'll just come drink with me but apparently that was not the case so I mean he did have a few friends who were like bar hopping who stopped by on their you know evening

But I ended up being there for a long time I don't remember exactly how long a long time is but longer than I had really meant to be there

But the fact that I was there for him on his birthday when so many of his other friends weren't and I had only known him for like less than 6 months

That made a big impression on him and then I had trouble

Because people never understand that I don't want to go out and party I don't want to go talk to them I don't want to do things because by the time I've worked all day I've had as much social interaction as I can deal with

And so then it was a constant oh come do this I'll come do that I'll come do this so come do that and I mean he was like engaged he wasn't like hitting on me or anything he just wanted to be my friend

It was very difficult to not go and not have it hurt his feelings

And then if you're going to go back to the time before that I don't even know when that would be

Maybe sometime in college

Maybe sometime in my mid-twenties

Probably not though because you know in general if I'm going to go out and drink

A night when everybody is out drinking getting drunk and driving around would be a night I would avoid

I do think I'm part Irish though

I think I'm more Scottish than Irish but I do think there's a little bit of Irish in there

Anyway

I think I'm going to go ahead and go to bed I'm tired I guess

I've been taking melatonin for a few days trying to I don't know get my sleep situation a little bit more sane and I was sleeping okay but it's having kind of a I don't know weird effect on me

Melatonin always affects me really strongly so like you know they have 25 mg and 15 mg and 9 mg pills and the 9 mg I would have to cut in half and it would still just knock me on my ass where it would make me sleep and sleep and have a hard time waking up but I found these pills that are dissolved under your tongue and they're 3 mg and you're supposed to take three of them because 9 mg is apparently the smallest dose that a normal human being can take

But I'm taking like one 3 mg and you know sleeping 7 and 1/2 hours and I'm yawning all day

I don't know I just feel weird

I think I'm going to drive my car tomorrow and I'm trying to decide where I should drive it I don't want to just drive it around like I've been doing because it hasn't led to any inspiration or adventures I feel like

I'm not giving myself an opportunity to have law of attraction bring me anything and that's not really true I mean probably I am but I'm not optimizing it and since I have to leave the house anyway and I have to drive around anyway I'm just trying to think I was thinking about going to the zoo because that's outside and so even though there are other people there it's maybe not as dangerous as something inside but in point of fact they are making reservations and social distancing and only allowing certain numbers of people in at a time and wasn't really sure what the weather was going to be like and apparently the day before is not early enough to schedule it because the earliest appointment was at 4:00 p.m. and I think that's too late to start the zoo

And I could go to the museum maybe maybe that would be safe but Thursday is the free day That's the museum so that's not going to be a good day and I think they're doing scheduled socially distanced entry as well I'm not sure

so I'm just not sure I'm having a hard time thinking of something

My cat is hungry so he's passive-aggressively chewing on things right now because I'm not moving fast enough

Tell you what he's a little handful

Anyway maybe something brilliant will occur to me

I thought I might do that egg diet and I have stuff coming from the imperfect produce

One dozen large eggs organic cage-free

One doesn't small eggs organic cage-free

Three cheeses a smoked gouda a farmhouse cheddar which I'm not exactly sure what that will entail I've had farmhouse cheese tends to be pretty mild so maybe it's a very mild cheddar I don't know it'll be interesting to see and a goat cheese some organic butter and these little sous vide egg bites they've got a little bit of spinach in them so kind of cheater

But my thinking was to do scrambled eggs in the morning and then like hard-boiled eggs and cheese for lunch and then maybe scrambled eggs again for dinner or maybe deviled eggs I like deviled eggs

But then I thought I'd try out the sous vide bites and see how those were those are precooked and in little I don't know what to call them blister packs maybe

They might be good for breakfast they might be good for lunches they might be good for dinners or they might not be good

I like eggs

I feel like I used to eat a lot more eggs when I was younger and that somehow I kind of got away from eating very many eggs

like currently I would say I have eggs less than once a week for sure

And the idea of that many eggs

And really I can't eat as many eggs as what you're supposed to eat to do that egg diet thing properly because you're supposed to work out your macros blah blah and I think I would be having like six eggs per meal maybe more than that

However then I saw another directions for how to do it that was like you have to eat at least six eggs a day well six eggs a day is doable and I can probably do more than that I just can't do like 18 eggs and a day That's that's crazy

And I don't know

That's just not a lot of fiber

I mean can I have mushrooms in the omelets can I have cheer tomatoes in the omelettes I don't think you're supposed to

I mean if I eat a good size bowl of oatmeal I might not need to eat again for the rest of the day

But eggs I'm not sure

And a completely animal-based with no vegetables but I guess you know for 3 days I can try and see what happens

I mean if I can lose 10 or 15 lb in 3 days

But then if you're not doing a keto after that I don't know whether it will be beneficial and I haven't really figured out how many carbs you can have on keto I did start looking at it

But of course I got varying answers and I want to say that the median answer was about 25 or 30 g and it seems to me like you could eat a pretty fair number of green vegetables and not go over 25 or 30 g as long as you didn't have any sugar or bread or any of that kind of stuff so I don't know I haven't decided yet but the egg thing was freaky enough that it intrigued me and eggs are not very expensive

And I mean cheese is not cheap but if you're not eating tons of it then it's not too bad

I'm a little miffed though because I ordered pomelos I love pomelos and the imperfect said they had pomelos and I'm like okay bring it on bring me four giant pomelos

and then when they sent me my confirmation today they're like oh there's some stuff that we couldn't send you so I'm not getting the pomelos and they did that to me once before I'm seriously I was going to skip the whole box but then I saw the pomelos and I'm like oh okay well do that egg thing so I'm getting an order so I can get the pomelos that was seriously my whole motivation otherwise I would have just gotten that stuff at the grocery store

Anyway

I hope that you're doing okay

I love you very much

Sleep well sweetheart 💋

Well I'm going to go to sleep now

In the spirit of trying to get enough sleep

I love you very much sweetheart

I'll talk to you in the morning

Sleep well 💋

I was going to go to the studio today

But when it was almost noon and I hadn't heard anything from her I called her

When I've gotten back from the vet my head started to hurt and it was getting worse and worse

And I was like you know hey if you're not coming I want to go lay down

And she's like I'm moving really slow today I have some things I need to do

Why don't we just skip it

on paraphrasing she didn't say why don't we just skip it she said something else like I don't really want to come pick you up anyway

So I went lay down and even though I had slept for like 7 and 1/2 hours or something I just slept for like another I don't know like 5 hours or something

And then I got up and then was like a whole Gen x thing and I really I don't know why but I love Gen x threats I love them it's like every time I feel like I found my people

I mean I don't feel any need to do anything with my people I mean like whatever you know

But it just makes me so happy to engage with Gen x thread

Anyway

I hope you're doing okay and then have them freaked you out in any way I feel as though I've had some very disconnected behaviors

Basically I love you

I'm not trying to fight

I'm not upset about anything

And I found maybe a podcast

It's an art review podcast

I haven't really listened to it yet so I don't know might suck but it seems promising

I found a new tarot deck then I'm kind of excited about

Are you signed up to get vaccinated

Not really sure what they're doing in your state

Anyway I'm on the wait list but I don't know how soon I can expect anything to happen

Both of the websites said they had limited supplies on hand

Although since I'm obese

Perhaps I'll be at the head of the line for the 50-year-olds

it's not like I don't have any nervousness or trepidation about vaccinations

I distrust the government

I distrust doctors generally

But the way these vaccines are formulated or put together or I'm not sure exactly what word I want to use here

It seems like there would be less risk than in general with vaccines because you're not trying to find the perfect amount to build up your immune system but not actually give you the disease this just contains peace to introduce it to your immune system

So that it can start building things to fight it so that when it sees it again it knows what to do

I know I suppose there's some way that could go wrong

It seems like the ways in which this particular situation would be likely to go wrong is that it goes you know off ice for too long or becomes ineffective so that you think your vaccinated but you're not really vaccinated that seems like a much more likely scenario than that something in the vaccine is going to make you have some horrible problem down the line somewhere

But I'm not a doctor I could be wrong

I've seen pictures of people standing in line to get vaccine that have looked kind of like too many people and too small of a spot

But I don't know that that is the norm

In fact I really don't know what is the norm

And I'm hoping I can just go down and get the shot at HEB that would really be within my comfort zone

I said the result of some of the tinctures I've been taking I suspect nettle I've had some interesting developments my nails which have never been strong they've always been very flexible and not necessarily you know bad nails but just not strong like when I was in high school and I was wearing long nails I put a lot of coats of Sally Hansen on the front and I also put them on the underside and extra on the tip and they would still break pretty frequently and have to be repaired and what not but you know they've always grown pretty fast and though I've periodically had some problems with them being a little brittle you know nothing bad

Well now the thumbnails are so strong I can't bend them at all and the other ones are hard to bend so they seem much stronger and although I still wouldn't call my hair on the top of my head thick I had a part that was I don't know not super wide not like you know sometimes women get thinning hair and they get those parts that get to be like you know an inch wide or something and I never had that but I had like you know a little bit wider than it was and let's say it's Hay Day

Well I looked at myself in the mirror today when I got out of the shower and I was like where is my part because it's all sort of filled in

I'm still not going to say it's like thick lustrous hair

But I was kind of startled

I guess that must have been happening gradually cuz I haven't noticed it before

Although to be honest with you I'm not really looking at it very much

I feel certain that I've mentioned this before but I don't know how many of the my new details that I mentioned are likely to stick so I'll mention it again that I got my first little spider vein thing when I was like eight or nine years old it's hereditary thing that I've never been very happy about

And at one point I felt like it was really bad I felt like I had big varicose veins as well and maybe I still do on the back of my thighs somewhere it doesn't show in any of the mirrors I've got I don't know but I just don't see I just don't see anything that's bulging out of my leg and I'd say the spider veins are pretty minimal

I mean I'm not an underwear model I'm not saying I look perfect or anything but I'm saying

It's noticeably better that's all I'm saying

I'm not sure what that's from

Vitamin c maybe

Although it can't just be vitamin c

And you'd think with all this that I'd be saying and I feel better but I don't know that I feel better

My hip feels like it's slightly out and I've been stretching and doing all kind of stuff to try to get it to go back in but I can't seem to make it do it

And it doesn't hurt that much when I'm standing up but it hurts when I sit down and it hurts when I get up from sitting down

It doesn't really hurt while I'm sitting down it's just when I'm moving between the things

Anyway whatever that's not interesting

anyway maybe after I get vaccinated I will feel safe to go get my eyes examined I really need new glasses but I have not felt safe to do that cuz it's you know so close

But it's been like I think 8 years since I got new glasses and I really need new glasses

And the degree to which I'm on the computer all day every day for the last year has really put some strain on my eyes

Anyway my hope is

I'm okay

You're okay

We are okay

And if I've done anything that has made you feel like that's not the case then I'm sorry that was not my intention

I do feel kind of weird

I don't know whether it's hormones

Or depression

Or malaise

But I just feel kind of unsettled and not great

And I'm kind of trying to snap myself out of it

Mainly I'm just having trouble focusing I think I'm kind of skipping around in a way that makes me feel like I'm never quite got a handle on anything I don't know if it's ADD or not

I've read some things that people have written about how they didn't realize they were ADD until they were adults and then they realized they were and a lot of it sounds very familiar and like issues I have but I don't think I could possibly be ADD

I think there are enough counter indications that I just don't think that can be what my issue is

Oh and I had a dream I was going to tell you about

I dreamed I was like in this dark club or something and all the cool kids had these tattoos mostly on their wrists but sometimes on other parts of their body that were like Roman numerals only not really Roman numerals cuz they didn't have the little I don't know what you call those things they were just straight line they didn't have the little columny looking chit

And it was mostly like

lll  llll

Although now that I think about it that wouldn't be how it would be would it

It would be like

lll  lV

But anyway I was trying to figure out what it meant because surely they weren't just getting these things tattooed on them for like no reason surely there was some meaning and I was trying to figure out what it meant

Anyway the cat is having a little bit of reaction to his shots I don't think he's running a fever but he feels kind of bad and I promised him I would go to sleep earlier which you know maybe I lied cuz it's already kind of late

But I was going to go to sleep by 3:00 so is it 3:00 Yes it's almost 4:00 okay so I guess I lied

Poor Kitty is having a bad day he had to go to the vet and he really does not like to go to the vet

He likes to come home from the vet because every time that I take him to the vet and then I bring him home it reiterates to him that he's not being taken to a place where he's going to be given away to somebody else I think he was very traumatized by his foster mother he thought that that was his home and then he got given away and it really hurt him and so he's and there may have been somebody before that I don't know but he's very mistrustful

And he's gotten to where he isn't he knows that I'm not giving him away but when I take him to the vet and then I bring him home at reiterates for him that he's not being given away so usually once he gets home from the vet then he's very happy but he didn't have a chance to get very happy because he got home and he had to decompress and then he got some food and then almost immediately they started using leaf blowers outside and he really hates that so he went and hid

And then he started feeling bad

And he wasn't indicating that he was having a serious problem and needed attention but it's very triggering both because of earlier episodes with him and because of buzz so then I'm having to kind of talk myself into being calm about it and he came down I guess about an hour and a half ago now and he had some food and he was kind of like he coming to bed and I'm like almost kitty just like another 45 minutes but then of course it was another 45 minutes on top of that so I have bad mother and a liar

But really I just can't make myself go to sleep I've got some kind of block against it clearly

That's been an issue I've had ever since I can remember I mean even as a small child I did not want to go to sleep did not want to did not want to not because I didn't want to be asleep I got no problem with being asleep and I got definite problems with getting up but I just don't want to go to sleep

It defines all reason really

I'm glad that it's not important that I make sense that I be able to explain myself and that I'm a coherent logical equation

Because if that was something that I considered to be necessary I would have a real problem with myself

Anyway I love you very much

Sleep well sweetheart I'll talk to you in the morning 💋

Okay so I'm on the waiting list for Harris county I got a confirmation for that and I think I'm on the waiting list for city I didn't get a confirmation

But they had a thing to click to get on the wait list for moderna Pfizer and then they had another one for Johnson & Johnson so I did one and then I tried to do the other one and when I submitted that it said you're already on our list so I think I'm on the list I guess they just don't send confirmations

And there's all this information about how HEB and CVS are going to be hubs and they have NRG stadium is the drive-thru location but if I'm understanding this correctly and I'm not entirely certain that I am then it seems as though you sign up and you're on the waiting list and then when you get approved maybe you get a number and you use that to sign up at wherever you're going to go I don't know

Did you know

that RFB

when you sent the share thingy

doesn't share the screenshot of what's playing

that's what I would have thought it would send

Anyway

the cat is fine

just needs shots

it's been a year

I am reducing the number of people

I follow on instagram

remember when I didn't want more than 50

it takes me too long to scroll my feed

I love you very much sweetheart 💋