& remember in college
there always seemed to be
a LOT of
people just wanting to hear themselves talk
MAYBE it was the classes
I TOOK
I took a LOT of
women's studies
CLASSES
& I swear to g*d in philosophy of women class one day the professor was asking
a question about
BEING a SISTER
&
the SAME GUY
who ALWAYS had
SOMETHING
to SAY
STARTS
& the prof who was pretty CHILL generally
was LIKE
Ummmmm HOW exactly do you have knowledge of what it is like to be a SISTER
& I'm not sure WHY
BUT
it really influenced me against
PARTICIPATION
I FEEL like a LOT of TIMES
I say something
that I think
is informational
BUT
MAYBE
it sounds like a statement
& then
SOMETIMES
I'll read back over them
& THINK
WHY
was I worried about this
MAYBE
that's just a shadow revealing itself
BUT
I MEAN all that look at me look at me MAYBE
got linked in with the
ANTI- narcissist PACK
MAYBE
the POINT is that
there are LOTS of EXAMPLES of
people who knew what they were talking about
WANTING to hear MORE from ME
that's not some sh*t I'm just dreaming up
it's not totally consistent with more recent
WORK experience
which was described in early therapy
MORE LIKE
BUT
EVEN THERE
I would do these one to two page
NEW promo HOT points
that I KEEP thinking
there's a way
that THOSE are a precursor
in some KINDA way
to what I've been doing for a while
BUT
I doubt that it's immediately apparent to anyone
& it's tied to the fourth grade concrete poetry
everything
is coming together
& falling away
I'm pretty sure I was
MUCH MORE
negative & bitter & whatever
not that long ago
NOW
I'm pretty positive
BUT
AM I
though?
I'm not sure looping SPIRAL is consistent with
pretty positive
& I didn't really realize that I was in one
I think it's really important that I maintain my
CONNECTION to that KINDA universal NOW
I need to move around more
BODY issues
& WHATNOT
LOVE MYSELF
MORE
