I am gonna try to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

TODAY 

was a high PROCESS day

& I'm not really sure 

HOW to 

REPRESENT it to you

dopamine  =/=  adrenaline 

CORTISOL 

TRAINS

planetary & psychological alignment 

LOCUS of CONTROL 

LET them//MAKE me 

GLOW up//PARE back 

OPENING channels for the UNIVERSE 

to DELIVER it to ME 

TRAINS

step THROUGH the portal 

I'm gonna try to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

OK

I'm of the opinion 

that THIS is HOW it goes 

it NEEDS some small brush work

with dark darks & contrast

BUT 

it's all TOO similar in scale

it's JUST a

BUNCH 

of little BITS

I THINK it 

NEEDS

LARGER

BITS

BUT 

I ALSO KINDA think 

I KINDA want 

SPLATTER 

& I'm NOT sure 

HOW to get 

LARGE 

SPLATTER 🫟 

the angel thing made me go

BANNER:  REPENT

BUT 

that's just a 

PROPHETIC streak

MAYBE that's a JOKE 

I'm not ENTIRELY sure 

when I was talking to my mom 

& I said:  

I'm not saying I can't be WRONG 

THAT 

was a JOKE 

because 

SHE 

NEVER admits 

that she COULD be WRONG about 

ANYTHING 

& CONCOMITANTLY*

SHE ALWAYS 

BLAMES ME 

*I learned this word from you

when I turned it

OVER

SUDDENLY it 

looked like one of those

BIBLICAL angels 

OR

the MYSTICAL world

breaking through 

I'm still gonna 

at LEAST 

go in and pop the DARK a little 

it doesn't LOOK 

RIGHT 

BUT 

after it's completely 

DRY

I will be able to tell

BETTER 

I am VERY 

ABSORBED into that painting 

I'm not sure 

what to say about my mom 

I'm driving down binz/bissonnet & I'm at KIRBY

& we have established 

mom & I already 

that I am going to whole foods

the whole foods that we have

ALWAYS gone to

AFTER the studio

is the one on Kirby and Alabama 

the one my mom

FAVORS

is the one on bellaire 

BUT 

the ONLY one

that has the NO SALT ADDED rotisserie chicken 

is KIRBY

which, again, is the ONLY one

WE have gone to

SHE ASKS ME

are you going to the one on kirby & alabama 

REMEMBER 

I am at KIRBY & I am signalling to TURN 

YES

did you want to go some other one!?

I was just ASKING 

WHY were you ASKING?  I don't UNDERSTAND 

do I have to have a reason?

when I ASK someone something I am trying to get INFORMATION 

NOT make NOISES with my MOUTH 

I ALSO ask questions for information 

THAT is WHAT I thought 

WHAT information were you TRYING to GET

when you asked me if we were going to

kirby & alabama 

YOU get MAD at ME 

if I ask you a personal question 

YOU get MAD at ME

if I TELL you something you ALREADY KNOW 

I GUESS I should just KEEP 

my f*CKing mouth SHUT 

I'm not MAD at you 

I'm just trying to 

MAKE it make 

SENSE

did you WANT to go to bellaire?

do you not REMEMBER that we always go to 

kirby & alabama?

are you not SURE where we are?

YOU 

NEVER

ANSWER my questions 

& you OFTEN lie

when there doesn't SEEM like there is

ANY reason to

EXCEPT that you don't WANT to tell ME

OR

at least that's how it SEEMS to ME

I'm not saying 

I couldn't be WRONG 

JUST friendly 

family BANTER

do we like this better, I'm not sure

THIS is what I had

in my MIND 

BUT 

I'm not sure if I think it is complete

I don't think other people 

SEE all the pattern 

I SEE in my

PAINTING 

I don't get

ANY

SENSE

that anything connects

& I KINDA don't 

CARE

BUT 

I'm getting to have too many of them

I MIGHT want to 

SELL SOME 

BUT 

I'm hesitant to go down the path

of TRYING to 

SELL them

I'm KINDA like

that brooklyn coffee chick

in maybe 

NOT 

a flattering WAY

MAYBE 

I LOVE you 🫶

I guess I passed out

I'm with my mom today

in about an hour 

it rainy here 

I cannot believe -- & I took an epsom salt bath for two and a half hours last night -- that I am STILL very stiff and achy

I LOVE you VERY much 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 🫶🫶🫶

YEAH 

I'm doing that thing again 

where I start

REthinking everything 

LOOKING 

for HOW I've said something 

that could be 

TAKEN 

some KINDA

WAY

& I thought 

I had 

STOPPED with THAT 

I kicked over

SOMETHING 

OH YEAH 

I haven't listened to TK

in a while

BUT 

I just want to say

that DB

he's a GENIUS 

YEAH OK

VIBRATING at the SAME 

FREQUENCY 

I GET that

I can get into a

SONG CYCLE 

of THOUGHT 

NOT 

a fuge state

BUT 

SOMETIMES 

the think-y think-y 

get IN the WAY

SOMETIMES 

trying to 

PLAN or script a VISION of WHAT

gets IN the WAY of 

SEEING 

the THING as it SWINGS into VIEW

I'm AWARE of this

I BELIEVE it 

SO

it makes me 

be ALL LIKE --  HORSE is the JUICY one, for sure

I GET that I GOTTA 

LOOSEN up 

BUT 

I BELIEVE in SYSTEMS 

this FREQUENCY thing

is HARD

OH

& I was gonna say 

& then I forgot 

oh sh*t

I forgot 

AGAIN

CRAP

HANG on

I realize it 

MIGHT be confusing 

BECAUSE 

I'm talking about a

BUNCH 

of different things 

that are all RELATED in my MIND 

I don't know if 

it makes sense to anyone else 

I assure you 

that 

KIND of 

making SOUNDS 

or MARKS of meaning

& trying to 

DETERMINE

HAVE you

TRANSLATED that

& has in

been

ABSORBED

THAT

is the thing I was taking from

WITTGENSTEIN 

I think 

when I read him in college 

& MAYBE 

THAT 

WASN'T right 

I WAS

probably making it

LESS abstract 

I STILL 

THINK

it wasn't UNreasonable to THINK 

he should have been 

ABLE to EXPLAIN it to me 

OR

at least

HOW 

I was getting it

WRONG 

I LOVE you 

it REALLY 

helps me 

to EXPLAIN 

things 

to 

you

I MOVED ahead

& I had some

LIKE 

BACK-WASH 

on the negativity over-ride

& I'm semi-free-associating at this point

THANK you for

I don't even 

KNOW 

being a WITNESS

AND

I guess 

WHAT I'm telling myself is

USING the AUDHD model

which may or may not

BE accurate 

& may or may not, ultimately, be the

PARADIGM I 

USE

to 

OPERATE 

BUT 

USING THAT model

the ADHD 

who I'm calling 

HORSE

because, honestly, I'm MUCH more

COMFORTABLE with poetry

HORSE is LIKE 

I'm the ONE with the 

JUICE 

you guys

are LOGISTICAL support

SO

DON'T with the 

THIN cotton DRESS

AND

I am LIKE 

THAT is not QUITE the PATTERN 

I'm SEEing

I'm SEEing 

three or four hours 

is LIKE a golden pocket

& when you EXPAND that to infinity & beyond 

it NEEDS to be NOT just AT something 

it NEEDS to be

DEFINABLE -- I started to say a list of things 

I WANTED to say

it has to PRODUCE something 

OR

I WANTED to say

have an attainable GOAL

& I was looking 

AROUND for 

MORE

BUT 

I decided I probably MEANT BOTH of those 

BUT 

they were different enough 

I don't love DEFINABLE 

BUT 

what I'm trying to 

GET at

SAVE it

USE the RIGHT

TOOL

for the RIGHT

JOB

we're doing this three-legged race

SO

we gotta WORK TOGETHER 

MAYBE 

I shouldn't write 

in the DAYLIGHT 

I SEEM to be

SMARTER

at NIGHT 

PLUS 

especially since I have been 

dealing with my mom

on the regular 

I SEEM to 

DEFAULT to 

EVERYTHING is probably 

MEANT as a CRITICISM 

it is AMAZING 

WHAT 

I can make into an ATTACK 

THAT

is ANOTHER thing 

I've REALLY 

GOT 

to get

UNDER CONTROL 

the SALIENT point

about the HORSE as it relates to 

TRAUMA is

my understanding of the motivations and needs

of the HORSE

there's a WAY 

in which I need to

REVERSE

anthropomorphize

PEOPLE are just ANIMALS 

without as much agency as I ascribe MAYBE 

BUT 

LIKE when sister cathy accused me of

not caring about anyone else 

& my analysis of it

it didn't make SENSE to me but I could ascribe the

DESIRE to HURT ME

SO

I was HURT 

THAT she was trying to HURT me

I THINK this is

CRITICAL to my

PROCESS 

AND

I think I am NOT LIKE completely 

THERE

BUT 

there's a 

LEVEL of SOMETHING 

that I feel like I understand about myself 

& my relation to other people 

I keep approaching people 

with this SETTING 

that isn't 

GROUNDED 

in MY STRENGTH 

somehow 

I can't explain it 

it's LIKE 

I'm TOO 

PERMEABLE

THAT is GREAT 

for some cosmic something 

BUT 

LESS good

if you're dealing with 

ANIMALS 

& AGAIN 

I'm NEEDING to SEE people as

MUCH LESS able to

SEE INTO 

ME

than I think is

NORMAL 

BECAUSE I have 

SOME WEIRD 

ABILITIES 

that I want the other people to be able to match 

& PROBABLY 

they just CAN'T 

& NOW

I've made myself 

SAD

PROBABLY 

I should ONLY write 

AFTER

I've spent a whole day thinking about it 

MAYBE 

none of what I've been saying 

MAKES any SENSE 

MAYBE 

I SOUND like some kind of 

CONTROL freak

MAYBE 

I SOUND 

some kinda way I don't understand 

I FEEL like 

I have

SOMEHOW 

NOT 

COMMUNICATED

the

INCREDIBLE 

HOPE 

for MYSELF 

that I have discovered 

OR

MAYBE 

STARTED to DISCOVER 

if I made it SOUND like 

ANYTHING 

was in ANY way

WORSE

then I didn't communicate properly 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

I ASSUMED that it went without saying 

that I was in THAT show

ZEITOUN 

had THOUGHT 

I would be 

in the top three

& I MEAN 

MAYBE 

I woulda been 

BUT 

I KINDA 

IMPLODED personally 

& I guess 

it put me 

OFF my GAME 

BUT 

I wouldn't have 

WANTED 

to be

I'm happier to have done what I did, really 

OK

I really HOPE I didn't 

CONFUSE & distress YOU 

because I FEEL like I MIGHT 

have had a 

BREAKTHROUGH 

that memory

REFRAMED

ME

for ME, somehow 

the HORSE thing

was REALLY frightening 

AS it was HAPPENING 

BUT 

it didn't really cause me trauma

because I could understand 

the situation 

THAT might NOT 

MAKE sense 

it's HARD to KNOW, sometimes 

BUT 

that's just the stuff I have any real WAY

to EXPLAIN 

ANYWAY 

THINKING about all THAT 

made me remember 

I don't THINK 

I've ever TOLD you about this

OK

SO

I KNOW I've mentioned that at PVA they were

ALWAYS using the

SEND you BACK to your ZONED school 

as THREAT

BUT 

the ART department 

apparently had picked our class

KNOWING that with the

NEW building 

we'd be a ZOO exhibit 

they picked KIDS they thought would LOOK 

MORE NORMAL 

& WE

had disappointed them by being 

LESS CREATIVE 

I MEAN 

if you BELIEVE any of THAT, really 

BUT 

they DID SAY it to us

& they kept

THREATENING 

that they weren't gonna GIVE us

ART department 

CERTIFICATION 

we'd get HISD diplomas 

that SOMEHOW 

wouldn't 

COUNT

EXCEPT for

THREE people who WERE GOOD ENOUGH 

THEY got a group show

& EVERYONE else 

was in the

OTHER senior show

& everyone was FREAKING OUT 

I was like

you are all gonna be accepted to your colleges 

BEFORE 

they issue this WEIRD diploma THREAT

EVEN if they CAN DO it

I'm pretty sure 

COLLEGE 

isn't gonna check your diploma 

WHAT do THEY CARE

I THINK it's just supposed to SCARE us

& it IS SUPER bogus

BUT 

it doesn't REALLY matter 

& I have an IDEA about the SHOW 

we can get the wall/screen things they use for

MEDIA events

ORLANDO and ZEITOUN

KINDA hate each other

he won't MIND mixing it up 

SO

we can have enough wall space to display 

all our WORK

& if it's 

CROWDED 

well, what were we supposed to do 

WHY did SHE

put EVERYONE in ONE show

I MOSTLY 

HUNG it

ALTHOUGH 

I let CYNTHIA do her OWN 

TEXTLE installation*

*because I had no idea how to go about it and she wanted to anyway 

ZEITOUN 

gave me CRAP about it TOO 

BECAUSE 

we don't HAVE a TEXTILE department 

THEREFORE it is NOT 

LEGITIMATE 

wtf

CYNTHIA was going to PARSONS

FOR textiles

& it was MY contention 

that if WE SUCKED 

SO BAD

ALL of US

PERHAPS 

they were JUST sh*tty teachers

& if we were having to

TEACH OURSELVES 

WELL, THAT shouldn't be 

HELD AGAINST US*

*I'm not 💯 sure that I said exactly this to her

BUT 

I took a room FULL of people 

who were scared 

& feeling really 

BAD about 

THEMSELVES and their situation 

& I MADE it 

GOOD 

& I hadn't 

FORGOTTEN, exactly 

BUT KINDA 

& I didn't really think of it as anything 

SPECIAL**

BUT 

I'm f*CKing

PROUD 

of 

THAT

**that's that "natural leadership ability", huh

OK

I keep asking the tarot 

how you're feeling today 

LIKE 

did I freak you out 

CONFUSE you

make everything 

SUPER WEIRD 

& I keep getting 

TEMPERANCE 

SO

I guess I'm gonna take that as

NOT  TOO  freaked out 

BUT 

I'm not sure what TEMPERANCE really means 

in this CONTEXT 

MAYBE 

WHOAH, that chick is on about something 

maybe I should back away to a

SAFE distance 

I have this pattern 

I'm working on my STUFF 

by which, in this case, I mean the extra crap 

that multiplies so there is

NEVER an end to it

I work on it

I "get close" to finishing 

SO THEN

I just want to push through, get finished with it

& THEN

I end up

all effed up

non-functional 

BUT 

STILL 

SOMEHOW --  NOT finished 

THEN I have to 

RECUPERATE 

& I don't WANT to do it anymore 

I'm LIKE 

NO

the urge to go go go

FINISH 

is some kind of

TRAP

I'm not sure WHY 

or HOW 

BUT 

I need the TEMPERANCE 

SOME kind of

SLOW & steady wins the race is probably what I 

NEED, but I won't let myself do it

SO

I NEED to acknowledge that 

it CAN'T be an all in

PROJECT 

IDK WHY 

& the same way I wasn't MAD at the poor horse

I shouldn't be MAD at myself 

if I can't 

STEER my inner horse

I shouldn't be surprised when it runs away

with my SPOONS

if I can't steer my horse

I need to plan for

NOT putting myself in the position of 

inappropriate prep

I NEED to EXPECT 

WIND & SPEED

to take a physical toll

& if I don't 

I should EXPECT CHAOS because 

the horse will work for ten hours trying to do

WHATEVER 

the horse

WILL 

NOT consider my SPOONS at ALL

it's nothing to do with 

SEX or TRAUMA 

I don't HOLD 

ANY

HORSE trauma

because the HORSE

was just being a 

HORSE

it wasn't trying to hurt me

or USE me

it just was EXCITED to be getting back to 

NOT having to have a person on it's back

my mom

COULD have planned it BETTER 

BUT 

she did make up for it

by getting me

ANOTHER 

experience with a horse

she paid for a few

LESSONS

one on one

& I wasn't that scared at all

I don't think I ever was

that much of a fearful person 

I have issues 

BUT 

I THINK 

my NATURAL state

is pretty 

BRAVE, really 

gotta sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

I'm sorry I'm SO eXtra

the horse thing

is not related to any

of our

previous 

symbology

it is related to my problem 

that I'm trying to solve

YOU 

are NOT a problem 

& HORSES

are NOT bad, even my

HYPER-FOCUS

or whatever 

WILD wild

HORSE

I just reREAD the

ANCHOR STORY & jeez

does THAT make

SENSE

to anyone 

ELSE

it NOT about SEX

it's about

NOT 

FORGETTING 

that I'm probably 

NOT 

steering

the horse

I also watch

alexandra gater 

which is silly 

it's home decor 

& I almost 

NEVER 

really like her decorating 

BUT 

I like her vibe

I like the interactions 

she has with her team

maybe it's because 

it's canadian 

I hadn't 

really 

thought of that

is it weird to like 

RUG cleaning

VIDEOS!?

if I just leave him a Facebook 

HAPPY birthday 

BUT 

then no other

CONTACT 

with the

OTHER 

STUFF 

still

just KINDA hanging 

is THAT 

WORSE, it FEELS like it's worse

I'm NOT trying to 

SAY

that this is GOOD behavior 

OK

I'm gonna TRY a THING 

ANCHOR STORY 

Herman Park used to have a stables 

when I was in third grade

my mom 

took me horseback riding 

it went pretty good 

UNTIL 

the horses

got "close" to the stables 

they KNEW they were

ALMOST there 

& they

SPED up 

which wasn't such a problem 

for the people who were

ACTUALLY 

in CONTROL of their HORSES

I, however, was NOT 

ALTHOUGH 

I hadn't actually REALIZED that 

BUT 

it WAS CLEAR when 

I was NOT 

since I was dressed in a 

short length 

light weight 

COTTON 

button up 

DRESS 

the WIND whipped THROUGH and PARTED my buttons in the way you would expect

in some tale that would include 

the WORD -- debauched

& I

FREAKED the f*CK 

OUT

I was 

NAKED 

on an OUT of CONTROL 

HORSE

crying 

that horse

is me

when I JUST 

WANT to 

FINISH 

SOMETHING 

& THAT is

the paradigm 

pushing THROUGH 

what ya wearin

how well ya steerin the horse

ANYWAY 

I got a good KNEE workout 

with the stairs 

& it was 

FEELING a little swollen 

SO

I'm icing it

It's not 

ROCKET science 

if I do the THINGS I get a 

BETTER outcome

when I was working on the build crew

OVERNIGHT at 🌎 market 

WAY back 

before 

WINE

it was epsom salt all round 

NOT just the oldies

AND

TODAY is 

Jason's birthday 

& I'm having 

TROUBLE 

I WANT to say

HAPPY birthday 🎂 

I don't WANT to have to 

EXPLAIN 

WHY

I can't HANDLE 

WHAT, exactly 

I MEAN, surely 

WHATEVER 

I would have to SAY 

would make SENSE, right 

& EVEN if 

he wasn't HAPPY about it 

it would NOT lead to an unpleasant situation 

because we are ALL sane adults 

who are genetically related to 

one another 

& THAT 

ALONE is reason enough to 

ENTWINE our paths

TOGETHER 

AND 

that maybe isn't completely 

FAIR 

BUT there HASN'T been 

and I'm NOT adverse in the ABSTRACT 

BUT 

I'm not accepting new

STUFF 

SO

EVERY way

he's come at me

TRIGGERS me 

HOW 

do I make 

THAT 

NOT STUFF, ya know 

it didn't work 

you can't get out that way

without at least a car

& MAYBE 

an access card

I'm back in the bathroom 

I had therapy 

I'm sitting in the bathroom 

adjusting to the 

TRANSITION 

considering sneaking out the stairs way

because I just realized today 

I could walk out the 

DRIVE thingy

of the parking garage 

even though I like the security guard 

I don't feel like talking 

SO 

I'm considering 

SNEAKING

I don't think that's super

MATURE 

my therapist was telling me 

HOW I'm so strong

I'm LIKE 

would you MIND telling me what you think is strong about me -- I think it would help 

it was probably right

BUT 

it didn't really help 

I was trying to explain 

& he didn't SEEM like he understood 

I don't SEEM to be able to really 

FORM habits

PROPERLY 

it's LIKE 

there are two of me

the one who

KNOWS what NEEDS DOING 

& the one who

WON'T DO it

EVERYTHING is 

a THREE LEGGED RACE

I'm a little dis-gruntle-y with myself 

I said 

I thought about you 

ALL day

I am less hobble-y

my hip

is almost back level

my knee is

much less stick-y

&

as they are opposite legs

THIS 

really makes walking easier 

I was getting worried 

because it had just

NOT SEEMED 

to be making any kind of linear through line

BUT 

NOW

BETTER finally 

it's thunderstorms here

although it's quiet

right now

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

🫶🫶🫶 

I'm going to try to sleep now 

👾🫚🍀❤️

I'm gonna try to sleep 

got my ice pack

I will tell you 

the thing I 

THINK 

about the MOST, maybe 

MAYBE I'm full of sh*t, maybe I think about 

SOMETHING else more

right now 

I'm thinking about 

KISSING you 

I can barely remember kissing 

BUT 

I've always thought your lips

SEEMED 

sort of plush

PLUMP

kissable

& I seem to remember kissing being

ABSORBING 

intimate 

& not that scary

KISSING 

is where you start to 

LEARN

the physical language 

you invent

TOGETHER 

do I have that right 

or am I making 

STUFF up

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶 

👾🫚🍀❤️

OK

I sat in an Epsom salt bath

for LIKE 

three hours

THAT

is how serious I am 

I guess I'm 

KINDA

some emotion

about the ridiculous need to

RECUPERATE 

I don't understand 

HOW I effed this up

& I'm having accompanying negative 

BODY stuff

& I'm all LIKE 

WHY

am I not able to 

MAINTAIN 

& I didn't WANT to tell you 

ALL THAT 

THAT'S not

SEXY

that's not 

FUN

I USED to feel like 

I could FIT seemlessly into

ANY situation 

MORE or LESS 

because I could read people 

READ the room

NOW

I FEEL all this AWKWARD 

because I 

just don't want to do it

OR

don't feel up to

there are ALL these HAM-FISTED metaphors

I don't WANT to use them

I'm thinking about you a lot

& I'd like to 

REPRESENT 

THAT 

BUT 

I don't SEEM to be able to 

& I haven't been taking 

ALL my supplements 

SO

I don't FEEL like 

I'm co operating with myself 

it's LIKE 

ANY system

if I stop 

FOCUSing

it falls apart

I'm falling asleep 

it was so good to see you 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

goodnight 🫶🫶🫶👾🫚🍀❤️

BUT 

I have to call THIS 

another failure 

I WORKED 

on 

SOMETHING 

&

I end up

PHYSICALLY non-functional 

I MOSTLY think 

I hurt my knee

THEN

hobbled around and got myself all twisted 

BUT 

WORK=non-functional 

HAPPENED 

SO

I didn't manage myself very well 

I'm trying to 

I STARTED to say 

WALK it OFF

& I thought of my dad

TEACHING me to 

walk it off

when I would wake up with the terrible 

charley horses

LIKE 

eight

I STARTED to say 

BALLET positions 

BUT 

then I'd have to 

TALK ABOUT 

the THING 

my knees

DO

in plie*

*had to look up spelling 

SO

I'm gonna 

SAY

PILLOWS 

HIP FLEXORS

possible 

FANTASY of an EGG bean bag CHAIR 

FIRST position 

is interesting 

the paintings

that we supposed to be 

CALIBRATION 

I don't think it works 

I feel different TODAY 

I felt different 

YESTERDAY 

no difference in the painting 

PERCEPTION 

it is SO much SEVENTIES 

in my HEAD 

people keep telling me they miss me

at the studio 

that probably SHOULD make me feel 

loved or something 

BUT 

it doesn't 

it makes me feel 

PRESSURE 

I didn't do what I said I was going to do

ONE line blah blah

on the painting 

I was thinking 

TAPE it OFF 

do more splatter

BUT 

I decided I WANTED to paint

MOVEMENT 

my hip and knee

are REALLY bothering me 

I'm laying down with an ice pack

SO

just in case I fall asleep 

I want you to KNOW 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I wish I could describe 

ALL the FEELS

I still don't think this is finished 

this might be finished 

I feel like THIS is finished 

I shoulda already been 

ASLEEP 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

OK

I don't think I've had 

THIS before 

I just looked in the

MIRROR 

& I didn't 

RECOGNIZE myself 

BUT 

when I was 

THINKING 

WHAT 

none of the description 

MATCHED 

who

did I think I was

I MEAN 

a MANGA with SPIKEY

HAIR 

I'm not sure what to say about 

my mom today 

the quote --

WAY to make it

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE*

*I was saving it for a day when my daughter loved me and wanted to help me

WELL 

I guess we had

THAT perfect STORM 

TODAY

~was my response 

I'm trying to decide if THIS 

is finished 

& I don't think it is 

BUT 

I'm not sure why I think it isn't finished 

I think I want it to

go DEEPER and

JUMP 

OUT 

MORE 

BUT 

if I block

the top and then the bottom separately 

I'm pretty happy with the 

LOOK 

of the top and then the bottom separately 

SO

I really JUST want 

LIKE 

a LINE

of extreme IN

&

a LINE

of extreme OUT 

what I worked on today

I'm sorry 

POSSIBLY this is an undesirable trait of mine

I have latched on

to an obscure 

BIT

and I cannot let it go

it doesn't SAY ANYTHING about 

women's ability to

ethically reason abstractly

AT ALL 

it would be like

if I showed you, up close, GRAPHICALLY 

a forty-five minute film

about

TESTICLE RUPTURE 

& THEN

started asking you "abstract" questions 

about HURTLE RELAY

I'm guessing 

just guessing, mind you

that the results

MIGHT 

indicate that 

MALES are unsuited to

TEAM SPORTS 

BECAUSE 

there's NO WAY

to make THOSE questions 

ABSTRACT 

and THAT sh*t

is RAMPANT in "scientific method"

SOCIAL SCIENCES 

& CAT PSYCHOLOGY 

it's not DIS-similar, in fact

to when they said

WOMEN 

weren't capable of abstract ethical thought

BECAUSE 

when they asked women 

if your child is sick

& you can't afford the medicine 

(I'm no longer certain of the wording & it always makes a difference)

STEAL MEDICINE!?

they almost uniformly say something like 

if I get CAUGHT 

WHO will TAKE CARE of my child

to say

THIS indicates the

IN-ability

to REASON in the ethical abstract 

IS JUST

BULLSH*T masqueradeing as

SOME KIND of SCIENCE 

I do not believe 

CATS see us

as giant cats without hair

I have HEARD that 

BUT 

I don't think cats are that dumb

I think it's more likely 

that they don't spend a lot of time

WORRYING about 

CATEGORIES 

we are supposed to provide the food

that was the deal

WE set up

& NOW

they EXPECT us to make good on that promise 

they are either 

EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED 

or they aren't 

if they are

we are part of their 

FAMILY group

which lives

OUTSIDE of the NEED for categories 

if a cat is raised with dogs

they may "bark" like a dog

or they may not

BUT 

I don't think it's because they are trying to 

BE LIKE a DOG 

they adopt a communication style

for communication within the 

GROUP 

those SOUNDS, most of them

that cats use with you

they don't use

with other

CATS

they KNOW we aren't 

CATS

BUT 

they aren't FOCUSED on THAT 

which is, I think, why the behaviorists THINK that cats think we are CATS

BUT 

it's a speciesist misunderstanding 

& you will not convince me 

otherwise 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

I'm falling asleep sitting up

I'm going to bed

I am

THINKING about daffodils 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

SO

I guess 

I find the way you bend the fabric of reality 

HOT

the ballet

THING

is 

HARD

MAYBE to explain 

the THING about the ballet

is that you're 

USING your 

BODY

the

MOVEMENT of your body

to CONVEY emotion 

it's LIKE 

poetry

in the way you might see poetry in sport

BUT 

it's not just that

it's actually 

KINDA

pushing an emotional 

WAVE

OUT into the world

THROUGH 

your BODY 

or it SEEMS like that to me 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️🔥

part of what

MOVES me

in a way

I think of

as

SEXUAL

there's this WAY

your WHOLE

BODY

becomes resonant

the SOUND of the

HARD 

INHALE 

makes me SEE the drop of 

SWEAT

that THING you do with your

SHIRT SLEEVES

there's this

WAY about you

LIKE 

the WAY you MOVE

it has ELEMENTS that almost seem AWKWARD 

if taken in ISOLATION 

in CONTEXT they become

SYNCOPATED GRACE

it's not ballet

ballet

is a completely different 

THING

thinking it out in my HEAD 

it becomes

SOME 

KINDA

TRANSMOGRIFICATION 

well THAT ain't 🔥

I thought 

you was trying to make with the 

ROCK & ROLL

I didn't pose those pictures 

they LOOK posed to me

I brushed the hair out of eyes

I put 'em down

it's a TUESDAY TAYLOR doll

if the supply chain

just shuts down

I have enough 

MENOPAUSE pills

& enough TOILET paper 

to last

ONE 

YEAR

at regular usage 

DUSTY

in a dress made by

SOMEONE 

the rest of the characters in the bag

this was not an exhaustive

"barbie" collection

these are just

the ones

that

made it through 

the severed head

was my

STICK on 

FACIAL HAIR ken

I KNOW 

starting from the left

BIONIC woman

skipper grow up

some barbie whose hair changes color by flipping her hair around*

*I got this wrong, she is on the far right and she MIGHT be a Teresa not a barbie

I THINK 

some version of Malibu ken

the two flanking ken

are some kind of barbies 

I got these at my mom's 

I might 

hang onto them a WHILE