I've been having the strangest thing the last couple of days

today and yesterday anyway I'm not sure if it was going on before that or not

but I have all these little snippets of songs that as far as I could tell don't have any relation to one another at all or any relation to anything that's going on really I mean some of them maybe do but

Like I can't remember all of them right now but one of them is parts of a chorus line

You know Bob sleds in San Juan and everything is beautiful at the ballet but not like the whole song just little bits and then it's it's really it's like you know how

On Sergeant Pepper's lonely hearts club band there are places like I think for the benefit of Mr kite is one of them George Martin takes a bunch of clips of music and kind of throws them up in the air and then splices them together and makes this like kind of crazy phantasmagorical mix

Well this isn't crazy or fantasmagorical well it's a little crazy

But there's that chorus line

And I should have written it down because now I'm kind of drawing a blank on with the other ones are but normally when I have songs running through my head I feel like there's you know correlation between them and something

So that's kind of weird

And I have this intense desire to go to a restaurant

It's just crazy

Haven't been to a restaurant since March

And I'm not going to

My mother has suggested that we go to Becks several times like maybe three times

And I'm like no it's not safe

And she's like but we could sit outside

I'm like I still don't think that makes it safe

I've pretty much stopped following the news

I try a little bit everyday and I just can't

So I get little snippet snippets

But I wouldn't say I have a really good idea what's going on

Also I kind of am trying to try out Reddit since I'm on there now and what not

And I probably should be trying out news but I wanted to kind of ease into it so I'm trying with a bunch of skin care ones and I am not impressed

I am uncertain that I'm going to become a Reddit person

I think I'm a Twitter person and I'm not sure what that says about me but I think that's who I am

I'm also uncertain why

I follow so many female rabbis

And the percentage of what I read because even though I follow a lot of people when I'm scrolling through you know it doesn't show you anymore just everything that everybody you follow said it's got some kind of algorithm

Which I want to go on record with saying I still don't like

But it seems like the vast majority of what I actually read on my Twitter feed is female rabbis

So now I just think of the other people who I follow regularly

And maybe it's not the majority maybe it's only half but that still seems like a lot

I guess what I'm really telling myself is the people I would like to be friends with are female rabbis

And I wonder if that's really true

I'm going to be at the studio tomorrow because it was already planned

But I am looking forward to that thing

And I'm very disappointed that people just do not seem to be writing a lot of new Christmas songs or even making exciting new recordings of Christmas songs

I had so much fun with the Hanukkah songs and then I'm trying to do Christmas and there's just playlists of you know an hour or two hours or three hours a Christmas music and it's like you know that's not what I'm looking for

And it's just been so nice not to have all the Christmas you know I mean when you're working retail Christmas starts in you know early October

and at least at Starbucks we would get the Hanukkah stuff at the same time that we got the Christmas stuff in early October

but at that last place the Christmas stuff would be up till early October and like you know a week before Hanukkah people would be like where's the Hanukkah stuff it'd be like what hasn't come in yet they're like the Christmas stuff's been up for 2 months it's like well yeah but I don't make these decisions

So you know

I like Christmas music

but you know I'm not torn up about not listening to it and I'm not upset that there are no Christmas decorations anywhere that I can see well I think they're probably some there are definitely Christmas lights on the front of my building but they didn't put the ones by the office this year cuz the office is pretty much closed it's pretty much been closed most of the year You have to make an appointment

All the people who work here have to live on premises because this isn't a corporate apartment it's a individually owned apartment and that's just their rule so it works out pretty well because you know if they need to have a meeting they go and have a socially distance to meeting outside the office or they kind of just stand in a circle six feet apart with masks on and stuff

But no Christmas decorations

And I'm not doing a lot of driving around so I'm not seeing a lot of Christmas decorations

I mean I guess to and from the studio I see a little bit but you know not much and the stuff I'm seeing really isn't on yet you know cuz it's not dark so you know some of them go on a little bit before dark so I guess I've seen a little bit but I mean it's not like

If I was still at that place they would stick me on the register and they would bring cart loads of boxes of ornaments up and they'd be like unwrap all this between customers so you're unwrapping it getting glitter all over yourself and hanging it up on pegs for them to come and get later and it I mean it really sucked I don't miss that at all

And those f****** with their war on Christmas where if you say happy holidays they give you s*** to the point where last year I didn't say happy holidays or Merry Christmas to anybody I would just like have a nice day you know and if they specifically said something to me then I would just repeat back to them whatever they said to me you know and that was lower than the level of festivity that I actually wanted to have but I just wasn't willing to deal with it so it was like the few the very small percentage of people who are war on Christmasers ruined it for everybody

and I don't know how many times I'm going to say that my face is almost healed up

It's like I keep saying that and then as soon as it's almost healed up then more stuff pops up

I feel like I've been telling you my face is almost healed up for like 2 years

So I've stopped saying it

That's probably not true I probably haven't stopped saying it

but I looked in the mirror today and I'm like well you know this is pretty promising it's looking good

and then I realized that I've been saying that it's almost healed up for so long and I'm like you know

Whatever

It's going to be healed up

At some point

Maybe it's like jinxing it to say something

But I just got to say

I really love not having Christmas rubbed in my face I really love it

Oh I'm pretty sure I didn't tell you

That place I worked they're closing down

Not all the stores just that store

Pretty sure it's closing like December 31st or something

It's almost my birthday

I wonder what I'm going to do for my birthday

I mean nothing I'm not going to go anywhere I don't have money to go anywhere and there's no place safe to go

I'm going to be 54 I think

I think I thought I was 54 for about half of this year already but I'm pretty sure that that was wrong I'm pretty sure I'm about to be 54

Yes I just did the math and checked 54

That seems like a very good age

And you know it's really weird

I know I've gained weight

And I'm not wearing makeup well I wear a little bit of covergirl clean fresh skin milk when I go to the studio

But you know I think I like the way I look better now than what I did I don't know a year ago or five years ago

Maybe it's the vitamin c and the retinol

I don't know My face seems different

Seems much less jowly

I have that big line still under my eye that hasn't gone away but they seem a little less crepey to me

The lines in my forehead the horizontal lines seem more noticeable they're not real deep and they're not real noticeable but I didn't really notice having horizontal lines before The 11s there's just one now but it's a lot more deep

I have some legit crow's feet they're not deep their lines not like full on folds or anything unless I smile

And I have noticable nasolabial lines they're not bad but they are there

So all this is to say that I'm not saying I look like I'm 25 or anything

I just kind of like the way it all looks a little better somehow

I'm probably going to need a blepharoplasty though I don't want one I don't think I'm going to have one but I think that my hooded eyelids are going to impair my vision at some point

But maybe I can find some of that face yoga or something because I really don't want to have any kind of surgery on my face

but I'm just looking at those eyelids and going 

man, I forsee issues

I'm not upset with them being hooded

I like my hooded eyes

but if they droop down into my field of vision which I've just recently learned that they can do that's not good

I mean I don't really think I will like what that looks like but I'm more concerned about my vision

But the retinol may help that over time so don't know not going to worry about it yet

Anyway I should probably go to bed

Since I should have gone to bed over an hour ago

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋