Something about shoulders

I was moving

side to side

circular

for a bit

& then I had a bad thought

doubt

& everything got STILL

pretty fast

OK

now I am feeling you

this is kinda CRAZY

if you are doing this

do something I can specifically

tell you about

I slept very late

or rather

I woke up & went immediately

back to sleep

I haven't been sleeping well

& I was hoping for dreams

I'm sure I had them

BUT

I don't remember anything

I am having 10,000 CS playing in my head

AND

I'm not sure what that means

I am starting to feel like

I'm on some sort of

this is what was WEIRD

& I don't know what it MEANS

AND I'm not SURE

that that is such a good look

I'm having an undercurrent of

a mood I'm holding at bay

that's like

RUN around SCREAMING

that I think is just

FEAR of the unknown

FEAR of you being GONE

BUT

I'm NOT fragile

I have lived through some sh*t

AND one thing YOU have taught me

is the ABILITY

to just ROLL with the UNCERTAINTY

THAT has NOT been easy for me

lesson-wise

BUT

it has been VALUABLE

& I NEVER would have learned that on my own

SO

here's to not completely

FREAKING OUT

it's too late to say good morning sweetheart

BUT

I hope you are having a beautiful day

💌👾🫚

THUNDER 

goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much

I really hope

I dream about you tonight

that

always seems to make things clearer

I TRUST you

👾🫚

AND

just to be double eXrta clear

I'm NOT saying

you can't rage

as much as you need to

I'm just saying

I don't want to freak you out 

I just want to make sure you know

I LOVE you

I THINK you are a national treasure

& I think you are AMAZINGLY talented

BUT

none of THAT is what I really

think about when I see you

I know it's there

& I KNOW

you care what I think about those things

BUT

they are secondary to me

so I don't tend to emphasize them

to me

you are the brilliant

funny person

I have spent

my life with

& or 

trying to get to know better

SO

do whatever you need to do

BUT

don't ditch me

because I didn't get it right

the first time up at bat

that's really uncool

MAYBE

I understand

I didn't offend you

I'm NOT somehow triggering you

you WANT me to write

you NEED me

BUT

you got sh*t to do

I'll more or less know it when I see it

plus that one 

thing

and it's still Wednesday night

THAT might have sounded

less jovial

than I meant it 

the TAROT is saying

the SUN

I feel extremely aroused

BUT not exclusively in a good way

I can't see HOW

I f*CKed up, if I did

SO

I guess I just write

whatever I write

& just trust

that you're keeping busy

you can see how that's some

KINDA f*CKed up bait & switch, right

I'm not sure

how im supposed to take that

OH

They are playing

too late to die young

in my head

&

it's like a f*CKing EARTHQUAKE

physically

is that good?

I think it's good

BUT

I don't understand

WHY

I LOVE you

I am distressing you

I don't really understand

I am processing emotions

which is really good and healthy

for me

but it's upsetting you

I don't want to upset you

& I can process emotions

without telling you about every step

ya know

I am trying to let you know

that I am here for you

I don't know what form this will ultimately take

& I don't think it needs to be decided

like right now

I'm trying to be what I am interpreting as

what you need from me

they're playing

Have you never been mellow

in my head

I LOVE you VERY much

but last night

I was a little hurt-y about

some stuff

& I couldn't with the caps

I'm committed to you

everything will be fine

PLEASE

stop stressing 

schtick genes

SWEATERS

you can't ask for strokes

they're GIRLS

ROPE and a yard stick

both members of the good looking Italian club

SOUTH KOREA

it always makes more sense to do things in different ways

DODGERS

are the biggest story out there

whatever skills you have

I have fewer than that

I want it to be 1980

can I just have a Miller lite

ode to Billy Joe

love your sports content

HIGH SCHOOL kid

it's a last minute

ep104

TILLY

not expensive if you consider eating at the palm every night inexpensive

as usual I was right

WAGON WASH

BUSTER (another of my favorites)

is NOT a vet

it was not an exposE

RICKY BOBBY 

good morning sweetheart

have a beautiful day

❤️

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much

👾🫚

so I wrote some

fairly banal thing

about my day

& then I went back

to read over it

&

it published it onto one of my

alternate pages

I feel like

these are messages

the universe is giving me

because I do this like

every day

sometimes a bunch of times a day

and it almost always

goes here

when it doesn't

it's not because I'm telling it to

so message

your familiar I'm sure

but I don't think I've explained it before

so it took me to clementine

& YES

that was KINDA what I was thinking

with the creating space

but then

I was reading through them

& they weren't bad

by which I mean

better than I remembered

I guess

and I'm not SURE

I'm even saying anything, exactly

just that I feel like

I want the universe to show me stuff

and then

I feel like it does

& that feels good

I am kinda thinking it through

I think where Clementine's reality

didn't work

is i was trying to write about

STUFF

where my interest went

but not much actual experience

& it felt weird

like I was gonna have to make it up

from research

BUT

it didn't have to be ahyahuasca

it could be anything

anyway I feel like

it's just on the edge of my awareness

that I will be surprised

that I didn't think of it before 

goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much

👾🫚

NO NO NO

I'm NOT saying

oh I can't fix it I'm giving up

I'm saying

I LOVE you

I'm sorry I hurt you

I'm obsessing about it

BUT

I don't want to be an assh*Le and talk about THAT

I guess I'm also

THINKING

how can I do this more

something

more like a physical place

MAYBE

that's silly

so if I'm honest

a fair percentage of the thoughts

are about unflushing a mouse

& you can't

& I really hate it when people

hurt me & feel bad about it

& want me to comfort them

it's inappropriate

so I hesitated

to do this at all

but

I feel like I understand a THING

that I think I made you feel

& i didn't think it through

enough to see

BUT

also maybe the way I did see it

isn't how you want either

& I get that too

WHAT I want to say

is i WISH I could fix it

I NEVER wanted you to feel

ANY kind of bad

I'm getting weird messages

from the universe 

I thought about you all day

& mostly

I can't seem to be coherent

I am continuing to have

quantum entanglement sensation

but

I haven't had this kind of

like sensory ALIVE-ness

for YEARS

I'm super surprised I'm even ABLE

to feel this way

AND

I am beyond curious

are you doing this

am I CRAZY

I have never known

I WANT to think you are specifically

doing this

but then 

imagining that it's just

some sort of resonant link

is also cool

Oh Roxy aren't you in charge of insta

what what BOWLING segment

so much feedback on 300

if you had a chuck & Roxy #

we'd know how to say your name

I haven't seen ANY of them

Paul Giamatti is good

I enjoy his work

Annette Benning too

that's about all

I have to contribute to the Oscar convo

BUT

I don't really follow them

Air Force brat

Duke athletics

that sounds like cool home school

History of American sport

ep113

it's really cool that TK did that little promo

Phil's mom

BIGS in the wild

Time Travel

Roxy is too eager

I like peanut butter & honey

on pancakes

cooked in coconut oil

new serie

new stuff

SQUIRRELS

Dad of Roxy

cursory search led to dark places

notes on a model

ORE

magma

sheer ROCK WALL

timeless

ageless

man of STEEL

STONEYBROOK

why is it in MARCH

call dubya

influenced by advertising

dogs are people too

I get prescription cat food from chewy's

it's WAY more expensive

GRANDPA

ROPE & a YARDSTICK

TOP 5 in basketball

DRIFT

BOOGER

is one of my favorites

don't flush the mouse on this one

Marty Robbins El Paso

so I drew you a picture of a duck

these mice aren't gonna flush themselves

JIMMY JOYCE

on behalf of the LITTLES

we hope we have made our point

ARI MELBER 

yeah

you are kinda like a national treasure

aren't you 

I'm getting some really

STRONG

physical

like POSSESSION

if you follow 

goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much 

ya know

I was thinking in terms

of how I didn't get it

and now

it is explained for me

BUT ALSO

it's MUCH more IMPORTANT

it's writing CANNON

it's LIKE

SO CONNECTIVE tissue

MAYBE

I feel a little

Shakey on the lingo

I am postponing

the Joshua tree trip

which makes sense

for a variety of sensible reasons

BUT

the one I want you to understand

I acknowledge that

the decision to do it

although it does make sense

from a variety of my developmental goals

it is also motivated

at least in part

from a place of running away

or at least

like fortifying myself

in a protective way

neither of which prioritizes

you or us

and

I WANT to prioritize

us

I THINK I had this idea

that I didn't have a say in it

or wasn't somehow

I'm having a hard time articulating

BUT

YOU matter to me

& I want you to KNOW that

I am willing to do the stuff

I don't yet know how to do

goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much

👾🫚

ALSO

I really think that

president's day cavalcade

should ABSOLUTELY

be

an annual EVENT

it was honestly

one of the best shows

I have ever seen

LIKE

bar none

THAT was SUCH a GOOD episode

PEPSI LITE

it was called

it was lemony

&

I was obsessed with it

I NEVER liked Pepsi

I always drank coke

BUT

Pepsi lite -- I had forgotten

there was more stuff

I didn't write it down

if I'm in iTunes I can't bring up my stuff

& I had them in another player

but it's disco'd

and I could find another player

BUT

I didn't want to WAIT

but I enjoyed the guest a lot

I identified with elements of his story

he was just so WARM

BUT

CHOXY was good too

& that song

MIGHT

be slightly haunting

I feel like

information has a half life in my brain

or SOMETHING

like

I don't know what I know

it's WEIRD 

is something happening now

because

I feel you

WE don't even know

HAPPY birthday

to everyone who has ever been born

EXCEPT Tony kornheiser

It is kinda a cult

I cannot continue to listen to this

I often think MAILBAG is really fun

GODFATHER reference

mousehole with no accompanying FLUSH

parking's difficult there but we'll make it work

famous to some

YES Midland is in Texas

they have excellent tumbleweeds

That's it

that's the email

it would be the REMAINING one

They're good back to back too!

AH

I see why I had the MAILBAG theme

stuck in my head

THIS

MAILBAG is critical cannon

OH

& you were TOTALLY

the 

CENTERFOLD

of that episode 

but first, as you well know, COMMERCE

DEEP SPINACH

play it as it lies (I've always heard lays)

professional curmudgeon

a show would not be complete

without railing about

DAYLIGHT savings time 

West Texas is mountain time

I'm trying to remember the town where it changes but I can't -- it is before el paso

The Brilliant DAN BERN plays in 

WILBON

the theatre was great 

& the penalties were reasonable

buttery soft elevated polos

YOU CAN'T be MORE brilliant

than DAN BERN

25 years old

geography diminishes

I'll listen to MAILBAG later

RIGHT NOW

I have to say

I LOVE you VERY much 

good morning sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much 

or maybe

primary is too loaded a word

LOVE 

is LOVE 

I've got to go to sleep

I LOVE you VERY much

sweetheart

👾🫚

OH

after I left the movie

I stopped for lunch

at a place nearby 

got Balinese room* fried rice

and then

RIGHT ACROSS the STREET

was a bowling alley

BOWLERO**

*an old school Galveston place I need to tell you about

**you cannot make this sh*t up

I keep writing these think-y things

& then deleting them

I was trying to wait for that one thing

but it's taking to long

i should have said PRIMARY

I went to see dune today

in a movie theatre

the chairs are like recliners

and I sat in that chair

and watched this crazy prophecy

and I had slow ENERGY orgasms*

rolling through me

THINKING about you

*different than regular orgasms

yeah

I get it

I DO in fact

& I understand that it's me

& I'm trying to triangulate

between

glass of gasoline

& crossed off the list

the feedback I get

is

lady I barely know you

I've got a f*CKing STEEP learning curve

BUT

not THAT steep

I suppose I could be forgiven

for being afraid I'd lose you

learning from past experience

& going hard on the friend thing

the Joshua tree thing

I would really like to be

something

where I could

not, ya know

just some girl

more of an equal dynamic maybe

I'm doing my thing

it isn't about getting away from you

I don't want to get away from you

I want to find the 

OPTIMAL

distance from you

where both you and I

FLOURISH

I LOVE you

sweetheart

I have to go to sleep

❤️👾🫚

I always am shocked 

that you don't just know 

pretty much everything that runs through my head

and again

I'm so sorry

I didn't mean it the way it came across but I'm not trying to make excuses I did bad

But Lucky could not have talked after that.  

Wave after wave resonating up against her, deep within her, and some kind of throughway to the promise of other buzzing frequencies unlocked.  

It was exquisite.  

Lucky saw him from across the room.  He clapped his hands above his head and lightning flew away.  Remember, he said, and she did: chrono-shift engaged-- for the rest of the ride.

The lights flashed and the electricity crackled through the conductive misting rain as one after another of the most amazing feats of magic, conjuration and wonder flashed-- and here's the crazy part-- not just before her, but to some degree behind and in front of her as well, all at once.  It was too much to handle at once.

(continuing)

Lucky hadn't been to Io in a long time.  

She had had some difficulties by which I guess I mean she kinda lost her sh*t.  She hadn't been able to travel.  First for health reasons but then it was more fear than anything really.

She had begun some sort of chrono-shift that she didn't have the protocols, and she was just kinda torqued but it couldn't be helped, ya know.

She had made it to Io to see the love of her life who maybe didn't feel the same way about her and she was psychically raw, open, exposed before him in a way she had never been before and somehow had never expected to be.

(continuing)

it's gonna take me a little bit to get this right

it's an extended metaphor

& it's sexual

& I'm rusty on both of those

in progress

I LOVE you

OK

LET ME

recalibrate 

OH

collaging on one of the earlier paintings

in progress 

both of them

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much

👾🫚

I'm confused 

I'm so tired

I spent most of the day

shopping

& cooking for my mom

I didn't do it at her house

which is different

usually I do

BUT

her knives are no good for me

& she has a tendency

to be all like

is it done yet

is it DONE yet

is it done YET

I cooked boneless skinless chicken breasts

with a bar-b-q-esque rub

pork roast with similar rub

then with part of the pork

I made a curry*

*pseudo Thai**

**mung bean sprouts & coconut milk 

roasted sweet potatoes

collard greens

great northern beans with pork belly

half as cassoulet

half as white bean & potato soup

it was a lot

I was generally pleased with the results

the bean & potato soup

was especially good

or was more my speed I guess

the chicken was pretty good too

I had the oven

the stovetop

& a pressure cooker

all going

eighteen meals

SO

I don't know if it was clear

BUT I think

these bits of ADVICE

are things I should have done

I couldn't really with the college

& I wasn't willing to

with the summer fishing job

I think it would have been

an amazing experience

& I THINK

having real life & death stuff

makes the depression

not have room to exist

BUT who knows

I CAN DO this camping thing

I'm just afraid

but that doesn't mean

it's the wrong thing though 

BUT I'm remembering

that really nice cabin I stayed in

right near the 29 palms entrance to Joshua tree

with the well water

SO SWEET

I was trying to take bottles OUT with me

BUT it's the

OUT in the ENVIRONMENT

part

that I'm actually trying to GET

SO I just need to

DECIDE

do I have what it takes

to GET the personal GROWTH 

I didn't realize

how LATE it is

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💌💤

👾🫚

BUT

the palette came today

& I'm PRETTY happy with the colors

the IDEA of painting

it CALMED me DOWN some

I remember

I had forgotten

SANTA ANA winds

when I was trying to pick

a university

I WANTED to go to one

that followed the student CONTRACT model

where at the beginning

of the semester

you come to an AGREEMENT 

you decide what you want to get out of the class

& your grade is based

on how well you ACCOMPLISHED 

your GOALS

I thought THAT was

a CRITICAL skill

when I was in NOT THAT college

I was having SOME trouble with depression

I told myself

TAKE one of those

ALASKA summer fishing jobs

& I was all like

f*CK you I'm not gonna do THAT

it's COLD

AND 

it's DANGEROUS 

NOW

it's telling me

this CAMPING thing

THAT

was related to the slowly

BLOSSOMing fear

I watched a few videos

TENT reviews

my old tent 

didn't make one of the purges

& it got REAL

a tent in the desert

is as FAR 

from the FORTRESS

as it is possible

to GET

BUT

what I probably haven't made CLEAR

I've had these

BITS of ADVICE for myself

that for one reason and another

I have not followed

& I mean MOSTLY

no BIG deal

BUT 

there's this one LIKE category THING

today was kinda WEIRD

this bizarre mashup

was playing in MY HEAD

LIKE

some CIA operation

my MOM said

my outfit was CUTE*

*no backhand, no attitude, just cute which could possibly be a sign of the apocalypse**

**how do you feel about this device/style

I had this realization

LIKE

we were looking at galleries

& every artist

HAS a distinct VIEW

& there are a bajillion

ARTISTS

& THAT

was a little overwhelming

NOT new information 

the palette came

some mixes below

I'm watching the state of the union

Biden

he's doing GREAT 

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much

👾🫚

I LOVE you

I feel very strongly led

that I need

to do this trip

this vision quest thingy

& that

SOMEHOW

my perspective

will

shift, resolve, clear, something

right now

I feel like I'm not SURE

exactly what I'm

saying or doing

& I feel like I'm gonna screw up something

IMPORTANT

I'm sorry for everything

I've done

that ever hurt you

or made you feel like maybe I didn't think

you were special to me

I'm not a mean girl

BUT

I'm gonna keep believing

that everything is fine

that I love you

& you know it

& as I figure things out

I will try

to let you know

I gotta go to sleep

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much

👾🫚

what I really like

ABOUT

the planning PIECE

is it does take away SOME

of the RANDOM elements

BUT

it enhanced the experience

having ALL the food

MEANS that

I miss RANDOM required

food acquisition

BUT

still have food EXPERIENCES

that feel random

it's just more letting

things happen as they happen

NOT having to WORRY

ABOUT

WHEN the food CALLS OUT 

I was EXPLAINING

this planning

is a more recent development

I did a trip

to LONDON

& then

into SCOTLAND

I stayed with a friend

who was there

on a student

exchange thingy

for like the first night or two

then I lit out for Scotland without any idea

where I would be staying

no booking

you've got the WANDERLUST

he said 

he told me he fell off his roof

I'm like

do you spend a lot of time

on your roof

I like to hang out up there

he says

is that WEIRD

NO I say

but it WILL increase your CHANCES

of falling off

I was trying to EXPLAIN

to my therapist

the process

PLANNING

having the details

so that the 

IMMERSION could just become

a totally unplanned

guided 

experience

that it wasn't so much giving myself PERMISSION

so much as just REMEMBERING

THIS is a THING

I do

I FEEL weird

like I went SOMEWHERE

that

MAYBE only made sense to me, ya know

LIKE I came off

over the top

I did have a mildly Dr Seuss energy

going on

which I was totally VIBING

now seems

less something

the TAROT says

something

I'm having trouble translating

I feel like

you might be looking

for places where I might be saying

something bad

BUT that might be

like projection

SO

I'm just going to say everything is fine

I have stuff

cannot talk

that's not scary right

ALSO

it may have not made SENSE

I was referencing

MINT mobile

Ryan Reynolds show WREXHAM

which I kinda low key love

& the show made me like him

it's a THING

I'm doing

but it's NOT like code

ALSO

I am legit trying to write a SIMPLE

or series of them

about

AMERICA

that's not code either

feeling paranoid

🤠

SO

I told my therapist about

my Joshua tree plan

& he's like

you're giving yourself permission

& I'm like

well I guess

but I think that implies a dynamic

that doesn't exist

he's like

YEAH that's very YOU

you've got A LOT of layers

I'm getting some kind of massage

from the universe

BUT

I don't know what it means

I'm all of a sudden

needing to log back in

unable to refresh feed

so that's not normal

I hope everything is ok

I love you very much sweetheart 

OK

let me just say

I TEND to think if I've heard the song LIVE

then I've heard it best already

BUT

I'm re-THINKing that

it is a LOVE letter

to AMERICAN music

there's SO MUCH woven in

& yet it's COHESIVE

the BAND is like HOLDing it DOWN like SOLID

& I TEND to think

man this sounds GOOD & all

BUT I wish there was

just a little more RAW

BUT

not THIS

this has all the mastery

BUT fresh somehow

it managed to be SOMEHOW

a continuation of the ouvre

& something COMPLETELY different

CC is one I've loved for a long time

though I think I might just know it

from the "motherload" from days of yore

you might not even know what I'm talking about

interwebs

AMAZING STUPENDOUS

outrageous tremendous

HUMANITY

strands of it gossamer frail

KNIT at a high tensile strength to PREVAIL

👁️‍🗨️👁️‍🗨️

   💋

I'm not sure about those PIRQ thingies

they work great ALONE

they work okay

mixed in with a few other foods

BUT

when I first got them

I had one 

by itself

in the evening*

I had one for a mid morning thing

mixed into my Monday work routine

NOT so good**

SO

four is the outer limit

with limited additions

BUT

I repeated the mid morning thing

similar results

I'm considering replacing the PIRQ

with a coconut water

PERFECT AMINOS

PROBIOTIC

it cuts the protein by 30g a day

which THEORETICALLY

the perfect aminos replace

my experience

with PERFECT AMINOS

can neither CONFIRM

nor DENY

I really don't think

I get more than sixty grams of protein

on most days

I personally believe

OCCASIONAL

large influx of protein

are MORE right

I was pretty happy with my weight

it had been _34.?

 then I took the SIX WEEKS

FOOD HOLIDAY

then I got COVID 

dropped to _30.?

but it is possible I was dehydrated

but even if I gained five pounds

it was a GOOD experiment

& I'm HAPPY with the RESULTS

this is, I hope obviously, just like

TRAINING notes

not metaphor

nothing FANCY

*no problem 

**but you know maybe there was some other unaccounted for element

SICK PLAYOFFS

fleas are cominnnngggg!!!

indoor is different from OUTDOOR

they FLY into a WALL

~UNKNOWN to me

everybody's killing me~

CANDY KITCHEN*

I didn't like him until that soccer show

now I find him kinda endearing cringe

I don't think I like WILBON

sometimes

I'm routing FOR him

AGAINST TK

I can't quite pin point what my beef with him is

ROSETTA 🪨

OHTANI -- they bought JAPAN

ELVIS 

DODGERS

I haven't really been connected to

any team for a while

maybe OHTANI

I heard the mouse thing didn't I

if I was in on it

why am I still not getting it

it's like nudge nudge

just all in joke

I'm trying to make it more complicated

sleepy aunt brewing

it's a status thing the branding

it's like coke and Pepsi

MUSIC in the eighties

GRANDPA 

*watermelon fascists

_35.2

I'm gonna start doing this again

here's what they look like dry

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much

👾🫚

the SIMPLE isn't writing itself

so I think I'll START with

the bit

that isn't QUITE right

it STARTED because

I was explaining

some supplemtation RESEARCH

to my mom

& it was LIKE

well there's some disagreement

blah blah blah

&

my mom says something like

when nobody's RIGHT

how can you believe ANYBODY

NOW

my mom has a MATH degree

from RICE

she understands the concept of

like THINKING

or whatever

BUT I took her POINT

after I puzzled it out

& I think

it's broadly applicable

if there are CHOICES between

THINGS you don't know

ANYTHING about

it could seem a bit MUCH

the PROBLEM is

that THEN I LAUNCH into an explanation

about how the DEMOCRATS

whether you LIKE what they GOT

for ya or NOT

they WANT to GOVERN

they EXPECT to deliver SOMETHING

to the PEOPLE

the REPUBLICANS have LOST

the understanding

of what 

they

they care about POWER

& they are out of step

with the MAJORITY

of Americans

BUT

I WORRY

that people aren't INTERESTED

SMOKEY PALOMA

Caitlyn Clark

Tiger Woods

I got a silk knit polo from eBay

it's mens

it's taupe

I love it, but I've only worn it

once or twice

I love knits especially linen & silk

BASEBALL

a CAR is a large portable RADIO

bostonglobe.com

or you could take chlorella

EGO & aspiration

I'm the mayor of DUNKIN

STREAMING

I'm unfamiliar with his ouvre

I had hold your head up stuck in my head

the other day

RIDE SALLY RIDE

HOCUS POCUS JUNK

I would have eaten the second pizza

DAN BERN shout out

he really is that nice

Louise Gluck

I painted over one of the earlier ones

foot's all better

headed to the studio

I love you very much sweetheart

have a beautiful day

❤️👾🫚🫧🫧🐦

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

👾👾🫚

I drank four of those pirq thing-y

two kinda largish handfuls of berries

& an avocado

I am not having

any gas

or intestinal distress

so far

I included the other food

mostly to see

how it interacts

I think it's good

& it seems pretty filling too

the other stuff

also for fiber

so far

so good 

LOOK

the tarot is telling me

I'm f*CKing this up

I'm not trying to

MAYBE

I don't understand

MAYBE

I'm not caught up

PLEASE

don't close anything off

because I said something wrong

I LOVE you VERY much 

you're my person

I'm gonna keep talking

I'm not dropping ANYTHING

I'm gonna tell you what I can

& Imma hope

for those DREAMS & VISIONS 

to keep things

moving in the right direction 

I WANT SOMETHING 

& you want something 

AND THAT emphasis may not be right

& the somethings might not be

EXACTLY the SAME

BUT

I have FAITH in the PROCESS

🍀

I didn't go to the studio

I did something to my foot yesterday

I think ultimately

it's a good thing

BUT

I didn't want to be standing on it all day

so I took a bath in Epsom salts

& it's much better now

Imma take a shower 🚿

wash the salt off

so it doesn't

irritate my skin

❤️

have I mentioned

that I love you very much

I gotta go to sleep

💌🍀👾🫚

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much 

I saw this today

and I think I have a reflection in it

but there are reflections in it

& It's on the glass or something

I was just mesmerized 

I think I see my PROBLEM or

at least PART of my problem

I was trying to get down to LIKE a basic

ARGUMENT

& then

saying NO that won't WORK

AND

the FORM of the SIMPLE

isn't REALLY an

argument

anyway

SO

I have to start over

I haven't been in the STUDIO for a while

& it helps me KINDA

UNTHINK things

I got some more of those bear crayons

they are for kids

from Italy

& they are the NICEST smoothest JOY to use

they ALSO have markers ❤️

there's this like warm gray I am obsessed with

I have this thought

about TEXTURE transparent

SURFACE texture

here's a sampler

that name is somebody

I saw on Instagram

& I thought for a minute

that might be about my muscle level

how much weight

would I have to lose

I could maybe handle that

she taller

& her muscles are not

work muscles

they are beauty muscles

I am NOT gonna look like that

BUT I wrote it down