how much I care about
HOW I LOOK
I KNOW
I have spent
ENERGY
thinking about my
HAIR
& SKIN
& wrinkles
& bags
BUT
MAYBE I have AVOIDED
focusing attention
on the parts of myself that I cover up
I have NOTICED but I don't
FOCUS THERE
& THAT
is part of the issue
I guess, but I also just don't know
WHAT I WANT from myself
I THINK
I mainly WANT
FUNCTION
BUT
when I look in the mirror NOW I don't really think
THAT'S ME
& SOME of that
is FAT
& probably some of it is AGE
BUT
I THINK
SOME of it is SOMETHING else
& I'm not sure how I WANT to FEEL when I look
at myself
I have all these
INTERNALIZED judgements
& my inner critic is not a sweetie pie
I saw polz grew a mustache
& it made me feel like
I owe you an
EXPLANATION
there was a character in a TV show
who looked a lot like you
he had a mustache
& it looked
good on
HIM
yours probably looked good on you too
BUT
in combination of
my dad had a mustache
my step dad had a mustache
robert had a mustache
I just don't FEEL good AROUND them
MAYBE
BUT
SOMEHOW
on you
it was disruptive
I have this
IMAGE
of you in my HEAD or something
& the MUSTACHE
gave you this completely different
VIBE
I guess it made you LOOK
DANGEROUS
and porn star-y
which made me
UNCOMFORTABLE
it KINDA
disrupted something I found beautiful
& introduced
the spectre
of
UNTRUSTWORTHY
that sounds
CRAZY
maybe
