Well since I stayed up later I slept later

I think I've been kind of lying in the bed looking at my phone and stuff for at least 30 minutes and maybe closer to an hour I'm really not sure

I had some weird dreams though

There's one that I can only remember snippets of it seemed important though

I was younger

And I was hanging out with two girls that I've been friends with for a long time

I went to school with them but it's not clear to me whether it was high school or college

That part of the reason why I'm not clear is because I'm not sure how old I was

But

I think it was one of the girl's birthdays

I think we were having kind of a weekend retreat slumber party type thing

But I think it was at the house at the girl whose birthday it was

But I think we've been separated for a while so maybe we'd all gone off to college and we hadn't seen each other or I don't know I really don't know what the deal was but feel like there had been some damage to the relationship and we were mending it

And I was some kind of weird dietary something I don't know if I was vegan or if I was some other kind of thing but I had brought to casserole dishes of things I could eat

So that my freakiness wouldn't have to cause anybody any inconvenience

And as we were talking about menu and stuff

The girl whose birthday it wasn't

Kept saying

Well that stuff she brought would be great on pizza

And saying we should get a pizza crust with cheese and just put that stuff on it

But the girl whose birthday it was

Was like I don't think she can have pizza crust and cheese

And I don't know whether I could have pizza crust and cheese or not but I really wanted a pizza

And I said something

And birthday girl just looked at me like I had completely lost it

I wish I could remember what I said

It was just using silly words instead of actual words it wasn't like any kind of conceptual thing

And I turned to the non-birthday girl and I'm like she just thinks my IQ has dropped cuz I use cutesy words

And I think there was more but I don't remember

And then

There was one where I was at the place I had just been working before the whole pandemic

And I was leaving that day

And I was collecting up some kind of paperwork into a clear plastic sheet protector type thing but like a thick one more like a job order protector sheet

Andthen when I looked in it there was this one page it was supposedly from some famous person and the page had been like not embroidered but it was like some kind of thing where you sowed it I mean it must have been done with some kind of special machine but the design was like sewn into the paper so it kind of looked embroidered but it was done with a and it might have been done with embroidery thread probably was but it was stitched with some sort of machine and I wish I could remember who it said

And I think it was really supposed to be some kind of going away card for me but didn't mention me at all

So I told the guy who did it he was very talented I took it out of the paperwork file and I went to the office and when I open the office door the roof was I don't know if it was leaking or if a pipe at first or what was going on it seemed to be much more like rain than just a leak you know wasn't drip drip drip but then again it was a pouring out like a purse pipe it was kind of a heavy rain

And I was like oh

And Dennis took the file folder thing for me and was like you don't need this

And I'm like no I was going to put it in the office but now I don't think that's the right place for it

And he's like I got it it's like 5 minutes after 5:00 you need to clock out

So I went over the time clock but had to kind of stand in the water the rain to get to the time clock and then when I tried to swipe my card it was giving a negative read so I tried it like three times and then I was like I guess I'm going to have to manually code this in so I did that

And then I left

And I had been worried about what they were going to do without me but nobody seemed to be too worried

And I don't know exactly what I felt about the fact that they really didn't need me at all

For sure I felt I don't know like perceptually shifted like that was a different person somehow and there was like a little bit of sadness there that they didn't need me but there was also like a big weight lifted off of me that I didn't have to be I don't know responsible maybe

Like nobody would ever do anything always leaving me to do everything not in all areas but in some areas and you know if I needed help or some understanding of a problem that I was having they're just that wasn't available to me and so now I was free of it

But there's a part of me that always kind of likes to feel indispensable

And will allow myself to be taking advantage of because I want to feel indispensable

And this was making it clear

Then nobody really ever thinks I'm indispensable anyway

I don't know it didn't seem like it was a very long section of dream but it had just a very deep emotional content

I think the stuff with the girls had a deep emotional content too I just can't remember what it was exactly

Probably something about long connections with people

And maybe the work that it takes to maintain those ties I don't know