use this tarot thing
on my phone
it's not an app
I just Google it
frequently
I just ask it
what's up with us
& it gave me four of cups
which might mean
lots of things
for other people
BUT
for me
this is ALWAYS
the cards
that means
NOTHING can dissuade him
from loving you
from the reading
with the angel tarot
with that woman
at metaphysical matrix
that finally tied into Amy's
second reading
about listening to the angels
which had initially
bothered me
because I maybe don't believe so much in angels
THAT'S the trouble with the
"psychic" messaging
it's not going to tell you anything
BUT
you recognize the stuff
as it unfolds
I was very sure
you were my person
from the start
& I was sure
you loved me-- totally certain
from so early
it seems like impossible that you could have
BUT
by the time I got that message
I was radically uncertain
& I was just thinking
it's taking me
SO LONG
to get myself back together
I was feeling like
I MUST be a drag
BUT
I MEAN
I don't have any other way to do this
it's just gonna take
however long it takes
&
I'm sorry it isn't faster
BUT
honestly, MORE because I want to be functional
than because I don't want to be a drag
I'm building it back from the ground
& that's just BETTER really
I NOW understand that
I probably wasn't
so much crazy as neuro-divergent
& I'm trying to navigate
all THAT
it MATTERS to me
this idea that you cannot be dissuaded
from loving me
just like
you are the one thing
I have wanted
and pursued
across I'm going to SAY MOST
of my life
I don't believe
I was in any way wrong
I TRUST myself
that you are
my one
BUT
I just don't currently
get how that all
fits together
I just know
that it does
❤️👾🫚
