ALSO

we are developing

SOME KIND of

BEATLES

code

I'm not SURE how it WORKS yet

ANYWAY

thinking about AMERICA

FUNKIFIES my day

BUT of course

I UNDERSTAND that

THIS is part of what I keep SAYING

I WANT to talk ABOUT

it JUST kinda

upsets me

I was talking to someone

who SAID

the Democrats need to distance

themselves from the whole

TRANS thing

& I GET what they meant

I'm JUST not SURE that

there REALLY is

this HUGE slice of UNDECIDED middle roaders

who are UPSET by pronouns

I TRIED to explain

how if you back AWAY

from the pronouns

then you are ACTIVELY

NOT in SUPPORT

this was from someone who always votes

DEMOCRAT

SO

IDK 

I'm not sure how

EXACTLY

but I got myself depressed

I think it was

the whole

THOUGHT PROCESS

of the playlist

PLUS

it reminded me

I'm NOT native

THAT

really KINDA just

wrecks me

EVERY time

I MEAN

I feel like a REPLICANT

LIKE I have implanted MEMORIES

LIKE I'm SOMEHOW artificial

I KNOW that's WEIRD

that's just how it FEELS

NOTHING to do with you, though

goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much

👾🫚

I need to go to bed

I was gonna write something

BUT

nothing ever gelled

I got myself all worked up

over the playlist

which might

be to jumpy contextually

I took a lot of threads

about

religion and race

& cultural stuff

in a stream of consciousness approach

I just worry

that you'll think

I'm somehow saying

something bad about you

I trusted you not to

but now

I can't help myself

I'm checking anyway

I don't know if

that's being caring

or

just being some kind of asshole

AND

of course

if it's the first

THEN maybe it's the second too

because I waited too long

I made my sipping borscht

I don't think

it's quite as good as last time

I just used

red pepper flakes

for heat last time

& this time

I used a bunch of stuff

BUT

including mustard powder

which I regret

it was a whim

I love mustard

it's okay

just not stellar

I forgot

until I was looking

through my feed just now

it's easter

that doesn't mean anything to me

BUT I forgot anyway

it's funny

I am supposed to KNOW

those holidays, right

BUT

in fairness

I forgot it was trans visibility day too

I gotta go to sleep

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart

👾🫚

OK

SOMETHING to do with

I've got

trousers

favorite hen

pretty convincingly in my HEAD

BUT now

Peter & the WOLF*

*which was one of my favorites when I was a kid

SO

SOMETHING to do with

CHILDHOOD

I AM

CONSIDERING

tahini for a healthier fat

because I don't THINK

the TEXTURE

will WORK

without

SOME

FAT

BUT

I might

be surprised

by HOW versatile

BEANS can be in a recipe

I bought some BEETS

I'mma make a batch of what I'm CALLING

DRINKING borscht

I haven't made it for a WHILE

& I have different

PANTRY staples

I just got 

some kind of FANCY vinegar

SO I'm SURE

THAT will end up

in there SOMEPLACE

SOUPS & legumes

SALAD

whenever watermelon 🍉

comes back in season

OR maybe NOT

THAT sounds VERY sweet now

BUT ALSO

I had this IDEA

to REWORK my vegan

MAC & cheese*

rather than JUST 

using butternut squash 

to replace PART of the OIL

I want to REPLACE

MOST of the REST of the OIL**

with BEANS***

*which started out from a YouTube video from a vegan soul food restaurant in Atlanta but has been modified multiple times but this modification would take it completely out of that and I'd have to say it was my recipe 

**I already changed the kind of oil

***either great northern or fava but who am I kidding, if great northern beans work they are cheaper and easier

I DREAM

a shirt of DEEPEST olive

gidget flashing

RAINBOW pride

SUN is SHINING

all TEAM colors

are we going

for a RIDE

I don't know WHAT

I WAS expecting

mention heartbreak

I'd have CRIED

MAYBE I thought

it'd be dramatic

ROLLING breathless

in the TIDE

SOMETIMES the dream

might sound like something

AGAINST which

you forever CHIDE

AND so FOREVER

ENIGMATIC

I am peripherally

by your SIDE

MAYBE it's a 

call to action

let your conscience

be your GUIDE

POSSIBLY 

a note of comfort

WHATEVER happens

DUDE, ABIDE

VISUALLY speaking 

it's an OG

get into the VAN

let's HIDE

I FEEL like

I'm FOREVER hoping

that your arms

will open WIDE

BUT DREAMS

are often vague and dreamy

INTERPRETABLES

are just IMPLIED

I don't NEED

a ton of CONCRETE

LIKE madonna

JUSTIFIED 

BUT the WORD

I'm saying MOST here

is FOREVER

never lied

I could ALWAYS

BRAVE the swing set

my arch nemesis

was the SLIDE

you SPARKLE like a diamond

every tiny nuance

a FLASH

of rainbow

there's a WAY

I am disarmed

HELPLESSLY flopping like

a fish out of water

&

there's a WAY

I am set free

crystalline WHIRLWIND

MULTITUDES multiplex

legend FAIRYTALE

phantasmagory ice cream cones

ROLLING WITH the psycho tumbleweeds

in a LANDSCAPE

NOT QUITE in FOCUS

CONJURATION alchemy

COFFEE homies in SPURS

SHARP beautiful CONCENTRATION

RAINING 

in wait

goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much

👾🫚

HEAD INJURY 

POWER play CASH grab

CRUSHING the NBA

it's KINDA heady

MAN

I long ago came to GRIPS with

90s sitcom

is an inside joke, right

there was a sitcom with Jason Alexander

based on TK, right

ALTHOUGH

was it the 90s

(let me check) NOPE 2004

COMMUNITY COLLEGE

BIG BILL HAWTHORNE garnet letter

SWEET sixteen

BEAUTIFUL BASKETBALL

UCONN PURDUE final

I just don't want WILBON

to be RIGHT

it's a decades long tradition

I don't need field of greens

BUT

I am VERY tempted by

BROC SHOT

have you seen THAT

NATs opening day

FATHER & son baseball

you used X amount of THERMs

we don't have to GO FUND ME

DUDE

DO NOT GET ME STARTED

on the POST OFFICE

now I haven't written a check in years

& very rarely MAIL anything

BUT

DO NOT get me STARTED*

*but I won't start because then I'll just sound like him KINDA

OK

fixin to listen to TK 

GOOD morning sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much

👾🫚

goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much

I gotta go to sleep

👾🫚

They bought me

a set

of encyclopedia

for winter holiday

pretty pretty shortly thereafter

my aunt joan & my gran gran

WORLD BOOK

I went with my Aunt Joan

she worked

as an assistant buyer

for finger furniture

& they had tickets

I'm not sure

the exact context

I was maybe six or seven

I was pretty into it

BUT

I didn't really understand

a lot of what was going on

I THINK I was asking

LOTS of questions 

the SEATS were on the CLUB level

SO we went to the BAR

it was REALLY cool

all like

BLACK & GOLD

DARK

the bartender made me a 

SHIRLEY TEMPLE

WHAT I say

to myself

& I THINK I've said to YOU before

is my first memory

it was night

I was SLEEPING 

& I WOKE up*

*I was in the bedroom I shared with my dad at my gran gran's house** we had matching*** twin beds.

**which in later times was Edith & sunrise's bedroom and also my gran gran's bedroom

***except for texture-- one of the beds had a bumpy hobnail type thing

I WOKE up

I got out of my bed

I LOOKED up

at the EASY RIDER poster

my DADDY was asleep

he was laying

on his stomach with his BACK up

I climbed into the bed

I climbed onto his back

& I fell asleep

LIKE THAT

the MEMORY

that I STYLE as my first memory

because

I do have a vague

POTTY TRAINING memory

which isn't interesting

OR

CLEAR ENOUGH

to make a STORY about

THAT

is what THAT

REALLY MEANS*

*what is the earliest story you have about your perception of yourself in the world

(continuing)

if you are on MORE than ONCE

TK likes you

NOT Gary

I'm no fan of HIS

we know each other

well enough to give each other sh*t

THAT is true

HE GETS the community building

THIS is when I KNEW

I was gonna marry her

YEAH he reads the non-flattering emails

one of the great things about the show

NOTHING is explained

if you KNOW

you KNOW

CHUNKY not crunchy

PAUL SIMON is great

& WAS actually a very good guest

multiple times I saw

SEE KIDS

dreams really DO come true

road not taken

when I got the job at videocentral

back in my early twenties

I had ALSO applied to work

in the library at Rice University

& after I took the VC job

Rice called me

I had already accepted the job at VC

& I felt like that meant

I shouldn't interview for Rice

& SO much groundwork for my life

came from THAT VC job

over the years

I have WONDERED

would I have found

Dan Bern

Tori Amos

Melissa Ferrick

would I have

worked at Starbucks

&all the things that came FROM THAT 

I feel like

THAT decision

MIGHT have led to a COMPLETELY different life

& whenever

I'm feeling like

POOR LIFE CHOICES

I always go back to THAT juncture

idk what my most wasteful purchase was

I have a bunch of memories from early childhood

BUT

I mostly don't have any REAL

WAY

to determine

what happened WHEN*

*so I don't know what my "earliest" memory was

(continuing)

GEORGE WILL intern

POOL

big screen TV

ORIOLES tickets

pretty great pay

TEAM LOYALTY Connecticut

GEOGRAPHY is destiny

I do remember this

I just don't remember it

& didn't really get context 

Oh yeah

I thought I had some

CRUNCHY peanut butter

I looked through the cabinet

it was with chocolate

I see the virtue of crunchy

BUT

I still prefer smooth

I think

SUZANNE 

I think I listened to this one before

I REMEMBER her

having a last minute judging gig

OK

I found a LLpod about cilizza

I'mma listen to THAT 

GOOD morning sweetheart

hope your day is

BEAUTIFUL so far

I LOVE you VERY much

👾🫚

WHAT can I use the cookie emoji for?

I have a burning desire to say

🍪🍪🍪

BUT

I don't KNOW what that MEANS 

I'm getting BLUE hwy

in my head

& I'm guessing THAT means

you wanna KNOW

BUT

I can't tell you right now

I've had a pretty good day

mood & thinking wise

I feel like I'm sorta

getting back to normal

& I had a different interpretation

+ not feeling

SO inhibited from just talking

not so WORRIED about being LIKE interpreted

I LOVE you

BUT this has all been KINDA

strange & disorienting

& KINDA rollercoaster-y

I kept trying to decide

WHAT to write today

& I don't even remember

what the different things were

BUT

I FEEL like something GOOD is coming

I'll settle into a rhythm

or something

I feel LUCKY

even if I am confused

I gotta go to sleep

goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much

👾🫚

I FEEL you 

MAYHEM

my brother has his MFA from Yale

I copied Neil's perfect bracket

NOW I'm behind a woman

who pronounces it MAR-kwet

BRIDGE

WHY am I EVER getting in a car again

FOAM rubber

THEY don't know either

BUT they're afraid now

I am not a bar-b-q chip guy

not great

too much honey

I don't really eat chips

I LIKE them

BUT

I'm not really sure what I like anymore

WHO is cilizza

he seems to be important

BUT

there's this whole vibe I don't quite get

we know it's not fair

that's just the way it's got to be

AND maybe

the reason TK & WILBON are paired up

is they are both kinda opinionated

BUT they don't generally agree

MAYBE

STRONGER HANDS

BUSTER 

TK can't get enough of the cows

flesh out all the sides of you

I f*CKing LOVE coffee ice cream

statement from OHTANI's lawyers

SEEMS suspect

SHADY character-- so MUCH smoke

WYATT LANGFORD next big STAR

LOMAN-ettes

LIGHTLY worn brooks bros suit jacket

without the pants

one of the revolutionary factions

in the French revolution

was called SANS-CULOTTE

which translates*

*for me, anyway

to the NO FANCY PANTS party

PARIS commune

ep152

ep167

ep281

when do we get ELEVATED Mr Tony flavors

coffee ice cream, johnny Walker blue, red wine over the sink

OK

GOOD morning

I had stuff unexpectedly free up

SO

I can listen to TK earlier

I'm sure he'll talk about the bridge collapse

which I KNOW happened

BUT

like no CONTEXT

hope everything is GREAT so far today

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart

I have to go to sleep

🫶👾🫚

well

I've got

you can feel it all over

playing in my head

& I CAN

FEEL you

I'm pretty happy with 

I made SOUP

when I made that stuff for 

my mom before

I had been planning to make

this soup from moose wood

BASQUE white bean soup

I didn't REALLY follow

the recipe

REALLY just

CONCEPT, rough proportions

I used vegetable stock

piece of kombu

couple garlic cloves

bay leaf

--pressure cooked that for a few minutes

couple carrots

couple stalks celery

large yellow onion

couple campari tomatoes 

half head cabbage

one package great northern beans

--these I got start by pouring boiling water on them, letting them soak a little, draining the water, & pouring boiling water again

--then I can just pour the second water in without having to drain it because the whatever it is that supposedly causes gas has gone with the first water

SPICE

tumeric, cumin, white pepper

sweet smoked paprika

new york shuk fiery harissa

lucky foods Seoul gochujang

I pureed it with

the stick blender

I was thinking I was making it for mom

BUT

I decided 

it tasted MUCH too HEALTHY

SHE probably

wouldn't even like it anyway

I'm eating

 THIS

I would make it the SAME

it's LIKE

the best thing I've made

in a while

there's NO meat

there's no OIL

the beans are the only thing

that even REALLY has calories*

*it was from their low fat favorites cookbook

that's roughly

250 calories & 18g of protein

but it's ALSO

super HEALTHY

highly recommend*

*the recipe had fennel seed & bell pepper no heat at all 

CANNOT comment on the UNheated version

😁

I woke up with a migraine

I cancelled therapy

I'm cooking

I'm feeling pretty anti-social

I LOVE you VERY much

I'm gonna try

to get out of my funk

so maybe I can be fun later

tonite

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart

I gotta go to sleep

👾🫚

possibly

SOME of that

was TWISTERLY*

*I don't know what it means I just went with it

the whole just got back

was like

this sensation that

LIKE

I just slipped back into this meat suit

like I was GONE and

NOW

BUT

then it's all like

does that mean I'm LIKE all

MULTIPLE

& NO**

**pretty sure 

you're pretty awesome

I feel LIKE I just

I'm high

I went on some BIG thought JOURNEY

& when I came BACK

I SAID

OH

DID I JUST come back

GOT not gone

I'm warming up to GRANDPA

he says such nice things

Phil's mom

Reginald is in the top spot

YALE

CHALK

CLEMSON

TOTAL chalk

in the EAST starting

AFTER ten

OVER armor of hydration

why could he not wear it with a cardigan

post sex nachos?

Peter Angelos

he was the best of men

he was the worst of men

MAYBE

OHTANI

gambling scandal, which one?

WILBON doesn't eat fruits or vegetables

there is definitely more

COMMERCE

NO CINDERELLA

no cuddly underdog

as someone still writing columns

it's been a few years now

oh, I remember him from his podcast plug

Charles f Barry kids

Dan Bern shout out

WIMBANYAMA

!!!

the flush the mouse

has become

SURREAL

SPIKE SPEAK

ep304 - top 200

first time long time 

SCOTT HANSEN red zone

FAMOUS karate man

do TK and his son have a really good relationship

I MEAN they must, huh

they tease each other a lot

he's gone a strange CONGLOMERATION

of arrogant

but self aware

but also kinda clueless

BUT schtick-y about it

OK

I've got close to you

& rainbow connection

playing in my head

I'mma listen to TK now

good morning sweetheart

fixin to head off to work

I LOVE you VERY much

👾🫚

goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much

👾🫚

my head has been

eerily (sp?) quiet

BUT

the TAROT is

all knight of wands

knight of cups

over & over

so I'm like well

OK good

BUT then

I get the tower twice in a row

which isn't necessarily BAD

but it's not one 

that ever gets enthusiastic

from me

BUT then

ACE of COINS

SO

I am not sleepy

but I need to go to bed

gotta get up

REALLY early

I THINK

you're not quitting me

I THINK

things have sorta stabilized

I THINK

I need something

I'm not sure what

I ALSO

THINK that I am having a problem

which may not have occurred to you

a big part of WHY

I wanted to go on the trip

that I now am not going on until

who knows when

was to try

and get a handle on

WHAT I'm doing

& that is because I need

to be doing something

&

if I am now doing

a bunch of travelling

I need more money to do THAT

SO LIKE

I wasn't supposed to do that

BUT

NOW

I needed to have done that

& I FEEL like

I've lost some quality of myself

in this whole process

BUT

I'm not looking to run away

I'm just looking at

HOW

LIKE not together

my life is

which I didn't notice so much

BEFORE 

AND

then the reel

SEEMED to be

conveying something

about public school being good

MAYBE

because they had positive

interaction

with other children

BUT

it got away from me and I couldn't get the MESSAGE

so maybe that is the message

ALTHOUGH

I'm not certain what that means either

BUT it doesn't seem particularly scary

I feel like THREE

has like always been a thing

I looked up triplets

in dream interpretation

& it includes

the three references you'd expect

CREATIVITY

ties to TAROT empress

triple goddess aspects

BUT

ALSO

avoiding BAD luck

opportunities

TAKING on too much responsibility

OK

NOW I've got she's gone by hall & Oates

BUT

I'm not gone

I don't think you're gone

SO

I'mma say

you don't think my dream

meant good things

I think I understand part of what's bothering me

I FEEL like

YOU wanted something

SPECIFIC from me

& SOME of what I did WAS good

BUT some of what I did

was NOT good

& I'm afraid

AND I'm so focused on you

I don't seem to be able

to just talk to you NORMAL

BECAUSE now

I THINK there are whole swaths of my personality

that you find distasteful

I'm kinda SPINNING 

I had a lot of dreams

BUT

the only thing I remember

was SOMETHING about

TRIPLETS

a man

standing outside a door

saying something about triplets

THEN I actually get up

start scrolling through social media

& there's something

I don't really understand

something about failed home schooling

the first page of the message

was there a long time

BUT

the second part of the reel

was too fast

I kept trying

BUT

I just couldn't get the point of it

which SEEMS very LIKE

SOMETHING from a dream

BUT

it wasn't a dream

& then

I realized there were three children

the same size

MIGHT be

TRIPLETS

COINCIDENCE

well, not in my brain

SO now what does that mean

I do want to say

I got theories about

what's been going on

BUT

I don't see where triplets fit in

MUST be symbolism

I just feel

SO like I am missing

an important piece of the puzzle

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much 

I'm going to think about

holding you

YOU holding me

& try

to have dreams

I can tell you about

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart

👾🫚

now I think I'm feeling you

I'm going through my clothes

I've got a bunch of stuff

too big now

& some stuff that didn't

turn out to be

something I looked good in

or felt like me in

some of it fits

BUT

I won't wear it

& I really don't want to start

with trying to sell stuff online

so I'm looking into buffalo exchange

& whatnot

this redefining my look

has been

surprising to me

I feel like I have gone

kinda crazy for the performance fabrics

& the kinda sporty look

I'm just blah blah blah

none of this

is anything but my life

& maybe a little

just trying to push through the weirdness

OK

I think cleaning is a

mature thing to do

BUT

I'm not SURE about my motivation

I think I feel like

MAYBE I'm okay now

BUT

I don't REALLY understand

anything about

WHAT I did

RIGHT or

WRONG

I still feel like

there's STUFF I am

SUPPOSED to know

that I don't know

&

I'm not SURE if it's the same

STUFF

or new stuff

OR

if I'm just paranoid

does this make sense 

THIS is the actual book

I thought I remembered

getting it

when I was clearing out

my mom's house

she had a name

Maggi

BUT

my previous theory

is still possible