drove my car again today

didn't feel very well

menopause-y stuff

I had this image well actually no I've got several things that have come up when I woke up after I had that bad dream I started thinking about bad life choices and whatnot and it made me think about how I had wanted for years to do like an ayahuasca thing because what the ayahuasca is supposed to do is you know the vegetal mother kind of tells you what to do to get your s*** together and then had this image of the vegetable mother as like the plant from the little shop of horrors and then you know with a bow on its head to make it a girl and then a variety of it chasing me around until it kind of settled into a little bit less cartoon image and became kind of a not jiminy cricket but like an internalized is it super ego I shouldn't have to ask that I should know but I don't remember it's been a long time not like an internalized parent but like an internalized authority figure with omniscient abilities and now perhaps that's become a character in my story or in my life whichever happens

But then yesterday and today I'm having this strong feeling that the beginning of something I don't know if it's I don't know what it's the beginning of

But there's this memory I have that I haven't had it just resurfaced I mean if you would ask me about it I guess I would have remembered it wasn't like a repressed memory but I just wasn't thinking about it but when I was pretty little

My father and I were with a group of I don't know who maybe it was his friend I just I'm not sure but he was like you know go on ask her

And so one of the guys asked me who was the vice president and I'm like Spiro Agnew

And my dad's like see that makes her smarter than most y'all cuz you don't know that or something along those lines

And I don't really understand cuz I sort of thought I mean you know Nixon changed vice presidents he got forward so we'd have somebody to pardon him but I sort of thought well maybe he had changed before I mean it wasn't mentioned in school but we didn't exactly study Nixon but no Agnew is who he started off with so why was it so impressive that I knew who the vice president was

Maybe cuz I was like four maybe most 4-year-olds didn't know who the vice president was but why would the people have not known maybe he was making a joke cuz Spiro Agnew wasn't a very well-known politician

I'm just not sure what it means or why it's surfacing now and I feel as though it's the beginning of a story but I'm not sure why

I also don't understand why they would have been talking about who the vice president was in like 1971

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

I watched King Richard That's what it's called right All of a sudden I'm not positive that that's what's called

About Venus and Serena and their dad

I feel like you've probably already watched it

But if you have it I totally recommend it it's really good

You probably don't know this about me but Will Smith is I mean he's probably not my very favorite actor or anything but he's like on the short list you know I would go see a movie on the strength of Will Smith being in it I think he's very underrated

And a lot of the rules that he does are like you know movie star type roles and so you know he's will Smith but you know he reminds me of Cary Grant He's got that kind of charm and like really smooth you know and he's even though he's well even he does sometimes have comedic roles but even if he has a serious role he always kind of utilizes his comedic timing and he's got that kind of smile that's you know like I don't know it he just reminds me a lot of Cary Grant

You know like Cary Grant he was usually just Cary Grant but you didn't mind him just being Cary Grant because he did a good job of the role you know and Will Smith is like that a lot but every once in a while he has a role where he gets to actually act

And this was one of those rules I mean he did a really great job of embodying this kind of kind of crazy guy you know I mean like and it's a situation where if it hadn't worked out he was crazy but since it worked out he's a genius right but I mean he was channeling the crazy

It was kind of reminding me of my dad you know that kind of I don't know it's hard to put my finger on but there's a crazy quality that you know it's it's a physicality thing anyway if you haven't seen it I really recommend it I mean the actresses the girls who play Venus and Serena and their sisters they're all great totally great and the woman who plays the mother she's totally great too and really I mean everybody's great it's really really well done

Also I didn't tell you but I found that 11 is somehow a reference to where Venus lived when she was a kid she didn't say how it was a reference whether that was the street address or what but it is a reference to where she lived as a kid in some way for her

Anyway I think I'm going to go to bed

I love you very much

Goodnight sweetheart 💋