I was working on some other stuff
I like sports
I don't know much about basketball or tennis
When I said I don't know much I mean I don't really understand what's happening when I'm watching it
I don't know when I mean I guess in basketball it's easy to tell when a ball has gone through the basket
But I mean I literally do not know any of the rules of tennis or basketball I really don't know what's going on
Football I know a little bit more about because I was forced to watch football my whole childhood so I generally know about downs and stuff but I hate football
Tennis and basketball I kind of like to watch even though I don't know what's going on because it's pretty but I hate football
Baseball
I actually pretty much understand baseball there might be some obscure rules I don't know but in general I know what's going on I like baseball
I know a little bit about baseball history
But I haven't watched any baseball for a while
So I keep trying to tell myself that I'm going to start listening to TK
But I haven't been
Every once in awhile I listen to one
But I just have to come clean and say I pretty much don't know what's going on there either
Although I have listen to it some so I have a little bit of a framework
I have been not doing that well lately
Have a lot of anxiety
And some depression
I've been having like the sort of I don't know if it's an existential crisis or what but a lot of the things that I felt very confident about myself
I feel like maybe I was wrong
And
I don't know I've just been kind of evaluating everything and I don't know if that's a good idea I mean on the one hand perhaps it is from the perspective of you can see yourself from different perspectives but I feel like this is not that good for me to be doing
I've had several dreams where I've gone back to that place I worked last and I'm there because I'm worried they're not doing things right and that they need my help for one reason or another but I don't work there
It just keeps being made clear to me over and over and over in the dream that I don't work there and if they don't know what they're doing there'sn't really that much I can do to fix it so why am I there trying to fix it
And this is like I don't know a new kind of stress dream
I feel like I've kind of lost my mojo somehow
I've been putting all this work into my skincare and I've almost got my face to where it's not broken out almost
But now I don't like what it looks like
And I am up a little bit in weight probably from all those donuts that I'm bribing myself with to get me to leave the house
So I'm up about 10ish pounds
And I think that's at a particular place where when I'm 10 or 15 pounds lower I like the way I look better
I don't know I would say that I've had a lot of confidence in the past
And I would say that I have approached you with a lot of confidence in the past
Like I don't think I could have dealt with all the rejection that I have felt at various points if I didn't have a certain amount of confidence with you
But right now I just don't feel like I have a lot of confidence about anything
And I'm not really sure why that is
I think a big chunk of it is hormonal
And I think a lot of it or some of it has to do with the pandemic and the kind of long-term
Situations that has entailed
But
I don't feel good
I don't actually feel like myself
And I'm not real sure what to do about it
