so
i really want to write something
but i don't think i can write anything like literary
which would be my preference, but
i saw this last night or today
and it made me mad
and then
it made me
think
of
how this thing
that made me mad
might relate to me, or my past
behavior, because that is the general pattern
so, without further rambling about shit that doesn't
make any sense yet, let me insert two videos from youtube:
now
let me start by saying
she did film a video saying she was wrong
apologizing for marginalizing and already marginalized group
which i guess makes everything ok, maybe
but
somehow it doesn't, for me
i've watched some of her videos before
and read some of her articles
and, i mean, i gotta say
it's not like i identify with her much
we're pretty different
have pretty different life experiences
pretty different perspectives on things
however
i have enjoyed the content i have experienced
because
it seemed to come from personal experience and opinion
it seemed authentic
that's important to me
i appreciate that
this however, baffles me
this seems like she is bashing something
that she hasn't even read a book about
and she admits
in the "i was wrong" video
that she didn't know what she was talking about
so
i guess
i'm a little disillusioned
why did she make a video specifically bashing
a group of people
about whom she know absolutely nothing?
now
i have no investment in the topic
i'm not exactly in an open relationship
i'm specifically not polyamorous
the category to which i most closely match
would have to be, like, asexual
although that's not really right either
none of that is really important
i will cop to having a soft spot for the polyamorous, generally
because
well
i've enjoyed the writing of a fair few
and they seem to believe in informed consent
and, ya know, heinlein
i believe people should be free to form whatever alliances they agree to
and besides,freak flag
so
i'm not disposed to be anti consensual non-monogamy
although i have serious doubts that i could handle it personally
maybe i could
maybe i wouldn't want to
but
i have respect for people doing their own things
for example
she circumcised her two boys
a decision that i'm not sure i could have made
but
i would never make a video bashing her
for genitally mutilating her children
because
it's a complicated issue
and she is religiously observant
and
mainly
not my business, ya know
i found some of what she said
although i am not the group she is bashing
personally offensive
lean into your biology?
i am supposed to base my life and relationships
on what's "natural" for primates?
really?!
i get the whole scientific argument about biology
and
when you're talking sociologically
sometimes these arguments are sensical
broad groups of humans
big brush strokes of human needs and wants
but
when you are speaking individually
like, hey you, yeah i'm looking at you
don't you realize you only have one egg a month
you need to be careful
fuck you
on so many levels
you can tell yourself not to be a slut
but when you start telling other people not to be a slut
you just really out yourself as
kinda just another religo
now
again
no sex for ten years
because i'm all in love, and shit
single digit body count, lifetime
but
i'm personally offended
and
her "apology" which doesn't really seem sincere to me
doesn't matter
and seems hollow
without mention of why she felt so threatened personally
that she made a video about something
without even getting the terminology right
i think there is something under it
that could be a legitimate personal perspective
and
without that
she seems discredited to me
she seems phoney
and i don't want to watch her videos anymore
now
when i was younger
i had private conversations with people
in which i said things
that might have sounded anti-trans
i have always been fascinated by trans-people
and
i didn't get it
i mean, i did, and i didn't
i was coming from more of a non-binary perspective
and the idea that you could be assigned male/female at birth
but "feel" like a female/male
just seemed like bullshit to me
because
how do you "feel like a woman"
what does that mean
it challenged me
i didn't "feel" like a woman
i felt like me
and maybe that was gendered
but
it didn't really seem that way to me
all the gender seemed like a social construct
it seemed like
transitioning externally to the internal gender
seemed like a part of the problem
when
what we should really be doing was broadening the definition
or ungendering generally
in other words
i was threatened by it
these people were physically altering themselves
mutilating perfectly functional sex organs
to look right
now
i never ever once
told a trans-person that they were wrong
or shouldn't transition
and
i never even asked
'what do you mean? you feel like a woman?!
because
that is rude
and wrong to do on so many levels
and
i respect a person's right to self-determination
but
i did feel
like an outsider again
