dragonfly speaks [but i don't know what it's saying, yet]

i was out wandering around
i have some clothes
that i really like
that are
maybe
getting close to ten years old
and
i need to find replacements for when they finally give out

so
i'm at the tj maxx
i'm at the ross

at the tj maxx i find this skirt i think is perfect
but, it doesn't fit me
and, although they have three, they are all the same size

as much as i shop here, i say to the fitting room woman
it embarrasses me to have to ask
do you have a way to see if there are any of these at another store
i need a bigger size
i am willing to drive to another store
no, she says
we don't have a way to check that

i contemplate driving to another store
it's a long black linen drawstring skirt

i do find a fairly light weight linen knit jacket
i love knit linen, and silk
they're both hard to find

i go to ross
and i never look in the jewelry case
i don't really wear fashion jewelry, costume it used to be called

but
i see something
am immediately drawn to
it's a stainless steel dragonfly
it has a vaguely cross-like feeling
or like the T in brave new world, i think

it's another entrance of the dragonfly totem
and, strangely
i can't remember what it was supposed to symbolize, exactly

since it reminds me of iconography
i tell myself
i should just use this as an exercise
to finally invent that religion i've always thought i should

if i ever want to get rich, i used to say
i'll start my own religion
that's where the money is

and i was only kinda kidding
but
i don't know
if i really want to be responsible for all that

but i've been wearing it
and
it feels like a religious symbol to me

so
i guess
i'm supposed to figure that out

and
i always say
i was raised as nothing, but
i'm not sure that's true
i think
my dad
and my environment in general
was pretty much new age

and
probably
you've known that all along