ok
so, since i've been doing all this chopping
which usually i don't do
i've had a chance to reconsider my knife roster
i have a chinese vegetable cleaver style
which i bought some years ago
when i talked myself out of the nakiri
and i still like it
i have my etsy knife
also bought some years ago
that was made from an industrial saw blade
i still love it too
the cleaver is great for cabbage and onions
but it's a little unweildy for smaller vegetables
it makes me uneasy
i guess i should say
and
i find myself again wanting a nakiri
so i started doing some reseach
and
of course i haven't held any of them
but this is the one that i decided i wanted
a produce knife
(i got it cheaper, though with a code from a youtuber)
and
i'm not certain how this will work on gourds
i don't like the cleaver on gourds at all
what i want for that
that i used to have
is this deba
it's very heavy duty but it's got a point
deba's are traditionally used for butchery of fish
but i bought the mercer initially
both because i was attracted to the japanesque qualities
and because an 8" chef knife felt too large for me
it's cheap but it's a good knife
apparently culinary students often use them as utility knives
i was always unsettled by the non-foodgrade-ness of the handle
but they have them food grade
i've looked at more expensive debas
but
i don't think i need that
and maybe i don'tneed the cheap one either
imma wait until i try out the produce knife first
i looked at a bunch of inexpensive nakiris
and they just didn't seem like what i needed
then when i saw the produce knife
i thought it was a nakiri too
and i looked and looked and i cannot find a youtube review for this knife
although there are a bunch for other dalstrongs
which was what led me to that knife
apparently they are polarizing because they are chinese
and
maybe they suck
or maybe they are just bad
because they are hurting the better knife companies
but
i don't have money for an expensive knife
and
for trying it out, cheap is better
but
i'm not a chef
i don't need expensive knives
i just need to feel comfortable with the knives
and the cleaver scares me a little
in certain circumstances
hope you had a really great father's day
Sunday, June 16, 2019
Friday, June 14, 2019
goodnight sweetheart
i love you very much
i hope you are healthy and happy
and
that everything is beautiful
i am remembering the summer
physically
every year that wall of hot just slams into me
and
i remember how i forget about it
until it's back
i hope you don't have that
that your weather is just smooth and rich and breezy
i wish i was hugging you tight right now
i love you very much
i hope you are healthy and happy
and
that everything is beautiful
i am remembering the summer
physically
every year that wall of hot just slams into me
and
i remember how i forget about it
until it's back
i hope you don't have that
that your weather is just smooth and rich and breezy
i wish i was hugging you tight right now
Wednesday, June 12, 2019
I hope you're ok
I love you very much
I know there are things you want to know
but
I don't have those answers right now
some things require money
and I'm having problems with money
that's not new
I'm picking up a trade show job next week
so
I'll be out of pocket
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday
it was so hard to make myself leave the house today
and there were so many people there
it was painful
but
I'm glad I went
and I said things to myself like
you must leave the house on one of your off days
every week
I joined the museum
it was only a little bit more than the van Gogh admission
and I'm like
come here every week
but
straight up
I'm prolly not going to leave the house on
either of my off days
unless I make myself
but
I'mma try
I love you very much sweetheart
goodnight
Tuesday, June 11, 2019
call me rose {in progress-- stopping for the night/goodnight sweetheart}
call me rose, i said, and i stretched my arms out wide, face upturned.
i may not have actually done the arm thing, i said to daniel from work to whom i was telling this story.
but i can totally see you doing the arm thing.
yes, for sure it's something i'd do, i'm just not swearing i did it then-- it may be artistic license.
the four year old me re-inventing herself on the fly may not have needed the somatics, but i, as she rose up in me, could not stop them. four year old me had been confronted with, and for the very first time, something that would come up again and again. her mother had not given her an unusual enough name. the rules seemed to go that if three people in a given class had the same name none of them could go by that name. later this was resolved by the use of last initials, but for that moment in time the only fair answer was re-naming. as four year old me became six year old me she would argue-- but the two other girls have nick names that they choose to go by, wouldn't fairness be maintained if i also went by the name i go by. teachers, sadly, never saw this logic and doled out an abbreviated version of my name well known for it's fiestiness-- period. end of story.
but four year old me was unphased by the suggestion of a new name as long as she could pick it--
if you can't call me by my actual name, then call me rose!
why didn't i just stay rose?
well, i'm not totally sure. partially i think by six i was much more connected to my actual name. plus rose had been in an art class at the museum school for like a kid's summer program-- it had a one off quality about it-- six year old me was aware that this was all legal-document-y and uncertain what might happen if her name failed to match her records. maybe, too, she'd had a little of her cool drained from her.
i think i was somehow better and smarter and more magical at four than i've ever been since. maybe that's crazy. maybe that's everybody else too. i don't pretend to know.
now, this nick name-- the fiesty one-- is still something i have people trying to call me, and i don't like it. in fact, it is a sign of two things if i allow you to call me that name.
i may not have actually done the arm thing, i said to daniel from work to whom i was telling this story.
but i can totally see you doing the arm thing.
yes, for sure it's something i'd do, i'm just not swearing i did it then-- it may be artistic license.
the four year old me re-inventing herself on the fly may not have needed the somatics, but i, as she rose up in me, could not stop them. four year old me had been confronted with, and for the very first time, something that would come up again and again. her mother had not given her an unusual enough name. the rules seemed to go that if three people in a given class had the same name none of them could go by that name. later this was resolved by the use of last initials, but for that moment in time the only fair answer was re-naming. as four year old me became six year old me she would argue-- but the two other girls have nick names that they choose to go by, wouldn't fairness be maintained if i also went by the name i go by. teachers, sadly, never saw this logic and doled out an abbreviated version of my name well known for it's fiestiness-- period. end of story.
but four year old me was unphased by the suggestion of a new name as long as she could pick it--
if you can't call me by my actual name, then call me rose!
why didn't i just stay rose?
well, i'm not totally sure. partially i think by six i was much more connected to my actual name. plus rose had been in an art class at the museum school for like a kid's summer program-- it had a one off quality about it-- six year old me was aware that this was all legal-document-y and uncertain what might happen if her name failed to match her records. maybe, too, she'd had a little of her cool drained from her.
i think i was somehow better and smarter and more magical at four than i've ever been since. maybe that's crazy. maybe that's everybody else too. i don't pretend to know.
now, this nick name-- the fiesty one-- is still something i have people trying to call me, and i don't like it. in fact, it is a sign of two things if i allow you to call me that name.
- 1) we don't have very much interaction
- 2) i either really really like you, or i'd rather burn you in effigy in my mind every time you speak to me rather than speak to you
i have a delivery driver i've been seeing twice a week for like eight years who calls me that name. he just moved back to new orleans and i'm really sad that i'm not gonna see him anymore. he kinda snuck it in on me somewhere along the line. i liked him so much, and we have so little actual interaction-- i mean it wasn't worth makin him feel bad to avoid hearing it twice a week. i had a similar exception for a beer rep i used to have-- only he called me doll.
doll is definitely something i would not normally let a man call me. but in the specific subset of circumstances, it felt ok. he was an older black man. not like super old, but like maybe ten to fifteen years older than me. i am obviously not a young woman and that fact and the way he said it gave it a little bit of a flirty edge. but then he talked pretty regularly about his wife in a way that made clear that he pretty much worshiped her. so that his flirty-ness took on more the feeling of familiarity. i wasn't quite young enough to be his daughter or anything, but it made me feel less white. it seemed to me like letting him call me that made things clearly cool. ya know. whereas, if you call me doll, you better be presenting ironic. it's weird. but different people can say the same thing and it functions differently. or maybe. maybe older black men can get away with some shit with me-- the delivery driver is an older black man too.
there are lots of things that are hard to define but you just kinda know them when you see them. like cool. like i know i am not as cool as four year old me, but i think i still have some coolness quotient. daniel and i were talking about it, coolness. he was saying that he was a nerd and probably still is a nerd.
not me, i pipe up, i have always been cool. my father made sure i learned cool. like, for example, when i was in first grade, i changed schools mid-year and i was the solitary new kid-- which occurs to me now, but i didn't think that much of it at the time. i was, now that i'm thinking about it, dressed a little off the norm in my red pattton leather clogs and my red hooded cape. perhaps there was a situation where i could have been bullied. anyway, the thing they chose to try to tease me about was my red hair.
i just laughed at them-- clearly they were jealous.
and i mean, even though i changed schools again for second grade and thus had an entirely new group of people to deal with, no one ever tried to tease or bully me.
and i had plenty of interests that might have taken me over into the nerd category, but that never mattered to me. what i like is what i like. cool doesn't have anything to do with that at all.
what did you do that made you cool in high school, daniel asked.
maybe the most important part of cool is not really caring what other people think, i said, but as far as that goes-- if i did it, it was cool.
well that, he said, is the phrase of the week.
doll is definitely something i would not normally let a man call me. but in the specific subset of circumstances, it felt ok. he was an older black man. not like super old, but like maybe ten to fifteen years older than me. i am obviously not a young woman and that fact and the way he said it gave it a little bit of a flirty edge. but then he talked pretty regularly about his wife in a way that made clear that he pretty much worshiped her. so that his flirty-ness took on more the feeling of familiarity. i wasn't quite young enough to be his daughter or anything, but it made me feel less white. it seemed to me like letting him call me that made things clearly cool. ya know. whereas, if you call me doll, you better be presenting ironic. it's weird. but different people can say the same thing and it functions differently. or maybe. maybe older black men can get away with some shit with me-- the delivery driver is an older black man too.
there are lots of things that are hard to define but you just kinda know them when you see them. like cool. like i know i am not as cool as four year old me, but i think i still have some coolness quotient. daniel and i were talking about it, coolness. he was saying that he was a nerd and probably still is a nerd.
not me, i pipe up, i have always been cool. my father made sure i learned cool. like, for example, when i was in first grade, i changed schools mid-year and i was the solitary new kid-- which occurs to me now, but i didn't think that much of it at the time. i was, now that i'm thinking about it, dressed a little off the norm in my red pattton leather clogs and my red hooded cape. perhaps there was a situation where i could have been bullied. anyway, the thing they chose to try to tease me about was my red hair.
i just laughed at them-- clearly they were jealous.
and i mean, even though i changed schools again for second grade and thus had an entirely new group of people to deal with, no one ever tried to tease or bully me.
and i had plenty of interests that might have taken me over into the nerd category, but that never mattered to me. what i like is what i like. cool doesn't have anything to do with that at all.
what did you do that made you cool in high school, daniel asked.
maybe the most important part of cool is not really caring what other people think, i said, but as far as that goes-- if i did it, it was cool.
well that, he said, is the phrase of the week.
Friday, June 7, 2019
i went to the mexican restaurant near me
i had a blank book i got at work
and i just sat there and wrote flat out
ate some guacamole
drank some sangria margarita swirl
what i wrote isn't strictly usable in that form
but
it completely bypasses
editing the moment
i've been using the traveller's notebook
at home
but
i'm not really writing
i'm practicing the physical act of writing
but
i'm just writing whatever rando runs through my head
like just to see
is this pen comfortable
is this paper comfortable
etc
i've been doing that for a while now
and
i'm feeling good about it
goodnight sweetheart
i love you very much
i had a blank book i got at work
and i just sat there and wrote flat out
ate some guacamole
drank some sangria margarita swirl
what i wrote isn't strictly usable in that form
but
it completely bypasses
editing the moment
i've been using the traveller's notebook
at home
but
i'm not really writing
i'm practicing the physical act of writing
but
i'm just writing whatever rando runs through my head
like just to see
is this pen comfortable
is this paper comfortable
etc
i've been doing that for a while now
and
i'm feeling good about it
goodnight sweetheart
i love you very much
Thursday, June 6, 2019
so
I didn't tell you I went to dinner with my mom Tuesday
she ordered that dna test kit
but
we were talking
and I found out
her father was not texaner Deutsch
he was from Indiana
it was her mother's family that came over in the 1850s
she contends that this unknown "dark skinned" mother figure has to be Indian
because there were
"no Mexicans in Indiana in 1908"
I think there were
but
ya know
I still think
German and Ashkenazic Jewish are what's most likely to show up
I kid you not
she looked freaked out
she doesn't seem to have ever heard that word before
she seems to think she's native American
that her nose looks "clearly Indian"
so we'll see
I'm really really routing for African
but
it's totally a long shot
I was in a really good mood today
I'm not sure why
maybe I'm healthier
I love you very much
goodnight sweetheart
ridiculously specific information about me
i love you sweetheart
today
i just kept circling back to
how attractive i think you are
it's not just how you look, exactly
it's more about the way you move
and your expressions
and i saw somewhere
a radiant smile
and i just thought--
wow
i had an omelette with shiitake mushrooms
with a little sour cream on top
because i had that
and i don't have cream cheese
these shiitakes are really different than ones i've had before
these are very soft
often they are almost woody
and not tasty to use in things
more usable as flavoring
but i'm not long boiling these in a soup
each package has four
so the other one will go in soup
but
short cook
the seaweed
idk if i said
is delicious
it's a different texture than the pacific kombu i'm used to
but
it's possible that i like the flavor more
i cooked a big ole piece with my chickpeas
on high in the crock pot for six hours
and it just cooked apart
but the leftover broth was so tasty
that i retained it
it's thick-ish, viscous
i used three table spoons in my gazpacho to adjust the texture
instead of bread
and it worked a charm
i mean
i think you're supposed to remove the tomato skins
make it all smooth
but
as it was for me
i did not
i added quite a bit of cilantro
some celtic sea salt
that kombu chickpea stock
and some aleppo pepper
then for dinner i had spinach salad
and vegetable lasagna
i feel i had a very satisfactory food day
i wanted dessert
so i had four dates
and
not gonna lie
that didn't completely satisfy my desire for dessert
i want those custard tarts i used to get at the chinese buffet
years ago
or
maybe
i want to try a tofu cheesecake
i've been craving the oatmeal i got at jamba juice
probably several years ago now
it was made with soy milk
and
i'm not the biggest fan of soy milk
but
i'm craving that so hard
maybe i need soy
but
ya know
not soy isolates
and
i have a urge to try to make my own soy milk
no additives, just old school soy bean milk
idk
imma wait on that i think
maybe i'll just buy some soy milk to make the oatmeal
and work my way around to making my own soy milk
box comes tomorrow
excited
and i find myself
making these lists for my pantry
i've never done that
i've just kind of bought things as i needed them
or
seen something i thought was interesting
and added that into the mix
but
now
i seem to want to list and quantify
pantry:
oils-- ya need three-- coconut, olive, and toasted sesame
now you could make that more complicated
you could get a refined coconut and an unrefined coconut
because things that you don't want to take on a coconut flavor
need a refined coconut oil
and you could have two olive oils
a more buttery tasting one for cooking
and a more olive-y one for salads and pestos and such
and
maybe you could get a lighter and more intense sesame oil
but
i'm inclined to say
just get a good one of those three
and it'll work itself out
vinegars-- ya need three-- apple cider, balsamic, and umeboshi
but
i, in fact, am super curious about vinegars right now
i want to try persimmon vinegar and black vinegar
so idk maybe i need more than three
i'm doing it with skin care too
or personal care, rather
the weleda salt toothpaste is my life pick
i just come back to that again and again
i just ordered clove oil and malin + goetz hand wash
because
i had a malin + goetz bay rum hand wash that i got in austin
when i was there with my mom several years ago
and it lasted forever
and i love it
it washes off really well
and i have a problem with that
and
i don't think i've ever told you this
but i am like mad for the smell of bay rum
mad i say
i become ecstatic and happy and such
but
it's really expensive for soap
i kept talking myself out of it
but
i've kept the bottle
my bamboo toothbrush rests across the shoulders of the bottle
so i can still enjoy the graphics
and across the glass i got years ago from la taste
liberte, egalite, fraternite, it says
i had a bunch of other stuff
mouth washes i was trying out
oil pulling
i cleared them all away
so i'm looking at the malin + goetz bottle longingly
and the glass and toothbrush
so pretty there together
and i'm like: fuck it, malin + goetz bay rum is the soap
that's just what i'm getting from now on, end of story
and i ordered another bottle
mouth wash i like clove oil
ya put a couple drops in some very warm water
and ya swish it all around
it's healing, anti bacterial, it tastes good, and it makes your breath smell fresh too
win/win
now
i also want yogi tooth serum
and maybe imma buy that, but i can't right now
that's a living libations product
it's super healing and such
and
i love to brush my teeth with that before bed
and
i love to oil pull with an unrefined coconut oil
but
i mostly don't
so that's the like goal
but for now
no yogi tooth serum and no coconut oil
m+g hand wash
weleda toothpaste
yogi tooth serum
hair i've switched products
i'm still using the baby ecema soap
but when i was on my last trip i discovered
this which isn't what i was styling with then
but it is now, when used in combination with this
i was using the dove, but they were out
and i saw this and it appealed to me and it was cheaper
now sun bum has a dry shampoo
and maybe it's better
but it's more expensive
and it isn't claiming to texturize
but
this really does give texture
and the sun bum really does moisturize and cut frizz
and before my hair got so long again
it was really working for me
and
deodorant feels weird to be talking about
but this one
i don't know how it differs being "girl"
do "girls" sweat less or stink less
idk
i got it originally because of the beachy thing
plus, small for travel
but i've tried maybe four other scents and
while coconut vanilla is ok
the others i tried are gross
and the beachy one, i like
i wish they had a bigger one though
but what evs
today
i just kept circling back to
how attractive i think you are
it's not just how you look, exactly
it's more about the way you move
and your expressions
and i saw somewhere
a radiant smile
and i just thought--
wow
i had an omelette with shiitake mushrooms
with a little sour cream on top
because i had that
and i don't have cream cheese
these shiitakes are really different than ones i've had before
these are very soft
often they are almost woody
and not tasty to use in things
more usable as flavoring
but i'm not long boiling these in a soup
each package has four
so the other one will go in soup
but
short cook
the seaweed
idk if i said
is delicious
it's a different texture than the pacific kombu i'm used to
but
it's possible that i like the flavor more
i cooked a big ole piece with my chickpeas
on high in the crock pot for six hours
and it just cooked apart
but the leftover broth was so tasty
that i retained it
it's thick-ish, viscous
i used three table spoons in my gazpacho to adjust the texture
instead of bread
and it worked a charm
i mean
i think you're supposed to remove the tomato skins
make it all smooth
but
as it was for me
i did not
i added quite a bit of cilantro
some celtic sea salt
that kombu chickpea stock
and some aleppo pepper
then for dinner i had spinach salad
and vegetable lasagna
i feel i had a very satisfactory food day
i wanted dessert
so i had four dates
and
not gonna lie
that didn't completely satisfy my desire for dessert
i want those custard tarts i used to get at the chinese buffet
years ago
or
maybe
i want to try a tofu cheesecake
i've been craving the oatmeal i got at jamba juice
probably several years ago now
it was made with soy milk
and
i'm not the biggest fan of soy milk
but
i'm craving that so hard
maybe i need soy
but
ya know
not soy isolates
and
i have a urge to try to make my own soy milk
no additives, just old school soy bean milk
idk
imma wait on that i think
maybe i'll just buy some soy milk to make the oatmeal
and work my way around to making my own soy milk
box comes tomorrow
excited
and i find myself
making these lists for my pantry
i've never done that
i've just kind of bought things as i needed them
or
seen something i thought was interesting
and added that into the mix
but
now
i seem to want to list and quantify
pantry:
oils-- ya need three-- coconut, olive, and toasted sesame
now you could make that more complicated
you could get a refined coconut and an unrefined coconut
because things that you don't want to take on a coconut flavor
need a refined coconut oil
and you could have two olive oils
a more buttery tasting one for cooking
and a more olive-y one for salads and pestos and such
and
maybe you could get a lighter and more intense sesame oil
but
i'm inclined to say
just get a good one of those three
and it'll work itself out
vinegars-- ya need three-- apple cider, balsamic, and umeboshi
but
i, in fact, am super curious about vinegars right now
i want to try persimmon vinegar and black vinegar
so idk maybe i need more than three
i'm doing it with skin care too
or personal care, rather
the weleda salt toothpaste is my life pick
i just come back to that again and again
i just ordered clove oil and malin + goetz hand wash
because
i had a malin + goetz bay rum hand wash that i got in austin
when i was there with my mom several years ago
and it lasted forever
and i love it
it washes off really well
and i have a problem with that
and
i don't think i've ever told you this
but i am like mad for the smell of bay rum
mad i say
i become ecstatic and happy and such
but
it's really expensive for soap
i kept talking myself out of it
but
i've kept the bottle
my bamboo toothbrush rests across the shoulders of the bottle
so i can still enjoy the graphics
and across the glass i got years ago from la taste
liberte, egalite, fraternite, it says
i had a bunch of other stuff
mouth washes i was trying out
oil pulling
i cleared them all away
so i'm looking at the malin + goetz bottle longingly
and the glass and toothbrush
so pretty there together
and i'm like: fuck it, malin + goetz bay rum is the soap
that's just what i'm getting from now on, end of story
and i ordered another bottle
mouth wash i like clove oil
ya put a couple drops in some very warm water
and ya swish it all around
it's healing, anti bacterial, it tastes good, and it makes your breath smell fresh too
win/win
now
i also want yogi tooth serum
and maybe imma buy that, but i can't right now
that's a living libations product
it's super healing and such
and
i love to brush my teeth with that before bed
and
i love to oil pull with an unrefined coconut oil
but
i mostly don't
so that's the like goal
but for now
no yogi tooth serum and no coconut oil
m+g hand wash
weleda toothpaste
yogi tooth serum
hair i've switched products
i'm still using the baby ecema soap
but when i was on my last trip i discovered
this which isn't what i was styling with then
but it is now, when used in combination with this
i was using the dove, but they were out
and i saw this and it appealed to me and it was cheaper
now sun bum has a dry shampoo
and maybe it's better
but it's more expensive
and it isn't claiming to texturize
but
this really does give texture
and the sun bum really does moisturize and cut frizz
and before my hair got so long again
it was really working for me
and
deodorant feels weird to be talking about
but this one
i don't know how it differs being "girl"
do "girls" sweat less or stink less
idk
i got it originally because of the beachy thing
plus, small for travel
but i've tried maybe four other scents and
while coconut vanilla is ok
the others i tried are gross
and the beachy one, i like
i wish they had a bigger one though
but what evs
Tuesday, June 4, 2019
Veg Box 4
medjool dates: i don't really need these yet, but i'm learning that they don't always have everything, and i've decided these are very versatile and handy to have around. two or three dates is a filling snack, or dessert, or i'm thinking i'll use them as sweetener for smoothies too.
zint cacao powder: might start doing this for breakfast or something. i don't want to do fruit smoothies because that's too many calories and too much fruit, but i've had good luck with like a tonic thing in the past-- you steep a medicinal herbal tea overnight so you get a very strong but cold tea and you mix that with cacao and maybe some other powdered superfoods and i add chia seeds to get the texture more smoothie like with ice. so not milk or heavy calories but chia for protein and fullness and tonic herbs, superfood, etc.
brew doctor kombucha: because it's still available and i love love love it it's all medicinal herbs and deliciousness. it doesn't seem to be a current flavor though so when it's gone, it's gone.
baby broccoli: i'm planning for dinners with brown rice and i still haven eaten those butternut squashes.
cucumber and oranges are just regular lunch staples, except i could only get one cucumber.
and then the big plan is: sweet potatoes roasted with spring garlic and rosemary-- i figure that's some lunch some dinner.
maybe some of the spring garlic is for salads or something, depends how much there is.
and rainbow carrots are lunch and salads i think, raw.
zint cacao powder: might start doing this for breakfast or something. i don't want to do fruit smoothies because that's too many calories and too much fruit, but i've had good luck with like a tonic thing in the past-- you steep a medicinal herbal tea overnight so you get a very strong but cold tea and you mix that with cacao and maybe some other powdered superfoods and i add chia seeds to get the texture more smoothie like with ice. so not milk or heavy calories but chia for protein and fullness and tonic herbs, superfood, etc.
brew doctor kombucha: because it's still available and i love love love it it's all medicinal herbs and deliciousness. it doesn't seem to be a current flavor though so when it's gone, it's gone.
baby broccoli: i'm planning for dinners with brown rice and i still haven eaten those butternut squashes.
cucumber and oranges are just regular lunch staples, except i could only get one cucumber.
and then the big plan is: sweet potatoes roasted with spring garlic and rosemary-- i figure that's some lunch some dinner.
maybe some of the spring garlic is for salads or something, depends how much there is.
and rainbow carrots are lunch and salads i think, raw.
Your order details for Thu, June 6th, 2019
Organic Box Large
| Product | Quantity | Price |
|---|---|---|
| Organic Medjool Dates (0.5 lb) | 2 | $5.98 |
| Organic Cucumber (1 ct) | 1 | $0.89 |
| Organic Sweet Potatoes (1 lb) | 4 | $5.92 |
| Organic Oranges (2 ct) | 2 | $2.58 |
| Organic Spring Garlic (1 ct) | 2 | $3.70 |
| Organic Rosemary (1 ct) | 1 | $1.95 |
| Zint Cacao Powder (8 oz) | 1 | $5.59 |
| Brew Dr Kombucha - Vanilla Oak (4 ct) | 2 | $21.38 |
| Organic Rainbow Carrot Bunch (1 ct) | 1 | $2.69 |
| Organic Baby Broccoli (1 ct) | 2 | $5.30 |
| Subtotal | $55.98 | |
| Discount | $0.00 | |
| Delivery Charge | $4.99 | |
| Credits | $0.00 | |
| Grand Total | $60.97 | |
Sunday, June 2, 2019
I fell asleep in the chair again
but
I wanted to tell you
I tasted my fermented beets again
and
they are finally getting fermented-y
I wish they were a little further along
but they are tasting pretty good
my plan is to use some of them
in the hummus
I'm making tomorrow for lunches
I'm planning to have the hummus
with celery sticks
instead of bread or whatever
still making soup
but maybe not tomorrow
probably roast vegetables
make hummus
do laundry
are tommorow's big chores
I love you very much sweetheart
goodnight
Saturday, June 1, 2019
Friday, May 31, 2019
komb-who?
so
it turns out
i do need kombu
so
i was lookin around on amazon
and i found this
old school-- we're traditional and nobody makes it this way anymore--
aged two years fermented
super ultra umami kombu
and
i'm not even balking at the price
which was only 4x the cheapest available
and only double the median
but then
i remembered fukushima
and thought
where else do they harvest kelp
so
since the icelandic kelp was unavailable
i ordered maine kelp
so
hopefully it's good
i know they are supposed to have excellent dulse
but i'm not sure about the kelp
i got this
it turns out
i do need kombu
so
i was lookin around on amazon
and i found this
old school-- we're traditional and nobody makes it this way anymore--
aged two years fermented
super ultra umami kombu
and
i'm not even balking at the price
which was only 4x the cheapest available
and only double the median
but then
i remembered fukushima
and thought
where else do they harvest kelp
so
since the icelandic kelp was unavailable
i ordered maine kelp
so
hopefully it's good
i know they are supposed to have excellent dulse
but i'm not sure about the kelp
i got this
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
Tuesday, May 28, 2019
veg box 3
so
i still have i beet left
that i have to decide what to do with
ferment or soup
and i have a lot of citrus fruit left
so i didn't order more fruit
except dates
which i've discovered that i do like
i wasn't sure before
so i'll eat the citrus
and i'm going ahead with the gazpacho idea
but i'm using cilantro
which may not be traditional for gazpacho (need to reference recipes)
i'm also going to use some cilantro
when i ferment the carrots & serranos
i love cilantro
and it's a strong detoxifier
the sage
which i probably would not have thought of
except they included it in my box {suggestions}
i think will be good roasted with some butternut squash
and then shiitake miso soup
i may have too many shiitakes
so i may cook half until they make a stock
and add the other half for eating in the soup
or
i may have to do some stir-fry
or cook them in rice
idk
we'll have to see how much it actually is
i've got some beautiful white miso
but i need to check my kombu supply
i may need more kombu
i think the fermented vegetables are going to work out
not ready yet (the beets, i mean)
but
this is emboldening me to think
maybe i could make kombucha
such an incredible savings
i mostly don't buy it
because it's just so expensive
but i love it
and i've been afraid
but
the beets don't seem to be going rancid
or growing weird experiments
so
maybe
and
if
if i'm wishing for things i could make or grow
that are expensive and difficult to acquire
then
i want to grow sunflower sprouts
they are my favorite
my absolute favorite sprout for sure
and maybe
my favorite green
maybe
then
maybe the goats and the bees can come later
goat cheese
honey
maybe even a chicken
not
in the city
but
who knows
i love you sweetheart
not quite goodnight
still working on stuff
i still have i beet left
that i have to decide what to do with
ferment or soup
and i have a lot of citrus fruit left
so i didn't order more fruit
except dates
which i've discovered that i do like
i wasn't sure before
so i'll eat the citrus
and i'm going ahead with the gazpacho idea
but i'm using cilantro
which may not be traditional for gazpacho (need to reference recipes)
i'm also going to use some cilantro
when i ferment the carrots & serranos
i love cilantro
and it's a strong detoxifier
the sage
which i probably would not have thought of
except they included it in my box {suggestions}
i think will be good roasted with some butternut squash
and then shiitake miso soup
i may have too many shiitakes
so i may cook half until they make a stock
and add the other half for eating in the soup
or
i may have to do some stir-fry
or cook them in rice
idk
we'll have to see how much it actually is
i've got some beautiful white miso
but i need to check my kombu supply
i may need more kombu
i think the fermented vegetables are going to work out
not ready yet (the beets, i mean)
but
this is emboldening me to think
maybe i could make kombucha
such an incredible savings
i mostly don't buy it
because it's just so expensive
but i love it
and i've been afraid
but
the beets don't seem to be going rancid
or growing weird experiments
so
maybe
and
if
if i'm wishing for things i could make or grow
that are expensive and difficult to acquire
then
i want to grow sunflower sprouts
they are my favorite
my absolute favorite sprout for sure
and maybe
my favorite green
maybe
then
maybe the goats and the bees can come later
goat cheese
honey
maybe even a chicken
not
in the city
but
who knows
i love you sweetheart
not quite goodnight
still working on stuff
Your order details for Thu, May 30th, 2019
Organic Box Large
| Product | Quantity | Price |
|---|---|---|
| Organic Bell Peppers (2 ct) | 2 | $3.50 |
| Organic Sage (1 ct) | 1 | $1.99 |
| Organic Tomatoes (1 lb) | 3 | $5.85 |
| Organic Carrots (1 lb) | 3 | $4.65 |
| Organic Cilantro Bunch (1 ct) | 1 | $1.29 |
| Organic Cucumber (1 ct) | 3 | $3.00 |
| Brew Dr Kombucha - Vanilla Oak (4 ct) | 2 | $21.38 |
| Organic Medjool Dates (0.5 lb) | 2 | $6.90 |
| Conventional Shiitake Mushrooms (1 ct) | 2 | $5.98 |
| Organic Butternut Squash (1 ct) | 2 | $7.30 |
| Subtotal | $61.84 | |
| Discount | $0.00 | |
| Delivery Charge | $4.99 | |
| Credits | $0.00 | |
| Grand Total | $66.83 | |
Monday, May 27, 2019
i have to go to bed
i'm really really tired
i had beet soup for lunch
and
i was looking at my
veg box for next week
i'm thinking gazpacho
i'm going ahead with the fermented/pickled carrots
and probably some roasted carrots too
in the fermented ones
i'm thinkin i use some of the serranos
also
they have some short dated kombucha-- vanilla bean/oak
which sound amazing-intriguing
so imma probably have to get that too
they have kale
i'm trying to decide
kale's ok if you cook the shit out of it so it's like greens
but
i'm not sure that really maintains the healthiness so much
they have a good price on shiitakes
i might make a mushroom miso soup
idk
i have too much stuff in my cart right now
i need to focus and reign it in
also
apparently
i love dates
i love you very much sweetheart
goodnight
i'm really really tired
i had beet soup for lunch
and
i was looking at my
veg box for next week
i'm thinking gazpacho
i'm going ahead with the fermented/pickled carrots
and probably some roasted carrots too
in the fermented ones
i'm thinkin i use some of the serranos
also
they have some short dated kombucha-- vanilla bean/oak
which sound amazing-intriguing
so imma probably have to get that too
they have kale
i'm trying to decide
kale's ok if you cook the shit out of it so it's like greens
but
i'm not sure that really maintains the healthiness so much
they have a good price on shiitakes
i might make a mushroom miso soup
idk
i have too much stuff in my cart right now
i need to focus and reign it in
also
apparently
i love dates
i love you very much sweetheart
goodnight
love shacks, baby
i find
i'm going through the house in my mind
trying to remember what things looked like
trying to reconstruct the size and shape of the rooms
and
i find myself fixated on the desk
in the dining room
against the wall that it shared with the kitchen
there was a compact secretary desk
it was a dark wood
nothing fancy
but it was where my grandmother kept her book keeping stuff
it was also the phone stand
and it had a black metal
sort of federalist styled lamp
there was just barely enough room in the space for it
and
whenever she used it
which i never saw
she always seemed to do that kind of thing at the dining room table
but
if she used the desk
she could just literally turn a dining chair around and shift it
over a few inches
and
there you go-- desk chair
i'm trying to remember what kind of legs the table had
and i can't remember
the wood of the table was a pretty golden-y color
maybe a golden maple or fruit wood
not like oak
i guess that's where my desire for a secretary desk comes from
i've been remembering my mother's parent's house too
the tin roof
the bathroom was in the kitchen
and there was just a wall built around it
like
you're standing at the sink
step back three feet you're in the bathroom
and there was an elaborately angled mirror across from another mirror
so you could see the back of your hair
which was genius
her parent's bedroom was light
full of windows and room
and the three sisters had a small
dark
lower
probably added on room
which was very depressing
it was a small old one-step-up-from-a-log-cabin house
across the street from a railroad track
and
i have to admit that while i didn't enjoy the visits
didn't care for my mother's family
or the screaming that my mother and her mother always seemed to engage
didn't feel connected to the people at all
i kinda loved the house
that's gone too of course
not going to be waxing poetic about the furniture
that was pretty terrible
but
i guess i come by my love of shacks honestly
i'm going through the house in my mind
trying to remember what things looked like
trying to reconstruct the size and shape of the rooms
and
i find myself fixated on the desk
in the dining room
against the wall that it shared with the kitchen
there was a compact secretary desk
it was a dark wood
nothing fancy
but it was where my grandmother kept her book keeping stuff
it was also the phone stand
and it had a black metal
sort of federalist styled lamp
there was just barely enough room in the space for it
and
whenever she used it
which i never saw
she always seemed to do that kind of thing at the dining room table
but
if she used the desk
she could just literally turn a dining chair around and shift it
over a few inches
and
there you go-- desk chair
i'm trying to remember what kind of legs the table had
and i can't remember
the wood of the table was a pretty golden-y color
maybe a golden maple or fruit wood
not like oak
i guess that's where my desire for a secretary desk comes from
i've been remembering my mother's parent's house too
the tin roof
the bathroom was in the kitchen
and there was just a wall built around it
like
you're standing at the sink
step back three feet you're in the bathroom
and there was an elaborately angled mirror across from another mirror
so you could see the back of your hair
which was genius
her parent's bedroom was light
full of windows and room
and the three sisters had a small
dark
lower
probably added on room
which was very depressing
it was a small old one-step-up-from-a-log-cabin house
across the street from a railroad track
and
i have to admit that while i didn't enjoy the visits
didn't care for my mother's family
or the screaming that my mother and her mother always seemed to engage
didn't feel connected to the people at all
i kinda loved the house
that's gone too of course
not going to be waxing poetic about the furniture
that was pretty terrible
but
i guess i come by my love of shacks honestly
Sunday, May 26, 2019
I set my alarm for 9:30
and I slept clean through it
I have a whole list of chores I need to do
for the week
so I'm not happy that I slept through it
but
I guess I needed the sleep
I dreamed
about drinking coffee
there was more to the dream
but
I don't remember it
the coffee was so intense
hope you're doing well
Thursday, May 23, 2019
upgraded
the guy who lives in the vacant lot next to my work got a bed.
he's been living there a few weeks. he has a chair. he has a side table. he had a sleeping bag.
now he has a bed.
well, a mattress and box springs to be exact.
he has it wedged into a scraggly tree to provide some camouflage-- for now--
it probably won't be necessary once it's not blinding optic white.
he's invisible, you know.
he's not.
we all see him.
and, in a way, most of us are rooting for him.
there are no less than three charity boxes-- looking vaguely like small dumpsters-- sitting in the lot, which maybe he can access. many people don't bother to put things properly inside. the lot is mostly grassy, and someone must come to mow it because it is never overgrown and weedy. it's nice. i have always liked it being there. it is a calming rest spot for my eyes amidst the over-grown "uptown" shiny mixed-usage-retail-residential. it's like a blind spot the muggles don't see.
there's all this mystique about the lot too. why is such valuable real estate a perpetual empty lot?
it is owned by someone not selling, that's why. but who? why?
i've heard rumors that it's owned by hakeem olajuwon, but i don't know if they are true.
there's a little bit of shell semi-paving, but nothing you could even pretend to call a flat surface. and what paving there is doesn't get in the way of it's being used in the evenings as a makeshift soccer practice yard. when i receive deliveries i look across at it, it makes me happy. except for the no shelter from the elements part, it's a really nice place to live.
i have this strange desire to go buy him tarps.
he's been living there a few weeks. he has a chair. he has a side table. he had a sleeping bag.
now he has a bed.
well, a mattress and box springs to be exact.
he has it wedged into a scraggly tree to provide some camouflage-- for now--
it probably won't be necessary once it's not blinding optic white.
he's invisible, you know.
he's not.
we all see him.
and, in a way, most of us are rooting for him.
there are no less than three charity boxes-- looking vaguely like small dumpsters-- sitting in the lot, which maybe he can access. many people don't bother to put things properly inside. the lot is mostly grassy, and someone must come to mow it because it is never overgrown and weedy. it's nice. i have always liked it being there. it is a calming rest spot for my eyes amidst the over-grown "uptown" shiny mixed-usage-retail-residential. it's like a blind spot the muggles don't see.
there's all this mystique about the lot too. why is such valuable real estate a perpetual empty lot?
it is owned by someone not selling, that's why. but who? why?
i've heard rumors that it's owned by hakeem olajuwon, but i don't know if they are true.
there's a little bit of shell semi-paving, but nothing you could even pretend to call a flat surface. and what paving there is doesn't get in the way of it's being used in the evenings as a makeshift soccer practice yard. when i receive deliveries i look across at it, it makes me happy. except for the no shelter from the elements part, it's a really nice place to live.
i have this strange desire to go buy him tarps.
Wednesday, May 22, 2019
book-y update
so
remember when i said i was witching to the boxwalla book this month
well, this is the book selection:
the besieged city
on earth we are briefly gorgeous
the author of on earth we are briefly gorgeous is a poet and this is his first novel
also the either just taught or is teaching course at UMass- Amherst
on hybrid text
in which i am interested
and on his instagram he had the books on the reading list
and
i'm not saying i'm going to read all of them
but
i might
i'm kind of excited for these books
autobiography of red
notebook of a return to native land
don't let me be lonely
the narrow road to the deep north and other travel sketches
humanimal
dictee
one big self
arthur rimbaud
leaves of grass
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
the continuing saga of the veg box-- recapping week 1-- more oranges!
so
after week 1
i have thoughts:
9 green beans is more than you think it is
micro greens are a use within 3 days sort of thing
are tomatoes not in season?
because they weren't very flavorful
more, more, more
but especially
more oranges!
for week 2
they didn't have green beans : (
here's what i came up with for week 2:
after week 1
i have thoughts:
9 green beans is more than you think it is
micro greens are a use within 3 days sort of thing
are tomatoes not in season?
because they weren't very flavorful
more, more, more
but especially
more oranges!
for week 2
they didn't have green beans : (
here's what i came up with for week 2:
| Organic Medjool Dates (0.5 lb) | 1 | $2.99 |
| Organic Carrots (1 lb) | 2 | $2.90 |
| Organic Zucchini or Yellow Squash (2 ct) | 2 | $3.74 |
| Organic Cucumber (1 ct) | 3 | $2.97 |
| Organic Sweet Potatoes (1 lb) | 1 | $1.39 |
| Organic Oranges (2 ct) | 5 | $6.75 |
| Organic Butternut Squash (1 ct) | 1 | $3.55 |
| Organic Beets (1 lb) | 3 | $6.45 |
| Conventional Avocados (3 ct) | 2 | $5.48 |
| Organic Grapefruit (2 ct) | 2 | $3.76 |
| Organic Turnips (1 ct) | 1 | $2.19 |
| Subtotal | $42.17 | |
now
i'm not thinking this is just for lunches
i'm thinking this is food for the week
i have some staples
and i might need to pick up things to fill in
my plan is to pickle/ferment
1 pound of carrots and 1 pound of beets
carrot pickles are for lunches
as are the cucumbers, summer type squash, oranges, and dates
butternut squash i was thinking i'd just cook
like plain for dinner
but
depending on the size i may just do the hollowed out part
if you bake them face down, covered
it sort of bake-steams and is really good
but that depends on how far the other stuff goes
because i have an idea to replace a lot of the oil in the vegan mac & cheese recipe i like
with butternut squash, tahini, and white miso
and those winter squashes keep a while
sweet potato, turnip, beet (if i can space it)
i'm going to roast
i love roasted root vegetables [need mushrooms]
i'm thinking
if i can manage to have leftovers
i can make a root vegetable frittata
i've been kinda fancying that
i use croutons [probably need croutons]
maybe some morning star farms veg sausage patty
smoked paprika
so beets
i'm making my food truck borscht idea
the beets cook down
with onion and red pepper flakes [out of red pepper flakes]
and probably other spices
until it's like a beet consume (but not really because you don't need to clarify it)
but you don't blend up the beets
or leave them in at all
you just use the broth/consume
which you chill
then the fermented part [need salt! will alea salt work?!]
i'm not sure yet
i'm leaning toward fermenting it
then blending the beets and the juice in the blender
letting them soak in the fridge overnight
and then straining them
mix that with the spicy beet broth
and it should be a hot and sour slice of heaven
this could be lunch
or dinner
or healthy snack
it's very healthy
then the avocados can be dinner
with brown rice
unbelievably satisfying
or avocado toast yum
or just on it's own for/with lunch
that seems like a weeks worth of food, right
the roasted veg might be alot more than i'm visualizing
but
i guess if i have too much
i could always freeze it, right
this week was not what i'd call a success
except that i didn't eat junk
but
those mandarins
i'm like wanting to eat nothing but oranges
i love you sweetheart
goodnight
| ||
Monday, May 20, 2019
Sunday, May 19, 2019
Friday, May 17, 2019
the quantity
with the two tomatoes
and
the two mandarins
was ok
green bean quantity ok too
I ate more of the salsa/dressing than I thought
greens are messy
they don't work like salad
might be a better way to do it
but
all in all
I don't know that I'm ready for
a bunch of hard core lifting
but
I already did most of that
not bad
we'll see what hunger level is like when I get home
i have officially stayed up too late
i am not all that tired
except my head and neck are starting to ache
if i didn't have to work tomorrow
i'd probably stay up
but
i gotta go to bed
i love you sweetheart
try to dream with me again
and
why am i in my grandmother's house in my head
i've just found myself there again and again today
maybe it's the last few days
not sure
she's not there
just me
and
sometimes i'm just walking through it
but
sometimes i'm remembering things
the room that was not exactly my room
but my books and toys were there
the stairs to the attic pulled down into that room
the closet i hid in to avoid my mom was in that room
sometimes i imagine
that it's my house
and my room is my grandmother's room
the windows looking out on the tiny yard
plants everywhere
sometimes i see myself
sitting in the dining room
listening to fun house on kpft with headphones or something
late late at night
when i was staying over i guess
must have been
the piano
the pantry
the window air conditioner unit
replaced later by the central air
the tiny-ness of everything
i bet that house was less than 1000 square feet
my grandfather's bedroom
that had been my dad's
he had added on
and it was the man-cavey-est thing you've ever seen
it was just as cool as my grandmother's room
which was the one my father and i were in
but it seemed less cozy then
i'm feeling a deep craving for that house
what do you think that means?
goodnight sweetheart
i love you very much
except my head and neck are starting to ache
if i didn't have to work tomorrow
i'd probably stay up
but
i gotta go to bed
i love you sweetheart
try to dream with me again
and
why am i in my grandmother's house in my head
i've just found myself there again and again today
maybe it's the last few days
not sure
she's not there
just me
and
sometimes i'm just walking through it
but
sometimes i'm remembering things
the room that was not exactly my room
but my books and toys were there
the stairs to the attic pulled down into that room
the closet i hid in to avoid my mom was in that room
sometimes i imagine
that it's my house
and my room is my grandmother's room
the windows looking out on the tiny yard
plants everywhere
sometimes i see myself
sitting in the dining room
listening to fun house on kpft with headphones or something
late late at night
when i was staying over i guess
must have been
the piano
the pantry
the window air conditioner unit
replaced later by the central air
the tiny-ness of everything
i bet that house was less than 1000 square feet
my grandfather's bedroom
that had been my dad's
he had added on
and it was the man-cavey-est thing you've ever seen
it was just as cool as my grandmother's room
which was the one my father and i were in
but it seemed less cozy then
i'm feeling a deep craving for that house
what do you think that means?
goodnight sweetheart
i love you very much
Thursday, May 16, 2019
imperfect produce
ok
so i portioned everything out
into gallon ziplock bags
which is maybe not very environmentally friendly
but
i had them
and i was trying to make lunches
and it worked ok
i can reuse them
i don't think it's enough food
each bag contains
9 green beans
1 tiny container of micro greens
1 or 2 tomatoes
1 or 2 mandarin oranges
neither the mandarins nor the tomatoes are very large
they aren't tiny
the mandarins might even be slightly larger than average for mandarins
but the tomatoes are large for campari tomatoes
but they are beefsteaks
so
they should be good
but not a lot of volume
hopefully it will be enough to tide me over
i don't want to come home starving
because then i will eat more at night
so
we'll see how it works
but
i'm please with the quality of the food
it's a learning curve
i wish i had more green beans
so i portioned everything out
into gallon ziplock bags
which is maybe not very environmentally friendly
but
i had them
and i was trying to make lunches
and it worked ok
i can reuse them
i don't think it's enough food
each bag contains
9 green beans
1 tiny container of micro greens
1 or 2 tomatoes
1 or 2 mandarin oranges
neither the mandarins nor the tomatoes are very large
they aren't tiny
the mandarins might even be slightly larger than average for mandarins
but the tomatoes are large for campari tomatoes
but they are beefsteaks
so
they should be good
but not a lot of volume
hopefully it will be enough to tide me over
i don't want to come home starving
because then i will eat more at night
so
we'll see how it works
but
i'm please with the quality of the food
it's a learning curve
i wish i had more green beans
the universe
sent me this musical message
free fallin. Tom petty
don't give up justin biber
flash dance ( what a feeling)
and this last one might not seem
like much to you
but
I still remember
dancin out of the theater
tennis shoes and multiple leg warmers
feeling like magic
it's that strong
so whether it's a good song or not
it is
I did dream about you
you were being interviewed
and the interviewer
was rude
kept expecting you
to be
busting in and trying to sell something
which
actually
is what most people do do when they're being interviewed
so that would not have been
inappropriate
but you didn't
you were charming and lovely
and there was some more
I can't remember
but
nothing with us personally interacting
then
my mother had somehow screwed me
in a real estate deal
and I had to live
in this house
where I felt radically unsafe
and I was thinking about getting a guard dog
Wednesday, May 15, 2019
goodnight sweetheart
I want to ask you
a bunch of questions
but
I also don't want to ask you
I don't know what
to think
and
I want not to care
it doesn't matter
it doesn't matter
love is all you need
but
I only sometimes believe that
and then
the rest of the time
I think love is necessary
but maybe not the only thing I need
so
round and round I go
and
I have to go to sleep
I love you
and
that's no lie
but
I had this clear-headedness today
that felt like a sane episode
and
I found that
very unnerving
the imperfect produce box comes tomorrow
day 4 without coffee
if you could dream with me
that would be really good
I want you in my head
I love you sweetheart
Tuesday, May 14, 2019
a lot happened today i fell asleep in the chair drinking my tonic which is why this is so late
i customized my first imperfect produce box
i'm not sure what i ordered qualifies as a small box any longer
i started out with 8 items suggested for me
i ran to the back and whipped out my phone
at the first possible minute
i usually don't get my second break
but
i didn't want stuff to be all gone
they had micro green-- spicy blend-- i ordered 5, cause 5 days, right
tomato (2 count)-- i ordered 3-- cause 5 days, right
green beans-- 1 bag (1 pound i think)
mandarin oranges-- i ordered 2 pounds
that might be too much
serrano peppers
pablano peppers (those are for dinner, stuffed)
i got a 2 pound bag of brown rice which is also for dinners
some ginger
and some seaweed snacks
so my plan is micro green salad with green beans
(any extra i will have for dinner
but have you had raw green beans? they are delicious)
tomato (they are promising beefsteak) for mains
and i'm making a salad dressing
with mandarin, ginger, serrano, and a little olive oil
i'll blend it up in the ninja
and take it in this cute little lunchable container
i got from the grove collective
(the tree free toilet paper people)
i had all these healthy bars and butternut squash
and a bunch of other stuff
but i took it off
my thought was
i'm doing this quick
before they run out
you can always take it off later
and
i was sorry that i hadn't put on another green bean
because the more i thought about it the more i wanted more green beans
but
by the time i got done with my mom at 9
they didn't have any more
so
i'm excited
and it's like $40.
which doesn't seem like much of a savings
but
each individual thing seemed very well priced
especially for organic
so we'll see
my tonic arrived
i love her packaging
it tastes like all those tinctures, kind of
but
a little like campari
so
i'm leaning into that
i put a half teaspoon in my glass i use for margarita
added sparkling water and ice
and it's all melty because i fell asleep
but
i'm charmed
day 2 without coffee
was a little less rough
i got a new brick of pu-ehr
and when it came
i was a little miffed because it was the smallest thing you've ever seen
like 4"x4"
and i'm like
yeah
there's 4 cups for ya
but no
it's amazingly dense
you cannot break it
so i'm there with a knife
trying to scrape off enough to make a cup
like it was some fancy new drug
again, i'm charmed
it's good too
rich and dense, intensely earthy
i went to dinner with my mom
and
i got baby kale salad
and sugar snap peas cooked with mushroom sized onions
and it was so so good
my mother says she's been to the doctor
and had a physical
and she's living 15 more years
now
in december
she had been to her heart doctor
and he said she had deteriorated a lot because of
the stress of dealing with shirley (her sister)
so
i'm not sure how to reconcile those 2 opposing
supposed facts
my mother is an unreliable narrator
so who knows
she seems fine
but
frail
shorter
and very very slow
i love you very much sweetheart
goodnight
love,
rose
i'm not sure what i ordered qualifies as a small box any longer
i started out with 8 items suggested for me
i ran to the back and whipped out my phone
at the first possible minute
i usually don't get my second break
but
i didn't want stuff to be all gone
they had micro green-- spicy blend-- i ordered 5, cause 5 days, right
tomato (2 count)-- i ordered 3-- cause 5 days, right
green beans-- 1 bag (1 pound i think)
mandarin oranges-- i ordered 2 pounds
that might be too much
serrano peppers
pablano peppers (those are for dinner, stuffed)
i got a 2 pound bag of brown rice which is also for dinners
some ginger
and some seaweed snacks
so my plan is micro green salad with green beans
(any extra i will have for dinner
but have you had raw green beans? they are delicious)
tomato (they are promising beefsteak) for mains
and i'm making a salad dressing
with mandarin, ginger, serrano, and a little olive oil
i'll blend it up in the ninja
and take it in this cute little lunchable container
i got from the grove collective
(the tree free toilet paper people)
i had all these healthy bars and butternut squash
and a bunch of other stuff
but i took it off
my thought was
i'm doing this quick
before they run out
you can always take it off later
and
i was sorry that i hadn't put on another green bean
because the more i thought about it the more i wanted more green beans
but
by the time i got done with my mom at 9
they didn't have any more
so
i'm excited
and it's like $40.
which doesn't seem like much of a savings
but
each individual thing seemed very well priced
especially for organic
so we'll see
my tonic arrived
i love her packaging
it tastes like all those tinctures, kind of
but
a little like campari
so
i'm leaning into that
i put a half teaspoon in my glass i use for margarita
added sparkling water and ice
and it's all melty because i fell asleep
but
i'm charmed
day 2 without coffee
was a little less rough
i got a new brick of pu-ehr
and when it came
i was a little miffed because it was the smallest thing you've ever seen
like 4"x4"
and i'm like
yeah
there's 4 cups for ya
but no
it's amazingly dense
you cannot break it
so i'm there with a knife
trying to scrape off enough to make a cup
like it was some fancy new drug
again, i'm charmed
it's good too
rich and dense, intensely earthy
i went to dinner with my mom
and
i got baby kale salad
and sugar snap peas cooked with mushroom sized onions
and it was so so good
my mother says she's been to the doctor
and had a physical
and she's living 15 more years
now
in december
she had been to her heart doctor
and he said she had deteriorated a lot because of
the stress of dealing with shirley (her sister)
so
i'm not sure how to reconcile those 2 opposing
supposed facts
my mother is an unreliable narrator
so who knows
she seems fine
but
frail
shorter
and very very slow
i love you very much sweetheart
goodnight
love,
rose
Sunday, May 12, 2019
goodnight
i've been up like 9 hours
that's plenty
i'm going to dinner with my mom tomorrow
also
i get to customize my first
imperfect produce box
so
we'll see how that really is
i've been reducing the amount of coffee all week
and today
was the first day
with no coffee
and
truthfully
i'm very very tired
i find
for me
mother's day is anti-inspiring
so
i feel
kinda unreasonably depressed
and
i'm having intrusive thoughts
about dinners
and bouquets of flowers
and
lovely family interludes
so
i'm taking myself off to bed
i've been up like 9 hours
that's plenty
i'm going to dinner with my mom tomorrow
also
i get to customize my first
imperfect produce box
so
we'll see how that really is
i've been reducing the amount of coffee all week
and today
was the first day
with no coffee
and
truthfully
i'm very very tired
i find
for me
mother's day is anti-inspiring
so
i feel
kinda unreasonably depressed
and
i'm having intrusive thoughts
about dinners
and bouquets of flowers
and
lovely family interludes
so
i'm taking myself off to bed
Monday, May 6, 2019
Sunday, May 5, 2019
process of a breakthrough
so
it started with my seeing what my boxwalla box was going to be-- 5yina skincare
it started with my seeing what my boxwalla box was going to be-- 5yina skincare
now this brand is a TCM based brand
so you'd think the girl who loves hanbang would be excited
but I wasn't
it's super expensive
and was going to include a $65 value 2oz face mistus
now I'm looking for the perfect face mist
but
I already found one that's pretty perfect
and I bought two extra ones
but they're too expensive at much less $
because 2oz is about a month's supply
so I'm just just skipping mist
and going right to essence
and was going to include a $65 value 2oz face mistus
now I'm looking for the perfect face mist
but
I already found one that's pretty perfect
and I bought two extra ones
but they're too expensive at much less $
because 2oz is about a month's supply
so I'm just just skipping mist
and going right to essence
in fact
since it's gotten warmer
I've pared down my routine
I'm using the Japanese essence from Ulta [Kitao]
which has ceremides, green tea, and something else and is dirt cheap
then
I use the manyo factory galactomyces serum
then
I use the bonajour propolis serum
then for day I use the Josie maran sunscreen
10 pumps of white and 4 pumps of tinted
which works as makeup and sunscreen
and zinc anti blemish treatment
since it's gotten warmer
I've pared down my routine
I'm using the Japanese essence from Ulta [Kitao]
which has ceremides, green tea, and something else and is dirt cheap
then
I use the manyo factory galactomyces serum
then
I use the bonajour propolis serum
then for day I use the Josie maran sunscreen
10 pumps of white and 4 pumps of tinted
which works as makeup and sunscreen
and zinc anti blemish treatment
I wouldn't normally wear sunscreen unless I'm on vacation
because though I start to burn in about 15 minutes
I'm not normally outside for longer than that at a time and I need vitamin d
because though I start to burn in about 15 minutes
I'm not normally outside for longer than that at a time and I need vitamin d
then I wear a slightly tinted primer
to lock that all in
and I'm really happy with how that looks
and feels
to lock that all in
and I'm really happy with how that looks
and feels
and my skin is liking it
not using the fight or switch serum
not using the fight or switch serum
at night
after the propolis serum
I put on the yasuni balm
or
like last night
I cleaned my face
but didn't put stuff on it
and then fell asleep in the chair
I threw on some honua olena oil
and my face is pretty happy today
after the propolis serum
I put on the yasuni balm
or
like last night
I cleaned my face
but didn't put stuff on it
and then fell asleep in the chair
I threw on some honua olena oil
and my face is pretty happy today
the 5yina also has an oil in the box
It's $165 for the 1oz
and it's designed for oily skin
It's $165 for the 1oz
and it's designed for oily skin
so
it started with my saying
I don't want this box
it doesn't fit in
and at best it replaces things I already love that are much more affordable
that's not a win
it started with my saying
I don't want this box
it doesn't fit in
and at best it replaces things I already love that are much more affordable
that's not a win
and
I just have something against this brand too
idk what
the reviews for it
sound stepford wife-y
I just have something against this brand too
idk what
the reviews for it
sound stepford wife-y
so I think
well I'll switch to the book box
except I don't know what that is yet
and none of it is available to change yet
but
most of the book boxes
haven't looked that good to me
usually only one book looks interesting
and
often even that one
doesn't look like something I actively want to read
well I'll switch to the book box
except I don't know what that is yet
and none of it is available to change yet
but
most of the book boxes
haven't looked that good to me
usually only one book looks interesting
and
often even that one
doesn't look like something I actively want to read
so I think
well I'll order the one that looks interesting from April (it's an every other month box, the boxwalla)
well I'll order the one that looks interesting from April (it's an every other month box, the boxwalla)
and that is a Japanese woman author
from the 1960s
it's short stories
but
it's called toddler hunting
from the 1960s
it's short stories
but
it's called toddler hunting
I start researching it
one reviewer says
the characters in this woman's (Kono) fiction are like the missing women from murakami
that intrigues me
but then
everyone else starts talking about sadism
and masochism
and hating little girls
and watching little boys get dressed
in long descriptive passages
and
I'm like uh, no, I don't want to read that
one reviewer says
the characters in this woman's (Kono) fiction are like the missing women from murakami
that intrigues me
but then
everyone else starts talking about sadism
and masochism
and hating little girls
and watching little boys get dressed
in long descriptive passages
and
I'm like uh, no, I don't want to read that
but I still want to read Japanese women authors
preferably short stories
and I'm on Amazon
so they're popping up
and I find two I really really want to read
preferably short stories
and I'm on Amazon
so they're popping up
and I find two I really really want to read
and then
I start, also
listening to an interview with one of the authors
I start, also
listening to an interview with one of the authors
whose book sounds AM-MaZe-ing
and is not a short stories collection
but rather a novel
and
picking out a new fountain pen ink color
picking out a new fountain pen ink color
and
although I want to write the great American novel
I don't think I've ever told you
although I want to write the great American novel
I don't think I've ever told you
I think short story is the most perfect form
the way the symbolism and metaphor are central to the work
the poetry of the distillation of the process
and
i've always felt like i was good with the short story
and then
it came to me
i should be doing that
writing short stories
either as like a concept album
or
as something to connect later as a novel
but
to be honest
the concept album idea appeals to me
in progress
i fell asleep
i have a bunch of stuff i wanna say
but
i gotta go to sleep now
i love you very much sweetheart
i have a bunch of stuff i wanna say
but
i gotta go to sleep now
i love you very much sweetheart
Thursday, May 2, 2019
look
i'm all paranoid
and everything i say
seems wrong to me
or dangerous
so
whatever
i don't mean you any harm
i don't mean to cause you any trouble
if i have
i'm sorry
it was unintentional
i can stop writing
if it's a problem
or
i can keep writing
but
i love you
i do have a bunch of negative unfiltered crap
that runs around in my head
last week
was really bad
and now i'm on my period again
so
there's that
i'm going to bed early again tonight
i love you very much sweetheart, goodnight
i'm all paranoid
and everything i say
seems wrong to me
or dangerous
so
whatever
i don't mean you any harm
i don't mean to cause you any trouble
if i have
i'm sorry
it was unintentional
i can stop writing
if it's a problem
or
i can keep writing
but
i love you
i do have a bunch of negative unfiltered crap
that runs around in my head
last week
was really bad
and now i'm on my period again
so
there's that
i'm going to bed early again tonight
i love you very much sweetheart, goodnight
Wednesday, May 1, 2019
car ups and downs
ok
so here's some fun i had today
saturday
as i was going out the apartment exit
the car window would not go back up
i went to work, naturally
i had planned to go early
but
i wasn't running very early
and i ended up using the time to go through
the glove box and whatnot
to move everything to the lockable trunk
so
anyway
car place not open on sunday
i managed to get it to go 3/4 of the way up
and i prayed for no rain
and taped a garbage bag over it the day rain looked threatening
so
today
i took it in
they can, it seems, order a new part
at least of this
and
it's $981.
ok
i can't do that
i say
they say they'll look for a used part
and drop me off at home
i'm like
look
if you can't find a part for a reasonable rate
can you just rig the window shut
i don't have to have a window that opens
but
i can't have it raining in the car
i call them at 5pm
it's ready
they have rigged it shut
try not to slam it hard, the guy says
and if it slips down, just bring it back
we couldn't find a part
if you find one
bring it in
so
i went on ebay
and i found it
(unless i'm mistaken)
for $100.
from a seller who claims to have bench tested it
with 100% positive rating for 1111 transactions
so
fingers crossed
i may get the damn thing fixed
maybe as soon as next wednesday
so here's some fun i had today
saturday
as i was going out the apartment exit
the car window would not go back up
i went to work, naturally
i had planned to go early
but
i wasn't running very early
and i ended up using the time to go through
the glove box and whatnot
to move everything to the lockable trunk
so
anyway
car place not open on sunday
i managed to get it to go 3/4 of the way up
and i prayed for no rain
and taped a garbage bag over it the day rain looked threatening
so
today
i took it in
they can, it seems, order a new part
at least of this
and
it's $981.
ok
i can't do that
i say
they say they'll look for a used part
and drop me off at home
i'm like
look
if you can't find a part for a reasonable rate
can you just rig the window shut
i don't have to have a window that opens
but
i can't have it raining in the car
i call them at 5pm
it's ready
they have rigged it shut
try not to slam it hard, the guy says
and if it slips down, just bring it back
we couldn't find a part
if you find one
bring it in
so
i went on ebay
and i found it
(unless i'm mistaken)
for $100.
from a seller who claims to have bench tested it
with 100% positive rating for 1111 transactions
so
fingers crossed
i may get the damn thing fixed
maybe as soon as next wednesday
dreams and stuff
i had a very detailed dream
let me back up a bit
i've been trying to get more sleep
because i feel like shit and i thought it might help
when i sleep a long time though
i tend to wake up with my back all jacked up
so
that's not a lot of incentive
whatever
i'm kinda on an alternating thing this week
and i think it's stimulating dreams
i woke up the other day
and i remembered i dreamed about genocide
but then i couldn't remember any of the details
so last night
there was this viral video
the most viral part of the viral video
was this spasmodic blinking
eyelashes caked with mascara
it became this alien looking thing
and
then there were these signs
they were pretty big
in front of this house
kinda shaped like tombstones
i don't remember what they said
but i tend not to be able to read things in dreams anyway
so
first it was one person
maybe they were talking about being a monster of some sort
or maybe they were talking about this place they lived
and there was a bunch of speculation
was it real
or was it like a "project"
so then
there started to be a bunch of them
with the signs
and the blinking spasmodic eye thing
but
like ostensibly they had gone and joined up
and the signs were in "the yard"
and the blinking thing was with them
so
it became like a chain video, sort of
and so
i had to go and find out
what was what
and it was delinium texas
and i got into some kind of trouble
let me back up a bit
i've been trying to get more sleep
because i feel like shit and i thought it might help
when i sleep a long time though
i tend to wake up with my back all jacked up
so
that's not a lot of incentive
whatever
i'm kinda on an alternating thing this week
and i think it's stimulating dreams
i woke up the other day
and i remembered i dreamed about genocide
but then i couldn't remember any of the details
so last night
there was this viral video
the most viral part of the viral video
was this spasmodic blinking
eyelashes caked with mascara
it became this alien looking thing
and
then there were these signs
they were pretty big
in front of this house
kinda shaped like tombstones
i don't remember what they said
but i tend not to be able to read things in dreams anyway
so
first it was one person
maybe they were talking about being a monster of some sort
or maybe they were talking about this place they lived
and there was a bunch of speculation
was it real
or was it like a "project"
so then
there started to be a bunch of them
with the signs
and the blinking spasmodic eye thing
but
like ostensibly they had gone and joined up
and the signs were in "the yard"
and the blinking thing was with them
so
it became like a chain video, sort of
and so
i had to go and find out
what was what
and it was delinium texas
and i got into some kind of trouble
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