i have officially stayed up too late

i am not all that tired
except my head and neck are starting to ache
if i didn't have to work tomorrow
i'd probably stay up
but
i gotta go to bed

i love you sweetheart
try to dream with me again

and
why am i in my grandmother's house in my head
i've just found myself there again and again today
maybe it's the last few days
not sure

she's not there
just me
and
sometimes i'm just walking through it
but
sometimes i'm remembering things

the room that was not exactly my room
but my books and toys were there
the stairs to the attic pulled down into that room
the closet i hid in to avoid my mom was in that room

sometimes i imagine
that it's my house
and my room is my grandmother's room
the windows looking out on the tiny yard
plants everywhere

sometimes i see myself
sitting in the dining room
listening to fun house on kpft with headphones or something
late late at night
when i was staying over i guess
must have been

the piano
the pantry
the window air conditioner unit
replaced later by the central air
the tiny-ness of everything

i bet that house was less than 1000 square feet

my grandfather's bedroom
that had been my dad's
he had added on
and it was the man-cavey-est thing you've ever seen
it was just as cool as my grandmother's room
which was the one my father and i were in
but it seemed less cozy then

i'm feeling a deep craving for that house

what do you think that means?

goodnight sweetheart
i love you very much