Sunday, May 5, 2019

process of a breakthrough

so
it started with my seeing what my boxwalla box was going to be-- 5yina skincare


now this brand is a TCM based brand
so you'd think the girl who loves hanbang would be excited
but I wasn't
it's super expensive
and was going to include a $65 value 2oz face mistus
now I'm looking for the perfect face mist 
but
I already found one that's pretty perfect
and I bought two extra ones
but they're too expensive at much less $
because 2oz is about a month's supply
so I'm just just skipping mist
and going right to essence
in fact
since it's gotten warmer
I've pared down my routine
I'm using the Japanese  essence from Ulta [Kitao]
which has ceremides, green tea, and something else and is dirt cheap
then
I use the manyo factory galactomyces serum
then
I use the bonajour propolis serum
then for day I use the Josie maran sunscreen
10 pumps of white and 4 pumps of tinted
which works as makeup and sunscreen
and zinc anti blemish treatment
I wouldn't normally wear sunscreen unless I'm on vacation
because though I start to burn in about 15 minutes
I'm not normally outside for longer than that at a time and I need vitamin d
then I wear a slightly tinted primer
to lock that all in
and I'm really happy with how that looks
and feels
and my skin is liking it
not using the fight or switch serum
at night
after the propolis serum
I put on the yasuni balm
or
like last night
I cleaned my face
but didn't put stuff on it
and then fell asleep in the chair
I threw on some honua olena oil
and my face is pretty happy today

the 5yina also has an oil in the box
It's $165 for the 1oz
and it's designed for oily skin
so
it started with my saying
I don't want this box
it doesn't fit in
and at best it replaces things I already love that are much more affordable
that's not a win
and
I just have something against this brand too
idk what
the reviews for it
sound stepford wife-y
so I think
well I'll switch to the book box
except I don't know what that is yet
and none of it is available to change yet
but
most of the book boxes
haven't looked that good to me
usually only one book looks interesting
and
often even that one
doesn't look like something I actively want to read
so I think
well I'll order the one that looks interesting from April (it's an every other month box, the boxwalla)


and that is a Japanese woman author
from the 1960s
it's short stories
but
it's called toddler hunting
I start researching it
one reviewer says
the characters in this woman's (Kono) fiction are like the missing women from murakami
that intrigues me
but then
everyone else starts talking about sadism
and masochism
and hating little girls
and watching little boys get dressed
in long descriptive passages
and
I'm like uh, no, I don't want to read that
but I still want to read Japanese women authors
preferably  short stories
and I'm on Amazon
so they're popping up
and I find two I really really want to read



and then
I start, also
listening to an interview with one of the authors


whose book sounds AM-MaZe-ing
and is not a short stories collection
but rather a novel
and
picking out a new fountain pen ink color


and
although I want to write the great American novel
I don't think I've ever told you

I think short story is the most perfect form
the way the symbolism and metaphor are central to the work
the poetry of the distillation of the process

and
i've always felt like i was good with the short story

and then
it came to me
i should be doing that
writing short stories
either as like a concept album
or
as something to connect later as a novel
but
to be honest
the concept album idea appeals to me
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