EXTREMELY
caught up in an anxious
paranoid perspective spinning
thing
while I've been going through this whatever it was
I don't know whether I was too caught up
in the feeling that
EVERYTHING OUTSIDE of ME
was AGAINST me
OR
WHAT
BUT
I'm still getting things done
& I feel SO MUCH
more normal today
I threw away
didn't even donate
a baby blanket that I crocheted
granny squares
when I was like eleven
I'm not sure WHY I made a baby blanket
I didn't give it to deborah for John
maybe I had thought I would
BUT
when she asked me
I said no
& THEN when I was cleaning out my mom's garage
THERE it suddenly was AGAIN
& I took it
BUT
it has no happy memories
ONLY
BAD
ones
it was in a plastic bag
it LOOKED clean
I didn't even take it out of the bag to look
I just threw it away
I kept the baseball yarmulke I won on theme park
I don't use it
BUT
it made me
happy
& it's pretty small
goodnight sweetheart
I LOVE you VERY much
