in which I
FEEL
like I'm not the same
from day to day
& have these
PARTS
I am finding it slightly unsettling
& I just had this really
BIG anxiety
thing
I wouldn't call it an attack
it was MORE like
my perspective SHIFTED
I SAW something
& it freaked me out
I was brushing my teeth
I started gagging
hacking up
sputum
I'm not sure what it was
I was thinking about
HOW
that looking for how you fit in
that SOUNDS
very trad feminine
&
I was contrasting
I have some things that I'm very trad masc
AND
I'm not SURE
is that LIKE a PARTS thing
or a non-binary
THING
I'm feeling like there is stuff going on
that I don't understand
& I didn't finish that area
I haven't been able to do it I'm all LIKE
I'm not STRONG enough
BUT
there is a connection between
disengagement with
REALITY
& STUFF
& I can't map exactly how much time
I'm connected to some though
that is not EXACTLY
disengagement
so much as
ENGAGING in THINKING
MAYBE
one of the tangential lines of thinking
is HOW uncomfortable am I
with the things
I've ever done or thought or felt before
& WHAT I might
pick instead
& MAYBE
I'm NOW overanalyzing
probably that's right
I have this
IDEA
of
STANDING as MYSELF
which I thought I pretty much always DID
BUT
in SOME WAY
maybe I mask
or maybe
I need to focus
on getting
something across specifically
I guess I'm coming from
we KNOW we could be
EASIER
to understand
WHAT
are we making
CLEARER
I need to do that with myself as well
goodnight sweetheart
I LOVE you VERY much
