so
years ago
like when i first started working here
i did this thing
where for lunch i would take chlorella and wheatgrass tablets
and i would lose about 5 pounds in the week
i'm not sure i'm gonna do exactly that
at that point i was standing at a register all day
so
i didn't need any energy
but
they are both detoxing
and nutrient dense
so
i ordered those
and
hatcho miso
which isn't my favorite flavor-wise
but it is detoxing and nutrient dense

i figure i need a lot of detoxing
and internal anti-aging

i ordered baby dulse too
mostly because i want to jazz it up
but
also detoxing and nutrient dense

also that other stuff

i need to drop about 30 pounds
detox
dna repair
i'm on a regime of supplements
but
i'm gonna have to go back to some of the old ones briefly

i gotta do nattokinase and serrapeptase heavy for about a month
msm heavy for about a month
then
let the dust from that settle
maybe do the master cleanse for like 3 days

i'm gonna do mostly brown rice cooked in bone broth
and a green vegetable for dinner
as much as i can

i've started back with nut/seed butter toast for breakfast
and i prefer walnut
[which is very nutrient dense]
but today i had hemp heart butter
on my dave's killer 21 grain bread
and
it really held me

i only had a corazon bar for lunch
they are pretty tasty
oatmeal and phytosterols and banana
and then i wasn't even that hungry for dinner

but
i had a setback with my legs
they've been doing pretty well, generally
so much so that i have stopped taking every single thing i was doing for them
including eating all the organic fruits
which i stopped doing sometime in november
when i freaked out about my money situation
besides it wasn't really working for me
that stuff was coming on thursday
but my monday or tuesday sometimes it wasn't any good
i was throwing a bunch of it away

so
lunches have strayed from bars
to naughty things i enjoy to eat
like popcorn

so
my legs
they swell a little
and they are sometimes a little pink
but today

today
my right leg looks sunburned
it is red and slightly purple-y
it doesn't hurt
i worked on it all day
but
it worried me

i went to the drug store
and i wanted coco butter to put on it
but there's no fucking coco butter without a bunch of crap in it
and i know better than to put "fragrance" or alcohol
on my irritated flesh
you'd hear me psychically screaming where you are

so i got shea butter 100% raw
which is acceptable
i didn't want to use coconut
i didn't feel like that was the right thing
even though it has anti bacterial properties
i don't think this is a skin infection

i also got compression socks
which i hate exponentially more than regular socks
but i just put one on the right side
the left leg looks extra good after the shea butter massage
except
looking at it in the light
the strong light
imma have to figure out how to shave without destroying my
fragile leg skin
my hair is invisible
and so doesn't ever bother me at all
but
if you get a strong enough light on it
it's visible
and it shocks me
because i never ever see it
or even feel it because it's thin and sparse from waxing
so
like if i run my hand along my leg
i don't feel hair
if i look at my leg
i don't see hair
if i shine a strong light on it
i kinda make that vampire in the light hissing
blocking my face action

maybe some kind of electric razor
i'll have to figure it out
because now i'm grossed out

it might just be all the heater action
that's what set everything off before
like a straw that broke the camels back action before

so
anyway
that what i'm doing today

hope your day was good


i have a cica serum
that i found oh so fucking cheap

i used it for the first time last night

and then again today

and everything is almost gone

so

we'll see

what tends to happen now is it clears up

almost totally

and then i do something that aggravates it

use a mask

or an acid toner

so

i think imma stick to the two masks that i'm pretty sure

are 100% safe

merle norman miracol

and

earthwise beauty sungod

and

pa'akai [compromising with no beauty water]

and physical exfolliation [i have a sample of african botanics buchu

which is wonderful]

i think, with the retinol

i'm going to

rather than try to get closer together

and then i have to keep up with the days

i'm going to compromise by doing it twice a week

so it'll hit 3 and 4

and

if it seems not to want it

i'll just skip that dose

not just go to the next day

anyway

that was a long way of saying

i might use the cica serum on my leg

but i will not be taking it internally again

i don't want to be psycho

i feel like my moods are pretty manageable now

i just realized my spellcheck is gone

that's fucking weird

i typed manageable without the e and said

no there should be an e, right

and there was no spellcheck

i had to look it up on my phone, huh

anyway

most of this is not interesting

but i'm obsessed with working out these

protocols

what is the most effective

least expensive

most emotionally gratifying skincare

that will clear my blemishes

and make me not look older than say 38

i wanted 28

but i've given up on that

and

of course the training protocol

is exciting

i worked on that all day

goodnight sweetheart

i love you very much