OH

I say

YES I SEE

what you MEAN now

the PROBLEM is that 

COMMUNISM

is a UTOPIAN philosophy 

it says

what gives a thing

VALUE 

is the LABOR that you put into it

SO

the products we are working to make

are given their value by 

OUR LABOR 

WHY

are we letting a few people get rich off our backs

what we SHOULD do 

is just do the whole labor thing

WITHOUT 

that oppressive FALSE STRUCTURE 

EVERYBODY does

WHAT they are GOOD at

& GETS whatever they NEED

the problem with 

UTOPIAN philosophy 

is

that it doesn't come with a governmental STRUCTURE 

& the governmental structure 

the communist countries 

have tended to get

have been

AUTHORITARIAN 

free speech oppressive 

full of fascist elements 

AND

I MEAN

we have had fascist elements as well

think about

KENT STATE & McCARTHYism

just off the top of my head

I don't think most of this makes it into the story-- cutting room floor-- below the surface of the iceberg

my mother

WOULD 

have been valedictorian

EXCEPT 

she took her last semester off

to take classes

in junior college 

SO

some guy ended up

BEATING her

by a few decimal points 

she ended up

salutatorian 

she has a double major degree

from RICE

in MATH & GERMAN

she was a computer programmer 

before they had programs 

for that

when it was punch cards

& ROOM sized computers

she's NOT stupid 

SO

when she asked me

WHAT IS FASCISM 

I'm LIKE 

wtf is she playing at

& I had JUST had

this SHOCKing bit of brain fog

where I couldn't remember 

the governor's name

I'm LIKE 

I'm having SHOCKing brain fog

I can't quite definitions

right this moment 

USE the GOOGLE 

PHONE's in

your HAND

BUT 

since she had her cataract surgery 

she can't SEE close up

without her glasses

which she didn't want to dig out of her purse

PLUS 

we've been TRYING 

to get this CONCEPT 

ASKING the RIGHT 

QUESTION 

WHAT I REALLY MEAN 

WHAT is the

DIFFERENCE 

REALLY 

between fascism and communism 

they don't SEEM different 

I slept a long time 

I just woke up

I guess I turned the 

NOON alarm

OFF

I dreamed about you

BUT 

it was

NOT 

what I would have wanted to dream

& I don't know how to

INTERPRET it

we were seeing a movie

in a big room

NOT really 

designed for that purpose 

I think it turned out to be 

at a college 

BUT 

I'm not one hundred percent sure 

so we're in this room

NO CHAIRS

we're sitting 

on the FLOOR 

they start

SHOWING the movie

BUT 

they won't 

TURN OFF the lights

SO

you can't see the 

MOVIE

very well

BUT 

EVERYONE ELSE

can SEE US just fine

&

in THIS particular movie experience 

I was really more interested in being in the

DARK with YOU 

AND 

THEN 

you were GONE 

&

I couldn't figure out 

WHERE you WENT 

or

WHY you LEFT

if you were okay, even

I went to a table

at the side of the room

& a Prof TOLD me 

SOMETHING 

I THINK it was 

IMPORTANT 

BUT 

I can't remember what it was 

they were like 

EVACUATING though

& I went to

CHECK in

with some guy running something 

to which I was attached

work or volunteer or something-wise

& he told me to go to some office 

& tell them SOMETHING 

I can't remember 

BUT 

it sounded like 

TERMINATION 

to me

AM I being FIRED 

I asked

OH NO he said

SORRY if I made it sound like that 

this period just needs to be

CLOSED OUT

differently

because of the 

EVACUATION 

I THINK 

I've got a 

STORY

BUT 

MAYBE not

I wanna THINK about it 

before I tell you

mom asks

WHAT is the DIFFERENCE 

REALLY 

between fascism & communism

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY very MUCH 🫶

👾🫚🍀☕⚾☁️

edited

this is a photograph of one of my favorite fountains in Houston 

THIS 

will come as a 

COMPLETE SHOCK

BUT 

HORMONES 

is what does it

first thing said

PREGNANCY 

and I'm 

LIKE 

NOPE 

THAT is 

NOT it

TRY AGAIN 

🤪😂😅😆🤣😹🤪

view from waiting room 

I was just at lunch

I might be having something 

where my senses 

are idk HIGHTENED

there was a high pitched noise

I felt like it was 

gonna make my head explode

I said something about it 

BUT 

they were like 

NOPE 

don't hear anything 

I went to the

bathroom 

& I almost couldn't hear the 

NOISE 

BUT 

the SMELL of the 

air freshener 

which they probably always have 

BUT 

which I've 

NEVER

noticed before 

almost made me 

HURL

SERIOUSLY 

I don't NEED

NEW sh*t

I'm fixin to 

LOOK it UP

taking mom

to the doctor today 

I hope you have a beautiful day sweetheart 💋

I haven't done that

seeing things

in the clouds 

for a while

it was a favorite thing to do when I was a kid

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 🫶

☁️☁️☁️☕☁️☁️☁️⚾☁️☁️☁️🐑🐑🐑

my brother 

sent me a photo

of an adult bookstore sign

LIKE 

he slipped into my

DMs

& sent me a picture of an adult bookstore 

I'm LIKE 

thinking to myself 

I've been low key

AVOIDING 

his posts

telling myself 

he's NOT directing

WEIRD sh*t

AT YOU

you're just taking it personally 

NOW 

he posts

MORE pictures 

of the same adult bookstore 

WITH CONTEXT

& 

I WONDER 

WHY

NO CONTEXT for me

was I supposed to recognize dad's style

in the adult bookstore sign?!

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚🍀

I did that

NO DAMAGE 

FACE thing

UNTIL

I was KINDA damage-y

& THEN I KINDA 

FELL OFF

the WAGON 

I've had GYPSY 

by Fleetwood Mac 

in my HEAD 

& I can't 

THINK

of ANY CONTEXT for that

I've got these

PANTS

I had KINDA

FORGOTTEN I had

found em at the bottom of the drawer

they are narrow and tapered and the look

SIMILAR to leggings 

when I wore them before 

I used a shaper 

BUT 

I don't remember WHY I decided to do THAT 

I tried em on

& I like the way they look

SO

I'm LOOKING at MYSELF 

and saying 

YOU 

ARE SURE that you are FATTER now

BUT 

YOU LIKE the WAY you LOOK 

NOW 

without a SHAPER

I don't know 

HOW 

to make THAT 

MAKE SENSE 

yeah

today has been

WEIRD

I feel like

I maybe 

OVERdid the

LAYERS

I've had a whole conversation 

in small bite-y bits

why I could 

think

what I THINK 

politically

I guess is the best way to put it

& HOW

NOT in a cult my thinking is

& am I just completely 

CHECKED out

of the artist group EMOTIONALLY 

if I'm not

WRESTLING the

email list from her and getting it DONE 

I don't THINK it does

BUT 

ALSO

I was going to say

these old broads

BUT 

I don't LIKE 

THAT vibe for THIS 

maybe I told you ALREADY 

and it's not that interesting 

it's just

TWO

of them

my MOM 

was well behaved 

I took her a bag of popcorn 

told her the sodium

some grapes

and 

a chocolate truffle*

*helene throws a meeting

& she HAD all the good 

STUFF 

PLUS

she got to

BASK

in being WAITED on

BUT 

LIKE 

nothing BAD happened 

I just guess it turns out

I think 

one of them

is KINDA a 

bitch

& I guess I needed to

PROCESS

ALL this STUFF 

under the influence 

of some 

UNKNOWN 

cocktail of hormones 

david lynch 

andras

gets ANOTHER 

PUNCH in the FACE 

from me

VIRTUALLY 

I'm still 

feeling kinda bad

I hope you are having a beautiful day 💋

I just got done with therapy 

I'm in the bathroom 

I don't think I made much sense 

last night

I also have

BREAKOUTS 

& the old woman energy 

was in the meeting 

I was NOT 

in a be amongst the humans

kind of mood 

I hung on

BUT 

I wasn't friendly and effervescent 

BUT 

there was a certain amount of 

DEAR GOD 

I'm old too

I mean 

I don't FEEL 

EMOTIONALLY old

OR 

INTERESTS old

SO

I guess 

there was some 

CONSIDERATION of my own

MORTALITY 

BUT 

MOSTLY 

I was just like

F*CK

I don't enjoy old women 

as a group 

any more than I enjoyed young women 

as a group 

the one I used to work for

who I was working to

get her a day off 

MOSTLY 

she's 

in charge of the artists group now

& she's LIKE 

none of the guest list emails have been entered 

Bob sent out emails

BALL DROPPED 

well the thing isn't happening for a couple weeks 

the last three open studios

takes it back to BEFORE PORTLAND 

I'm sure it wouldn't take

MORE than 

an hour or two

to enter ALL of it

JUST DO IT

there's plenty of TIME 

maybe it makes a difference 

MAYBE not

BUT 

why PLAN to FAIL 

I seem not to have drawn any

CHORES

& I thought about

VOLUNTEERing to do it

BUT 

the IDEA of having to 

coordinate

a computer thing 

with her

I don't care enough to deal with THAT 

I really hope

my judging thoughts were

NOT visible 

I get TWO feedbacks typically

I can read everything on your face

I can't read anything on your face

& I'm NOT sure 

if that's 

SITUATIONAL

or WHAT

HORMONES are 

WEIRD 

if they don't resolve

into BLOOD 

WTF is even going on 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 🫶 I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

mystery solved 

with the 

GUT

distress 

HORMONES 

old woman energy 

HIT badly

I had lots of processing 

SORRY 

I didn't talk

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY very MUCH 🫶

👾🫚🍀

this photographs nicer than it will look (probably) the reflection will be less (although there is silver paint)

so far

mom

studio 

artist meeting 

it's COLD

& rainy

🫶

I gotta go to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY very MUCH 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

🫶🧠☕☁️⚾

👾🫚🍀

I was

GONNA 

WRITE 

something 

BUT 

I have been

MISTing 

my MIND 

OR

should I have gone with 

TENDRILing

I was SEEing it

as KINDA 

a ghostly sort of MIST

that KINDA tendrils 

at the edges

BUT 

it doesn't seem to

YIELD 

it's REALLY GOOD 

for ME though

I FEEL like 

that TIME when I'm THINKING that way

HEELS my BRAIN 

when I'm SAYING SOMETHING 

it CONSTRUCTS

a REALITY 

when I'm doing the WHATSIT

I can sorta

FLOAT

in the place 

where all the perspectives 

INTER-MINGLE

THAT 

MAKES it SOUND 

like a multiple 

thing

BUT 

I don't specifically mean

INTERNAL

it's LIKE 

I don't KNOW what it's like 

I LOVE YOU 

there is NO BRAIN like

🧠🧠🧠

I didn't get enough sleep 

& my guts

FEEL 

like I don't want to leave the house 

SO

I texted my therapist 

& he's like

YEAH 

my new car battery is dead

let's do thursday 

SO

I went back to bed

BUT 

I'm UP

having COFFEE ☕ ☁️ ☁️ ☁️ 

NOW 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 🫶 

F*CK

I gotta go to sleep 

I LOVE you 

VERY much 

🫶💋👾🫚⚾

AND

I am 

OK with an *

BUT I think the

HALL of FAME is

WELL 

they are

CONSISTENT 

BUT 

it's KINDA 

sh*tty to say the least

BUT 

I THINK it's 

I MEAN

it's not like

they used AI to 

MAKE it LOOK like they did those things 

the F*CKING DID THEM

WITH the BODIES 

that they

RISKED

to DO

them

it's all like

they're CHEATING 

I MEAN 

MAYBE 

BUT 

MAYBE an * could take care of that

BECAUSE 

is it more

UNFAIR to the other players

than TY COBB's 

CLEATS

SOVIET 

OLYMPIC athletes

in my childhood 

I just don't 

THINK 

THAT'S CONSISTENT 

with a world

where professional athletes

compete in the 

OLYMPICS

THAT 

SEEMS to me

to SAY

WE VALUE 

EXCELLENCE

OVER

LEVEL PLAYING FIELD

SO

THEN

HOW 

are STEROIDS

CHEATING 

HA

AND

the FOULing BACK

I GET

that it is

FIGHTING 

to get a piece of it

BUT 

it's ALSO 

a particular skill

which WEARS out

the pitcher's 

ARM

& does NOT make 

the GAME 

BETTER 

in any

WAY

imo

😁

AND

I don't specifically know 

how

I feel about 

the pitch clock

BUT 

I HATE 

the designated 

HITTER 

& EVERYBODY 

PLAYS

EVERYBODY 

I KINDA 

HATE too

AND

I'll TELL you WHY

I thought you'd 

NEVER ask

FOR ME

the FACT of the

PITCHER at bat is a MUCH 

MORE 

real world

strategic

HUMAN

statistically interesting 

SKILL focused 

GAME

the designated hitter

is like a CHEAT CODE on a computer game

it is more

FUN

if 

you don't 

CARE 

about the

SKILL

I SEE the VALUE of 

EVERYBODY 

PLAYS

EVERYBODY 

I SEE it

BUT 

DEPTH

is BETTER 

RIVALRIES 

are SWEET and 

ya play em more

you KNOW 

THOSE teams TOO 

I GET that there's 

MORE exposure 

BUT 

it's a QUANTITY 

vs. QUALITY 

issue

the PITCH clock 

I cannot HEAR the WORDS

without I see

my past 

FRUSTRATION

with 

american league 

FOULing BACK

&

THAT

ISN'T the PITCH clock

BUT 

MAYBE 

it's NOT THAT different 

SO

I'm NOT SURE 

philosophically

&

I haven't been to a game

to NOTICE if

it FEELS different 

THAT

was FUN 

I am ALSO 

ALWAYS interested 

at the 

QUESTIONS

people ask

BUT 

of course, sometimes 

they know things differently 

THAT 

isn't CLEAR at all

if you heard or saw

OR whatever, ya know 

THE THING 

in the

original CONTEXT 

MAYBE 

it wouldn't occur to you to ask

a particular question 

because 

you think you know, ya know 

& SO when somebody 

ASKS 

sometimes it SEEMS somewhat

OUT of CONTEXT

BUT 

THEN 

somebody asks

from a DIFFERENT CONTEXT 

& THEN

MAYBE it isn't 

MAYBE ya don't know, ya know

BUT 

THEN 

it's NICE when the

ANSWER 

VINDICATES

I'm listening now 

I'm about half way

I ❤️ the 

IDEA

of 

BASEBALL 

& secular 

BASEBALL 

is KINDA

it sounds 

WEIRD 

to say a religion 

or HOLY

BUT 

BASEBALL v. SECULAR 

seems right 

YOU 

SOUND

GREAT 

❤️

when she was telling me 

she needed to go to

URGENT care 

she was like

it REALLY 

HURTS

when we were at the urgent care 

talking to the doctor and nurses

it didn't REALLY hurt

it was

UNCOMFORTABLE 

IRRITATING 

NOW 

I'm not trying to say

we should not have gone

I'm saying 

I NEVER 

KNOW what is TRUE 

with her

she must not want pain killers

because that was

WHY

they were asking 

BUT I have no sense that she understands that 

they took 

BLOOD 

& did a chest x-ray 

because her blood pressure was high

& she was retaining fluids

SO

MAYBE 

she WANTED to go to the hospital 

letting them do all THAT extra

BUT 

she was putting weight on her arm

while they were trying to take her pressure 

I THINK that

messed up the result 

because it was 

NORMAL 

when they took it again at the end

AND

ALL her tests came back

NOT like NORMAL 

BUT 

consistent with her normal results 

this URGENT care 

is the same system as 

her other medical

so they have

her charts

at hand

I have

SOMETHING 

going on 

with

my

GUTS

MIGHT be hormonal 

might just be

I ate cheese

quite a bit

for a few weeks 

&

then STOPPED again

OR

ONE of the DETOX THINGS 

has CHANGED what it's doing 

I was NOT super happy to leave the house

BUT 

I just ate

& it is making 

SCARY noises 

it WAS a SHINGLES outbreak 

I was ASKING 

QUESTIONS

she was supposed to have

an IN PERSON 

training today and her trainer is a registered 

NURSE, as well as being a trainer 

I'm LIKE 

did you HAVE training?

did you show it to her?

BECAUSE 

she was giving me this

gobble-di-goop

which included her morning hygiene 

her sleeping patterns 

&

how I needed to be

IMMEDIATELY 

AVAILABLE 

WHAT apparently happened 

after tooth pulling

when she bothered to run a wash cloth

over her stinky bits

IMMEDIATELY 

BEFORE 

her training 

she went

EWWW

she SHOWED her trainer

WHO SAID 

NO WAY 

you NEED to get THAT 

LOOKED at

have YOUR DAUGHTER 

take you to see a

DOCTOR 

she NOTICED it today 

BUT 

WHO KNOWS 

I have a hard time guessing which is the entrance 

from WEST PARK 

SO

I went down the 

FEEDER

& when we finally SEEMED to be there 

I'm LIKE 

which street is this

CROSSING

EDLOE

she says with all the conviction of

someone who ACTUALLY 

READ the sign

BUT 

as I drove under the lights 

I LOOKED 

BUFFALO SPEEDWAY

you didn't LOOK 

you just KINDA THOUGHT it was 

EDLOE 

& you knew I was trying to 

KNOW exactly 

BUT 

you said it like you were sure

YES

BUT 

when there were

QUESTIONS

about whether she had gone to get the

VACCINE 

which I am

SURE 

she DIDN'T 

because I didn't drive her

& MORE importantly 

I didn't hear

ANY

B*TCHing about 

POOR SERVICE 

or incompetence 

OR

a NEED

to be PRAISED for having done it at all

she told the doctor 

she was PRETTY SURE she had 

gotten the FIRST one 

BUT 

I'm PRETTY SURE 

when she says 

PRETTY SURE 

it's LIKE 

SIR

I haven't listened to that

YET

my mom is

being 

CONFUSING again 

she MIGHT be 

having a 

SHINGLES outbreak 

OR

she

MIGHT 

JUST be f*CKing with me

she doesn't 

ANSWER 

questions properly 

so idk

WHAT is ACTUALLY going on 

BUT 

we are going to urgent care 

MOMENTARILY 

either

she doesn't 

UNDERSTAND 

WHAT

information is

SALIENT

or she just WANTS me to 

DROP everything 

& deal with

HER

I find it

ALMOST impossible 

to take SERIOUSLY 

from the angle she comes at me with

& I don't know if 

that's because she's just

NOT ABLE 

to just tell the truth or what

ANYWAY 

my evening just took

an UNPLEASANT turn 

I hope your day is BETTER than mine

I LOVE you 

sweetheart 🫶

I LOVE you 

VERY 

MUCH 

I'm gonna try to sleep now

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚

❤️

I THINK 

MAYBE 

what I really wanted 

was to see

what you see

BUT 

I'm not sure

whether that's 

really 

possible 

I have so much trouble with 

moving through 

SPACE

there was this one

TUNNEL 

type thing

&

if you're in the wrong lane

you go to burbank 

BURBANK

is cute

it's a whole 

VIBE

I've been there

LIKE 

three times

I've tried to go

ZERO 

times

I drive around 

I get lost

I hit traffic

I CRY

I FREAK out

it felt

LONELY 

&

SOMEHOW 

I NEVER 

FOUND

EREWON 

I LOVE the

JAPANESE art wing

at LACMA

it was

a treasured memory 

&

then I went to the

SNACK place

to get a

DRINK

& I ended up

TALKING 

to these guys

roughly my age who were obviously a couple 

& they KEPT apologizing 

for ALL the RAIN 

& I MEAN 

I GET that it's 

NOT SUPPOSED to rain in L.A. 

BUT 

the point I couldn't QUITE get across way

it WASN'T ACTUALLY RAINING 

there was what

MIGHT 

PERHAPS 

QUALIFY as a MIST

LIKE 

a regular person would

NEVER

BOTHER with an umbrella

NO MATTER 

HOW far 

they were walking 

THEY 

THEMSELVES 

did not SEEM to have

UMBRELLAS

I THINK 

with the CITIES 

NEW YORK 

I have a strong

I can FEEL all the 

PEOPLE 

in this kind of swirling

CLAUSTROPHOBIC 

MASS of

GHOST 

& it was

FRIGHTENING 

oppressive 

with CHICAGO 

it just

FELT 

REAL

BIG 

but OPEN, manageable somehow 

BUT 

it probably wouldn't be 

in the WINTER 

I can still remember 

when we got cable

the WEATHER channel saying

CHICAGO

is having SPRING like fifty five degrees

AND

I'm all LIKE 

fifty five is DEEP into NEED a COAT weather

WHAT the serious f*CK

LOS ANGELES 

is AGORAPHOBIC 

it's a city type I understand 

BUT 

there's MORE of all the bits I find

CHALLENGING 

the FREEWAY is 

SO BEAUTIFUL that I just want to 

DRIVE

ONLY 

TRAFFIC 

I found WILSHIRE 

almost 

INSTINCTIVELY 

VONS

is that the name of the grocery store 

I ate in their hot food department 

more than once

it's WEIRD that

you've seen it before 

in film and television and whatnot

there was some VIBE 

that didn't 

FIT

ME

MAYBE 

it's a sense of

PROBABLY a lot of it is

PRECONCEIVED 

MAYBE 

I didn't feel like 

I could HANDLE it 

BUT 

if I lived there

I'd probably 

LOVE it, eventually 

it's BEAUTIFUL 

how could you ultimately 

AVOID 

loving it

BUT 

OVERWHELMING 

that book

the Republic for which it stands 

is gonna take me

a while to get through 

it is

INFORMATION dense

&

reconstruction is a period of 

american history 

that I would have said 

I'm deficient 

BUT 

I actually know more than I thought 

so far, at least

because I know bits from here and there

that I just didn't have a 

FULL picture 

BUT 

MAN

is the reconstruction & gilded age

f*CKed UP

parallels are WHY I'm reading it 

I wanted to do

PROGRESSIVE period

BUT 

CONTEXT

AND

I want to make clear

I'm NOT saying 

YOU 

are pressuring me

I'm saying 

I FEEL 

PRESSURE 

I DID donate

I LOVE you 

my plan

ORIGINALLY 

was to go to 30A

BUT 

there were some 

COMPLICATIONS 

& NOW 

I'm not sure what is going on 

I want to see you 

I'm NOT NOT going 

BUT 

there are a lot of 

VARIABLES 

money & distance & cold

& this is all

STILL 

difficult for me

SO

I can't tell you 

WHAT I'm doing and I feel 

PRESSURE 

& GUILT

ABOUT not being able to tell you

&

ABOUT MAYBE NOT being

the support 

you want 

AND

I feel like 

I was a downer at all the shows

I've been to since

portland 

SO

just know 

I LOVE you 

I WANT to see you

BUT 

I don't want to freak myself out 

and do this

MANIC

FRIGHTENED

whip myself into a frenzy of

I MUST

I'm sorry if that

SOUNDS 

sh*tty

I FEEL like 

it MAYBE does

& I have a BUNCH of FEELS about it 

BUT 

I do not have myself sorted, yet

it MAYBE 

sounds self serving

to say that I'd like to not feel

LIKE a basket case

ROLLin UP

on can't barely function 

AND

I'm aware that life is 

UNCERTAIN 

at the best 

of times

which t*ump-time is not

& none of that

makes any of it easier to make decisions 

I CARE about 

HOW you 

FEEL 

& honestly there are a bunch of shows

I WANT specifically to SEE 

BUT 

I don't have anything I can tell you

right now

I'm very sorry

it is possible that I won't be able to 

or that it's a bad time for me 

right now

I just don't know YET 

I really hope you 

UNDERSTAND 

good morning sweetheart 💋 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

❤️

the Republic for which it stands

I liked 57

because I liked 

thinking about the five and seven

BUT 

fifty eight 

is fine

I'm not sure 

what I'm doing tomorrow 

well, today now, I guess

I'm not sure if it will be fun

I was thinking about 

going to the museum 

BUT 

it's COLD 

I'm staying home 

LISTENING to 

HISTORY 

I might paint too

BUT 

I ONLY have 

WATERCOLOR 

at home

I'm going to try to 

SLEEP now

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶 

👾🫚

❤️

my mom and I

HAVE been

going to the studio on Fridays

BUT 

then she was wanting to watch the stock market

SO

a few times I've offered saturday 

BUT 

then sometimes it rains and she doesn't want to be driving around in the 

RAIN

all of that is just background 

I texted her this morning 

LIKE 

HEY are we doing this 

& she's LIKE 

check the weather 

NO rain today 

I can check saturday weather for you 

if you want

BUT 

it's my birthday and I have plans 

she didn't want to go to the studio 

BUT she did want to go to

LUNCH 

not until ONE o'clock, though

so I had a little time to 

RESEARCH 

beta glucans

there's a NOTE on the DOOR 

& counter-intuitively

SUNDAY 

is the day 

they are COMING BACK 

to work on the 

WATER

the STREET is half torn up

& LOOKS like 

they're TRYING to 

BUILD a 

CANAL

POSSIBLY 

this is

UNrelated

&

the apartments are bringing in

PLUMBERS

who work on 

SUNDAY?!

because SURELY city workers

don't work on SUNDAY 

I'm gonna try to sleep a little 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

❤️

the only time 

in my lifetime 

that it

SNOWED 

enough to count

was on

my sixth birthday

there was 

SNOW 

on the ground 

for THREE days

AND

there was just ENUF SNOW 

to make a SNOWMAN 

my dad and me

he used

LIGHT BULBS

for eyes

BUT 

when I was there

I found out

DEB

who is

NEWER to the group

&

who I KINDA like

although I don't really know her

turns out

she has the SAME birthday as me

SAME year too

& she just 

got back

from 

JAPAN 

when I was at that PARTY 

which I guess I 

NEVER 

EXPLAINED

was a going away party for one of the artists 

he's eighty five

& he's going 

to live

in a

grandfather house next to his granddaughter 

who is a nurse

which wasn't the story I got before 

BUT 

circumstances may have changed 

ANYWAY 

he isn't being forced or anything 

he SEEMS happy about it 

GOD DAMN it

for some god-damned reason 

I looked at Facebook 

BEFORE 

going to the shower 

& jason has this picture of dad

holding him

&

the picture is all

MANGLED

with duct tape on the torn edge

LIKE 

a RIPSTOP 

jason looks kinda blank

dad looks somewhat insane 

JUST 

GO

TO

the SHOWER 

I'm having some

ANXIETY 

about

DISASTER 

from every direction 

I MEAN 

he's not even in charge yet

I HAVE to 

figure out

HOW 

NOT 

to SPIRAL 

down the spiral 

MAYBE 

I'm doing worse than I thought 

DID I 

stay in bed EXTRA today 

BECAUSE 

I could do that extra self care

OR

am I 

TAKING 

to my bed

AM I

a RELIABLE narrator 

I THINK that I AM 

and I think I was holding it at bay

and at this moment I'm not so much

there's SOMETHING going on with the water

and there was no notification 

or anything, but it seems like they might be working on it 

SO

they water might go OFF

& I haven't 

BATHED in a WHILE 

SO

I'm gonna 

SHOWER 

at NIGHT 

which I NEVER do, and which FEELS 

IMPOSSIBLE 

it's 11:11 as I write this: impossible 

I used the LAST of my

EXUVIENCE 

and 

the store where I buy it is

OUT

I am going 

RIGHT NOW 

to take a shower 

I LOVE you 🫶

I slept all day

I got up

to pee

& feed the cat

BUT 

the cat wanted to sleep on me

& it was

COLD

& I had a headache 

SO

we just had siesta time 

ALL DAY

I dreamed about you

BUT 

it didn't make much sense 

I met you for 

COFFEE 

BUT 

then I was running the coffee shop 

& you had other people you wanted to meet with

SO I just left and let you 

USE the building 

for your meetings 

& then

I realized you had no way to

LOCK UP

SO

I went back

& met back up

with you

SLEEP 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

❤️

I have this

TRAIT

I'm not really sure 

WHERE 

it COMES from

I could see it being 

KINDA

irritating or

KINDA

cute

DEPENDING, ya know 

I get this STUBBORN 

bias AGAINST 

THINGS

BUT 

it's LIKE 

PERSONAL somehow 

or SOMETHING 

I GUESS sometimes it's 

BIAS FOR too

BUT 

I ALWAYS read THAT 

as CUTE 

in my reading of myself 

tom hanks is one

I watched that show

bosom buddies

& I really thought

the OTHER guy was very funny

BUT 

tom hanks took off

& THEN tom hanks was in ever g*ddam THING 

NOBODY ELSE in hollywood could even get work

there is nothing WRONG with tom hanks 

I have enjoyed his

WORK

it doesn't really make sense

steven spielberg 

I KNOW he's 

SUPER 

famous, popular, critically acclaimed 

BUT 

I THINK 

he RUINS 

the endings of his movies

I was in 

HOOK* with a friend 

*which I had not known was a steven spielberg movie

as the LAST SCENE was playing out

I turned to my friend and said

by way of an 

EXPLETIVE 

WHO made this MOVIE 

STEVEN SPIELBERG 

& their like

YEAH

didn't I have a DREAM

about a monkey

or a swarm

of monkeys 

at a 

WELL 

SO

canada & greenland 

WHAT?!

is this just drama

DOGE v MAGA

I'm trying not to pay attention 

BUT 

then I feel LIKE 

I need to KINDA have

SOME idea

BUT 

THEN I'm LIKE 

I'm NOT sure 

HOW 

is

the best way to deal with living in the world 

I'm trying to figure my sh*t out

I was telling my therapist 

t*ump is a CRISIS and

SO I am CALM 

BECAUSE 

you have to be able to

DEAL with THINGS 

there WILL be things

BUT 

if you're in the

unable to

FUNCTION 

then you can't 

DO the

THING

you

GOTTA 

figure out

HOW 

&

I've been trying to figure out 

HOW 

to KNOW what is happening 

WITHOUT 

being ALL in it

AND

he was recommending 

WATCH the

MORNING news

CHANNEL eleven

& I'm thinking 

I'm really not a morning show person 

AND

there's ENOUGH in that statement 

it could UN-pack

I'm LIKE 

well, what I'm trying to do 

is read this boston college mainer 

I had to REALLY contain myself 

I felt ALMOST like

INSULTED

I MEAN 

I think my experience with morning shows

is they are largely

SHALLOW 

LIKE 

people magazine 

HIS point

is all the partisan drama was stripped out

LIKE 

he had vetted it

HE didn't mean specifically 

& MAYBE I'm being a SNOB

I WANT context

I don't just want like

news BRUNCH

blase blase

I want to 

get 

NEWS

I guess that would 

OK

driver's license renewed 

ONLINE 

I have SOMETHING I was going to 

LOOK UP

BUT 

then I saw this thing

where a little 

LOST girl

asks a GOTH for help

& says her mother told her

to ALWAYS look

for a GOTH

or a PUNK

if she needed help

AND

I became obsessed with 

trying to figure out 

WHY

& forgot what I was looking up

back in the day

it would just be LOST

BUT 

I've IMPROVED myself 

MOSTLY through 

SUPPLEMENTS 

I THINK 

&

nine times out of ten

I CAN recall

if I FOCUS 

NOT 

RIGHT NOW 

though

I have no clue

OH

HA HA

I am WRONG

I was gonna look up a video about

DNA Protection Formula 

& send it to my mom

AND

I was gonna tell

YOU 

about a conversation 

I had with my mom

that NOW 

SEEMS 

LESS

interesting 

I especially like

the part

in phil 

where the

RANDOM letter typing

is sung

I don't know why

BUT 

I LOVE it 

it's STILL cold

& the water pressure is 

DEFINITELY 

LOWER

although everything is working okay

I probably SHOULD shower

BUT 

it's the WEIRDEST thing 

I have all these

AVERSIONS

that I NEVER really 

THOUGHT about 

they never made SENSE until recently 

I'm pretty sure 

I even have described them as

TRANSITION issues

which is what they ARE

BUT 

I didn't KNOW that was a 

THING

SO

LIKE 

I don't want to GO to SLEEP 

ONCE I AM asleep 

I don't want to WAKE up

I WANT to get CLEAN

BUT 

I don't want to be WET

THEN

ONCE I'm in the shower 

I don't want to get OUT

when I go to the therapist 

AFTERWARDS

I sit in the bathroom for

ten minutes or

SOMETIMES MORE

BEFORE I can go talk to my security guard friend 

I was KINDA aware of all this

BUT 

NOT REALLY 

there's SOMETHING about the 

WAY the buildings 

are configured 

it makes

the

WIND 

HOWL

I'm TIRED 

& cold

& I FEEL like 

I'm REALLY working through 

STUFF

in my DREAMS 

EVEN if 

I CAN'T remember 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

❤️

at UH

in the summer 

I didn't USUALLY do

SUMMER 

BUT 

even in the hotter months

you had to

take a JACKET 

the rooms were SO COLD 

BUT 

if you COMPLAINED 

& they adjusted 

THEN

apparently 

THAT

led to UNTENABLE outcomes 

JUST BRING a

JACKET

it's SO 

COLD

it's SO weird 

for it to be 

COLD

I'm wearing 

SHOES

inside

she said

she just saw it in the paper

or SOMETHING 

she was VERY

into MUSIC 

&

I'm not SURE it had

OCURRED to her

that it might be

LIKE 

ONLY

for friends and family

I just saw

I picture of

BILLIE HOLIDAY 

&

THAT

made me think a bunch of things

that took me

to

LIGHTNING HOPKINS 

which made me

REMEMBER 

my aunt edith*

*keep in mind I have no way to fact check

SAID

she CRASHED 

lightning hopkins'

FUNERAL

AND

my aunt joan 

had a plate, or platter type thing

it was a reproduction 

PRINT

I don't really 

UNDERSTAND why

it was on a

PLATE

I particularly liked it though 

it was

MODIGLIANI 

in second grade 

I started in a new school

it was

a fairly

NEW building

&

the LUNCH room 

AUDITORIUM 

had REPRODUCTION art

HANGING

on the WALL 

by which I MEAN 

PRINTS

&

the ONE I liked

NOTICED

LOOKED at 

EVERY 

day

was

MONDRIAN 

I'm not sure what it was called

BUT 

it made me 

HAPPIER 

I didn't REALLY want to go to therapy today 

I WANTED 

to text in sick

&

I went through a WHOLE thing 

therapy is something 

you are CHOOSING to do 

BUT 

in the end

I decided that

TODAY 

I was pushing through 

I was doing the thing

I had chosen to do

as a showing 

UP

his mother is

BETTER 

AND

he was in 

NEW ORLEANS 

I don't KNOW 

I don't think I 

EVER

feel connected to my therapist, exactly 

BUT 

I FELT 

DIFFERENT 

slightly 

OFF

it was

COLD though

&

I'm NOT good at the 

LAYERING

yet

I'm walking and I'm thinking 

I'm COLDer than I WANT 

to be

& I'm thinking 

REMEMBER 

to take your jacket off 

or your body will acclimate 

& you'll be 

FREEZING for the walk home

BUT 

it was

BOILING HOT in the building 

EVERYBODY was talking about it 

my therapist's office 

is NEXT to an OFFICE 

he moved in, from down the hall 

during the pandemic 

& he's friends with them

SO they

never put up

the WALL

the waiting room is open to their offices

it's KINDA weird 

BUT 

I hardly 

EVER

SEE or HEAR

ANYTHING 

TODAY

I HEARD 

ABOUT the HEAT

DELTA DAWN 

&

the MONDRIAN in the LUNCH room

NOW 

I'm in this daycare center 

I was at

in second grade 

I don't associate that song

WITH 

that daycare center 

BUT 

the timing MIGHT be relevant 

I DON'T remember 

anything 

VERY specific 

I had these RADIO headphones 

& I would just

KINDA zone on the swings

if they let us out

I gotta go to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

❤️

can you think of any

REASON 

I would have

john Denver in my HEAD 

singing THANK GOD I'm a

COUNTRY boy

SEEMS

RANDOM 

when I'm doing the

ANTI picking

routine

I start with 

exuvience gentle cream cleanser

I found this years ago

when I was hanging out at ULTA 

it was at one of the

STATIONS

for removing makeup 

TESTER situation 

& I was trying lots of stuff that day

so I used it

MULTIPLE times 

on my FACE

& then in the next few days 

hard little 

SEBUMs

lifted out of my face

it's a dermatologist brand

developed by the guys

who pioneered

PHAs

I rub in multiple layers in trouble areas

I let that sit a bit

THEN

I put a BIG dollop of

burt's bees baby multipurpose healing ointment*

*I think the magic ingredient is castor oil

& MASSAGE

& the SEBUMs

ROLL OUT*

*not all of them, but many

& this doesn't cause 

DAMAGE

BUT 

is VERY satisfying 

whenever I'm done with THAT 

I wipe that off

SOMETIMES 

I leave that be a while 

& sometimes I immediately follow with

LOVED 01 cleansing wipes

which are super calming

even though 

they have

SALICYLIC acid

& PAPAYA

THEN 

I MIST

with undefined beauty

I LOVE this stuff 

it's like a light serum

then I make a cocktail 

sometimes I use

a little bit of oil

SOMETIMES 

NOT

I ALWAYS use

source vital unscented algae extract

which I originally found

when I got a FACIAL 

LIKE 

two thousand two

& I ALSO use

NANO recipe EGF + FGF serum

in that cocktail 

EYE cream

ONEKIND

ultra brightening eye balm

SOMETIMES 

I leave it like that a while 

SOMETIMES 

I immediately follow 

with ANOTHER cocktail 

EASTSIDE remedies

from Etsy & instagram 

have this

CARMOSA propolis salve*

*it's made with propolis from their beehives and tallow from a farm they are partnering with

&

the organic skin co

VITAMIN SEA serum

this serum is one I found on

THRIVE market 

it's from new zealand 

it had GREAT ingredients 

so I ordered it

EXCITEDLY 

BUT 

it had a sticky 

UNPLEASANT 

texture

the SKINCARE that is really mainstream

tends to FOCUS on 

COSMETIC elegance

I FOCUS on 

INGREDIENTS 

BUT 

I was KINDA turned off 

by the extreme sticky

BUT 

when I mixed it with the 

TALLOW 

it was

MAGIC

SO

HOW MANY 

STEPS

is that

I have

FEELS

about the whole

january sixth

THING

I watched some stuff

& that makes me want to describe my

SKINCARE routine to you

I DOUBT 

that you're super excited 

about skincare

I THINK 

it's 

LIKE 

a self soothing 

THING

YESTERDAY 

it was supposed to rain 

& my street

FLOODS

FAST

it hadn't rained, no I think it had

BUT anyway, it wasn't raining 

when we left the party

BUT 

as I drove towards home

I could SEE

it was raining at my house

and the way I've been doing it 

is I drive to my house 

I pull into the

LOT

across the street

which WAS

a drive through banking situation 

which is no longer a going

CONCERN

SO

I can get OUT

ADJUST the seat

put her pillow BACK

she has all the TIME in the world 

to get out WALK around without having to

WORRY 

about a curb or the SPACE between the curb

& the CAR

if she NEEDS help

ya KNOW, whatever 

or else

I just take HER HOME 

and WALK myself home

I THOUGHT 

I could JUST drive into

the DRIVE thru 

BUT 

the RAIN 

was BLOWING

at an ANGLE 

&

the COVERED area was too SMALL 

I STARTED to

get OUT and I was

SUPER SOAKED before I understood 

WHY

THIS PLAN

was NOT gonna WORK 

the whole 

CEMENT divider thing--

was DIFFICULT 

for ME

OK

WAIT for it to

STOP 

my FAVORITE thing

to SAY*

*when it's RAINING is

I'm NOT 

MADE of SUGAR

BUT 

the rain wasn't LOOKING like it 

WANTED to STOP 

& SERIOUSLY 

EVERY time it rains

HARD

three cars get stalled out from the deep water

I just figured 

DRIVE her HOME 

I'm not made of sugar

I can FIO*

*josh always used to say that as work direction, figure it out

BUT 

after I got her in

& brought her

PLANTS in

it had CALMED DOWN enough 

it was NO BIG deal

to WALK home

in the drizzle 

I have ALL these

DIRECTIONS 

I want to

GO

BUT 

once I GO down a

PARTICULAR topical

DIRECTION 

it'll

COLOR 

EVERYTHING 

even if I could get back 

the group show

coming up

is

SHADOW 

or NO SHADOW 

because of

GROUND HOG's day

&

THAT

makes me think of the MOVIE 

with bill murray 

& andie mcdowell 

&

THAT

ALWAYS 

makes me think

of

nietzsche's 

ETERNAL RECURRENCE theory

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

❤️

🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇🧇

the reason for my

getting stuff done attitude 

there's a freeze coming tonight 

I am not one hundred percent sure

EXACTLY 

when I drove my car

LAST

it's been at least two weeks

it should be 

FINE 

BUT 

I had it on the list

it's been planned forward already 

& the freeze

will probably 

DRAIN it

MORE

I ALSO 

had to move FASTER to get this done

& NORMALLY 

I would have said

NO NO

I don't have enough time

BUT 

I was LIKE 

so drive it less time than normal 

& you f*CKing KNOW 

she's not gonna get there on time

you've got longer than you think

it all worked out 

& I feel proud of myself for 

PUSHING through 

the party was fine

I LIKE 

all those people 

I just NEVER want to go

to any social gathering 

I have to

FORCE myself 

but I usually have a good-ish time

I had two things I needed to do today 

aside from the party 

&

I ALREADY did them

&

driving the car

would have been 

planned forward 

NORMALLY 

YAY ME!!!

good morning sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

❤️

I'm really tired 

I hope you had a 

beautiful 

day

sweetheart 💋 

I gotta go to sleep 

I have to go to that party tomorrow 

gotta get up

EARLY-ish

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

goodnight 🫶

👾🫚

❤️

here's this one ALMOST dry

worked on this one some more 

OK

it's STILL WET

& it doesn't SEEM possible 

that it 

COULD 

be finished 

BUT 

I low-key 

LOVE this

I decided 

that buckwheat bread 

is ALMOST 

a muffin 

I gotta go to the party

on SUNDAY 

they want me to bring 

FOOD 

let's make 

MUFFINS 

I really 

LIKE them

BUT normal humans will NOT 

it's SUPER dense

if I threw this at my cat

he MIGHT die*

*probably not 

buckwheat 

chia seeds

acai

golden berries

sweetened with apple sauce 

+ stevia

it's not a muffin 

I have 

donut shape

or BAR

it's ALMOST 

I forgot 

WHAT

I LOVE you VERY much 💋 

goodnight 🫶 

👾🫚

❤️

AND

in FAIRNESS 

that conversation does make 

MORE 

sense of you 

KNOW 

context

SO

you want them to

& you KNOW 

they 

WON'T 

so you're not going to tell them

when she DIES 

& then

WON'T they

be SORRY 

maybe 

my mom 

told me she asked

at least meredith 

does anyone want to hear about shirley 

why do you say it like that 

why are you asking

if they to hear

what they

can ONLY assume is not good news

WHY don't you just 

TELL them*

*this is streamlining the conversation some

I won't tell them 

when she DIES either 

Hey

hugh Jackman

IS

attached to

SOME monkey thing

I didn't know that 

I was in a meeting 

in the 

EARLY 2000s

&

they wanted some kind of

MUSICAL

answer

WARREN ZEVON

I said

&

the WHOLE ROOM 

shook their heads and said

WHO?!

BUT 

who will play

PHIL

you never go full

CHIMPANZEE*

*as the old hollywood saying goes

so WHO will

BREAK with tradition 

and bring

PHIL

to the 

BIG screen

the RUMORS

have hugh Jackman attached

BUT 

NO CONFIRMATION as yet

PRIMATE paparazzi 

in the meantime 

have

TROOPED

in CHELSEA 

sh*t

I gotta go to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

❤️

I can't really tell

if my CAT

is feeling sicker

he gives 

MIXED signals

he's been really

SWEET*

*so he must be dying, right

BUT 

MAYBE 

I'm just a 

BETTER vibration 

& he's responding to THAT 

he doesn't have that

SCRAGGLY oily fur look

that says

not doing well 

he has the

FLOOFIEST

COAT

he's EVER had

he's absorbing nutrients

for SURE 

I MIGHT get 

myself 

the neck cream from the line

immortelle

it's not SUPER expensive 

& my neck seems to need

something EXTRA

idk, though

I might talk myself out of it 

I had to complete

my ipsy

& I LOOK through 

there called 

ADD ONS

the have a LOT of BRANDS

& the IDEA

is LIKE 

I need a face OIL

they have 

I'll give an example

I'm CURRENTLY using

BLUNT

it's LIKE maybe 

seventy five, eighty dollars regular 

BUT 

I don't know who they are 

I'm not going to their

WEBSITE 

I see it in add ONS

for like twelve dollars

this is the BEST smelling

STUFF ever

it's like

BLUE TANSY & black seed oil

with cbd 

BUT 

I FOUND this new one

I'm all EXCITED about 

it has a BUNCH of oils

that my SKIN really likes

I can ALMOST 

NEVER

find carrot seed oil

& the bottle is

LIKE 

PERFECT

& the company is cool

I've also found

an EYE CREAM 

I MEAN 

I HAD one

BUT 

it was REALLY too much

I've got this need for

EYEmoliance

BUT 

don't break me out

my SKIN congests

& it probably wouldn't be noticeable 

to other people 

BUT 

I am HYPER AWARE of it 

SO

I have SPECIFIC needs

& this new one 

SEEMS

to be the best thing ever

it soaks right in

in a textural way that

REMINDED me

of l'occitane

LIKE, duh, shea butter*

*famous for shea butter is l'occitane 

AND

when I got to thinking about l'occitane 

it reminded me of 

this STUFF they don't f*CKing make anymore

they used to make this dry oil

it was a while ago

it was a little spendy

BUT 

it lasted a long time

the line was very successful 

so they PLEXED

& STRATIFIED

the product I liked became

two different things

MAYBE 

the really expensive one is the same

BUT I don't think it is

AND

I realized the

STRONG EMOTIONS 

I have about

SKINCARE

I have been 

ALL OVER the place

in my HEAD 

&

I THINK the important thing is 

I GOTTA get the HANG

of the perspective shifter

I was calling it

SOMETHING 

maybe chronos

THAT'S what I'm coming up with 

BUT 

that seems wrong 

it's WEIRD 

it's got this other ASPECT 

or I'm seeing them as one CONNECTED thing 

the DIFFERENT perspectives 

I have ABOUT all the

DIFFERENT 

THINGS

I do and like and etc

the reason they don't 

seamlessly stich TOGETHER 

it's tied up

in PERSPECTIVES 

AND

when I go from 

thing to THING 

it FEELS 

disJOINTed

THINGS

LOOK

DIFFERENT 

& my feelings are sometimes 

DIFFERENT 

in a way that feels 

CHOPPY

I don't know what it MEANS exactly

& I would be 

HIGHLY

surprised 

if this makes any sense 

I THINK 

people are not 100% 

CONSISTENT 

when an aspect of something 

BOTHERS you

it brings

FRESH

to MIND the bother

& when the aspects you enjoy

HAPPY fresh to MIND

BUT 

when my BRAIN is doing 

PERSPECTIVE

SHIFT

I guess I notice 

A KIND of

MURMURATION

my CAT

he was doing SOMETHING 

I REALLY DIDN'T WANT 

him to do

I SAID 

& then I was all LIKE 

WHERE did

THAT come from

DON'T be a PILL 

I've got to figure out 

WHERE that

ORIGINATES

my MOM used to 

SAY that 

to me

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

❤️

AND

I gave myself a reading 

TONIGHT 

& it EXACTLY answered me

AND

I am ON TRACK

DRAGONFLY is the through-line

to the

FOUNDATION 

ACE of SWORDS 

is what you use that perserverent troublesome 

WILL 

to STRUGGLE 

for

TURN a SHADOW 

don't just LOOK IT in the FACE

queen of EARTH

AND

high PRIESTESS+ace of WANDS

you HAVE the

SPIRIT

in you and you need to

LIGHT 

that sh*t 

UP

bottom of the deck

Knight of CUPS

FOOL

MOON

new bottom of the deck

STRENGTH 

NEW TOP 

of the deck

THREE 

of EARTH

which has been

OUR CARD

since 2007, at least

I THINK 

I have a balance

USUALLY 

between 

the AUD

& the HD

AND

I THINK 

it's a little out of balance

the whole THERAPY aspect 

shifts me a little 

too

LEFT BRAIN

AND

I just NOW realized 

THAT'S HOW 

we've been conceptualizing this sh*t largely

the THINKER rational part

ANALYZES

&

RIGHT BRAIN 

is the

CREATIVE psychic-y part

VISUALIZES

but also READS the SIGNS

AND

all that is a little 

OVER SIMPLIFIED 

BUT 

the TAROT reading in kerville 

was an important LESSON 

it is only with the heart

one can see rightly

from the three of swords

the guides had to

f*CKing mock you with

if she only had a brain

because you couldn't read the tarot

for yourself 

&

like when your mom tried to help you

with your algebra homework 

you got so frustrated 

it SHOOK the

LEARNING 

from your OWN tree

I've had a headache 

& I was pretty pretty brain-goggy

BUT 

I have done 

GREAT WORK tonight

THANK YOU 

for breaking my brain

you didn't mean to

& you're probably not super happy about it 

AND

it WAS FORE TOLD 

so you probably didn't have a choice 

BUT 

the NEW ONE 

I'm building 

is so 

MUCH 

better