I talked about the THINGS 

I THINK 

MIGHT be going on 

& the THINGS 

I think MIGHT be 

MANUFACTURED DRAMA

BUT 

I also talked about 

the THINGS 

that

AREN'T 

QUITE adding up for me

HOW 

is t*ump able to handle

Mu$X getting 

SO MUCH attention 

I expect this is gonna 

FREE-FALL

for SOME amount of TIME 

BUT 

it's GOTTA stop

& you're telling me that 

YOU think 

it's gonna stop 

BUT 

just know

if it 

doesn't 

I'm probably gonna become a

AND

I would 

SUPPORT you in that

ALSO

in therapy 

I was talking to him 

& I was LIKE 

let me tell you the

THEORY

I worked out

in high school 

FDR

that whole 

SOCIAL SAFETY net

THING

was BECAUSE the people were

living in TENT CITIES 

the RABBLE 

was at the nothing to lose stage

&

the RICH people 

were gonna start

REALLY 

FEELING 

the DANGER of 

their

SMALLER numbers

it wasn't ABOUT 

LIFTING people 

UP

it was CREATED to 

PASSIFY

poor WHITES

to CONTAIN them

it is FOR THEM

and if they DESTROY it

they are GONNA be 

RIGHT BACK

in TROUBLE 

I had this record

I can't remember the name 

TITLE or ARTIST 

it was something I HEARD 

an interview 

on PACIFICA maybe 

BUT 

I liked it

& I'm hearing part of it

in my HEAD

whether you're RIGHT 

whether you're WRONG WRONG WRONG 

whether you have to SING about it in a SONG

whether you TALK when you WALK 

down the street 

whether you DON'T DON'T DON'T 

when the come and ask for ANSWERS 

SAY you WON'T 

I THINK it was called 

the WEATHERMEN song

I just f*CKed up

& went to Facebook 

I was planning on the boycott 

BUT 

I wasn't planning for 

NO SCREENS

BUT 

robert reich said

AVOID 

the oligarch's sites

I guess because they get ad revenue or something 

I've been on

substack & bluesky

SOME

BUT 

I just slipped up

& followed Kathy's notification 

when I realized 

WHAT 

I was doing, I stopped 

I think I passed out

last night without saying goodnight 

that oval office crap

was

REVOLTING 

got here early 

it's TOMORROW 

TECHNICALLY 

BUT 

I'm 

ENTHUSIASTIC 

I guess

HA

I just went to amazon 

to be SURE 

I had

CANCELLED 

any auto-ship

which

of course 

I HAD

there are still a few items

that I haven't replaced 

BUT 

MAN

they are TRYING HARD

BANNERS about fifty percent off HAUL

I have been looking through the boycott lists

& as usual I don't make an effective 

single issue boycotter

because I STARTED boycotting in the eighties

SO

I ALREADY don't buy things

from MOST of those places

TARGET 

I like, but mostly don't shop at

NOT much of a sacrifice 

skipping shopping 

THERE

amazon and whole foods

are the challenges

REMEMBER 

BUYING BLACKOUT TODAY!!!

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

I agree

that was a good email 

NUANCE

is

HERITAGE* 

BASEBALL 

*I feel like this is some kind of buzz word that I don't know where it came from, have we always called things "heritage" and I just missed it 

one of the things I like

about japan 

& france 

is a kind of societal value

on maintaining

CULTURAL 

BEAUTY

whether it was profitable or not 

I can still remember watching this show

BEYOND the HORIZON 

all about

JAPAN

I was very

SMITTEN 

I don't know how it would really be

BUT 

my fantasy about it

is GREAT

does that translate 

it's HARD to 

SAY

in the DOING 

of the ACTUAL thing

SOMETIMES 

it SEEMS 

LIKE 

there is not enough FANTASY in the reality

& the REALITY 

is QUITE a bit WORSE

than imagined

BUT 

it comes down to

OVERWHELM

I guess I'm talking about 

my hiking fiasco

I LEARNED 

that I don't LIKE to HIKE 

I like to WALK

AND

I guess that last WALK

was all tied in to 

PSYCHOLOGY 

LIKE 

the city has changed 

SO

it's LIKE 

I've changed 

I don't want to walk that walk

AND

I'm REALLY adverse

to the COLD 

I think 

WINTER is when I should

WRITE books

I don't seem to want to leave the house

that popped into my HEAD 

I'm not sure if that makes it TRUE 

I can't believe 

the UPC 

didn't occur to me 

I always use UPC when checking

INVENTORY on

MANIFEST

which I was

STILL 

doing, just a few months ago 

BUT 

it might not occur to me 

that he wouldn't 

KNOW 

that 

HEY

I want to

SAY

I was just thinking again 

he loves me even if I'm crazy

I'm LIKE 

B!tCH

YOUR CRAZY is NOT 

NEWLY 

UNcovered

MAYBE she's right

maybe it's ICK

there's just a nice thing about appreciating 

it feels nice to be

APPRECIATED

BUT 

then I'm KINDA weird 

about that

SO

I don't know 

MAYBE 

I'm looking at things strangely 

ANYWAY 

thank you

hope I didn't make that WEIRD 

I really

LIKE 

BOOGER

I think it's the FACT

that their

OFFENSIVE line 

is the

BIGGEST

in

FOOTBALL 

I want to

TALK about it

SO

EXTENSIVELY than

WE maybe NEVER want to TALK about it AGAIN 

I don't 

SHUFFLE 

YET

WELL

maybe some

BIB LETTUCE

is SOME KIND of POETRY

I don't want this to turn into

SELF CHECKOUT 

at the

GROCERY 

I LOVE the

K zone

BOX

I feel like 

I was pretty scattered today

I didn't feel

particularly agitated 

or anxious 

AND

in fact

I feel like I spent

a LOT of 

TODAY 

FEELING 

KINDA

on top of it

I can't 

NOW 

ARTICULATE anything COHERENT 

ABOUT that EXPERIENCE 

MAYBE 

I narrowed my focus

ENJOYED

SIMPLE 

THINGS

yes, I must have focused on 

OH

I was focusing on what I ENJOY 

I took in

a LOT of information 

BUT 

I was more like

OK

ya know how you write a line

AND

you read back through it

I think I'm heavier

BUT 

I ALSO think 

my BODY has

CHANGED slightly in proportion 

LESS pear

now, I for one, was NEVER ANTI -pear

BUT 

I'm HAPPIER with this 

am I seeing this right now 

was I seeing it right before

I really like these pants

BLAH blah BLAH 

I went to pee

& figured out what I learned 

FOCUS on the PHYSICAL things

that are PLEASANTLY WORKING 

it's KINDA a

POSITIVE feedback loop

ANYWAY 

TK

I gotta go to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

MOONLIGHT 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

I GET how

Michael is such a good 

ADDITION

when I was sporadically listening 

YEARS ago

I'm pretty 

SURE 

he

was

NOT on the show then

THIS show

isn't ABOUT sports

I MEAN it totally is, BUT it isn't 

it's about LIFE 

HOW do you KNOW this

I'm on her IMDB

OK

I guess I am

not sure how long 

I was

GOING to 

LISTEN to TK

BUT 

I started yesterday 

& I was

KINDA

I just can't FOCUS on that

I checked the end

for incentive 

I'm gonna listen 

I just don't 

WANT to 

right

NOW 

I've had

SO MANY 

thoughts

in part about

my relationship with america 

& HOW MUCH 

of my

UNDERSTANDING 

has changed due to brain restructuring 

how HARD I find it

to be trying 

to make

WORLDS ALIGN 

the fact:

I don't think I can describe it any

BETTER than THAT 

BUT 

that SOUNDS 

KINDA

CRAZY

it doesn't really feel 

CRAZY

JUST 

KINDA

exhausting 

& and

SOMEWHAT 

convalescent 

I woke up

at nine thirty

to get ready for therapy 

BUT 

when I checked my phone

he had texted me

ALREADY 

to RESCHEDULE 

SO

I went back to sleep 

I WOKE up 

MAYBE 

thirty minutes ago

with

BABY you're a 

FIREWORK

STUCK

in my HEAD

which is a FIRST for ME

ANYWAY 

I'm pretty sure 

I saw

THAT MUCH 

ALREADY 

BUT 

I started 

ADDING to it

a WHOLE mob

of american gothic with pitchforks 

WEARING 

EAT the RICH t-shirts

& then I'm in the bathroom 

at the lab

at the 

whole foods*

*where I'm no longer shopping, but I'm weaning mom off them

I'm looking up

HOW to be 

appropriately 

INSULTING 

I did a poor job of searching 

BUT 

I am not displeased 

with what I came up with 

it's not as VULGAR 

as I was shooting for 

BUT 

good SNEAR at least

it's something that translates to 

AUNTIE south African who doesn't live in SA

SO

it's LIKE 

NO, AUNTIE 

we've got OTHER PLANS

I gotta go to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶 

👾🫚🍀❤️

I had in my HEAD 

a political 

CARTOON 

Mu$X

face powdered

hair rising

DANGEROUSLY 

roughed lips

SAYS

let them EAT CAKE 

MAYBE 

he's got an "x" beauty mark

(continuing)

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I hope you are having a 

BEAUTIFUL day 🫶 

❤️🐦🐦🐦

I gotta go to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

BUT 

then what

am I actually 

DOING 

with that information 

AM I

walking into the #5 Munchee

at the END of the DAY

TALKing to the 

TENDER

GO!

BAM!

is it MORE of a HANG

SPIDER Robinson

is coming to MIND as a REFERENCE 

BUT 

I don't REMEMBER 

ANY

DETAILS 

I find this concept 

APPEALING 

enough 

to KEEP coming BACK to it

BUT 

possibly 

my ENJOYMENT is 

largely VISUAL

you CAN'T SEE in my HEAD 

are my words

DOING it

OR

is it WEIRD and

IRRITATING 

I'm immediately thinking 

HOW will I 

SUSTAIN

THAT

& I'm all LIKE 

you ACTUALLY just

SET UP

a FAIRLY loose FRAMEWORK 

a MAGIC box

with

QUANTUM PUNK

PHYSICS

THAT'S not QUITE it

CYBERPUNK 

steampunk 

QUANTUM PUNK sounds BAD cannot use that

ALSO 

possibly 

NOT 

RIGHT 

I'm also not SURE how the TENDER looks 

I wasn't WANTING a PHYSICAL presence

BUT 

I ALSO have 

this VINE based 

CREATURE 

& I thought that since there were

THREE 

people 

in 

NIGHT HAWKS 

it's LIKE 

EVERYTHING 

EVERYWHERE 

the TENDER*

*the Ai representative of the vegetal mother

is BOTH a part of the

DIGITAL world

INSIDE the

INFORMATION 

both the Internet as such

& the COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS 

BUT 

ALSO

the AVATAR of 

EARTH//NATURE 

AND

is ALSO 

perhaps described as the 

ORACLE 

SO

the #5 Munchee

is LIKE 

the

PORTAL

the place where things are

REVEALED

ADVICE//prophecy 

SPIRITUAL 

hunger & thirst

are

ADDRESSED

AND

ARE you THERE 

or is it

VIRTUAL 

is any of THAT 

REAL

or is it a GAME

OR

is it some sort of

SCI -fi*

*PSY -fi

ALTERED state

is it all happening 

in a MEDITATION 

is THIS 

interesting 

DELPHI station

& will there be

MUNCHEES

ALSO

thinking

of a small

GLASS BOX

COFFEE 

SHOP

BUT 

on the back wall

there are little glass doors

to smaller BOXES

LIKE 

an AUTOMAT

AND

in the BAR are

DRAWERS

LIKE 

tea shop

in 

Chinatown

RELATED

to #5 Munchee

EM Forrester 

had a short story 

the main character 

lived ALONE 

had a CHAIR 

that was

ESSENTIALLY 

the Internet*

*before there was anything like it

I BOUGHT 

a HAT

AFTER I remembered 

the NEWSWORTHY hat, I decided 

FORTIES hat

THAT 

is WHAT I'm LOOKING for 

which brought me

SOMEHOW 

to MOB wife

aesthetic 

HATS

& I found this one

I was MAYBE gonna get it too

EXCEPT it was

FUR

& I didn't think 

I was down for wearing fur

BUT 

SOMEONE 

sent me a very 

FAST offer

&

I checked OTHER items

it HIT me 

TON of BRICKS 

I HAD to buy

this COMPLETELY unrelated 

REALLY 

ALMOST completely 

UNRELATED 

HAT

I DON'T KNOW 

WHY

1998 coupe du monde

FRANCE

HAT

FRANCE

diagonal across the hat

in RED on white

blue the other

SIDE

I tried to talk myself out of it 

you have two 

BALLCAPS

ALREADY

whatever 

THIS is the 

HAT

BUT 

here's a little bit of it

ROUGH draft

the #5 Munchee

has

at it's ROOT

SOMETHING like 

night hawks by hopper

the SOUND of 

NEON forms a sort of pink NOISE 

in the base track

it's an OTHERWORLDLY 

VERITAS buzzing 

through TIME

BECAUSE 

EVERYTHING 

EVERYWHERE 

behind the bar

Ai 

UPlift 

HYBRID 

cyberpunk 

SHIMMERS 

& discorporates 

into SMOKE 

AND mirrors FLASHING 

BLUE light from TRON (don't be embarrassed--

no one is old enough to remember THAT)

Ai

UPlift

cyberpunk 

REPRESENTATIVE 

of the VEGETAL

MOTHER

HAS

what you

NEED

OK

I guess I'm not too talk-y 

TODAY either

I DID do some

CLEANING//organizing 

not as much 

as I HOPED 

GOT DONE 

BUT 

I DID work on it 

I'm also 

WORKING on 

WHAT 

the #5 Munchee is

and I'm playing with IDEAS 

trying to map out

& THEN 

I was thinking about 

a POEM -type thing

talking about 

WHAT

I KNOW 

BUT 

then I wasn't sure what I was doing 

& I got distracted and didn't 

WRITE that

BECAUSE 

I was titling it

NEVER done

THIS before 

& it's SO 🥶 cold

it cannot be 

AS cold as it IS

I THINK my 

BRAIN is 

WORKING on something 

& I don't want to 

DISTRACT it

I been thinking about 

#5 Munchee

I think 

it's 

something 

I'm sorry I'm not so talk-y

I'm gonna try

a nap

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

goodnight 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

I woke up

at eight, because I wanted to

WAKE my mom UP

for her

FOLLOW up 

with her

DOCTOR 

THEN I went back to sleep for a WHILE 

I think I got 

LIKE 

ten hours of sleep or something 

I have been 

KINDA

HAPPY I think 

BUT 

not asking a bunch of questions about 

WHY 

the pattern of these words

is important to me 

even though that

doesn't 

make 

much

sense 

I didn't KNOW you could get

THROMBOSIS 

in your

SHOULDER

I THOUGHT 

it was just

LEGS

DUDE

at the point

WHERE

life f*CKing 

STOPS

without the SPECIFIC toothpaste 

you are NO LONGER SHOPPING for VALUE 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

I'm sorry I'm all over the place

if that is unpleasant 

for you

BUT 

MAYBE it's not, maybe little of this little of that is okay, ya know

I WANT to keep talking 

BUT 

I need to go to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 🫶 

👾🫚🍀❤️

I'm in a scattered place

I am still

or again

FIXATED with hats

I just ran across a hat

& it REOPENED 

I REMEMBERED 

that time I was on the news

charlotte and I

we're at

MYSTERY CON -- which, counter-intuitively 

SCIENCE FICTION convention 

with heavy focus on 

WRITERS

Theodore Sturgeon 

I remember hearing him

anyway 

I was DRESSED up 

BUT 

I WASN'T 

COS-playing

I was wearing the 

doctor who scarf

I knitted 

I don't remember what clothes I was wearing 

IT WAS the HAT

I--  I'm SURE you will be shocked--

shopped in VINTAGE stores

I WISH I still had that hat

it was this NAVY BLUE vaguely FLYING SAUCER

it was MADE of some

ALIEN basketry

SEMI- indestructible

with

this single FAT ANTENNA sticking up

at a jaunty angle

ANYWAY 

I just watched

the miley cyrus + brittany howard 

& I'm gonna give you

MY TAKE

NOW 

I'm gonna assume 

TK doesn't know much about miley 

I'm no expert 

BUT 

I DO know 

she's KINDA into

OVER the TOP 

RIGHT

BUT 

I don't even think this was THAT 

she's been playing around with 

NONbinary

OR MAYBE now she's officially eNBIe

BUT 

HOW I READ it

she was 

PLAYING with GENDER

PLUS 

SHE was trying to play

GENDER like

MUSICAL harmony

against brittany howard 

I am not gonna say

it's my favorite 

PERFORMANCE of hers

BUT 

I thought

the HARNESS

of her

BODY

the angularity of her shoulders

the over the topness 

of the dress

the makeup over the top

BUT 

NOT 

HIGH FEMME

NOT DRAG inspired

HARD WOMAN

& that slit in the body of the dress

ALMOST like a 

WOUND

WHERE is the LINE

it seemed to say

BETWEEN

what you call feminine and masculine 

SOMEWHERE in the HARDNESS

REFUSING to

CURVE

it was

AFTERALL

in the spirit of

SINADE who famously sang it

& the artist formerly known

as PRINCE 

who wrote it

I also slowed it down

I THINK 

he's being sarcastic 

BUT 

it's, I FEEL like, 

USUALLY 

NOT hard to TELL 

SO

I'm NOW 

WATCHING him

POOR NIGEL

BUT 

I was thinking about it 

NIGEL produces the show, right

& TK gives him sh*t 

all the time 

BUT 

even though I personally 

HATE that

I DO think it DOES 

ACTUALLY 

KINDA

MAKE 

that KIND of show

I don't have the 

WORDS*

*terminology for the physiological processes or maybe there isn't even any extant terminology, maybe it's more psychology of comedy or entertainment or something 

it's not just FUN to SEE someone*

*who isn't you

BEING ABUSED 

as you MIGHT think

some schadenfreude, PERHAPS 

EXCEPT 

I HATE that

it's not funny to me

& it ACTIVELY AGITATES me

BUT 

I can SEE HOW

STRUCTURALLY 

it BUILDS 

the ENVIRONMENT 

the PHYSICS

of the REAL imaginary WORLD

it's a BETTER world

if Larry f*CKed up AGAIN 

& it's ALL OUT in the OPEN 

than if

he's quietly competent

the DISRUPTION of it

FUELS the

IDEA of

REAL vs scripted

EVEN within

the bathesda bagels ad

the WORDS 

are largely the same 

BUT 

the DYNAMISM

is DRIVEN

by the

NEW crap they are

giving him

WAIT 

I'm listening to the second half 

of TK

& he just made

REFERENCE 

to canada 

as the

fifty first state

WTF

I thought 

THIS

was EXACTLY 

the KIND 

of stuff that he doesn't do

I'm gonna back it up and listen again 

BUT 

I'm potentially 

VERY disappointed in him

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1403-W-Columbia-St-Okemah-OK-74859/2073087297_zpid/?rtoken=cd215d62-4ec2-40ea-9205-a10827333c63~X1-ZU15qbccztnxeyx_4lr3f&utm_campaign=emo-homerecs-email&utm_source=email&utm_term=urn:msg:20250220084648208d6e7555378139&utm_medium=email&utm_content=forsaleimage-_rid-JpZ48rov4EtVtaHFGhL5KV_

I gotta go to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY 

MOON 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

I'm exiting the program

at

CURSED to be

an ANGEL

I need to sleep 

I took my mom

to her cardiologist 

& into the MEDcenter

& the MEDcenter 

is VERY stressful for me 

BUNCH of family in the hospital stuff

& there's SOMETHING worth saying 

I'm SURE but

I'm NOT 

in fact

it got me thinking about a

BUNCH of

STUFF 

BUT 

right now I'm still 

IN it, or processing or something 

I THOUGHT I understood 

the appeal of SPORT 

BUT 

I'm SEEING whole NEW worlds

BUT 

I don't feel like I 

EVEN understand as MUCH as I thought I DID 

does anyone 

REALLY 

LIKE 

to hear 

ABOUT dog vomit

PRODUCTIVE dog vomit

my EDITORIAL is OVER

the

BRILLIANT 

DB

some CRAZY stuff 

goin on in 

SPORT

🤪

I might tell you

about my day

BUT 

it's not sounding 

VERY 

interesting 

in my HEAD 

it involved 

NO

I can't 

I'm gonna start listening to TK

BUT 

I might not make it through 

I'm nodding off 

NOW 

it is so 🥶 cold here

27, real feel

17

good morning sweetheart 💋 

I'm NOT freaking out 

I talked myself 

DOWN

&

I didn't mention that 

it STILL 

HELPS 

NO ONE

for me to be non-functional 

I hope you have a 

BEAUTIFUL day 🫶

I LOVE you VERY much 👾🫚🍀❤️

I gotta go to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY 

MOON 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

I just did some tarot readings 

I asked about

the album

& I couldn't really 

TRANSLATE 

the cards

&

I'm LIKE 

that was a silly question anyway 

HOW 

was it supposed to answer 

THAT

THEN

I did a reading for YOU 

& two of those

CARDS

SHOWED up again 

& this is an intuitive reading 

BUT 

what I'm getting is 

YOU are on FIRE 

ALL the FIRE

ONE

is the six of air

SIX birds FLYING 

from the album

with the FOOL and

WHEEL of FORTUNE 

then you've got 

seven of earth

& paige of air

now seven of earth is sometimes me

& paige of air I used to get

like a letter

BUT 

also spycraft or information gathering 

SO

this could go a lot of ways

BUT 

then BAM

the other album card

ACE of WATER

& THEN

three of water

CELEBRATION 

SO

your

FUTURE 

LOOKS GREAT 

I'm sorry if that

thing last night

ABOUT 

my dad

was

CONFUSING 

my dad had an el camino*

*that's one of those car trucks-- they were still making them then--  his wasn't new, but it wasn't like vintage or anything 

he CALLED it 

the LUXURY-mobile

it wasn't 

PARTICULARLY luxurious 

at least in terms of 

BEING 

nice, clean, in noticably crisp condition 

BUT 

it WAS a nice car

MEMORIAL drive

is the long wind-y through the 

FORRESTED environs

of the

NUVO riche*

*I figured you know what I'm talking about I just spelled it faster

the old money

lives in river oaks 

my dad liked to drive memorial

FREEWAY 

MIGHT 

be FASTER 

or it might not

I think he listened to 

TOP 40 

AM I think 

we always listened to Kasey Kasum (sp?)

on the weekends 

MIGHT have been

BELL'S SCOTCH

I'm possibly 

CONFLATING multiple days

AND

I THOUGHT 

this song was one of the ones he loved

BUT 

the TIMING is such

MAYBE 

it wasn't 

MAYBE 

he was telling me then

I didn't put

THAT 

together 

UNTIL 

just NOW 

BUT 

there's that really beautiful song

with the girl named

LUCILLE 

&

every time I hear it

a CHORD

RESONATES 

recognition 

to the name

which

of course 

MAY or may NOT 

BE

supposed to have 

ANYTHING 

to do with

ME

I ALWAYS feel like it DOES 

it's like 

the color

GREEN

it travels

BACK

& FORTH

in TIME 

I SEE that I didn't say

goodnight 

I'm sorry 

I thought I did 

or else I would have said something 

this morning 

in therapy 

I'm all LIKE 

SHOULD 

I be freaking out 

MAYBE it's 

appropriate 

to be freaking out 

I don't know how long it's been 

since I drove the car

much less

since I've driven it any distance

SO

I went somewhere 

I REALLY wanted sushi

& I had a rec for

SUSHI & SEAFOOD buffet

it was like six and a half miles away

I found it 

it LOOKED really 

CUTE from the outside 

they had this artificial 

CHERRY BLOSSOM grove

itside

LESS CUTE 

BUT

BRIGHT

definitely CLEAN 

right after I got there

it started POURING rain 

I had to calm myself down 

just because it's 

RAINING HARD

does NOT MEAN that it will 

definitely FLOOD

this part of westheimer is not particularly 

LOW LYING 

and usually drains

in thirty minutes 

or do

it's LIKE 

five o'clock

eighty percent chance

you're FINE 

you're six and a half miles

down the street from your place 

it was FINE 

I remember some car stuff 

with my dad

BUT 

after reviewing it 

I mostly 

don't 

WANT

to

I do want to mention

the black el camino 

sign kit in the

BACK

he CALLED it

the luxury mobile

& I remember 

driving 

down 

MEMORIAL 

he took a big slug of 

TAB

& poured in the 

VODKA

cruising along

SINGING 

ya picked a fine time to leave me 

LUCILLE 

with four hungry children

& a crop in the 

FIELD

AND

it's KINDA crazy

BUT 

in the song

it always resonates

the name

LIKE 

THAT emotion 

THAT'S what I unleashed on him

REALLY it's all prophecy 

AFTER that

*that's a little esoteric, maybe--  I'm not sure how follow-able it was-- but it was meaningful to me.

OH

f*CKing

NO

their talking about 

BAGPIPES 

& I'm LIKE 

I should send in an email sometime 

OK

I can't find his ACTUAL performance 

it might be there, somewhere 

BUT 

I'm done LOOKing 

SEVEN NATIONS ARMY

is a BETTER close

than cher

any cher

& I'm not dissing cher

can you IMAGINE if they

CLOSED with

CHER

it makes me giggle

MY 

OLD

MOMENT 

I had to see homeward bound after his

COMMENTARY

I don't know who she is either

BUT 

after the great joke

with the great

delivery

I was on her side

& I thought 

it was a

very well managed duet

I think I know what he means 

BUT 

I disagree

MY

OLD

MOMENT

I'm all LIKE 

dear GOD you can 

SEE THROUGH 

her dress

NOW 

when I was young

I woulda been

LIKE 

whoo hoo you can SEE THROUGH her dress

AND

when I was NOT YOUNG I woulda been LIKE 

AESTHETIC analysis of some sort

NOW 

it's just

DEAR GOD

THAT GIRL'S nekked

AND

I might have said it to someone 

for FUNNY 

AND

I did do an VISUAL analysis 

the sparkly dress

in the CULTURAL CONTEXT 

& the purple velvet

JACKET 

but FIRST slight shock

EVEN though 

see through dresses

PREdate ME

the STUFF about

CHER was

PRICELESS 

BUT 

I want to KNOW 

what JACK WHITE did

OH

I LOVED

bill murray 

doing the bored lounge singer

when I was a kid

BUT 

who is the woman

with the

BIG FOREHEAD 

that's the quote

I think this is gonna be 

a good episode 

he comes out

he's got

TATTOOS 

all over his face

&

he does a johnny cash medley 

&

I say 

WOW 

he's doing a johnny cash medley 

& I have NO SECOND SENTENCE to that

I'm NOT going to send them back

BUT 

I would HAPPILY 

BURN them

I'd like to see you 

NAVIGATE 

the whole foods 

RETURN kiosk

my mom had a hornet

I think it was

a seventy three

OR thereabouts 

she bought it 

NEW and it was cute

it was

YELLOW 

and I loved that the air conditioning 

had a DESERT setting 

LIKE 

I GUESS 

if it's 

REALLY HOT

which of course it was

MOST of the time 

though

NOT DRY

it had problems 

right from the 

START

although I can't remember 

what the specific

PROLEMS were

BUT 

THAT

and the fact that it was 

YELLOW 

meant that it's nickname was

LEMON

I have had three cars

the first one

was a metallic sandy gold

the second one

was CALLED 

BRICK

I thought it was more of a burgundy color 

the third one 

I have now

is BLACK

on top

& gray on the bottom

when I got the first one

I wouldn't have 

probably

ADMITTED it to you

because I was VERY anti-yuppie

and, again, the MOST class conscious 

person EVER

BUT 

what I WANTED 

was one of those kinda flat looking

MERCEDES in the color

BITTERSWEET 

which was sort of an earthy 

ORANGE 

NONE of my cars

has been chosen for it's color

they were all kinda

just the car

I could get at the time

I didn't learn to drive

until I was eighteen

and for the last twenty years or so

I don't drive my car more than

about three thousand miles

per year

the only road trip I have taken

in my current car

is to Austin

when it was "new"

& only had like 158,000 miles on it

every time you've ever seen me

I've been in a rental car

on one of the trips last year

no, two of them

I had

a Toyota COROLLA 

which I decided 

is way FUNNER to drive

than any of the previous cars I've driven

which surprised me

well

I test drove a tiny MAZDA that was

SUPER FUN

BUT 

it was too SMALL for my

LARGE body

to feel

COMFORTABLE 

which was kinda a shame

especially since 

I was having trouble finding anything 

in my budget 

and the MAZDA was

only four or five years old

a trade-in 

that they weren't even doing anything to

for like four thousand dollars

BUT 

I lucked out

& found the ninety five Lexus

a guy working at

a small used car lot near me

had bought it at auction 

done work on it

BUT 

then needed to unload it

because he had to

buy an SUV

moving

his family to the East Coast SOMEWHERE 

& his wife insisted 

it's been a good car for me

although 

SOMETIMES 

the speedometer doesn't work 

& SOMETIMES 

it won't 

BACK UP

my mom's car

is a toyota rav-blah blah

previously 

I was afraid to drive 

an SUV

BUT 

on a road trip to see you last year

the rental car place was like

I don't care what you asked for

THIS is what we've 

GOT

take it or leave it

SO

I learned to do the thing

I feared

BECAUSE 

I had to

to SEE you

I don't know if I 

TOLD 

you about

THAT 

I don't REMEMBER much

of what I thought

or did

or said

during most of that time 

I NOTICE 

the balance seems very

WEIRD and top-heavy 

for turning 

& maneuvering on her SUV

MUCH more

than on the 

BLUE ROGUE 

I learned 

on

I guess that might be

the ONLY 

BLUE car

I've ever driven

& I'm pretty sure 

that was the February trip

pretty sure the other two trips

we're silver corollas 

which are

ALMOST 

STEALTH 

so nearly every car blended in 

BUT 

I ENJOYED the 

HANDLING*

*which I had been led to believe was

SUB STANDARD by consumer reports 

I gotta go to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

BUT 

I KEEP coming BACK to 

the SKY falling

I DON'T WANT 

to get into

THAT

MINDSET

BUT 

one of the bunksters

is moving

to

PORTUGAL 

& I read a paragraph 

of BC--MAINER 

& I'm starting to 

FREAK OUT 

I just want to say

I LOVE you 

in a WAY 

that 

SOUNDS MORE REAL 

I started to say

I muthaf*CKing LOVE you

BUT 

THEN

I thought, well, that sounds more real to YOU 

BUT 

MAYBE 

it would just sound, I don't know what, angry

SO

I MEAN 

you're the one

❤️

I was fighting 

with myself 

because 

I don't want to miss the opportunity to 

SEE you in person 

because 

life is uncertain 

& the opportunities you miss

are missed

BUT 

I was balancing the 

potential to do 

HARM

to you

to me

I thought before last february 

that I couldn't do harm

that we were

SOLID

BUT 

I hurt you

& it was a process 

I had to go through 

BUT 

I hurt you

I KNOW 

I'm NOT at the stage YET 

where I am the person 

I AM going to be

SO

I KNOW 

I will NOT gracefully 

manage the situation 

& I fear

I will make things worse

BUT 

I had worked myself 

AROUND 

BUT 

the driving

on ice

I'm NOT good at THAT 

SOME of my MOST stressful experiences 

AND

I THOUGHT about

what the state of me

was likely to be

& I couldn't 

IMAGINE 

it would be manageable 

LAST YEAR

I feel like I was barely 

HUMAN

I remember driving

NUMBLY

& CRANKING the 

HEATER

in the room to like 82 degrees

TRYING to FEEL 

NORMAL

I don't want to 

feel bad or crazy or cold flash-y

I WANT to be 

LOVING & RADIANT 

is this the rational argument I think it is

OR

is it some elaborate justification 

is the daddy issues lesson

do what you need to do for you

TRUST that he loves you

ENOUGH to NOT hold it against you 

I THINK that's the LESSON 

BUT 

HOW sh*tty is it

that you're 

STILL 

WORKING on 

those daddy issues

& that you

are SOME little g*RL with him

in a way

DEVELOPMENTALLY challenged

as it were

well

I agree it's not great

NOT ideal

NOT really what you WISH you were offering

BUT 

isn't it KINDA the way sh*t WORKS 

HUMANS

are messy

BROKEN//UNFINISHED 

and you can't offer yourself as

anything other than what

you ARE

JUST try

NOT

to fall into the mental traps

you've fallen into before

do what you think is best

& KNOW 

there is NO perfectly right answer

EITHER thing you choose

there will be

THINGS 

you will WISH you had done the 

OTHER thing

YOU HAVE to DO

WHATEVER you DO

KNOWING 

that WHEN you are faced with

REGRETS 

ALL you will have is

I made the best decision I could at the time

with the information and capacity I had available to me at the time

THAT is the SAME

it's ALWAYS been that way for you

& it isn't any different now

I'm sorry 

that you thought

SLEEPING on it

was gonna 

produce

MAGIC 

HERE

is the magic

YOU are the one

punishing yourself 

HE is NOT pressuring you 

THREATENING to 

WITHHOLD love

HE

is 

HOLDING SPACE 

for you

❤️

AND

I passed out

AGAIN 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

I slept late

I was hoping 

I'd wake up with a 

CLEARER

MINDSSET

BUT 

ELEVEN degrees 

& SNOW 

did SOME

KIND of

SYSTEM 

SHUT 

DOWN 

I've ALSO got 

the DADDY 

ISSUES 

I am MENT to be

a CALM 

HAPPY person 

I'm not sure if that's 

TRUE 

it just

POPPED into my 

HEAD

when you let

the tensile--  RELEASE --

it maybe LOOKS 

MESSIER

I'm NOT trying 

to say

I'm SO CRAZY

I mean, I AM, somewhat, but I'm NOT trying to 

CLAIM 

diminished CAPACITY 

WELL 

on the ONE hand, I guess I AM 

OK

STOP being 

that WAY that you're BEING 

I WANT to BE 

THERE 

&

I thought 

MAYBE 

I got a REAL STRONG voice

telling me 

you've been having me

CALIBRATE 

FINE

NOW you WANT ME to

BLOW it all OUT

in the

WILD

it'll take a month to get the settings back

the SKY is f*CKing FALLING AGAIN 

you UNROMANTIC b*tch

I THINK somebody 

should acknowledge that

ONE WAY

we are less messed up

is we are trying to 

FACTOR in 

ONE thing

I'm discovering 

for

EVERYTHING 

PART of IT is REAL

PART of IT is a STORY you're telling yourself 

that's FINE, sometimes GOOD, but ALWAYS 

JUST the way THINGS 

WORK, ya know

BUT 

I've been 

LOOKING at that

SO

I KNOW that THAT 

is a PROBLEM 

AREA for me

BECAUSE 

of my

IMAGINATION 

AND

the THING is 

I LIKE 

my imagination 

BUT 

THAT WHOLE CONFUSION 

is the PROBLEM 

AND

I FEEL like I maybe said all this before 

BUT 

THEN 

this possibly 

as soon as I saw it

I said greater than maybe chance

(continuing)

AND

I'm LIKE 

g*RL

YOU not

SURE 

what you 

JUST said

am I MORE 

of a MESS

or

 

NO

HERE is 

what it IS

what you have done

in the PAST

is SPUN everything to a HIGH tensile STRENGTH 

& the PRESSURE 

of that 

is TOO MUCH 

&

NOW 

you're trying to LEARN a NEW WAY

SO

are you MORE of a MESS

FROM your OLD perspective ABSOLUTELY 

BUT 

there isn't REALLY any way 

to judge the two

UNLESS 

you unlock new perspectives 

&

do some kind of meta

which leads to 

OVERWHELM

which leads to

WHAT CASE can you make for, ya know NOT 

NOT MORE of a MESS

NO

WELL 

I'm for SURE 

a different KIND

of MESS

I'm working myself up

it's like 

the consortium 

in my HEAD 

they ALL 

have strong opinions 

they don't agree

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

& I'm sorry this is interfering 

with my coherence 

I'm sorry 

I didn't mean to not

say goodnight 

I lay down 

& was still trying to figure out what was happening 

& I passed out

I guess 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I hope you are having a beautiful day 🫶 

👾🫚🍀

❤️❤️❤️

SOMETHING 

is happening outside 

there are

DUMPSTERS various places 

& there WAS

BANGING

consistent with that, at first

NOW 

it SOUNDS 

more like

a CEMENT 

MIXER

& something else

BUT 

I can't SEE it OUT the WINDOW 

a problem for me 

SOMETIMES 

is to

KNOW 

when to

STOP 

interpreting 

I LOVE 

those pictures 

or

that collection of pictures 

I possibly did something 

interesting here

and

I've STARTED 

on this one too

when I started BUYING books

this is in relation to 

COSTS and OLDNESS

PAPERBACK books

they were like

ninety five cents

for small ones

RANGING UP

to two twenty five

for one of those

GIANT sagas

this is standard paperback size

I don't think they had

"quality" paperback size yet

I am not even

SURE

how much a STANDARD 

size paperback 

GOES for anymore 

EVERYTHING 

SEEMS 

to be OVERSIZED 

I just went and looked around 

MOST of them

don't qualify 

BECAUSE they are hardback or not recently purchased, etc

I found one

seventeen ninety five 

when I started working 

minimum wage was

three thirty five

and now

is it seven fifty

or is it still

seven twenty five 

SEVEN TWENTY FIVE 

for

perspective 

THOSE gloves

don't have

ENOUGH REPS

SO

you don't TRUST them

in a

GAME TIME 

situation 

can you order me 

GLOVES

since you BELONG to that

AMAZON thing

I spent the day with my mom 

that was NOT 

a valentine-y

CHOICE

I decompressed

NOW

I'm fixin to listen to 

TK

good morning sweetheart 💋 

I hope you have a 

BEAUTIFUL 

DAY

🫶🫶🫶

❤️

I have to go to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

goodnight 🫶

👾🫚🍀❤️

OK

this is a just

GENERAL 

cool thing that happened to me 

SO

at ULTA 

I have points

I've been saving them up

because 

I was gonna get one of those

SONIC derma planers

& that ELECTRIC current

FACE thing

and they had both of those

on sale a little while ago

BUT 

I decided 

that I didn't REALLY 

want them

SO

I decided to 

GET 

PERFUME 

instead

there's this NEW BRAND 

NOYZ

that I'm interested in 

well, ULTA had a sale

BUY one get one FREE minis

& it TURNS OUT 

travel size NOYZ count

SO anyway

one thing and another 

bought it ALL with

POINTS

I got HALF today

& that's THREE different perfumes 

AND

I LIKE them ALL

AND

ONE is a solid

and I got this fun little dangly thing lid

it just FELT like

SUCH a win

their travel size is pretty healthy

BUT then BOGO

BUT then POINTS

OH

AND

COUPONS

I FELT like I was

GAMING the SYSTEM 

& I didn't 

EXPECT

it to work

I ALSO 

don't know WHY I care about perfume 

I MOSTLY FORGET to use

I THINK 

it goes way 

BACK

I had a REAL thing

for perfume 

as a kid

I've ALWAYS wanted to 

MAKE a perfume 

my NOSE really isn't 

that good

BUT 

I have

IDEAS

I WANT

a SCENT based

around TOMATO VINE 

LIKE 

right NOW 

I've got a mrs meyers 

hand soap

WHICH 

NORMALLY 

I wouldn't buy

BECAUSE it is 🍅 vine

BUT 

it's NOT something 

I'd SPRAY ON me, ya KNOW 

I'm NOT sure 

what you'd put with it

MAYBE 

some vetiver

MAYBE 

that's too HEAVY 

I used to wear

ALIAGE

which was discontinued 

BUT 

it was different from what I HAD been wearing 

it was KINDA 

GREEN

BUT 

it didn't smell very natural

this 🍅 vine

IDEA

is

sort of a more

WHOLE-SOME 

willing to get

I was gonna say

willing to 

GET

DIRTY

but that takes on 

CONNOTATION 

you know how there's that

WALKED into a 

FLOWER shop

GREEN

LIKE

WET foliage 

LESS

DAINTY 

than THAT 

SOMETHING 

that doesn't 

SCREAM 🍅 vine

if you LOVE it

you'll NOTICE, otherwise 

MAYBE not

WILD familiar

GREEN

THIS 

is the KINDA stuff 

that rolls

AROUND 

in my HEAD 

OH

YEAH

I WAS telling you about 

GOOD STUFF 

❤️

there's 

SOMETHING 

really

BEAUTIFUL 

about

the

top one

SOME quality 

about the

EYES

& LIPS

that give a poignancy-- 

I want to say, but am uncertain 

that is really the best word--

& the bottom one

is just SUCH 

an EXPRESSION 

HAPPY happy 

STUFF 

therapy was cancelled again 

I almost didn't 

reschedule for today 

BUT 

I felt like I 

needed

the therapy 

SO

I mean 

OH WELL 

I'm FINE, really 

BUT 

he SAID 

my next one is

FREE 

because I've been

so understanding 

& I was almost like

OK

SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY 

which

I laughed and laughed to myself 

SO

I DIDN'T put that

in case he GOT it

& felt some kinda way

because 

I don't really want to 

call him a c*not

I just thought it was FUNNY 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚🍀

❤️❤️❤️

OH

I meant to tell you 

I made a new

FOOD 

I don't know what 

I'm calling it

YET 

I got this can of

LEMON harissa CHICKPEAS

new to me brand

HEY DAY

I immediately thought of this

I made a bake

FIRM tofu

baby Bella's

onion, garlic 

BLEND the CAN

with

some MCT C-8

& some nutritional yeast 

small creamer potatoes 

I boiled in 

chicken broth 

put some of the broth

in the

BAKE

lobbed potato

in the bowl

overtop

I was pretty happy with it

I feel like

there's SOMETHING else

that would make it

BETTER 

I don't know what it is 

YET 

I also think

those hey day chickpeas are gonna work their way into the arsenal 

did that 

STUFF about

FEELING 

your thoughts 

make SENSE 

it was

a good thing 

BUT 

I don't think I explained it 

ADEQUATELY 

&

I'm not sure 

that I can do BETTER now

I was

NOTICING 

this thing

I do

BUT 

I don't know what to call it 

it's 

SOMETHING 

to do with

CALIBRATION 

BUT 

that really oversimplifies it

it's got

SOMETHING 

to do with translating myself 

BUT 

I THINK I know

MORE--  what people think 

LIKE 

mostly not

EXACTLY 

it's maybe more tonal than that

DOES that 

make sense 

SO

THEN

I'm all LIKE

HOW normal is THAT 

AND

I was really burned out

SO I was questioning 

if I was just

WRONG 

all along

it's like a whole meta level program running 

in the BACKGROUND 

USES

a LOT of 

BATTERY

ALSO 

whose IDEA do you think

HAKIM JEFFRIES 

was

I'm interested 

it's 

POSSIBLY 

GENIUS

I used to

LOVE

thin mints

BUT 

some number of years ago 

I stopped 

ENJOYING the combination 

of chocolate 

& MINT

SO

I'm not sure if I've got this right

with golf

& tennis

you don't 

HAVE to compete

in any 

PARTICULAR 

events

& the calculation for 

SEEDS

& RANKing

which may or may not

be two separate 

THINGS

I'm thinking 

SEEDS are

KINDA 

an assessment of past and predicted behavior 

I'm thinking

RANKING 

is both actual tabulation

INSIDE the PARTICULAR event

&

SOMETHING else

that takes all information 

and say

YOU are

RANKED number blah blah

supposedly 

NOT like the arguments 

about QUARTERBACKS

this now seems 

LONG

and maybe not interesting 

SORRY 

I really 

WANT to understand it

I feel sorta bad that I'm not more interested in 

GOLF

BINGHAMTON 

means a lot to him

I LOVED my time at

U of H

but 

my feelings for the school 

are qualitatively 

DIFFERENT 

I can't really 

EXPLAIN what they ARE 

but I'm not resonating

UH

was more

like a

CITY

I think of it more as a landscape I was moving through 

than this CONCEPT I don't QUITE get 

NO disrespect intended 

BUT 

I MEAN

isn't 

BASKETBALL 

THE sport

CURRENTLY 

I MEAN 

hasn't it

SURPASSED football

I FEEL like

it's just

MORE--  currently 

AM I wrong

I'm not saying that I 

KNOW 

what I'm talking about 

I watched all the Superbowl commercials 

& I was underwhelmed 

the only one

I liked

REALLY 

was the 

DOJA CAT TACO BELL 

I thought it was cute

I don't really know 

who DOJA CAT is

I think she's a

SINGER

BUT 

I KNOW 

she's famous 

cause I've HEARD of her

& the IDEA of 

somebody famous trying to 

PHOTO 💣 

is FUNNY to me

BUT 

my real favorite 

was the commercial 

YouTube played for me

WHILE I was watching the 

SUPER BOWL commercials 

Harrison Ford

for

JEEP 

I can STILL remember 

the MAC 1984-esque

HAMMER throw

& I see

NOTHING 

to rival THAT

commercials are 

MOSTLY 

WEIRD 

to me

NOW 

I'm fixin to listen to 

TK

please have

as much fun at

the big news

as is possible 

LIKE 

I get there could be serious moments

I'm saying it now

because I'm thinking about it now

I'm not up on specifics 

LOVE 👾🫚🍀☕🐦☁️☔🫶🔥🛸

❤️

I LOVE you VERY 

MOONS

hope you like that-- I'm pretty attached to it

I THOUGHT 

a bunch of stuff 

I want to tell you BUT I'm drawing a blank

THIS 

honestly worries me

it's NOT that

UNUSUAL 

BUT 

I try to make the case for mental illness 

EVERY TIME 

& quite frankly 

I WISH 

I would STOP already 

I'm trying to decide 

if I had to

PICK

ONE

steroids

or

ZAP 1

which voice

& I MEAN

I can't 

CHOOSE

the one

is somehow 

H🔥T

maybe I shouldn't say that 

there is something 

it's MAYBE 

what

I feel you thinking 

AS you SAY the THINGS 

& ALSO

I guess the way the things are said

I don't know if 

it reminds me of what I did

OR

I identify 

I don't KNOW, I just know 

it makes me kind of

SMILE, deeply

ZAP 1

it hits me 

because it INTERSECTS so so MUCH 

& that's WHY it's so 

FUNNY

BUT 

it wouldn't work

if it wasn't 

RIGHT

as late as the third

or possibly 

FOURTH 

GRADE

I was spelling it

w-a-r-s-h*

*cause I was sounding it out

am I making 

SENSE

🔥❤️

OK

I DID 

some more

I organized my drawers

which

I've done before 

BUT 

I messed it up

SO

I went through 

everything that's clean

tried everything on

SORTED AGAIN 

I have some stuff 

I'm not sure

what I'm doing with it

AND

it took me

LONGER

than I thought it should 

ROOM 

doesn't look better 

BUT 

it's FORWARD motion

SO

I'm NOT complaining 

therapy was cancelled again 

he's got a zoom call

with the

LAWYER 

or something 

RESCHEDULED 

for thursday 

it was a pretty 

LATE cancel

BUT 

I didn't have 

makeup on

YET

&

it was raining 

HARD

SO

I was not

ENTHUSIASTIC 

about walking 

BUT 

I haven't 

MOVED on

to productive 

TIME usage

UNFORTUNATELY 

I LOVE you SWEETHEART 💋 

I hope you are having a beautiful day 🫶

I wasn't really AWARE of the 

FEED ASPECT 

of substack 

BUT 

I think that might become 

the new thing

I saw a breakdown 

by GOD

that

I found compelling 

I didn't KNOW God had a substack

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

🫶👾🫚🍀☕🐦☁️😁

I gotta go to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY very MOONS

there is SO much 

to be like

WOW

I'm really not caught up

BUT 

I think that's even

EXACERBATED 

by the way

that things are

FRAGMENTED

BUT 

I SOMETIMES 

find it a little overwhelming 

ALL the THINGS 

BUT 

the TRUTH is 

EVEN if you are a GENIUS 

you probably only know very much

about a few fields of 

INTEREST

BUT 

there is

SO MUCH 

I don't know 

ANYWAY 

I feel like I was 

not that fun

TODAY 

if that's true

& not just me sh*t talking myself 

then I'm sorry 

TWO!

this MAILBAG

is on 🔥🔥🔥

OFFICIAL CURATOR 

YOU 

CREATED

a JOB

I AM SO PROUD!

HOW is

SOME executive 

at CREST

NOT

ALREADY 

on this 

I WANT WILBON

to TALK about 

the stuff that isn't gonna get talked about

& I guess I'm gonna 

have to learn

who kendrick is

& now

WILBON 

has peaked my interest

I guess I'm gonna 

HAVE to find out

what happened 

well

I'm not focusing great

ever since I started

THINKING 

ABOUT 

FOOTBALL 

I find

it has all this 

FAMILY 

stuff 

I GUESS 

we were a sporty

family 

my AUNT JOAN was

the DRIVING force

BUT 

my dad

almost never watched sports

I remember asking him about it 

I WISH I could 

REMEMBER 

EXACTLY 

WHAT 

he said, but I'll give you

MY UNDERSTANDING of his 

FEELINGS

he was living

EVERY DAY

with

physical reminders

& it just wasn't 

THAT 

FUN

to watch

he could watch it

BUT 

he just wasn't THAT into it 

I THINK that was

I'm seeing the 

APARTMENT 

we lived in when I had the chicken pox

so I was in second grade 

we ONLY lived there

ONE year

I had NOTICED he

SEEMED to KNOW about sports

BUT 

he didn't seem to 

PAY much attention to it

ANYWAY 

I'm having all these

FEELS

thinking about football 

I woke up late

I GUESS 

I slept through my alarm

I tried to listen to

TK

BUT 

I couldn't 

FOCUS 

I watched the new

season of

SHRINKING 

&

HARRISON FORD 

is so 

GOOD 

I ate my tofu

earlier

BUT 

I'm feeling a little 

DOWN

SO

I just ordered

WHATABURGER 

from door dash

I'm gonna get

MELEE dosed, eat whataburger, and listen to TK

I didn't watch the

SUPER BOWL 

because 

I never watched football 

since I don't have to

& I DID see

there was stuff

with t*ump & whatnot 

BUT 

I don't really know what 

& I'm pretty sure

TK won't be talking about that either

I've been 

KINDA looking forward to listening 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 🫶 

I hope I can focus now

❤️

I almost FELT 

LIKE 

I was standing NEXT to you 

SO

MANY 

HAPPY 

FEELS 

🫶🫶🫶

I'm sorry 

I should have talked 

BEFORE now 

I've just been in this 

LIKE 

DIFFUSE mind state 

is the best way I can describe it 

I was thinking about you 

you were in my mind

with me

while I was floating in the everything everywhere 

& the WORDS

aren't 

SO MUCH HOW 

your thinking 

there's this KINDA 

ALL the THINGS 

ARE TRUE

BUT 

WORDS

have to CHOOSE 

SO

anyway 

I'm SORRY 

I didn't KNOW I was

GONNA 

or I would have 

WARNED you 

it was GOOD though 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

I think I'm gonna try to sleep 🫶

❤️👾🫚🍀☕🐦☁️❤️

ya know what though

THAT is 

SWEET

that little slice of life

the SANDWICH is

HYPERBOLE 

appreciable as ART in it's own right 

FIVE dollar TIPS--  poetry

❤️

BUT 

I THINK 

I'm NOT trying to be VEGAN

I am 

NOT really 

DOING 

a SYSTEM 

I'm BUILDING a 

SYSTEM 

AND

the PROTEIN thing

SEEMS to have 

PRODUCED

RESULTS*

*although my quick and dirty approach of throwing multiple variables into the mix never really give completely uncomplicated results

CHLORELLA 

for example, has PROTEIN, but also has

DETOXING 

& GROWTH HORMONE 

SO

if I feel like I've had 

SOME positive 

CHANGE

I couldn't REALLY say it was the protein, ya know 

I KINDA think

my personal interpretation 

PROTEIN is important 

BUT 

high ANIMAL based

is not how

I prefer 

to 

EAT

I ENJOY 

a meat FEAST

BUT 

not CONSTANTLY 

I've been leaning HARD into LENTILS 

but I GOTTA do SOMETHING else 

OR I'll go OFF em

TEMPEH 

REPRESENTS

SOMETHING to me

MAYBE 

it's that it

INTERSECTS 

MULTIPLE 

INTERESTS 

I WANT to 

LOVE 

this STUFF 

BUT 

HONESTLY 

I have a hard time getting past the look of it 

it's the kind of thing that happens 

SOMETIMES 

when you encounter something with no childhood

ANALOG 

I MEAN

if you can

EAT

cheese...

I LOVE cheese

SO I understand that you DON'T 

READ

the original 

FOOD STUFFS 

as spoiled

because 

THEY aren't--  they have transformed 

into ANOTHER 

SUBSTANCE

which you

JUST

RECOGNIZE if you GREW UP with it

BUT 

you can MAKE tempeh 

I THINK renewable

LIKE sourdough 

FOREVER

with a variety

of BEANS

& GRAINS

SO

THAT 

FITS into

EVEN more

I don't know if any of this makes any sense 

it's LIKE 

TEMPEH is where it's AT

YOU are

HOLDING the PARTY

HOSTAGE 

with your pig-headed refusal to get behind TEMPEH 

I MEAN 

that's what it was like 

when I saw it

in the

imperfect produce shopping

ACTUALLY 

it's NOT TRUE that I don't have any 

STRATEGY wins 

I reminded myself 

I SPECIFICALLY 

FOCUSED 

on the

PROBLEM 

FORMULATED a hypothesis 

& ACHIEVED

the 

GOAL

BUT 

THEN it was 

JUST you

TELLING yourself 

which

AM I to UNDERSTAND 

hasn't happened 

BEFORE 

HOW 

MANY 

times 

ALSO 

I'm starting to 

SLOW ROLL through the PERSPECTIVES 

AND

I was watching 

EZRA KLEIN 

who I'm SURE I've seen 

BUT 

SOMEHOW 

has never really been on my radar

& he was interviewing 

a journalist 

who has

COVERED 

el ON

for years

I was

SURPRISED 

how very little of the information 

was NEW but the picture 

filled IN

avian flu

put me right off 

EGGS

especially since 

we maybe 

aren't 

TRACKING that kind of sh*t anymore 

ALSO

I've been kinda slipping

on the protein

& had all that

WEIRD 

hormonal crap

BUT 

although I 

LOVE tofu

I've ALWAYS been

KINDA 

meh

about tempeh

BUT 

this is lightlife 

which makes my favorite 

VEGAN hotdog is I was

HOPEFUL 

I browned it in a pan

with MCT C-8

which is my new general all purpose oil

THEN 

I made a sauce

ACID LEAGUE pho broth

a dash of toasted sesame oil

a dash of HEB steak sauce

which is similar to A1

a nice thick dusting of

NUTRITIONAL yeast 

a dash of harissa

& enough boiling water

to get everything 

TOO WET

ADDED brown rice 

turned up heat

to reduce 

the volume of water

it was okay

not amazing 

I thought about adding

peanut butter 

to make it more of a sambal

BUT 

I thought the texture would be a problem 

MIGHT get some peanut butter

POWDER

& try THAT

MIGHT 

try to find some

INDONESIAN 

tempeh recipes

I'm in a little bit of a funk

RIGHT NOW 

BUT 

I did the big

CHORE

I've been fighting myself on

& I feel pretty good about that

ALTHOUGH 

I don't have any strategy wins

I just said

ENOUGH 

we're DOING THIS 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 🫶🫶🫶

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY 

MOON 🫶

👾🫚🍀☕🐦☁️

THAT 

was a FIESTY

MAILBAG

I didn't

KNOW it was

CALLED a 

ZIPPER MERGE 

BUT 

I thought 

EVERYONE knew

THAT 

   is

THE WAY

OK

I FEEL like 

I got a 

HANDLE 

on prop bets

they

CAN BE

any kind of thing at all

OTHER than 

the SCORE 

BUT 

they can 

ALSO be

VERY

data dense analysis 

of the relative

STRENGTH

WEAKNESS

& probabilities

of given things

THOSE 

TWO things 

should NOT have the same name 

I am slightly familiar 

with the concept 

of making

BETS

on KINDA random 

THINGS

BUT 

what MA was

DESCRIBING was

NOT 

THAT

what he was describing 

SOUNDED like

he was

USING 

ONE

BET

to PROP UP

the OTHER 

BUT 

I was pretty sure 

it was short for

SOMETHING 

proposition?

I have to look it up