And then I also have been thinking for a long time and I just keep wanting this to be in there even though it doesn't fit
There's like this woman and she gets a group of people together and they start like a commune kind of thing kind of like the Raj nishis in Oregon except less f***** up
And she starts a religion
And so there's all the stuff of the religion
But it's out in the desert
And I can't decide if it's in Texas or in California but it's global warming but in the desert
So it's kind of juxtaposed the people living on the boats and then the with too much water and then the people in the desert that don't have any water and how they use reclamation or whatever rain capture I don't know exactly what they do
And I haven't been writing it writing it I've been trying to work out how things have to fit together and what things are but I haven't actually been you know like but I you know I don't really want to just have it be dialogue I really don't enjoy writing dialogue I don't think I'm terrible at it but I I don't like it so much
I just keep thinking I want it to be
I don't know a pistolary really epistolary thank you
But then I don't know
I've been rephotographing things for the Etsy store because when we first started out I didn't take enough pictures and I wasn't that good at it and I didn't have my like systems down yet so I've been rephotographing the earlier things that don't have lots of pictures
And this is what keeps happening
I have a list of the ones that I'm going to retake because I looked through to see which ones you know didn't look that good or didn't have that many pictures so I've got a list but she's posting them because I'm not really sure exactly why but I'm taking the pictures and then she's posting them and so I'm just doing like you know six at a time because you know there's 10 pictures each and that's 60 pictures and you know that's enough to deal with and besides with the algorithm it's better if you post more frequently you know it's better if you post a few everyday rather than a whole bunch of once
So I have this list
And I pick one up and I look at it and I go Man I don't like that cuz I'm taking pictures of all these winged hearts that she's got and I don't really like those just in general they're kind of cutesy but just I don't I don't like the way they're drawn I don't like the idea I just am not crazy about them any capacity
But whatever you know
So I pick one up and I go Man I don't like this and then I take my pictures of it and then I go man this is looks so good I want this one
Because after I photographed it and I've got all the texture and everything then I like it but I don't really like the original so much it's more the photographs I like so I don't know if that's super conceited or just crazy or what I don't know but
I've been taking vitamin d
Larger doses with the assumption that I'm very deficient
And you know it's funny because I was having headaches all the time like headaches that would last all day
And since I've been taking the vitamin d I've had one headache maybe two headaches but they were a very short-lived duration and all of my aches and pains are better I won't say they're gone but they're better
And my mood was much better but then last night night before last I don't know my mood just dropped
I think it was last night which might also have been the full moon or maybe not maybe that was the night before or the night before that I don't know I'm not sure there's a correlation with the full moon I was going to say oh my drop in mood happened with the full moon but I'm not certain of that at all it's been sometime within the last few days my mood just went down dramatically
And I seem very fat to me all of a sudden
I don't feel like I had made any drastic change in my eating habits at all I mean I really don't feel like I was eating more or worse but all of a sudden I just looked super fat to me
But that might correspond with getting the full-length mirror
In fact that probably is what it corresponds with
Because before I could really kind of only see the top half of me if I got back from the mirror the bathroom mirror I could see a little bit more but I really didn't have any way to see what I looked like and I felt like that was important
I had kind of always wanted a full-length mirror but somehow I just never got one because I thought they were going to be super expensive and I kept looking at resale shops because one time I saw one for a good price it was a full length it was really pretty too I was like a 70s mirror and it was a good price but at that particular moment I didn't have money for it and so I kept looking for another one which never materialized
Then I found I could get a really nice full-length mirror on Amazon for about a hundred bucks so I was like well f*** so I got the full length mirror and now I'm so fat
So anyway I've been doing the thing with the smoothies and the salad the kale baby kale I don't like grown up kale but I like baby kale
And I'm taking the Chlorella and wheatgrass tablets and vitamin d
The chlorella and the wheatgrass have a lot of vitamin k so I'm taking them with the d and then I have some magnesium some rapid absorption magnesium that I'm also taking with the it's liposomal vitamin d
And I don't really know what that means I know it's supposed to be better absorption
I know it's in an oil base and I think it's broken apart somehow so that it absorbs better but I haven't really looked it up so that I really understand what the difference is
But that guy who was talking about how the guy in Brazil has the protocol with all the people that are taking the super high doses of vitamin d that are some number of milligrams per kilogram of body weight
Well I don't feel like he quite correctly represented that guy's protocol because I looked it up of course I didn't just take his word for it and that guy is treating people who are vitamin d resistant so they don't absorb vitamin d like regular people do so it's not really apples to apples
Also those people all have autoimmune disorders You know they got like MS and stuff
They're not just like you know regular people with chronic pain and stuff
I did find out they did some studies where they gave people up to like $300,000 IU's or something why does this always assume that any numeric amount is a dollar amount not $300,000 just 300,000 IU's so anyway they gave him these large doses of vitamin d and they were okay so they've determined that there is no single dose you know toxicity you can't like overdose on it but there are the situations that he talked about and that part did seem to be fairly accurate about how you can get the calcification and magnesium thing of a bob and whatever
And I started taking like 1,000 mg today and then I went up to 2,000 mg a day and then I went up to 4,000 mg a day and then I got some no not milligrams I use I'm sorry I'm not used to talking about vitamins and I use and I misspoke not milligrams that would be a huge dose
So then I got some liposomal that are $5,000 I use each and I've worked my way up to about $50,000 God damn it it's not money it's numbers of I use
Anyway so I worked my way up to 50,000
But I don't know that I feel safe taking that much everyday I mean I think probably if I was deficient I've probably raised my number enough that I'm no longer deficient so I guess the next step would be to order a test but I have to decide what amount I want to take until I do that
Also when I did that color mixing the other day
I like the qor watercolors
But I wanted to do a palette that was half the qor watercolors and half the DaVinci
But some of the things I like to do don't work when you mix them You have to have all core because the way they run and flow and everything they they don't do that if you have them mixed with other colors in fact they tend to push into other colors in an odd way which could be great if that's what you're wanting it to do but it means that your colors don't all work the same and it's kind of a pain
So then I was like well you know if you were just going to get the smallest number of the qor to use as like a limited palette what would you use
And I love the indigo blue and the raw umber I like to mix those two together in varying degrees to get everything from like a blue green to a green brown you know it just I of the core colors when I paint with them that is what I like to do the most is to use those two colors to get a variety of mixes so I'm like okay well those two and then I was like and then the quinacridone magenta and the transparent pyrole orange
But the thing is is that that orange is not a color that I would paint with on its own and I was thinking well you know that's okay because I mixed the orange and the magenta and I get can get any shade of red
Any other thing I like to do with the course is do this red thing that varies from you know fired flower to feathers to whatever it's just a cool shapes and I was thinking I was making them with just those two but then I started playing around and in fact no I don't I also used the pyrole red deep and the quinacridone red light and the quinacridone burnt scarlet then in that range for some reason it's called quinacridone burnt orange but it's the same pigment in the same color as other brands quinacridone burnt scarlet so then and I was like in that orange I still just would never use that straight by itself but like the magenta I can mix that with the indigo blue and get all ranges of purple I can mix the magenta with the raw umber and get a broad range of you know darker purpley reds
But none of the yellows that I had would mix a decent green
And so I was getting to the point where I was like well you know how much do you really use green
I have some quinacridone gold that came in the starter kit and that makes beautiful green but I hate that color and so then I was like well you know so what then I've got the orange I don't like so that I can make reds and I've got the yellow I don't like so that I can make greens that's no fun I want it to be colors where I love every color and I love the colors that you mix when you mix every color with every other color
And I don't know why but that's the kind of thing that just obsesses me
And I have for some reason this very specific feeling about yellow like it's got to be a specific yellow it can't be too light it can't be too dark it can't be too orange it can't be too lemony it's got to be exactly the right shade right and I have that golden oak or color in DaVinci that I really really like but the closest equivalent color is the darolide
But then I remembered I had seen a video where somebody was watching all their yellows and they had a nickel azo yellow from qor
And I have previously thought that I did not like Nicole azzo God damn it nickel Azo yellow
And it is bright I mean it's really really bright
But it is like magic for the color mixing
If you mix it with the indigo blue you get this beautiful olive color almost as pretty as the one you get with the quinoa gold which makes sense really quinoa gold really quinacridone gold which makes sense because quinacridone gold is made with nicolaso yellow and some orange
When you mix it with raw umber it makes this beautiful green gold color which I was not expecting usually I kind of know what color I'm going to get when I mix colors together but I was not anticipating that the umber and this yellow would make a beautiful just beautiful green gold color
When you mix it with the Quinn acronym magenta quinacridone magenta if you just put a little bit of the magenta in you get like a new gamboge color but if you mix more in then you get like an orange but it's not like a bright orange and you get very shades of red as well
But it's a pretty warm red pretty You don't get like a full range of red it's then I was like well I don't think I need the orange I think this yellow replaces the orange but I'm not 100% happy with the range of reds that I can mix
So then I tried all the other colors I have and the quinacridone red light when I mix that with the indigo I get this smoky purple lavender kind of color that's really nice when I mix it with the raw umber I can't remember what I get I don't think it was set in my world on fire but it was a decent color when I mix it with the yellow I get a broad range of oranges that are clear not not like earthy or muddy or anything they're just clear pretty oranges and when I mix it with the magenta I get everything from pink like a warmer rosy pink to you know a little bit more intense red colors oh I remember when I mix it with raw umber what I get is more like a flesh tone that you can mix lighter or darker depending upon you know how much brown and how much red and how much water etc and of course the coin acronym red light quinacridone red light is pretty color on its own so with those five colors those are all colors that I like on their own would be willing to use on their own except that I very rarely use a color on its own I almost always mix it but what I was doing with that color mixing is I was mixing on the paper so it wasn't like taking the paints and mixing them up to make a shade and then painting it I was painting all the colors together on the paper and the thing that made me decide that I was willing to do the quinacridone red light when it wasn't strictly speaking necessary was when I put the red down and then I put the blue over it and then I put yellow over all that I could get a range of warm browns
So those five colors are all pretty clean nice colors and I can mix almost any color from those colors now not a light blue I suppose if you brought in the Cobalt teal then you can mix that with the other blues you can get a lighter blue
Now I guess if I was doing my complete palette that was going to be my main watercolor palette I would for sure have some DaVinci colors because I've got that Rossi and a deep that I love that color and I've got the alizarin Gold which I really love as a dark orange/worm red really warm red and I've got the quinacridone Wait no it's called rosematter quid acronym quinacridone and I love both of those colors but then when you mix them together you really do get a full range of the most beautiful reds
And I really do like the perelyne maroon and the violet iron oxide I mean those colors that's what
That's five colors but I really do also enjoy the Joyce's mother green and the browns that I mix with that and the maroon and I really do enjoy the blues that I mix from the pains gray and the cobalt blue so I mean the first string to Vinci colors are those five but
The DaVinci paints well I mean some of them are granulating the violet iron oxide is somewhat granulating for sure but the cobalt blue is much less granulating than it is in most other lines and and the pain's gray feels a little bluer it's I think it's oppression blue-based really Prussian blue-based
And I super love this sodalite blue from Daniel Smith and I super love the shaminke deep sea indigo
But those are very granulating
And I'm not sure that I want the granulating colors on a palette where there's just like a couple of granulating colors mixed in you know I think I prefer to have them on a separate palette that's more focused around granulating colors
So I haven't really tried mixing the DaVinci colors and the qor
And I mean I'm sure it's possible to mix them well I mean that's not true I have mixed the Rossi and a deep in plenty really raw sienna deep in with the qor paints a lot and it works just fine if you're mixing them but if you're doing some of the things I do doesn't work as well
I feel like I'm just babbling now
And I've been sitting here for a while I watched that one thing that I didn't even know was there for hours I don't know how I missed it I guess it must not have been there when I checked it when I got home and then I made food and started doing other things and didn't go back and check it for a while
So I watched that
And today when I was at the studio with my mom I just kept thinking about the story I'm trying to write
And having the main character writing to someone about what she was seeing
And having it kind of being a mystery who she was writing to or not she
That's another thing I don't think I necessarily want to do the whole non-binary thing I think I'd rather just have it be ambiguous
But then I got to thinking about the time traveler thing and I got kind of excited
And then I got to thinking more about it being me writing to you
And then I wondered if that makes it better or if that ruins my whole concept
And then I started wanting to write something that might be part of that or might not be part of that about the zoo
And I suppose it's all right to write a story again and again especially if it's been years since you wrote it and you think you might have something different
And I feel like I've liked a pretty fair number of book no prize winners really book no book no book no how am I saying bookner and you're getting book no
So I've been paying attention to who they're picking for their short list and there's one it's really quite a short book but I think I'm going to have to read it
It's called no one is talking about this
Anyway I probably need to go to sleep oh that reminds me The other thing about the vitamin d is that I have not had any problem going to sleep I mean it might be making me actively sleepy I'm actively sleeping now and I guess I've been up since 9:00 this morning and I probably went to bed 4ish so you know admittedly I've probably only had about 5 hours of sleep but I've just been so tired all day but at this point I'm like super less functional than normal normally at this point I would be perfectly functional and capable of going you know until at least 9:00 in the morning because you know 24 hours and I still think that 24 hours on did I do 24 hours on or did I do 36 hours on I think it was I think that might have been one day that I stayed up 36 hours but I mean 24 hours up 12 hours sleeping is or has been totally doable for me in fact it's been kind of what I've been drifting towards normally but now I'm really tired and I've been really tired for hours I was thinking about going to sleep when I found that there was thing to watch and then I had to do other things which weren't as good as I would normally want them to be but I just wasn't sharp so searching was problematical
This has really rambled on quite a bit I think
I'm sorry about that
But I have a feeling
That if I don't stop talking now and go to sleep I'm going to get less and less coherent pretty quickly
I love you very much sweetheart 💋
