I'm not really in the market for a house
And this house wouldn't really be $58,000 because it needs some serious TLC
But it's kind of got potential well that might not even be true it might not have potential cuz it might have a bad foundation and it might have a bad roof but what it does have
In the backyard
Is a bus
With no wheels
Which for some reason
Is magic
And it's zoned for business and residential
Then I had like this whole little fantasy thing about doing tarot readings in the bus
The house is like $692 ft² or something it's real small
I don't know
I looked at cars too
I got myself all fixated on cars
I don't know I feel like my brain has been a little unmored today
I could spend all over the place
And that didn't equate to anything real coherent to say
I need to go to sleep I was going to go to sleep about an hour and a half ago I think
But then I didn't
I don't know if I'm going to the studio tomorrow or not she texted me something about the elevator being broken again
And all last week the weather said it was supposed to be thunderstorms and it never really did thunderstorm it did rain some
and then today was supposed to be thunderstorms again and it did rain
But it was you know just a light nice rain it wasn't thunderstorms so I don't know what to think
If you get a thunderstorm here you get flooding so I'm hesitant
So I'm going to go to sleep and I'm going to get up and get ready like I'm going
But I don't really know if I'm going
And to be honest with you I think I kind of almost hope I'm not going just because I think I want to do something
I'm not sure what yet
But I feel like something
Something might be happening tomorrow
I really want cake
I don't have any cake
I really want cake
Maybe that's not even true maybe I want like tiramisu or something
I need to pick a manifestation thing
I don't know why it's so difficult
I guess that's pointing up part of the reason why I have trouble with it
When I'm like oh I need a thus or such thing it shows up no problem but I don't really think of those as manifesting
like for example
I'm having some kind of a moment
With the Alice b Toklas cookbook
I saw some reference to it somewhere or no maybe I was looking at the cheap cookbooks on eBay and I was thinking of cookbooks to look for and I had that cookbook back when I used to work for the book stop years and years ago but I never made anything from it and I don't even really remember what was in it but it just came to my mind
And so then I started trying to find out things about it and the only things I could find on YouTube were about the pot brownies recipe that supposedly in there but that's not in the American edition apparently that's just in the English edition
And I found all these cheap paperback versions and really they've got new ones pretty cheap on Amazon too but if I'm going to buy that again I don't really want a paperback you know
Paperback cookbooks they get all torn up and you know sometimes that's fine but you know if you're buying something because it's something you want to have forever then you don't really want a paperback cookbook because when you take it in the kitchen to cook with it it gets all wet and covered with stuff and I mean actually I guess a hardback can too but somehow the hardback will stand up to it a little better and besides you can usually open a hardback and have it stay open whereas a paperback you have to keep touching it and your hands are dirty and whatever anyway it doesn't matter it's not important it's just a thing
So I spent a fair amount of time looking for this book and I did find lots of different additions in lots of different you know paperback and whatever but didn't find any hardbacks
Until I found this one that was like folio society something something in a slipcover and it's a hardback and it was really pretty
But then I was like you know you're just being silly what you're looking for is hardback books you can buy for like $4 and this is like a 60 bucks or something and yeah sure it's a great collectible but you don't need that
And I'm not even thinking of things in terms of oh you don't need to be spending money money is scarce because you know I don't want to be putting that out into the universe and you know whatever I could afford a book
I'm thinking in terms of you know if I want to be pairing back the things I have so that I only have really good stuff and not as much of it
Then you know if I buy something that I don't really need or I don't really want then really all I'm doing is introducing more crap that I'm going to have to get rid of at some point and what's the point of that
So it's not a matter of money it's a matter of
Is this like a really primo thing right
And that folio society addition was really primo thing but I don't know that it's a primo thing that I particularly want you know what does it spark joy Marie kondo style
So I said nope and I didn't buy it
Well now omnivore books has like a first edition well American first American edition from like the fifties or something for $75 and I'm like you know why is this book chasing me around
I mean if I buy it now I really need to buy a British edition that's got the hashish brownies recipe in it cuz come on
Come on
But whatever things
It's easier to manifest things
That isn't really what I want to manifest
But it's supposed to be one thing
And I just don't know what the one thing is
Because I guess what I've really been thinking about manifesting is kind of this whole picture and even that picture hasn't really come into focus and so I'm like okay well this is really pointing up the problem here
But you know I was thinking about it and I was like well you know just pick something
And I'm like okay but I don't want to pick something frivolous I want to pick something that I actually want to manifest
And I just kept thinking and thinking and thinking and I'm like come on it's your life so fabulous but you can't think of anything you want to manifest
And I'm like well maybe
If we're talking things
So I've been kind of halfway thinking about that in the background as I'm doing the other things that I'm doing and it's just not real focused
Anyway
I love you very much
And I really did mean to do more talking today
Just my consciousness was split up a bit
