she looked at the apparent stranger
not meeting her eyes
not even briefly
though surely he knew she was there
and she thought
there's something really wrong with the thoughts I'm having right now

he'd lost weight
so she looked him up and down
checking for signs of illness
but
there didn't seem to be any
so
she relaxed
and really looked at him

he was lanky
and she felt like every time she saw him
she was visually feeling his thighs
estimating the volume

once he'd seemed thinner
he'd seemed a crazy frenchman then
she hadn't been sure she was comfortable with that
that kind of wild-eyed lean-ness
but
now
this here
this was more a hank-williams-alter-ego inspired lanky-ness
she looked him up and down again
this
here
now
she decided
was  the perfect lanky-ness
this was attracting her

she sighed inwardly
she didn't actually believe he found her all that attractive
and she didn't feel all that pretty

not that pretty was something she really aspired to, but she thought that's what he liked

hard to say, really

it seemed wrong
for her to like him lanky
when she was fat
but
attraction doesn't work like that
it's not all equal opportunity
besides, it's not like she wouldn't still
be attracted to him if he ballooned up
like the Michelin tire man
she was attracted to him

she'd been a little bit smaller when he met her
which she wasn't sure he remembered
but not much

but
she thought he was intrigued by her, personally
which should be better
and it was
kinda
but also
she kinda wanted the full apple

wait
is that a fucking suspender
she was momentarily
spinning
not like yo granpa suspender
hipster?!
no
actually
it seemed to be practically holding up pants
and
might not even have been
intended as a suspender
by it's creator
ok
so now
it was taking on a little
like
Leatherman edge

I wish he would just look at me
I'd much rather drown in his eyes